This Darkest Man (6 page)

“Why
didn’t you get a room with other people? You’ll get lonely in that shoebox all
by yourself.” Erin stared out at me from the screen of my laptop, not looking
particularly impressed at my new place. I just shrugged at her. She knew what I
was like by now, she knew that I would never be comfortable living with a bunch
of strangers.

“It’s
close to work.” My new job was the opposite of my new living situation. I
worked in a cubicle on a floor filled with a hundred others. It was a fancy
corporate law firm and I was just one of many lowly employees. My official
title was assistant to the assistant to the assistant of someone important. It
was okay. I worked quietly at my desk, obeyed orders that were barked to me,
and kept to myself.

“Well,
when I get back we’re going to get a place together and—” Someone to the side
of her was rambling in French. “Hey, Matilda. I had better go. My date’s here!
Love you. See ya.” And she was gone.

I
stared at the screen before shutting it. At least I had one friend in the
world, it was just a shame that she was on the
other
side of the word. I
sighed and looked around my small apartment. I had unpacked nearly everything.
There wasn’t much that I had taken from my Aunt’s house. Just the books and the
wine. Clay was right about it. Some of it was worth something and the funds
from their sale had tided me over until I found a job. The property had sold
for an amount that was just enough to cover the debt with nothing left over.

I
sighed as I thought of Clay, or whatever his name was. I’d gotten drunk after
he’d disappeared. Horribly, horribly drunk. I’d picked up the book that he’d
left behind and ran my finger over his name that was embossed on the cover as I
wallowed in my own misery.

I
talked myself into tracking him down, after all, it had to be more than a
coincidence that the ring had disappeared when he did. I rang the university
that had the skeleton, and spoke to the head of the department. She’d laughed
when I casually mentioned Clay.

“He
was a brilliant man, and a brilliant historian. It was such a shame when he
died.”

“What?”
I blurted out, clutching the phone. “When?”

“Um,
well I was a post-graduate student at the time so it must have been the early
eighties. Of course, he was very old. You must have just met someone with the
same name.”

“Yeah.
Of course.” I had ended the call with shaking hands. I’d been played by whoever
that person was. For what reason, I had no idea. It was just another episode in
my life that I would attempt to block out, because if I thought about it too
much then it, like the others, would eat me alive. There was only so much
humiliation and pain one could take.

But
why take the ring? It was a trinket and probably worth nothing. The ring
bothered me more than anything. I sighed again and grabbed my purse. It was
time for me to go to work.

At
least I could walk from my apartment. The mass of people on the streets was
still a shock for me after living in isolation for so long, but it was nice
being able to grab a coffee on the way. I had to concentrate on the good
things, I reminded myself.

I
slipped into my cubicle without being forced to make the idle chit chat that I
found so painful. The other girls were painted in make-up and their hair was
styled in such ways that they must have risen before dawn to get their looks
just right. They didn’t bother with me. They could tell by looking at me that
such things didn’t interest me. My hair hung, un-interfered with, down my back.
I did wear mascara and lip gloss thanks to Erin’s influence, but that was all.

I
opened my emails and began my tasks for the day. The hours dragged on and I
thought of Erin in France, having the time of her life, while I barely existed
here. At lunch, I escaped from the office and headed for a nearby park to eat
my sandwich. Everyone around me seemed to be sitting in pairs, and I lost my
appetite. I ended up throwing my sandwich to the pigeons and heading back to
the office early.

“Matilda!”

I
stopped and turned to see a man in a suit striding toward me. Not just any man.
It was Josh. It was odd that he looked so small now compared to how I saw him
in my mind. He stopped in front of me, looking me up and down.

“I
barely recognized you. When did you get back to the city?” he asked.

“Oh,
a few weeks ago.” I fidgeted with my bag, knowing full well that he hated that.
I tried to stop my nervous gestures but like always, they were worse when he
was around.

But
he wasn’t looking at my hands; he was looking straight into my eyes. “It’s good
to see you. I’ve got a new job just around the corner. It’s a new company but
my future looks pretty secure at the moment. I’m probably going to invest in
the software that we’re developing.”

“Good.”
I stood a step back. “I have to go back to work.”

“Wait.”
His hand lightly gripped my wrist. “I know things ended badly but let’s at
least talk about it. I’ll take you out to dinner and we’ll—”

“I
have to go.” I pulled free of his grasp, nearly stumbling and he reached out
and caught me.

“Stop
acting like you’re scared of me, Matilda,” he said gently. “Although, you’re
scared of everything, aren’t you?”

I
wanted to tell him that I wasn’t. That I wasn’t scared of the dark, and that
Clay saw that and admired that…Except Clay wasn’t really Clay. Was he even
real? My shoulders sagged and I lowered my head, feeling dejected at the
memory.

“Let
me walk you back to your office? Are you near here?” He gently took my purse
from me. We walked in silence until we reached the impressive glass front of
the law firm. He looked up at the name emblazoned across it and let out a
whistle. “Very nice, Matilda. I’m proud of you for getting a job here.”

No
you’re not
,
I wanted to say, but of course I didn’t.

“I’m
going to be late.”

His
eyes flicked back to me and he gave me a brief smile before handing me back my
bag. “I’ll meet you after work. We can—”

“No.”
My voice was barely above a whisper. “You took me to that awful party. You
would have made me have sex with both you and that other man. If those men
hadn’t—”

“I
wouldn’t have made you do anything!” he burst out. “I was just trying to spice
things up, for god’s sake. Yeah, I took you to a sex club but I never made you
do anything, nor would I have. I thought that you might enjoy it; that it would
break you out of your shell. Lots of people do it. Wanting to have a threesome
doesn’t make me a bad person, Matilda.”

“No.
But being controlling and abusive does,” I rushed out.

He
looked like I’d slapped him for a moment. “I never hit you.”

“You
didn’t have to. You did with your words and threats instead.” I channeled Erin
when I said that, repeating word for word the things she had said to me to make
me see sense. “And what we did to Jeremy…”

His
shoulders seemed to sag, and for the first time, he looked defeated. “I know I
did some terrible things. I know that I have some issues, but let me make it up
to you.”

“No,”
I managed to say, spinning on my heel and hurrying through the glass doors like
they were my last line of defense. He didn’t follow me but I didn’t feel safe
until I was in the lift and heading skyward.

“Are
you all right?” a woman asked. “You look very pale.”

“I’m
fine.” And I was fine. I had to be. I wouldn’t let him control me anymore.

I
worked late, scared that if I walked out at five that I would see Josh lying in
wait for me. It was dark when I left, and I quickly scanned the area before
giving a sigh of relief that he wasn’t anywhere to be seen. I smiled and shoved
my hands in the pockets of my coat. It was good that it was dark now; I had
power in the dark.

I
stopped at a newsagent just as they were closing to buy a newspaper. As I
handed over the money, I spied a magazine and my mouth dropped open. “And that.
I’ll take that one.” I pointed, waving my finger at it.

The
man gave a knowing smile. “All the young girls who normally buy Cosmo have been
grabbing copies. Just goes to show what a good-looking man on the cover can do.
Half those girls wouldn’t know anything about the business world in their empty
heads.” He fetched a copy for me. “They call him the Snake. The article is a
bit of a hatchet job, but no one can deny that he’s made Hellman Corporation
one of the big players in the hotel industry.”

My
eyes snapped to him. “What did you say?”

“He
runs Hellman; they own a ton of international hotel chains. Anyway, are you
going to buy that or just look at the pretty guy on the cover?” He cackled as I
handed over the money and walked away, somewhat shell shocked and clutching the
magazine in my hand. I nearly ran home, sure that once I got there and stared
at the cover again that the image would have changed. It couldn’t be him. There
was no way.

I
sprinted up the stairs, fumbling to get the key in the lock and open the door.
When that was finally achieved, I slammed the door shut behind me and flicked
on the lights. I threw my bag on the ground and then took a breath before
looking at the cover again.

It
was him. His hair was shorter and well-kept, and he wore an expensive suit that
was a sharp contrast to the casual jeans and t-shirt that he wore as an
academic. Those eyes stared out at me, black and soulless, like they were
laughing at me.

His
name was Daniel Hellman, and he had started with a low rent motel and expanded
it into a global force in the business world. The journalist accused him of
using all sorts of underhanded tactics to destroy his competitors, and revealed
that not only did his company run luxury hotels; they also included sex clubs
under their umbrella. The sex clubs caught my eye; apparently he frequented
them as well. One of them was called The Rubicon, and I cringed as I remembered
when Josh had taken me there.

“The
Snake,” I whispered out loud. Clay was the snake. Beautiful, sweet seductive
Clay was this man who was, by all accounts, bad. This man had taken my family
home from me, left me distraught without any explanations. Was he a sadist?
That could be the only explanation. He had cruelly tortured me before taking
the only thing that I had left. “You bastard,” I said softly. “You bastard. You
bastard, you bastard! You
bastard!
“  I threw the magazine across the
room and it hit the wall with a thud before fluttering to the floor like its
pages were a hundred mouths laughing at me.

I
breathed heavily, surprised at my outburst. That wasn’t like me. I was
controlled. Fucking Daniel Hellman or whatever his name was had made me lose
control.

I
drank and I cried, before sitting numbly in the dark. And when Josh called my
cell, I answered.

“I’m
sorry about today. I really am. I’ve changed. Just let me show you, Matilda. I
just need another chance…”

I
listened with ice in my heart as he went on and on, blaming his childhood,
blaming the stress of his job, and blaming everyone but himself.

“You
were right,” I cut in.

There
was a second of silence. “What?”

“You
were right. I do need to get out of my shell. I want to go to that sex club
again and I want you to take me.” I didn’t even have a near stutter when I said
that. My words were succinct and clear; they were words that belonged to
someone better than me.

“Uh,
okay. That’s great. I’d love to take you. You won’t regret giving me another
chance, I promise you.”

“I’m
not giving you another chance. I just want you to take me to the club.” It was
easier to speak like this in the dark. That was how I should live my life, I
mused, always in the shadows.

“Matilda…”
Josh breathed heavily into the phone, unsure for once. Then he cleared his
throat. “I’ll get in touch with my contact and…I’ll pick you up at ten.”

“I’ll
be waiting.” I ended the call, and paused before walking to my closet to select
an outfit. When I had gone there with Josh, I had been in awe of the decadence
of the place. It reeked of wealth, and later, I realized, debauchery. I pushed
aside my everyday clothes and found the gifts from Erin, which had been
relegated to a dark corner. I pulled each one out and ran the delicate fabrics
through my hands. They felt sensual and sleek…which was exactly what I wanted
to be.

I
chose the red. It was strapless and hugged my figure. It was also so sheer that
I almost lost my nerve. The dark of my nipples were visible underneath it, and
I considered wearing a bra, and then thought better of it.

“You
can do this,” I told myself as I applied make-up. “This is the only way you
might come across him so you may as well try and get that prick to explain
himself.” When I had finished painting my face, I stood back and surveyed
myself.  I looked okay. Not as elegant as those other women there, but I was
passable I supposed.

Josh
picked me up in a sleek black sports car. I should have laughed at his
pretentiousness, but I couldn’t force any laughter to come from me. Everything
looked so bleak, maybe I’d get some relief from a confrontation on the slim
chance that he would actually even be there. As the city whizzed past us, I
felt a cold dread grip my heart. This was a mistake. A huge, huge mistake. I
should have asked Josh to turn around and take me home, even if that meant
risking his wrath.

But
before I knew it, he was pulling the car up beside an intercom. He hadn’t been
a member before, only an invited guest, and he apparently wasn’t a member now
as he gave what was called an invitation code to get in. The doors of the
garage rolled open and he slowly drove in. The rest of the cars put his to
shame. They were high end and screamed wealth and ostentation. As if he could
read my mind, he turned to me and squeezed my thigh.

“This’ll
be us one day, Matilda. I’ll be playing with the big boys soon.”

I
didn’t see how, he was only an accountant, but I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t
wait for him to open the door for me; instead I slung my legs out and pulled my
coat tightly around me as my heart started to beat faster. Just like that other
time, we walked toward the lift. There was nothing here to indicate that we were
about to enter a high-end sex club. Even when we stepped off the lift onto the
floor, an attractive young woman who sat behind a mahogany desk greeted us. She
could have been working at any office or hotel.

“May
I have your code, sir?”

Josh
rattled off the numbers with a sense of arrogance. I assumed that whichever
member who had permitted him to come was someone important, because the woman
raised an eyebrow before saying, “He’s here tonight. Shall I tell him that
you’ve arrived?”

“Thank
you,” Josh continued with his arrogant tone, and I gave the woman a smile to try
to make up for his abrasiveness.

“Please
go on through.”

I
followed Josh through the double doors that led down a corridor. It was the
simple looking door at the very end that led us down the rabbit hole and into
another world. Servers dressed as Roman slave girls and gladiators carried
glasses of champagne on silver trays, never blinking an eye at what went on
before them.

Some
wore tuxedos; some wore nothing, or extravagant costumes. Everything was
allowed…I remembered how I had nearly fainted the first time that I had come
here. Debauchery was active in every corner on velvet love seats. People of
every size, ethnicity and gender were engaged in sensual activity that it was
hard to look away from.

“Well?”
Josh asked me. I gave him no indication of my nerves, I knew that he wanted me
to act shocked and try to hide behind him as I had the first time. I wouldn’t
give him that satisfaction.

“I
need a drink.” I took a glass from a passing server before taking a seat at a
small table like this was any cocktail lounge.

Josh
joined me, sipping on his own champagne. “They have shows here.” He indicated
where velvet curtains must have hidden a stage. “I’ve never seen one but I hear
that they’re wild.”
“Do you come here a lot?” I asked.

He
smiled. “I’m not a member. I was lucky to get that invite that time I took you,
and I had to do a lot of chasing around to get in tonight.”

I
sipped my champagne, not looking at him. I wondered if he expected me to thank
him. My eyes caught a woman being kissed on the mouth by a handsome, half-naked
man, while another young man who looked like his twin sucked on her neck. The
woman wasn’t beautiful, but I could tell that she was wealthy by her hair and
her jewelry. This was a place where the rich ruled, and the rest of us were here
for their entertainment. Much like I had been Clay’s, or Daniel’s,
entertainment.

I
felt a hand stroking my thigh, and looked down to see Josh’s hand creeping up
underneath my skirt, slowly pushing it up. “Do you know how sexy you look,
Matilda? You’re the hottest girl in the room right now…”

Before
I had a chance to push his hand away, we were interrupted by one of the Roman
slave girls. “Excuse me, your presence is requested in the VIP room.”

Josh
removed his hand and smirked before adjusting his tie. “Come along,” Matilda,”
he ordered like I was a dog as he got to his feet.

“Sorry,
Sir.” The Roman slave girl stopped him. “Only the lady’s presence is required.
You’ll need to remain in the public area.”

Anger
flashed through Josh’s eyes, but he managed to control himself. “She would
prefer me to remain with her.”

“Sorry,
Sir. The VIP area is special invite only. There are no exceptions.” The girl
was firm, and Josh glared at her before one of the well-muscled gladiators came
up beside her.

“I’ll
escort you, ma’am,” he said to me, taking my arm gently but with a firmness
that made me wonder if I could pull away if I wanted to. But I wanted to be
away from Josh, so I didn’t try. I heard Josh arguing behind me as I was
escorted to the lift, which was open and waiting. The doors closed, but not
before I saw Josh turning red with anger, and I took a breath, glad that the
anger was not directed toward me.

The
lift whisked us up and when the doors opened, the gladiator beckoned me
forward, before closing the lift doors behind me. I looked around me. I was
alone in the entranceway, and two large double doors stood before me. I took a
deep breath, and then threw back the rest of my champagne. I left the empty
glass on a side table and walked forward.

As
if I were being watched, the doors swung open before me and I walked through.
My eyes widened as I saw a woman down on her knees with a dog collar around her
neck. She was being brought to orgasm by another woman. Another man had his
cock sucked by an older gentleman who was dressed in a tuxedo, and so it went
on, everywhere that I looked. The area was dark and ornate, black carpet led to
a balcony and I stepped over to the railings. It looked down on the club below
and my eyes searched for Josh but I couldn’t find him.

“Madam.”
A young man offered champagne and I took one thankfully, knowing that I would
have to drink a lot more to calm my nerves. He gave a nod before turning away.
What did I do now? I leaned against the railing and sipped at my champagne,
hoping that no one could see me shaking. I let my eyes roam around the room,
uncomfortable that I was actually getting turned on by all that was around me.
My eyes caught a woman who was whipping a naked girl across her buttocks, it
made me wonder if I could ever look that domineering and…cruel.

“Madam,
he’s ready for you.” I dropped my glass in surprise and the crystal shattered.
My hand went to my mouth in horror, but no one thought anything of it.
Seemingly out of nowhere, a server appeared and began to sweep up the mess.

“S-sorry,”
I told her.

She
looked slightly shocked that I had even spoken to her, and then just got on
with the job.

“Madam?”
the young man repeated, gently touching my arm. “This way.”

I
followed, wanting to be away from the mess that I’d caused, and only just
processing that I was about to see Clay. I guessed it was Clay, who else would
it be?

He
led me down a corridor, which was covered in the same ink black carpet. The
walls were also painted black, but they had a metallic sheen to them. 
Decorating the walls were black and white photographs of men and women in
various states of undress and erotic play, and I blushed looking at them. For
some reason I found them more offensive than the real life people I had just
witnessed. The young man stopped at the end, and knocked on the door.

“Enter,”
came the order.