To Forgive & Hold Safe (The Broken Men Chronicles Book 4) (23 page)

It was the morning after proposing to Hannah that I realized something monumental.

Gone were the questions, the anger, the resentment, the guilt, the sadness and misery.  What I held in my arms was all I ever needed, all I should have had all along.

“Good morning, baby,” Hannah said, and snuggled closer.

I kissed her forehead.  “Good morning, beautiful.  Sleep well?”

“Mmm…very.”

After breakfast, Hannah wanted to take a walk.

We’d pretty much spent our entire morning outside, lazing about in the park, watching cyclists, runners, parents with their kids coming and going.

Leaning up against a large willow’s trunk with Hannah leaning into my chest, I said, “It’s hard to believe that’ll be you and me in a few months,” and kissed the top of her head.

“I can’t wait.”

I was busy taking in more of our surroundings when Hannah’s body stiffened in my arms.

“Well, well,” I heard an all too familiar voice.

“Luke,” Hannah said breathlessly.

“Lost the baby, huh?” His tone was accusatory.

“Luke-”

“Hannah, you don’t have to explain yourself,” I said.

“I think she does.”

With a growl, Hannah ripped herself out of my arms and got up to her feet.  “Enough!  Luke, if you’ve stopped by to pester the fuck out of me, then get lost, otherwise say what you need to say and leave us alone.  I’ll say this and say it once.”  Her hands covered her belly with tenderness.  “This isn’t Lee’s baby.  I would have been showing at the memorial had I still been pregnant, you idiot.  I would have been near fifteen weeks along.  Do the math.  If this were your brother’s, I would have gone into labor by now.”

The man looked away, shoved his hands in his pockets and took a deep breath.  Then came a nod of understanding, accompanied by a look of embarrassment lacing his features.

“Why are you still here?” I got to my feet and wrapped myself around Hannah’s back.

“I saw you two and I vowed to myself, after Lee’s memorial, that if I ever saw you both again, that I owed you guys an apology.”

“Forgiven,” Hannah snapped.  “Now, go.”

“Can you just wait a damn minute?” Luke said.

“For what?  For your far-from-sincere apologies?” she asked.

“Just give me five minutes, that’s all I ask.”

And being the person that she was, Hannah did give him that time.

Five minutes turned into ten, and then twenty.

Once I got past the fact that Luke had sided with his parents because of a sense of loyalty and grief, I’d have to say that Lee’s brother was a good man.  It was clear that Hannah was seeing the same thing, because in the end, her forgiveness was neither faked nor forced.

“Just so you know, I never agreed with the way Mom and Dad treated you,” Luke told Hannah and then turned to me.  “I wanted to thank you for giving me something to think about that day I walked into your pub.  If it weren’t for what you said, I’d probably be as bitter as my mother is right now.”

I nodded my response.

“I’d better go,” he said and moved in to give Hannah a kiss on the cheek.  She took him by surprise if the look on his face was anything to go by when she hugged him.

“Take care of yourself, Luke,” she said.

“You too.”  Luke gave her one last squeeze and released her.

Hannah and I watched as Luke walked away, arms wrapped around each other’s backs, and somehow, I felt like I needed to add to this meeting so he knew that everything was okay with not just his former sister-in-law but with me as well.

“Hey, Luke.” He turned his head our way. “Stop by for a beer next time you’re around the pub.  At least we’ll have happier things to talk about.”

The man smiled.  “Sure thing.  Make sure you have a few photos of the new babe.  I’ll want to see.”

And with that, a day that could have clouded over with grief only got brighter.

With four weeks left to go, Hannah was far from happy with her doctor’s most recent orders.  Blood pressure too high, fainting spells, early contractions that weren’t Braxton-Hicks, were the bane of our existence.  So, in an effort to cheer her up from her newly forced boredom, I urged her to start planning our wedding.

What I hadn’t expected was that I’d actually enjoy planning it alongside her.

So, on a Saturday morning, at the table over breakfast, that’s what we were doing before we were interrupted by the doorbell.

I answered the door only to have my visitor force her way through the threshold.  “Where is she?” she growled.

“You’re not welcome here,” I told the bewildered woman.  It was clear that the blow from the loss of her son hadn’t ebbed at all, despite Hannah’s funeral diatribe.

“What’s going on?” Hannah asked as I knew she was heading our way.

“Sweetheart, call Luke.”

“Why?” My fiancée rounded the corner from the kitchen and gasped. “Lois, what are you doing here?”

“So it’s true.  You are pregnant, and by the looks of it, due any day now.”

Mrs. Parsons made to walk up to a pale looking Hannah and I put a quick stop to the woman’s advance.

“Lois!” Lee’s father appeared in the doorway, sucking in air as if he’d been running.  “Honey, what are you doing in here?”

“I told you I wanted to see.”  She gave him an accusatory glance.  “I needed to see for myself.”

“Now that you have, let’s go.” He tried to make a grab for her elbow, but the woman fought his grip and won.  “I’m really sorry about this, Hannah.”

“Why don’t you guys come in for a bit,” Hannah’s voice was soft, compassion-filled.  My head snapped in her direction.  She looked at me and nodded to indicate that she’d be okay, but I wasn’t so sure of that.  Not with the slight sheen of sweat on her forehead, or the paleness to her skin.  “Have them sit in the living room, Ben.  I’ll be in with drinks in a minute.”

I settled the Parsons in the living room and quickly excused myself, finding Hannah with her head in her hands, crying by the sink.  Stopping behind her, my hands reached to rub her arms in a soothing motion.  “You don’t have to do this, you know,” I whispered.  “You’ve already said your piece.”

“And that’s fine with me,” she began, “but have you seen her?  She’s broken, Ben.”

“She’s also out of control, sweetheart.  I’m worried for you and our son.”

“I know that, but just because the woman wreaked havoc on my life doesn’t mean I get to just walk away from that.”

“Baby, it does.”

Her turn to face me was abrupt.  “What happened to ‘family sticks together’?”

“I believe in it, Hannah, but that woman isn’t family.  She would have never treated you like she has if she was.”

“I don’t care!”  She brushed my hands away from her, fire consuming her eyes.  That look told me that she was determined to see this through, and there was no talking her out of it.  “It’s got to stop now.”

“And how do you think you’re going to stop it?”

“She’ll just have to listen this time.” She turned toward the hallway entrance and paused.  “What was said at the memorial might have been enough for most, but it clearly made things worse for her.  It’s time she knew all of the facts, Ben.  Maybe then she can put it all to rest and begin to heal.”

Fuck, but she was right.

So I followed Hannah to the living room, grabbing the tray of drinks my fiancée had forgotten, and brought it along.

Lois hadn’t said much the entire two hours they’d been in the house, but Daniel, her husband, sure had a slew of questions which Hannah or myself answered.  I could only help Hannah out with explaining what had transpired after the crash, since the before wasn’t my story to tell.

The more we spoke, the more vivid the picture became for them.

Daniel listened with a look of horror on his face for most of it as his wife switched from looking dejected one minute to broken the next.

As the story reached its climax, Lois broke down in her husband’s arms.

By the time we finished, Lee’s mother’s tears had calmed and her eyes seemed clearer.

That’s when Hannah excused herself for a few moments and came back with a small piece of paper I knew she kept in her bedside table, as well as a photo frame.

“Here.” Hannah handed the slip to the woman who took it with shaking hands.  “That’s the only photo of baby Parsons I have, but it’s yours if you want it.  And this,” she handed the frame to Daniel, “is baby Carpenter.  I’m not lying.  I’m moving on.  It may not be to your liking, and yes, I’ll admit that it’s quick, but what Ben and I have been through in our lives brought us closer in ways no one could have seen coming.”

“I get it.”  Daniel cleared his throat before adding, “And I’m sorry for everything, Hannah.”

Lois shocked us by whispering, “It was easier to shift the blame onto you instead of looking in the mirror.” She lifted her head to look at Hannah and I.  “You were right about what you said at the memorial.”

“I shouldn’t have said it,” Hannah said, and my jaw dropped as I took in the sight of Lois’ hand reaching out to Hannah’s, more so, the fact that Hannah accepted that hand.

“You had every right to say those things.  I just hope that you can forgive me.”

“I can.” Hannah reached for my hand with her free one, squeezing it.

My guess is that the baby moved because Lois’ eyes grew and narrowed onto her stomach.  “Can I?”

Hannah giggled and nodded.  “Of course!”  She guided the older woman’s hand to her belly.

Daniel looked at me and nodded in silent appreciation for allowing his wife to be granted her request.  “Gosh that’s wonderful,” the woman whispered, then looked at her husband. “Daniel, come feel this.”

“No, it’s okay, honey.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Hannah said, dropping my hand.  She reached over, grabbed Lee’s father’s hand and pulled him so he had to stand bent over the coffee table to connect with her belly.

Immediately, the man grinned.  What made me smile more was the look on Hannah’s face when she met my gaze: pure joy, mixed with one heck of a dose of relief.  She seemed younger, and – as if it were possible – she glowed even more than usual.

After profuse apologies, we watched the Parsons drive off.

Hannah leaned into me after I’d closed and locked the door.  She took in a large breath and I felt the residual tension leave her taut body.

I brought my arms around her and hugged her to me.  “You never cease to amaze me,” I murmured into her hair, then kissed the top of her head.

“I think I amaze myself sometimes.  I never saw that coming.”

Neither had I.

Hannah flinched, then released a small hiss, prompting me to ask, “How are you feeling?”

“I think I’ll go lie down for a bit.”

Smart girl.

She knew that I would have carried her up those stairs and put her in our bed if she’d said otherwise.

When I went up to wake Hannah for lunch, I was surprised to see what awaited me.

There she was, sprawled out on the bed, naked as the day she was born, smiling.  “Hey there, handsome, care to give me a hand?”

In the right frame of mind, a man would have yelled a ‘hell yes’ and jumped to it, but me being the idiot I can be at times – and this was one of those times – I said, “Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

Hannah laughed. “I’d rather be sleeping with you, baby,” she said, and stuck out her hand.  “Come here.”

I went to her.  I mean, why the hell wouldn’t I?  “We shouldn’t, sweetheart.  You’ve been through enough today, and I’m worried about those contractions.”

I hadn’t made love to Hannah except for the one time since the doctor had told her to take it easy.  And the pregnancy books I’ve read so far said that sex was a great labor inducer.  Call me crazy, but I sure as hell wasn’t looking for a pre-term baby.

Hannah’s eyes welled up.  “Baby, you haven’t touched me in two weeks.”

Her words felt like a sucker punch to the gut.

She pulled me to her by my shirt and started kissing me as I leaned over her.  Damn, I missed those kisses.  They were the best.  You know the kind…the bring-a-man-to-his-knees-and-make-him-do-everything-you-please kind.  Yeah, she was a pro at those.

Her hand snuck into my track pants and cupped my arousal.  I was failing at restraint, and fast.

When her lips pulled away, mine continued to trail down her cheek, to her neck and toward those enlarged breasts of hers.

“Nice and slow, please, baby,” she begged in my ear.  “I need you so much right now.”

“Lie on your side, sweetheart.”

I pulled down my pants and got into bed behind her.  I lifted her leg and positioned myself at her entrance.  It was a painfully slow entrance that I revelled in and clearly, Hannah did too.

“I’ve missed this.  I miss being this close.”

“I missed you too, sexy.” I turned her head to capture her mouth, slowly beginning to thrust.

Two weeks of nothing clearly put a dent in both our stamina, and as quick as it began, it ended.

“Thank you.” Hannah rolled over to cuddle against my chest.  “I know you’re worried and so am I, but the doctor said that it was fine.  You were there when he said so, and I missed you.”  Her voice cracked.  “And I thought you weren’t attracted to me now that I’m this fat cow and…”  She broke down into tears.

My heart shattered at her revelation.  I cradled her head in my chest and spoke into the top of her head.  “Is that what you thought?”  She nodded.  I sighed and tilted her head up so she could see my face.  “You are by far the most gorgeous creature to ever walk the planet.  Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to think of wrinkly old ladies and road-kill just to get rid of a stiffy over the last couple of weeks?”  She wrinkled her nose at the imagery I projected and emitted a watery chuckle.  “You’re right, I’m worried.  But I swear it’s the only reason why I haven’t initiated or taken you up on your advances, sweetheart.  Seeing you this round with my boy makes me want to bend you over and fuck you until you don’t even remember your name.”

Her eyes widened.  “Seriously?”

“Seriously, baby.” I kissed her forehead.  “I love you more because of this.”  I rubbed her belly.  “I love you so much, Hannah.”

“I love you too.”

Nuzzling her nose, I asked, “Do you feel up to coming down and having some lunch?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”