This Way to Paradise (13 page)

He nodded.

‘Isn't he the one who wears his underpants over his trousers? Maybe you should do that. You know, complete the look.'

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. What in God's name made me say that?
I thought as the words came out of my mouth.

Joe burst out laughing and shook his head.‘Yeah. Yeah, he is. I'll keep that in mind next time I wear that T-shirt. I'll wear my boxers on the outside just for you. I'll see if it helps me get lucky.' And he went off towards the dining area chuckling to himself.

‘Arghhhhh,' I muttered, and kicked the wall of the reception bungalow just as Anisha was going up the steps.

She glanced after Joe. ‘Boy trouble?' she asked.

‘No.
No.
Why would it be?'

She held her hands up.‘Woah. Just asking. I thought I saw you chatting to Joe. Forget I asked.'

‘No. I wasn't . . . At least, I was. Chatting. He's . . . I don't even know him, at least, I do, but not really.'

Anisha laughed. ‘You sound confused,' she said.

‘I am. I . . . Oh, I don't know. I always seem to say or do the wrong thing when he's around. And . . . I just don't get him.'

Anisha looked thoughtful and nodded. ‘Yeah. I guess he is a bit of a mystery. Me and my mate Rosie were talking about him last night. Neither of us can work him out either.'

‘He seems to like being on his own.'

‘Yeah,' she said, smiling. ‘Cute though, hey?'

I nodded and Anisha went up to take her place behind reception. I felt bad. Whoever Joe was, mystery man or superhero, I'd been rude to him and then said something stupid. Again. When I wasn't acting like the village idiot in front of him, I was acting the strop queen. Suddenly I desperately wanted to get away on my own. Clear my head of the whirlpool of thoughts spinning around.

‘Where's quiet near here?' I asked Anisha.

‘Like no people quiet?'

I nodded.

Anisha thought for a moment. ‘At this time of day, the beach at the bottom of the slope down through the trees on the left. Totally private. Lovely. I always take off down there when I want space. It's quiet in the morning, then it fills up early afternoon.'

Perfect – and Aunt Sarah can't object because the beach is still part of the complex,
I thought. I thanked Anisha and set off in the direction she'd pointed in.

I passed through the bungalow area where already some of the morning classes had started.
Not for me,
I thought, watching a bunch of middle-aged ladies swaying to some sort of weird pipe music. I left the accommodation area, headed down the slope, across a meadow then over towards the sea. The ground felt baked dry as I made my way down the path, through the welcome shade of an area with pine trees and then out on to the beach. Anisha was right: it was a lovely sheltered cove and was empty. With a sigh of relief, I walked about halfway down,
then plonked myself on to the sand and stared out at the waves.

It was only eleven, but it was hot hot hot and airless, and I cursed the fact that I hadn't thought to bring a magazine or book down with me. Or suntan lotion. Mum would go mad if she knew I was sitting here without my factor twenty.

Two weeks down, two more to go,
I thought, watching the waves lap up and make lace patterns as they broke on to the shore.
And how different everywhere looks to last night.
Everywhere was bleached bright with the sun this morning, all shadows blasted away. It felt safe. Last night on the beach had felt dark and dangerous.

I reached into my bag for my mobile. Even though it cost a fortune to call Erin, I didn't care – I needed to hear her voice. I was about to try her number, but then I remembered that Greece is two hours ahead. It would only be nine in Ireland. She would kill me if I woke her up on her day off – and I had enough people mad at me for the time being.

Now what?
I asked myself.
What am I going to do?
I felt restless and out of sorts. In front was the ocean. To my left and right, the beach, behind me, trees.
Where do I fit? Not up at the centre with the swaying loonies, nor with the crowd who were down on the beach last night. I am the odd girl out. I don't belong with Kate and the boys. I'm not a party girl like her or them. I was kidding myself. Trying to talk myself into being someone I'm not. All the time, I was out of place. I felt fake. But I don't fit up at Cloud Nine either. No way. All of the guests were there voluntarily. They'd paid to come. Not
forced to, like me, because I was in the way of my parents' plans
. When I thought of Mum and Dad and Dylan and Lewis, tears came to my eyes. I felt such an ache deep inside – the most homesick I had felt since I had arrived. Even though the Notting Hill house was the beginning of a new chapter, I couldn't wait to get back there and start it.
All I want is a home,
I thought.
A place where I belong, with a mum and dad who are interested in what I'm up to and what I'm thinking about. I want a family who cares. A bunch of mates I really get on with. I want a room of my own. Somewhere I can be myself and be happy.

As the sun rose in the sky, the temperature became more and more furnace-like, so that even the sand grew hot to touch. It was so hot that you could see the heat shimmering in the air. I still felt restless, and there was only so long that I could stare at the sea and think deep thoughts about my place in the universe.
I have to go back up to the centre,
I thought.
Get my baseball cap, my sun lotion and something to do.

As I walked back over the beach, I noticed that a group of people from the centre had come down and were sitting by the path in a clearing in the shade of the trees. There were about twelve of them, all dressed in white, seated in a semicircle around a slim Indian man, whom I vaguely recognised from posters that I'd seen around the centre. He looked about forty and was sitting cross-legged in front of them. I had no choice but to walk by and was trying to do so without disturbing them when he saw me creeping past and gave me a huge beam.

‘Ah, a latecomer! Come, sit. Be comfortable,' he said.

He was smiling at me with such warmth that I felt it would be rude not to accept his invitation. I tiptoed over to the side of the group and sat down. Liam, the boy who had been friendly to me on the first day, was next to me and nodded.

Someone had lit a sandalwood joss stick which wafted across the area. The scent reminded me of home and Mum's experiments with her oils, and it felt pleasant to be in the shade of the trees after the heat of the sun. I wasn't really in a hurry to go back up to the bungalow and Kate. She was bound to be in a strop when she heard that we were grounded. I didn't want to do any of the other classes so I began to listen to the man.

‘The problem isn't the bomb,' he said. ‘The problem is the minds that created the bomb. Wars will never be stopped by more wars. Peace will only come about when the
minds
of men are at peace. If a mind is at peace then what need is there to create destruction or bombs? For example, take a knife. It is a tool which you can use to cut an apple or to stab a man. It is the intention of the user of the tool that determines if something is destructive or not, not the thing itself. So what mankind needs is peace of mind. What we all need is peace of mind.'

Yeah, that's true, I guess,
I thought, looking around at the group. They were a mixed bunch in race and age. Some, like Liam, looked not much older than me, others were in their twenties or thirties, and others looked like they were well into their sixties if not older. They all had one thing in common
though. As they sat listening, they appeared so still, many with smiles of contentment on their faces as they gazed at the speaker in front of them. I turned my attention back to him. He spoke with a slight Indian accent and his voice was soft and low, easy to listen to. But there was something else about him. He glowed as if he'd been polished inside and out, as if he'd been on the best detox diet ever invented. He radiated good health and wellbeing. At first I'd put him at about forty, but his smooth face was ageless and unlined and, like his followers, he gave out an aura of tranquillity.

‘The peace you seek is within you,' he continued, ‘each and everyone of you. You will never find it outside in the material things that claim to give you happiness. Nor is your true home on the planet, although we fool ourselves that we belong in a place or a country. No. Tell me, my friends, have any of you ever felt that you don't fit in this world? You don't belong?'

To my amazement, all of the group put up their hands. And so did I.

The speaker smiled. ‘That is because your true home is not in this world. Your true home is deep within you, in a place of peace that you can reach through meditation. It is there that you will find true contentment. Everything in this life is always changing. That is its nature. Pain comes about because people want things to stay the same, but that cannot be and we have no control to prevent it. Like a river, our lives roll on. Our present becomes the past and time flows on to a largely unknown
future. The only thing that never changes is the life force that is behind everything. That life force is inside each of you. As long as you have breath, that life force is within you and when you find that, you will find peace and become a human being as opposed to a human doing.'

As I listened, a feeling of calm came over me and the restlessness that I'd felt earlier faded away. It was like he was speaking my experience. Everything I'd been thinking out on the beach. Maybe I wasn't alone, the odd one out after all. It seemed that all these people sitting here with me felt the same way.

As I continued listening, I remembered the time when Erin and I had attempted to learn to meditate. We'd got a book out of the school library on the subject and taken it back to her place to try out. First it said to sit in the lotus position – the position I noted the teacher was sitting in. It's not easy. You cross your legs but put your feet up on your thighs so that the sole of the foot faces upwards. I could do it easily but Erin groaned in agony. Her feet just wouldn't go where she wanted them to.

‘Easy for me,' I'd said to her, ‘because I'm a superior soul on my thousandth incarnation whereas you are a low life. Probably your first time on the planet in fact.'

She'd bashed me over the head with a pillow in response.

The book said that we had to concentrate our minds by saying a mantra,
Om Shanti,
over and over again. At first we had to say it out loud and then internalise it. We dutifully did as instructed and, when I opened my eyes, fifteen minutes later,
Erin was flat out on the floor, sleeping like a baby. ‘We don't even know what
Om Shanti
means,' she said in her defence. ‘It might mean dog's bollocks in Swahili so we've been sitting here saying dog's bollocks over and over.'

Somehow I didn't think either of us had the right attitude and we discovered boys soon after, so never really gave it a proper chance.
Maybe now's the time,
I thought, as the lecture wrapped up and I got up with the others to make my way back up to the centre. I did feel better, like some of the speaker's serenity had rubbed off on me. Maybe there was more to meditation than snoring on the floor. Everything the speaker had said made such good sense. He'd given me food for thought. Maybe I'd attend some more of the talks. Maybe I'd even learn how to meditate properly.

I certainly had nothing else to do.

‘Give me a break, India Jane,' said Kate as she sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes. ‘What time is it?'

‘Half ten.'

Kate snuggled back down in bed again. ‘Way too early,' she said.‘I suppose you've been up since dawn communicating with God and giving flowers to policemen.'

‘No.'

‘So where have you been? And why are you all dressed in white?'

‘No reason.' I didn't tell her that this afternoon, I was going to attend my first proper meditation session. We'd been asked to wear white to symbolise purity. She'd only make fun.

‘So where have you been?'

‘I went to sit in on the early meditation session with the others.'

‘I thought you hadn't learnt how to do it yet.'

‘I haven't, but I like to go and sit when the others do it. There's a really peaceful vibe there.'

‘Jesus, India Jane, I'm beginning to worry about your sanity. I mean, hanging with that bunch of nutters? Talking about vibes? Please don't tell me that you're serious.'

‘Just checking it out. Don't worry,' I replied. ‘I have to do
something
while we're here. And even though you sneak out every night, we
are
still meant to be grounded.'

Kate raised an eyebrow.‘Goodytwoshoes,' she said.‘And Mum only said we were grounded for a few days. I think she's chilled out a bit now, especially since my exam results came through and I did better than she'd thought. She's re-owned me again. So you could always come with me. I don't think Mum would mind if you stayed out a bit late.'