This Time (19 page)

His heart leaped at her use of his nickname. She’d only called him Michael, and he’d been desperate to hear her call him Mike the way she used to. He swallowed against the lump in his throat. Tara hadn’t called him Mike in years, and he needed that
so damn much.
“People do it all the time. It’s okay, I promise.”

He wanted her to call him Mike, and he wanted Maddie to call him Daddy, and he wanted them to stay so badly that the thought of telling them good night made his throat clench with panic. A niggling tendril of doubt entered his mind, but he brushed it aside. He hadn’t had a nightmare in nearly three weeks, and as long as Tara was nearby, the depressing thoughts couldn’t surface.

“I’ll ask, okay? We don’t have any clothes with us.”

He thought quickly, trying to remove any barriers that were keeping him from getting this. “You can sleep in one of my shirts and boxers. Maddie can sleep in one of my undershirts. There’s a laundry room downstairs on the third floor. Karen, the night nurse, picks up laundry. She’ll be here in the next hour. I’ll ask her to wash your clothes tonight.” When she bit her lip thoughtfully, he pushed harder. “Stay, please.”

“We can’t sleep together. Maddie wouldn’t understand.”

“The hell we can’t. Tell her they only have one extra bed. Tell her I’m her father. Hell, tell her little green men told you to, I don’t care. We’ll both be fully clothed and decent.”

“That’s where I draw the line, Michael—”

“Mike,” he interrupted her, dying for that level of intimacy again.

“Mike. If we stay, I sleep on a cot.”

He scrubbed his hand over his face and grudgingly admitted that she was right. “Fine. However you stay is fine, as long as you’re here.”

Tara sat up and shivered when he trailed his hand down her back. “I’ll go get her.” She turned and looked him up and down, and then stroked her hand from his neck, down his chest, and beneath the blanket to cup him gently.

Mike chuckled and said, “Baby, the spirit is willing, but…” He shrugged.

Tara leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “Get dressed. We’ll be back soon. We’re not telling her yet that you’re her father…”

“Daddy,” he corrected. They were going to damn well get his identity right, and soon.
Mike and Daddy.

“Daddy,” Tara conceded, “but we will as soon as you’re out of here.”

Mike didn’t like it, and he wanted to argue, but she was already out of bed and pulling on her clothes. Besides, he knew it was still too soon. Tara dressed in record time, and with each piece of clothing that covered her beautiful, plush body, he felt like crying. It was a damn shame, he thought, to cover that magnificent skin with clothes. She tossed his clothes to him and said, “Hurry up. It won’t take long.” She gave him a jaunty smile and wave, and then she was out the door.

Chapter 17

Tara walked briskly toward the elevator, waving at the nurses as she passed the nurses’ station. They waved back, grinning knowingly, some of them wagging their eyebrows. Tara ducked her head to hide her blush and kept walking. She waited at the elevator, watching the numbers change above the doors signaling its approach. Footsteps sounded behind her, and she punched the button over and over, afraid it was someone from the nurses’ station. Her cheeks heated even more as she realized they probably weren’t just guessing what had been going on; they’d probably been able to hear them.

“Tara?” A warm female voice spoke up from just behind her. “Tara Marshall?”

Tara turned to see a woman in her forties with square eyeglasses and short blonde hair. “Yes?”

The woman put her hand out and smiled. “I’m Dr. Walters.”

“Oh!” Tara reached out and took the woman’s hand, shaking it firmly. “You’re Mike’s psychiatrist.”

“Yes.” Dr. Walters smiled and tilted her head slightly to the side. “And judging from recent events, I’d say you’re Chief Davis’ girlfriend again.”

Tara blushed again and prayed to melt into a puddle. She looked away and muttered, “Something like that.”

Dr. Walters tipped her head back and gave a short bark of laughter. “Whatever you say, honey. Listen, I’m not going to judge you, but I am going to tell you something. I came by tonight to check on Michael and a couple of my other patients. I walked in maybe thirty seconds after you walked out.”

Tara stared at her, horrified.
Melt, please! Just let me melt!

“He was decent, but barely. Although impressive, that’s not what I’m excited about.” Dr. Walters reached out with both hands and grasped Tara’s shoulders. “He was grinning! And he gave a little carefree wave, looked sheepish, and told me he was having the best Christmas of his life. Do you realize that I have never even seen the man smile?” Dr. Walters beamed at Tara. “I had to run to catch up to you, but I wanted to tell you that you may have accomplished in two days what I haven’t been able to in two months. You are
good
for him. He’s not cured, by any means. But with your help and support, he will be, and much more quickly than on his own.”

“I’ll be there to give him whatever assistance he needs.” Tara brushed away the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes.

“Good,” Dr. Walters said. “Because if you promise me that, I am prepared to release him within the next few weeks, provided he seeks professional counseling while on his own. It’s only a week or so earlier than I would have released him anyway.”

Tara blinked at her several times before finally responding, “Yes! Absolutely. I’ll do whatever I can, regardless of whether our romantic relationship works or not.”

“Good.” Dr. Walters smiled and gestured toward the waiting elevator. “I’m glad to hear that. Now, let me meet this Madelynn I’ve heard so much about.”

* * * *

Mike struggled into a pair of sweats, cursing silently. He’d barely had his ass in his boxers when Dr. Walters had knocked and barged in without waiting. Two seconds earlier and she would have gotten an eye full. As it was, he was fairly certain she noticed he was still semi-hard. He didn’t think he could get a full erection for at
least
twelve hours, but watching Tara get dressed and having her fondle him had roused him enough to tent the front of his pants. It didn’t help matters that he’d been lying down instead of sitting up, but he shrugged it off, telling himself she was a doctor, and God knew, he’d been seen bare assed by plenty of doctors by now.

Using his crutch, Mike made his way into the bathroom and brushed his teeth. He’d showered this morning, and didn’t want to hog the bathroom, especially considering Tara and Madelynn might want to bathe when they got back. He rinsed his mouth out and leaned against the sink, staring at himself in the mirror. His face was relaxed, and the lines of tension that had become the norm were missing. His eyes were clear and bright, and although he hadn’t been aware of it, a small smile tilted his lips slightly upward. He looked better than he had in a long time, even before he lost his leg. He winked at himself in the mirror and turned away.

Tara and Maddie were a balm to his ravaged soul. It was more than the sex, although he wasn’t too naïve to completely rule out its influence. It had been just shy of a year since his dick had touched anything other than his own hand, and Mike would be lying to himself if he didn’t admit that the release of sexual tension had relaxed him. But that wasn’t all. Cutting Tara out of his life when she needed him most had caused guilt to eat away at him these past years. He knew it had been hard on Tara, and he had no right to complain. After all,
he
was the one that had caused them so much grief. Mike clenched his jaw as he sat on the bed and picked up the phone to call for rollaway beds. The past was over, and he couldn’t change it. But he could be there from now on, as a father for Madelynn and…well, as whatever Tara would let him be.

Madelynn was excited about the sleepover and bounced up and down on the fold-out bed that had been provided by the nurses. She wound down quickly, though, and was sound asleep by nine thirty. Mike reclined in his bed, and once Tara had gently tucked the blankets around Madelynn’s chin, she stood between her own bed and Mike’s, biting her lip.

“Come over here,” he said gently, reaching for her. His boxers fit her perfectly, a little loose around the waist, but tight enough around her rear that he could admire the luscious curves. Seeing Tara in his clothes, especially the T-shirt, was doing funny things to his chest, and he found that he needed to be close to her.

Tara sat beside him, reclining back as he lowered the volume on the television and turned on the Weather Channel.

Mike wrapped his arm around her shoulders and urged her with a gentle tug to lay her head on his shoulder.

“What now?” he whispered.

“What do you mean?” She looked up at him, confused.

“I mean, what’s next for us. You didn’t panic earlier. That’s good news, right?” He absently ran his fingers through her hair.

Tara looked away and settled her cheek into the hollow spot between his chest and shoulder. “I guess it means we’re together.”

Mike brushed his fingers slowly back and forth along her neck before wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her more firmly against him. He pressed his lips to the top of her head and squeezed his eyes closed.
Thank God…
“Together, as in we’re going to give this a try and see where it goes? Even though I have to stay here and you have to go back to Virginia.”

“Yeah, we’ll try the long distance thing. It’s temporary anyway.” Tara adjusted her position and rested her hand on his stomach. His abdominal muscles tensed against her fingers as his heartbeat picked up before settling again. “I still have some reservations, but this thing between us…it’s…”

“Powerful.” Mike finished for her.

“Exactly. I just don’t want it to be like last time.” Tara absently toyed with the hem of his shirt for a moment before lifting it and resting her palm on the warm skin beneath.

Mike froze for an instant, but not because of her wandering hand.
Last time.
Fuck, she’ll kill me.
He closed his eyes, angry at himself for forgetting
again
. “Are you on birth control? Because we didn’t use anything. Twice.”

“I know.” Tara glanced up at him and continued, “But yes, I am on birth control. I get a shot every three months.”

Mike narrowed his eyes as bitter jealousy burned through his system. He cleared his throat softly. “Were you ah…” He cleared his throat again. “Were you seeing anyone?” He waited for her answer, holding his breath and swearing to himself that he would not be angry regardless of her response.

Tara watched him intently. “Would it matter?”

Mike closed his eyes and raked his fingers through his hair before he dropped his head back.
Yes.
“No. I just…I don’t…” He pinched the bridge of his nose, unsure how to explain it to her. “I don’t like the idea of anyone else touching you. Even though I wasn’t there…I just…I don’t like it. I know that I have no right to be mad about it, so that’s not it at all. Besides, you probably don’t need to be told that there have been other women since you. But…” He ran his fingers through his hair again, gripping the short strands and tugging. Mike sighed and struggled to make her understand. “I know you probably needed someone to be there to comfort you.” He closed his eyes before continuing in a pained whisper, “It should have been me, and it wasn’t. And that’s my fault. It really pisses me off that I wasn’t there, but at myself, not you. I’m insanely jealous of any man that has…been there for you because I wasn’t.” He stopped, afraid he was rambling, and looked down at her. “I’m sorry. I’m doing a really bad job here.”

“It’s okay.” She smiled and looked down at her hand stroking his chest. “There hasn’t been anyone else.” Mike’s chest expanded on a sharp, relieved inhale before she continued, “I started the shot a couple of years ago when I started dating here and there. Considering how quickly you and I progressed, I thought it seemed like a good idea. I’m more worried about protection because…” She stopped, but Mike didn’t need her to finish. He knew what she’d been concerned about. Tara didn’t want to admit she was worried about who he’d been with and whether or not he had something he could pass on to her.

His lips turned up, more in irritation than amusement. “I’m clean. Do you really think I would have let it go that far if I wasn’t?”

“Hey, you weren’t any more in control of the situation than I was,” she shot back before lowering her voice.

Mike hissed out a frustrated breath and tried to contain his exasperation before whispering, “That’s still something I would have remembered to mention beforehand!” He pinched the bridge of his nose again and said, “Besides, I’ve been in this damn hospital for so long that every bump, wart, pimple, and bruise I’ve ever had or thought about having has been cured.” He looked down at her and placed his palm on her cheek, tilting her face up to meet his stare. “I’m clean, Tara, I swear it.”

“All right,” she whispered.

“Besides,” he muttered, “you’re the only woman I have
ever
had sex with without a condom.” He held her gaze meaningfully. “
Ever
,” he emphasized. And fucking-A, what a difference it made.

Instead of responding, Tara lifted her face up for a kiss. Mike leaned down and pressed his lips against hers and had barely begun to slide his tongue between her lips before she pulled away.

“Well, you’re the only man I’ve ever had sex with, period.”

Mike took another deep breath and closed his eyes.
Thank God.
He had no right to be thankful for her abstinence, and Mike knew that. But he was glad, all the same, that Tara was still his and only his.

Mike glanced over at Madelynn to make sure that she was sleeping soundly on the other side of the room, facing away from them. He shifted, turning onto his side, using his wide shoulders as a barrier between them and their sleeping child. He slid his hand under her shirt and placed his hand on her stomach. “Let me show you how much I appreciate that.” Despite Tara’s whispered protest, he slid his hand down and under the waistband of the boxers she wore.