This Book is Gay (12 page)

Being a Christian who also happens to be gay, or being a gay man who also happens to have a faith, is often a troublesome path to tread, neither community really quite understanding how you can belong to both fully but I find it to be an incredibly energising adventure to be part of.

As a Christian I believe that God is love and where there is love God is there; one of the most loving communities I know belongs to “the gays” and so this is where I know God dwells.

– Luke

This one throws up more problems. Before we start, it's worth noting that gender reassignment, as we know it today, wasn't possible when the key holy texts were being written. Therefore there really isn't a precedent for it. There are, however, a few passages on cross-dressing which have been skewed to encapsulate all gender dysphoria.

Paradoxically, Islam takes a fairly chilled view on this. There's nothing specific in the Quran, and the Hadith takes issue only where ‘cross-dressing' is used for prostitution (which isn't a brilliant career option, let's be honest, so they probably have a point). However, in some countries, gender reassignment surgery (often male to female) is seen as a ‘cure' for homosexuality, which is a crime. This clearly isn't ideal.

Christianity and Judaism have more defined and, indeed, negative views about gender reassignment. In Deuteronomy of the Old Testament (and similarly in the Torah), there appears the following passage:

‘A WOMAN MUST NOT WEAR MEN S CLOTHING NOR A MAN WEAR WOMEN S FOR THE LORD GOD DETESTS ANYONE WHO DOES THIS.'

Deuteronomy 22:5

There are also references to eunuchs (men with their sexual organs removed) not being able to enter the temple.

As with the passages that address homosexuality, trans people are more than able to defend themselves should the Bible or Jewish scripture be used to attack them. In the case of Deuteronomy, the text appears to refer to cross-dressing, not gender dysmorphia and, given the era it was written in, could actually be about practices of pagan fertility cults at the time. Furthermore, the eunuchs back then weren't castrated to change gender; many were slaves who had their bits chopped off against their will. Once more we can see that many of the rules applicable to the people of biblical times simply aren't relevant any more.

Finally, in the book of John, the author talks about Jesus's inclusive view of those born with birth defects, and I think we can argue being born the wrong gender is indeed one such defect. I love it when you can actually use the Bible to argue in our favour.

Furthermore, the concept of third gender stems from Hindu teaching and philosophy. This category encompasses all genders that exist outside of simply male and female and is often legally recognised. In some cultures and rituals, members of the third gender are revered as having almost magical powers and are considered lucky. So, see, it's not all bad, is it?

A dear friend once told me, ‘YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH CRAZY.' Someone else once said, ‘HATERZ GON' HATE.' Put these two pieces of wisdom together and you kind of have the situation we're in. People using religion to hate LGBT* people are going to do so however well we argue our case. You'll spout logic until you're blue in the face and some homophobes will continue to hate.

I believe if you wanted to piece together a convincing argument about why steak and kidney pie was sinful, you would be able to use religious texts to help your campaign – they are old enough and vague enough to damn almost anything.

All we can do is rest assured that we are far from an abomination. Whether you believe in God as a creator or not, we were all born out of something very natural. We are one hundred per cent organic. Like orange juice with bits.

Resisting reruns of
SpongeBob SquarePants
while revising; avoiding the shark-like gaze of your cruel, capricious maths teacher; trying to think of something hilarious-but-alluring to say to that person you're dying to snog – your school years are pretty tough. As if all that wasn't hard enough, the average age at which people usually ‘come out' as gay, lesbian or bi is now seventeen years old – while still at school or college. Just one more thing to worry about, and it's not on the curriculum.

How to do it? When to do it? Whom to tell? To tell at all? Coming out is a potential minefield. One wrong step and your metaphorical gay leg will be blown clean off.

Seriously, though. For a young LGBT* person, there is NOTHING more terrifying than the idea of telling your nearest and dearest that you fancy people with the same bits as you or that you've pretty much had enough of your original gender. This fear is perfectly reasonable, but there are ways in which we can make the transition from ‘closet case' to ‘out and proud' as smooth as caramel.

In the olden days (and to this very day in some rather traditional quarters), fancy young society women, known as debutantes, were dressed up and paraded around for potential suitors and the like. These events were known as ‘coming out parties', and this is where we get the term ‘coming out'. Before the First World War, the phrase meant more to ‘come out' into society.

These days, we refer in particular to ‘coming out of the closet', an American slang term for no longer concealing one's identity. Once you're ready to let the world know about your identity, you are no longer ‘closeted' or ‘on the down-low'.

The word ‘identity' is key. ‘Coming out' isn't when you first swap love juice with someone of your own gender, but rather the public adoption of a label. It's telling people.

As I've said numerous times, labels aren't for everyone. Lots of people may choose to have sexyfuntimes with people of the same gender without identifying as gay or lesbian, just as a gay man who has sex with a woman isn't automatically straight. (‘Hallelu! He's seen the light!' Yeah, that's not gonna happen). The process of establishing an identity can take years. The good news is, no one is stuck with one label for their whole life. Many people change their sexual identity as they become more comfortable with themselves and their sex lives.

The same is true of gender labels. Gender doesn't have to be concrete.

One only has to look at the thriving queer club scene to see hot young things experimenting with traditional gender roles. These have nothing to do with sexuality, as we've discussed.

At its core, ‘coming out' is the part where you tell someone what your sexual or gender orientation is – and that can be anything.

Perhaps the real question is: is there any benefit to coming out? The answer is almost certainly …

People cheerfully profess their religion, marital status, ethnic origin and favourite food, but discussion of sexual orientation or gender remains uniquely taboo. Perhaps with good reason.

As we have learned, there are eighty countries where men and women can be prosecuted for having sex with someone of the same gender.
MEGA POLITICAL SADFACE.

If it is safe to ‘come out', however, there are many benefits to doing so. At the end of the day, desires, crushes, dating and relationships are a massive part of anyone's life, and hiding something so vital from your friends and family is both hard work and isolating. It may sound trite, but ‘being yourself' is good for you. Sharing is caring, yo!

‘For me, the main benefit was a general sense of ease – I no longer had to hide where I was going, why I had the letters “G-A-Y” stamped on my wrist or the uncomfortable feelings when asked why I didn't have a boyfriend or what kind of boys I liked.'

Mica, 23, London.

The single phrase mentioned time after time after time in the survey was
‘a weight off my shoulders'
. So cliché, but so, so true.

On a more practical level, once a young person has ‘come out' as gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans, it is that much easier to find like-minded people. Allsorts Youth Project, just one example of an LGBT* group for young people in Brighton, has a weekly club night where young people can socialise in a safe space – without the need for gay bars or clubs. (More on that in
chapter 8
.)

Furthermore, once a person chooses to identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans, you'd be surprised at how supportive family and friends can be. Very often, parents and friends have already worked it out, and ‘coming out' leads to a closer, more honest relationship with the people you love the most. Perhaps best of all, they'll stop trying to fix you up with people who are the wrong sex!

Finally, don't underestimate the personal satisfaction and pride you'll feel at simply being yourself. It's freeing.

‘There are so many [advantages to coming out] that it's hard to know where to start. The main things are to know that you will still be loved, and that you are happy and contented in who you really are. I was so worried about how my family would react to my sexuality that it used to keep me awake at night … now I know how well [coming out to them] went, I wish that I had talked to them sooner. It took a few months to adjust to being open about my sexuality, but it definitely made me closer to my family. I did run into some issues with bullying at school, being the first boy to “come out”. Once I was accepted (begrudgingly) as a part of the school, I think it was easier for others to be honest. I was very lucky in that I had some good teachers, lots of friends and my family for support.'

Mike, UK.

Of course, there may be good reasons why people choose not to discuss their sexual or gender identity. For one, it does often seem that there are three choices – straight, gay or bi. Sometimes it's just not that simple, so defining yourself may take more time.

Moreover, some communities and religions believe that homosexuality is wrong. That doesn't prevent anyone from being lesbian, gay or bisexual but rather restricts their ability to be ‘out', as this may mean they feel their parents and friends might not be supportive of them.

The worry of what family and friends might think or do is what keeps people in ‘the closet' more than any other factor, regardless of background. Remember, every ‘out' gay or bisexual man or woman and every ‘out' trans person has gone through this process and survived the ordeal. Most retain the family and friends they had before they ‘came out'.

The fear that you'll be disowned, shamed and tossed out onto the street is absolutely the worst-case scenario and one that very rarely happens. There may be friends who are unable to accept your new identity, and that's sad, but you can always make new friends. The worst fear is that your family, especially your parents, might react badly. At first many do – I won't lie – but with time, nearly all build a bridge and get over it.