This Time (5 page)

A pop-up box suddenly appeared, alerting him that he had a request for a video chat from a Marshmallow101. His heart skipped a beat. Mike accepted the request and waited for someone, anyone, to show up on the screen.

After what seemed like an eternity, Tara’s face appeared on his monitor. Mike’s heart stuttered in his chest before resuming a somewhat faster than normal rhythm. Dear God, she was just as gorgeous as he remembered. More so, actually. Her adorably round face was perfected by a full lower lip and a perfectly shaped upper lip. Big brown eyes without the slightest tilt to them lent her an All-American look, and her nose turned up into a ski slope. She’d cut her light brown hair to just above shoulder length so that it framed her face. The ends were wet.
She’d been in the bath.
Mike was astonished to feel his body stir at the thought. He shouldn’t have been surprised since it had been more than six months since he’d touched a woman.

Mike slipped his headset on and spoke his first words to her in over five years, the first words since the night she’d told him she was pregnant.

“Hi, Tara. It’s good to see you.”

She hesitated a moment and then said, “Hi, Michael. It’s been a while.”

Mike noticed she didn’t say it was nice to see him too.

“Where’s, uh,” he cleared his throat. “Where’s Madelynn?”

“She’s at her grandma’s house this weekend. I just wanted to tell you…” Tara averted her eyes from the screen. “I just wanted you to know that I don’t think it’s a good idea for her to meet you on a webcam.”

Mike’s heart stuck in his throat. He wasn’t going to get to see her tonight.
But he would get to see her.
“Okay. Yeah, you’re probably right. I just wanted to see her, you know, hear her voice.”

Tara nodded and said, “Yeah, I understand that I guess. But when she meets you, it should be face-to-face. I think it’ll be easier for her that way. And maybe we should let you work your way in before we tell her who you are.”

Mike knew that was likely best for Madelynn, but damn it, he wanted his daughter to know him
now.
“That’s probably wise. Did you get on here just to tell me that?”

“Yeah. It seemed the least I could do.” Tara took a deep breath and said, “Look Michael, I can see you’re trying to do the right thing here and I…well, thank you. It’s a little late, but I appreciate it nonetheless.”

Mike swallowed over the lump in his throat and said the words he’d wanted to say for what seemed like forever. “Tara, I’m sorry. There’s no excuse for how I treated you, and I just want you to know that I…I didn’t mean any of what I said to you. I was a stupid kid. If I could do it over again…well, things would be different. I need you to believe that.”

“I do. I can tell that you’re trying. But I need you to understand that there’s not going to be a ‘you and me’ when you get home. I think a relationship with Madelynn will be beneficial all around, but
we
are not going to be involved.” She stared directly at the camera with her sternest teacher face.

Mike tried not to smile. Tara was cute when she was trying to be stern.

“Are you…” Mike trailed off, unsure how to voice the concern that had eaten at him for so long.
Is another man raising my daughter?
He cleared his throat and tried again. “Are you married?”

Tara frowned at him, her eyes narrowing before she responded, “No. But I still don’t want to get involved with you again. You can get to know Maddie, but that’s where it ends.”

Mike let out a breath he hadn’t been aware of holding.
Thank God.
“Yeah, I know. I understand. But could you do me a favor?”

“What kind of favor?” she asked suspiciously.

“Could you get on here occasionally and talk to me? Tell me how she’s doing, what she’s doing in school? Just talk?” The lump in his throat was back, and he swallowed again. It hurt his pride to beg this way, but what choice did he have? Mike needed someone, anyone, and Tara and Madelynn were the only people he really had outside of the team. And he didn’t want to ask his team to coddle him.

Tara opened her mouth and closed it again. He could tell she wanted to tell him a flat-out no. “Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.”

Mike took a deep breath and closed his eyes briefly. “Thanks. It gets lonely here, you know? Just a bunch of us trying to pretend we’re still whole and not succeeding.” He laughed without humor. “Of course, it doesn’t help that some of us can’t walk to the bathroom and others can’t even scratch their own ass.”

Tara’s brow furrowed, and she said, “Michael, I know you’re probably depressed about losing your leg. But you did it in service to something bigger than yourself. You should be proud of what you’ve done. Anyone that thinks less of you because you need a prosthesis to walk shouldn’t even get a ping on your radar. They’re not worth it. I don’t think less of you, and Madelynn will be full of questions, but she’ll probably think it’s neat that her father is different.”

“Yeah.” Mike looked past the screen at the stump that ended just below the knee on his left leg. “Look, just don’t pity me, okay? I can take anything but pity.”

She smiled wryly. “After the past five years Michael, I can honestly say it would take more than a lost limb for me to pity you. You’ll be fine. You survived and you should be thankful for that.”

Mike was silent for a long moment before he admitted in a low voice, “Sometimes I think it would have been better for everyone if…”

“Stop it,” Tara interrupted. “Nothing good can come of thoughts like that.” She watched him intently for a moment and said, “Would you like to talk about it?”

“No. The shrink asks me the same thing every week. I tell her the same thing. No. I don’t want to talk about it. Not yet.” His voice was strained, and Mike cleared his throat.

“Well, what would you like to talk about, then?” She gave a little nervous half-smile.

“Anything,” he said. “Tell me about Madelynn, starting at the hospital.” He paused before admitting, “I was there, you know.”

Her expression was one of shock. “When? The night she was born?”

His face colored with shame. “Yeah. Your friend Rebecca gave me a piece of her mind at Club Incognito one night. I asked her to call me when you went to the hospital.”

Rebecca had been Tara’s best friend, though Mike didn’t know if they were still in touch. He had to be at least a little grateful to Rebecca. Despite the fact that Rebecca had hated him, Mike had been able to pry the story from her.

After he’d had hurt and humiliated Tara, Rebecca told him that she’d turned to her for ice cream, chick flicks, and good old-fashioned man bashing. Rebecca had been the one that went to the doctor with her since Tara’s mom lived two hours away. She’d been there when Madelynn was born. She’d even moved in the last couple of weeks of Tara’s pregnancy so she would be there to take her to the hospital when the time came. Mike was glad, so incredibly glad she’d had someone there with her. And he was glad Rebecca had confronted him and told him everything. Because Mike had been too chicken-shit to find out for himself. So he wasn’t surprised to see that Tara was upset over what she probably considered her friend’s betrayal.

“Rebecca called you? She never said a word to me.”

“Yeah,” he replied, remembering the conversation. Rebecca had given him information, but she’d never been friendly. “She called because she said I had a right to know, but just because I was a sperm donor didn’t mean I had any other rights.”

Tara laughed. “That sounds like Rebecca. She got married
and
divorced last year. My sister, Tina, got married. Madelynn was her flower girl. Here, I think I have a picture of it on my computer.”

He’d seen Rebecca a year or so before at Lt. Winslow’s wedding. She hadn’t mentioned a divorce. Mike frowned. Come to think of it, she hadn’t spoken to him at all. Not that he’d expected her to.

There was silence as Tara looked for the file. Mike took the opportunity to study her. She’d aged, but not by much. She’d been only twenty-one when Madelynn was born, which meant she was twenty-six now. He’d turned twenty-eight in May. Mike watched her carefully, deciding Tara looked much younger than he did. The past few months had been rough. He’d aged more on that mission in Afghanistan and during his stay in the hospital than in all his previous years.

But Tara’s face showed very few signs of age. She bit her full lower lip while she was searching, white teeth digging into the soft pink flesh. Mike couldn’t take his eyes off the sight of her swollen pink mouth. When she finally let her lip go, she bathed the spot gently with her tongue. He felt a streak of pure, undiluted lust shoot straight to his groin. Mike cleared his throat again and looked away. He didn’t deserve to be lusting over her.

“Here it is!” Tara sent the file to him, and he accepted the download request.

After a few seconds, the picture loaded onto his computer. Madelynn stood between two ferns in a pale lavender dress with tiny white flowers tucked into a crown on her dark brown hair. The dress looked like a tiny version of a classic wedding dress, with beads and lace forming intricate patterns around the bodice and hem. She was smiling into the camera, a big toothy grin that made Mike think she’d been laughing when it was snapped. He could almost hear her giggles.

“Did she have fun spreading the flowers?” he asked in a voice rough with emotion.

Tara laughed and replied, “She had a ball! Tina told her that she was a princess, and she walked around all day telling everyone that. When she went down the aisle with the flowers, instead of dropping them, she threw every handful over her head. She ended up with flowers everywhere! It was adorable.”

Mike smiled. He could picture the little green-eyed girl in a princess dress flinging flowers everywhere. “I wish I could have been there to see it. Do you have any more pictures you could send me?”

“I’ve got a bunch on here I could e-mail you, and some snapshots I could mail.” She yawned. “I’m going to bed now, though, so it’ll have to wait until tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Mike frowned in disappointment. But he didn’t push. Tara had to do this at her pace. “Do you think you could get on here and talk to me again tomorrow?” God, he hated begging this way.

“Not tomorrow,” Tara answered. “Tomorrow is my night out with the girls. I won’t be in until late.”

“I’ll wait.”

* * * *

Mike woke up in a cold sweat.

“Get the fifty-cal up!” Jones screamed for the 50-caliber machine gun operator to open fire.

He wasn’t ready for these memories yet, but they were coming in flashes.

“We need air support! We’ve driven into an ambush, repeat, we have driven into an ambush!” They were calling for help.

No, he didn’t want to relive this!

Gunfire echoed on every side. They’d taken them by surprise, surrounded them, and opened fire.

Not yet! He wasn’t prepared for this! Mike held his head in his trembling hands, trying to banish the memories deep into his subconscious mind.

“Patrol 2 vehicle has hit an IED, we need air support and a med evac! Repeat, need immediate med evac! Four men down, repeat, four men down!”

Mike felt the cold fingers of panic creep up his spine.

Blood. There was blood everywhere.

“Chief Davis! Michael!” Mike only vaguely heard the nurse yelling his name over the sound of someone screaming. He wanted to ask who was yelling, what was wrong, but Mike couldn’t get his throat to work. Dimly, he heard someone say “Sedate him! Use the restraints if you need to!” Then Mike slipped into a deep and dreamless sleep.

Chapter 5

Since Tara refused to go and get a pedicure every month because of the expense, Rebecca insisted on giving her a mini-spa treatment before their monthly night out. Rebecca sold Mary Kay products and had her own pedicure set. She even had a foot-soaking tub she brought with her each month. Callie Alexson had joined them tonight, though Tara had only met her through Rebecca a couple of times. Callie lived in the other half of Rebecca’s duplex, and while Tara was used to it just being the two of them, she didn’t mind the addition. And there was more than one. Callie had brought Sara Winslow. The two of them taught second grade with Rebecca and were apparently very close.

They’d all been loose acquaintances for years, but this was the first time Tara had actually hung out with the other two women. Rebecca introduced them all again since they’d only met in passing.

“Why do I keep thinking your name’s Carrie?” Callie asked as she shook Tara’s hand.

Rebecca laughed and rolled her eyes. “After that guy mugged us at the mall last year and I got shot, the cops called Dumbass Dillian while I was in the hospital because he was still listed as my emergency contact. Idiot that he is, he told them to call Carrie.” She shrugged. “I guess he combined Tara and Callie and made up a new friend for me.”

Tara chuckled at the memory. No matter how many times she’d told the officer her name wasn’t Carrie, they’d continued calling her that. She’d been too afraid for her wonderful, outspoken friend to care during those hours while Rebecca was in surgery. But as soon as she woke, Rebecca was right back to her old self, demanding coffee and insisting on new sheets every day.

Tara listened to the three of them joke back and forth while Rebecca gave Sara and Callie pedicures. But when it was her turn to put her feet in the foot tub, she’d barely gotten her toes wet before Rebecca started asking questions Tara didn’t want to answer.

“So have you heard from him again?” Rebecca glanced up at Tara from her position on the floor. There was no need to ask who she was talking about.

“He sent me a laptop and webcam. I hooked the webcam to my computer and chatted with him last night.” Rebecca dumped a little box of sweet-smelling salts into the foot tub.

“Well?” Rebecca looked up at Tara expectantly and then began filing away on her toes.

“We just talked about Madelynn. He told me you called him.” Tara glared at Rebecca and nudged her slightly with a hand to the shoulder.

“Who did you call?” This came from Callie, who sat reading a magazine while waiting for her toenails to dry.