Three Thousand Miles - Forever, (book #3 of Three Thousand Miles, Series) (39 page)

I sit nervously on our large bed until Adrian finally emerges from the bathroom
–wearing nothing but a towel. I try to focus my eyes away from his stunning
body as I need to talk to him. As Adrian glides past me I reach out and grab
hold of his strong arm. He pauses and then he turns to look at me. His green
eyes melt through me and I can’t breathe as I take in his stunning beauty. His
light, chocolate hair is wet and pushed back from his face. His golden skin is
wet and his lips are curved at just the right angle. My eyes feel as if they are
going to fall from my head as I stare at him, but I manage to compose myself as
I begin to talk to my husband.

“How is Emma?” I say in a shallow voice. Adrian takes a few moments to
respond and my heart is pounding as I await his words. I run my fingers along
his arm as I urge him to break his silence, he looks at me –intensely and I am
terrified of his response.

“She’s fine,” Adrian simply says and then he pulls his arm away from me and
he makes his way over to his closet. I watch as he enters the large closet and I
am stunned when he rudely bangs the door. I can feel tears forming in my eyes
and I can’t believe how mad Adrian is with me. I feel so rejected and I want to
curl up into a ball and die. I quietly start to sob as I slouch down into the bed
and cover my head with the duvet. My tears are flowing as I try to think of
what I am going to do. I hate it when Adrian is mad at me, but I can honestly
say that I have never seen him quite as hurt as he is today. I feel that I have
ruined our relationship and I don’t know what I can do or say to make it right
again. All I want is for Adrian to hold me in his arms and tell me that he loves
me, but as I remember his intense stare I begin to wonder if he does still love
me? I have always feared that Adrian would wake up and realise that he could
do so much better than me, what if today is that day? What if Adrian doesn’t
want me anymore and what if he does feel that I am to blame for everything? I
don’t know what to do –I can’t stay here another minute, wondering. I throw
the covers from my face and I am surprised when I see Adrian hovering over
the bed. My face is burning from the heat under the covers and my eyes are
stinging from my tears, but none of that compares to hurt in my heart. Adrian
is staring down at me and he is shaking his head in a rude manner. I sit up into
the bed and then I lunge out and stride across the room and into my closet. I
begin to search for the first clothes that I can see and I quickly change and then
I make my way back out into the bedroom. Adrian is lurking over by the bed in
his dark blue suit trousers and light blue shirt. I head in the direction of the
bathroom as I need to wash away tears. As I approach the door, Adrian
reaches out and grabs me, he pulls me towards him and he flashes me his
intense green stare. My tears are still flowing down my cheeks and Adrian
begins to gently wipe them away with his index finger. My eyes close from his
touch and my lips tremble as I want him to hold me. He slides his fingers along
my cheek and then his smooth voice fills the air.

“Seriously, you’re crying again?” I gently force a smile, but it quickly fades as I
reply.

“How can it not cry, when I have caused you so much, torment?” Adrian’s
broad nostrils flare at my words and he increases his pressure on my arm. I
gently squeal and Adrian’s grip softens as he tries to reason with me.

“How many times must I tell you that none of this is your fault? Why are
refusing to see that Chad and Michael are to blame for this?”
“Chad is dead, how can you blame this on a dead guy?” Adrian’s eyes bulge out
of his head at my words and then he shakes me as if he trying to make me see
sense –sense that I will never see.

“Stop, I can’t deal with this right now, Alanna.” Adrian shouts at me. I jump
from the sudden rise in noise and then Adrian doesn’t give me a chance to
respond as he jumps in again. “Chad was fucked up and Michael is a lunatic
who was obsessed with you from moment that he laideyes on you. This was
always going to end badly and you did nothing to encourage his behaviour.” I
shake my head at Adrian as I can’t feel what he wants me to feel. He wants me
to accept that Chad shot Emma and then killed himself and that none of it was
because of me. Michael lured me to him with Chads help, but his actions
weren’t in vain. I caused Michael so much heartache that I am not at all
surprised that he wanted to kill me. I teased him and made him think that we
could more than friends and that perhaps I would choose him –in the end up.
But now Michael has gone and Chad is dead and I can’t see how this isn’t my
fault.

“What about when I let him kiss me and how I always stuck to him as if he was
my missing piece. You knew that I leaded him on and remember when you
asked me why I needed Michael in my life? Do you remember what I said to
you?” Adrian rolls his eyes at me and my anger builds as he isn’t taking me
seriously –again. “I will refresh your memory, I said that I loved you but I
needed Michael as my friend and that he saved my life and that I owe
everything to him.”

“Shut up, I can’t listen to your madness any longer. You are going to put this
out of your head and never think of it again, do you understand me?” I roll my
eyes at him as he firmly holds my hands together. I can feel the warmth of his
hands heating up my skin and I crumble and I breakdown into tears –again.
Adrian exhales and then he loosens my hands as he takes me in his arms. He
gently holds me as he strokes my hair. I inhale the scent of his cologne as I try
to make a memory of him. I have put Adrian throughso much and I feel so
guilty for not being there with him last night. I need to do what’s best for him –
I need to leave him before I hurt him again. I pullaway from him as I wipe my
tears away from my eyes. I look up at him and thenI alert him on my heartbreaking decision.
“I need some …space.” Adrian nods his head at me.

“Okay, I will go and see to William,” I sigh as Adrian didn’t understand me.
“That’s not what I meant,” Adrian’s eyes deepen and his face drains white
when he realises what I am saying.

 

“Then what did you mean?” Adrian snaps. I nervously push my hair away from
my face as I try to respond.

 

“I can’t believe that I am saying this, but I think that we need to take a …
break.” Adrian snarls at me as he pushes me away from him.

“Out of the question, I have lost you once before and it am not going through
that again.” I frown at Adrian as I hate that he is making this so hard for me. He
needs to realise that I am not good for him and if I leave now then he maybe
he will.

“Things are too …messy around here and maybe a break will do us some
good.” Adrian lunges towards me and he grabs me firmly. I look up at him and I
can almost see tears forming in his green eyes –what am I am doing to you
baby?

“What is with you Americans and your breaks?” I laugh at his reply.

“It’s not because I am an American that I want to take a break, I just feel that
we need some …space, to think and move on from everything.” Adrian shakes
his head violently at me.

“We can’t take a break, we are married and you are pregnant. Alanna this is
ridiculous.”

“It’s not and my mind is made up, I am leaving, today.” I break free from
Adrian and I march into my closet. I quickly throwa few things into my
overnight bag as Adrian hovers at the doorway. He notices that I am packing
and he rushes towards me and he snaps the bag from my hands. I look at him
and he begins to let his anger show.

“Why do you think that I don’t let you pack when we go away on trips
together?” I frown at him.
“I don’t know, Adrian why does this matter?” He throws the bag down onto
the floor and then he leans against the wall as he locks his eyes on mine. I feel
so sorry for him as I watch him in despair –but I know that it’s for the best. We
need to take some time apart to revaluate our lives together. I need time to
accept my guilt and possibly move on from it, but until Adrian lets me go –I
can’t.

“It matters because it’s how I feel about you. I never let you pack your stuff
because I don’t want to see you packing your life into a bag. I have had
nightmares about you leaving me and in every one of them you were packing
your things and leaving me. I never wanted that dream to become a reality so I
didn’t allow you to pack –ever. Now my nightmare has come true and my
biggest fear has come to life –you are leaving me and there is nothing that I
can do to stop you.” I burst into tears as Adrian’s words ring in my ears and I
lunge forward and I hold onto him as if he is the air that I need to breathe.
Adrian wraps his arms around my waist and then I whisper.

“It won’t be forever, just until I get my head sorted out.” Adrian pulls back
from me and he looks down at my stomach. My eyes follow his as he stares at
my belly. I tingle when he reaches out and gently places his hand onto my
stomach. I cannot stop crying and my heart is breaking –why am I doing this
again? My head is spinning and I almost give in to Adrian’s wishes and stay
with him, but as soon as that thought enters my head my guilt takes over and I
am reminded of how much that I have hurt Adrian and that if we are to be
together and regain our normality, then I must leave and allow myself and
Adrian –space to heal.

“What will I tell William?” Adrian says as he continues to graze my stomach
with his long, thin fingered hand.

 

“Tell him the truth and tell him that he is going to be a brother.” Adrian nods at
me and then he looks into my eyes.

“Baby please don’t go, I am begging you not to leave me. We can work things
out, I promise you. Please say that you will stay?”I hold back tears as Adrian
tries to plead with me. I can’t do this any longer,I need to go now because if
don’t then I never will and our marriage will never stand a chance of surviving
if I don’t. I place my hand onto Adrian’s and I gently close my eyes at the feel of
his skin and then I pull his hand away from my stomach. I reach up and I kiss
him –like I never have before. He grabs onto my face and he holds me tightly,
his lips are stuck onto mine and I can’t breathe from his passion. I somehow
manage to drag myself away from him as I ask him for a favour.

“I need to use your airplane,” Adrian’s eyes bolt from his head at my request
and then he nods as he agrees.

 

“Where will you go?” He asks as he searches his contacts for his pilot’s
number.

“New York, I haven’t seen my parents in forever and there is nowhere else for
me to go anyways.” Adrian nods again and then he holds his BlackBerry to his
ear. My heart is racing as I await his words.

“Hello mate, I need you to fly my wife to New York … immediately.”
Adrian
listens intently and then he thanks his employee and hangs up the phone. He
turns to look at me –with sadness filling those green eyes.

“Your flight is in an hour, would you like me to drive you to the airport?” I
frown as I couldn’t put him through that.

 

“No, I will take a cab.”

 

“It’s really not a problem for me to drive you?” I shake my head at him.

“It would be too hard if you did.” Adrian nods and then he rolls his eyes at me.
I take a deep breath as I lean over and lift my bag from the floor. I brush past
Adrian and then I stomp into the bedroom and make my way over to the night
stand. I pull open the drawer and I take out my passport, I shove it into my bag
and then I search for my phone –but I remember that I have left it in my car. I
scowl at myself as I really wanted to bring my phone with me –just in case I
have the urge to call Adrian.

“Crap,” I say out loud and Adrian comes barging into the room from closet with
his face like thunder. He stares at me and then heasks me what’s wrong.
“What is the matter?” Adrian says in a frim, annoyed voice.

“I don’t have my phone, it’s in my car and my car is at …Michael’s house.”
“No it’s not. I had my assistant collect your car and if you look out the window
you will see it. I took your bag into the lounge, but I have your phone in my
pocket.” I narrow my eyes at him –why does he have my phone?

“Can you please give me my phone?” Adrian rolls his eyes at me as he strides
over to me.

“Do you really think that I would let you leave me without a phone so that I can
reach you?” He says smoothly as he slides my white Blackberry out of his
pocket. He hands me the phone and I pout my lips at him as I grab the
BlackBerry. He shakes his head at me –again and then with my over-night bag
draped at my waist and my phone in my hand I slowlymake my way out of the
bedroom. I march along the hallway until I reach William’s room, I stop and I
peak in through his half-open door. He is playing with his toys as he sits on the
floor, he is so cute in his little blue and white stripped pyjamas and as I look at
him I can’t help but feel bad about leaving him. He and I have bonded in so
many ways and I have grown to love him as if her were my own, but I can’t
shake the feeling that all of our bonding is going to be over shadowed by me
leaving him. I watch him for a few moments and then I gently let out a tear as I
am going to miss William so much.

I make my way down the stairs and when I reach the front door I stop to look
back Adrian who is standing looking down on me as I prepare to leave him. His
hair is messy and his eyes are captivating in the morning light, my tears gently
pour from my eyes as I smile at him. He doesn’t return my gesture, but inside I
know that he is beaming, I feel that he understands my reasons for leaving.
Although his heart is breaking at the sight of me standing at the door –leaving
him and returning to New York, I feel that he knows that it’s for the best. I turn
away from him and I push open the door –crying as I step out into the cold
street of London. My cab is waiting for me and I rush down the stairs as the
driver jumps out of the car to greet me. He takes my bag from my hand and he
places it inside the cab, he holds the door open for me and he alerts me jump
in. I look back at my wonderful house that I sharewith Adrian and I sigh as my
world has shattered around me. I remind myself that I need to leave and I leap
into the car. The driver closes the door and he jumps into the driver’s seat, he
turns to look at me and he says.
“To the airport, love?” He says in his bright, cockney accent. I nod at him as I
urge him to drive. The car speeds off and I resist the urge to look back at my
house –it’s too hard and I couldn’t bear it. The driver navigates the car around
the streets of London and then I realise that I should call my mom and warn
her that I am coming home. I search my contacts until I find her number and I
hit send –before I have the chance to change my mind. I haven’t decided what
I am going to tell my parents yet as I never imagined that I would get this far. I
thought that once I saw Adrian and he held me in his arms that all of my guilt
would have disappeared, but it hasn’t and now the only chance of saving our
marriage is by spending some time apart. I don’t know if I want to tell my
parents about my ordeal with Michael as I know how grateful my mom and
dad were to him when he saved me. I don’t feel like breaking their hearts and
scaring them by telling them that I was begin harassed for months and that
Michael was the one who was doing it. I have so many things to consider and
so many decisions to make, but I have three thousand miles and a seven hour
flight to figure it out.