Tiana (Starkis Family #3) (22 page)

Andra seemed to consider that. “Maybe not, but it also doesn’t make her an ideal prospect as a stepmother.”

Since I wasn’t sure the day would ever come when Eleni would agree to be my wife, I thought it was a moot point. “What do you think constitutes an ideal stepmother?”

“Someone who’s kind and gentle.”

I couldn’t claim Eleni was gentle, but she had a softer side that few people got to see. “Someone who’s fun?”

She smiled. “Dalia does love to have fun, like most kids, so yeah, I guess that’s an important quality.”

I thought of all the crazy things I’d done with Eleni since we’d met. There was that day we’d decided to take Rosie to the zoo or the time we’d gone to Six Flags because we were bored. I laughed when I thought of the time we’d run into a mime on the street and she’d mirrored his actions as though she’d been doing it her whole life. She was fun and fearless and every damn thing I’d ever wanted in a partner.

“What’s so funny?” Andra asked, setting her tablet on the table as she tucked her legs under her.

“I was just thinking about some of the crazy things Eleni has done.”

“Such as?” Andra asked, raising an eyebrow.

“There was this time we were walking down the street, and a dog walker asked Eleni if she would watch her brood while she slipped into Starbucks to use the restroom. By the time the lady came back, Eleni was on the ground with the dogs, laughing like a kid and letting them lick her face and climb all over her.”

Andra smiled. “She likes dogs?”

I thought of her affection for Mia’s little furball. “Loves them.”

“I guess she and Dalia have that in common.”

“The press paints a picture of people, but that’s usually just one facet of their personality.”

“I know,” she said, sighing. “You taught me that. You were nothing at all like I expected you to be.”

“How so?”

Leaning her head back on the sofa, a small smile tugged at her lips. “You were sweet and affectionate and fun. I remember you used to give all the kids playing on the street money for drinks and snacks.”

It had just been pocket change, but the way those kids’ faces had lit up when I gave them a few bucks had made me feel like a hero. “Growing up with my old man taught me the importance of giving back when you’re as blessed as we are.”

“I didn’t realize your father was such a philanthropist.”

I chuckled, thinking about the motives behind my father’s compulsion to give back. “Only when his donation benefits him in some way.”

“What do you mean?” Andra asked, looking confused.

“He wants to be immortalized, so he loves giving donations when he’s publicly acknowledged for his contributions. Hospitals, churches, museums…” I shook my head. “Anywhere where he’ll get an engraved plaque or wall etching bearing his name.”

“Interesting. It sounds like most of what I’ve heard about him is true. I don’t have to tell you he’s earned god-like status in our village. His brother too.”

My father’s younger brother had traveled to the States several years after my father, claiming his big brother had paved the way for him, but my uncle had made his own fortune in the restaurant business. He now employed thousands of people around the world.

I didn’t want Andra to think my father didn’t have his good qualities. After all, he was my daughter’s grandfather, and I wanted them to have a relationship. “Demi’s a hard-ass, no doubt about that, but he loves his kids.” I wanted to claim he adored my mother as well, but I’d seen little evidence of that over the years. “And he’s dying to be a grandfather.”

She propped her elbow on the couch, resting her head in her hand. “You haven’t told him about Dalia, have you?”

I shook my head, glancing at her out of the corner of my eye. “I knew if I did, he’d camp out on your doorstep, demanding to see his granddaughter.”

“He’ll hate me for keeping her from all of you for so many years.” She closed her eyes. “I’m not gonna lie, I’m scared of what he might do when he finds out. He’s a rich and powerful man, Damon. I don’t have the resources to fight him if he tries to take my daughter.” She lowered her head. “I can’t lose her. My kids are the only things I have left. They mean everything to me.”

I thought of how hard being separated from her son must be for her, especially with the fate of her marriage hanging in the balance. I reached for her hand. “Hey, I would never let my father come after you. You’ve got to believe that.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” she whispered. “After everything I’ve done, you should hate me.”

I couldn’t hate the mother of my child, whether she deserved it or not. “You’re clearly a good mother, and I know you were just trying to protect Dalia.”

“I was thinking about myself too,” she admitted. “The thought of being a single mother terrified me. I didn’t think I could do it alone.”

“Nic must have loved you a lot to raise another man’s child as his own.” If Eleni had come to me and announced she was pregnant with another man’s child, a child she’d conceived while we were broken up, would I have married her and raised that child as my own?
Yes.
That was how much I loved her.

“I love him too, so much.” A tear slipped down her cheek as she bit her lip. “I can’t lose my family. Nic has always been my rock. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

“Maybe if I talked to him, I could help him understand why you did what you did back then?”

“What do you mean?” she asked, frowning.

“You had valid reasons for keeping Dalia from me. I know that.” It killed me to admit it, but I couldn’t demonize Andra without accepting responsibility for my part in this mess. “I wish things had gone down differently. Lord knows I have my share of regrets. I’ve missed out on so much, but I’m not the same man I was then. I need you to see that. I don’t want to miss out on any more of my daughter’s life.” I breathed deeply, staring at the TV, though I had no idea what I was watching. “I want to be there for the important things: the graduations and—”

She squeezed my hand. “I can see you’re not the same man you were back then. The fact that you stepped up when we needed you proves that. You could have thrown money at us, but you didn’t. You invited us to stay with you because you wanted the chance to get to know your daughter better. That speaks volumes about the kind of man you’ve become.”

I’d invited Andra and Dalia to stay with me because I wanted the chance to talk to Andra, without the pressure of her husband’s influence, to see if we could find some common ground and establish a visitation arrangement we could both live with. Most importantly, I wanted Dalia to know that I was her father. I didn’t want to negate Nic’s influence in her life. I hoped he would always be there for her, and I had no issue with her thinking of him as her father. He was. But I wanted to earn that distinction too. I wanted her to know I was someone she could always count on.

“I appreciate you saying that.” I linked my hand with hers, thinking of how many years it had been since I’d held her hand. My attraction to Andra had died a long time ago, but I was beginning to feel something even more profound for her—respect. “All I want is a chance to prove that I could make a positive impact on Dalia’s life, and not just because I can make your lives easier financially. I want to show her that even though people make mistakes, they can learn from them.”

“That’s a valuable lesson, isn’t it?” Andra said, withdrawing her hand from mine. “I made a huge mistake lying to Nic about you. Do you think he’ll ever forgive me? If you were in his position, would you?”

I was happy to be the friend and confidante she clearly needed. I knew if we could form a strong bond in the days or weeks she and Dalia stayed with me, it could pave the way for an amicable co-parenting relationship in the future. “If I were in your husband’s position…” I’d thought about this a lot but wanted to choose my words carefully. “I would hate my guts.”

She laughed, obviously surprised by my take on the situation. “You would?”

“Definitely.” I shook my head. “He’s spent all these years thinking of me as a deadbeat dad who wanted nothing to do with this beautiful little girl who’s been such a blessing in his life.” I crossed my arms, tipping my head back against the cushions. “He’s obviously a hard-working guy who’s busted his ass to take care of his family, while I’ve never had to work for anything.”

Part of the work I’d done in therapy had involved taking a long, hard look in the mirror and seeing myself the way the world at large saw me. My self-image wasn’t wrapped up in what others thought of me, but I’d wanted to learn to like the man
I
saw in the mirror every morning.

“You can’t help the parents you’re born to. It all depends on the luck of the draw, I guess.”

I heard the sadness in her voice. “You must miss your dad, huh?”

“Every single day.”

As stubborn and ornery as Demi was, I knew there would be a huge void in my life if he weren’t a part of it. “I guess there’s a lesson there too: heal relationships while you have the chance ‘cause you never know when they’ll be gone.” I couldn’t help but think of Eleni. She’d essentially grown up without parents after her mother left. I wondered if she’d ever take her father up on the olive branch he’d extended and find a way to heal their relationship, or at least make peace with the past, before their time ran out.

“What are you thinking about?” Andra asked, nudging my leg with hers. “You seem so deep in thought.”

“I was just thinking about my girlfriend.” It felt so good, so right, to call her that. I just hoped after our blow-up that morning, I still had the right to call her mine. Only time would tell. Once she’d had a chance to calm down, I would reach out to her and try to explain why I’d asked Dalia and her mother to stay with me. “Her mother died when she was young, and she didn’t have an easy relationship with her father. He reached out to her recently, but she wants nothing to do with him. I can’t help but wonder if she won’t regret that decision someday.”

“You really care about this girl, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do.” There were no words to describe how much Eleni had come to mean to me, so I searched for the ones I knew Andra would understand. “I’m in love with her. I’d love for us to build a life together…”

“But?”

“She made it very clear from the outset that she wasn’t interested in getting married.”

“Huh.” Andra seemed to ponder that. “And how does she feel about kids?”

I knew this moment could make or break not only my relationship with Dalia but with Eleni too. If Andra believed Eleni didn’t like kids, she definitely wouldn’t want Dalia exposed to her.

“I don’t think she’s spent enough time with kids to really decide.” I believed that was true. She’d never mentioned cousins or even babysitting the neighbors’ kids. I had to believe that once Eleni met Dalia, she would realize what she’d been missing out by not welcoming children into her life.

“Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Some people decide early on they don’t want children, and they never regret that decision.”

There may have been a time when I thought I could live happily without being a parent, but meeting Dalia had changed my mind. The pain of missing out on her early years proved to me that not only was I ready to be a father, but I welcomed the opportunity. “Do you think I’m cut out to be a parent?” I asked, genuinely interested in her take on the situation. “Honestly.”

“If you’d asked me that question a year ago, I would have said no without hesitation.”

“And now?”

She smiled. “I have to acknowledge the effort you’ve made to change. The tabloid reports have died down considerably over the past year, and the only woman I’ve seen you photographed with is your model friend.”

I shifted to face her. “I made those changes because of Dalia. As soon as I found out about her, I knew I wanted to be a part of her life.” I chuckled. “Well, after the initial shock wore off, that is. I started making changes right away, changes that I thought would help me be the kind of positive influence she needed in her life.”

She turned her body to face mine. “What kind of changes? I mean, I know you don’t drink and party as much and you’ve gone to work for your father’s company, so it seems you’re finally ready to put down roots, but—”

“I went into therapy.” Admitting that used to make me feel ashamed that I’d let my life spiral so out of control that I needed professional assistance, but now I was proud of making the decision to seek help. I knew it had made me a better and stronger man.

Andra’s mouth formed a circle before she exhaled. “Wow. I didn’t see that coming.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, it was pretty out of character for me, but I knew I had to figure out how to be a dad.” I shrugged. “Since I didn’t have the best example growing up, I decided I’d have to dig deep and figure out whether I even had any paternal instincts. I swore I’d never do anything to hurt Dalia, so if therapy taught me that little girl would be better off without me, I knew I’d have to walk away.”

“That’s a tough thing to do, putting your kid’s needs before your own. You really are starting to think like a parent.”

I’d been thinking like a parent that morning when I put Dalia’s immediate needs ahead of a relationship that had come to mean the world to me. “Does that mean we can work something out so I can be a part of Dalia’s life?” I held my breath, waiting and praying that she’d give me the response I was longing to hear.

“I think we can.” She shook her head slowly. “I appreciate the fact that you haven’t dragged this into court and forced our hand.”

“I was just trying to do what was best for Dalia. I wouldn’t want to put her through an ugly custody battle.” Her head shot up at the word custody, forcing me to imagine how I would feel if someone with enough resources threatened to try to take my child away from me. “I have no interest in joint custody. I know that Dalia’s life is in Boston, and she’s clearly happy there. I just want the opportunity to get to know her better, to spend time with her.” I sighed. “I want her to know who I am.”

“You want to tell her you’re her dad, don’t you?”

I swallowed. “I want that more than anything.”