Thinking of You (34 page)

Tamsin had just had a bath and was wrapped in a turquoise robe, painting her toenails shell pink. When Finn entered the living room she looked up and smiled. “Hi, darling. Mae's asleep. What are you doing back so early?”

She was beautiful. Any man would lust after Tamsin. If what Ginny had said was true, it would be the best news he'd heard in months.

“I've been working too hard. Time for a break,” said Finn. “We're going up to London together this weekend. I've booked us into a suite at the Soho.”

For a second there was silence.

“Oh, Finn, I'd have loved that.” Tamsin was filled with regret. “But I can't. I promised Zoe I'd stay with her. The thing is—and this is top secret—she's just had a facelift and looks a complete fright. I'm just going along to cheer her up and take her mind off the fact that she looks like Frankenstein's ugly sister.”

“Right.” Finn held her gaze, the confident unwavering gaze of a woman who could lie about the paternity of her child and not let it trouble her.

“But some other time,” Tamsin beamed up at him. “Definitely. In fact, how about next weekend? Then we can—what are you
doing
?”

“Borrowing your phone. That's all right, isn't it?” Finn scooped up the tiny mobile that Tamsin never let out of her sight and began deftly scrolling through the list of names. “Ah, here we go…”

“That's
my
phone!” Tamsin leaped up in a panic as he held it to his ear. “Look, you can't just—”

“Zoe? Hi, this is Finn Penhaligon. How are you? Now listen, this is just a preliminary call, but I'm ringing Tamsin's friends to see who might be able to make it along to a surprise party for her at the Connaught this Saturday evening.” He paused, listened, then said, “Well, that's great news,” before handing the mobile over to Tamsin. “Here, you can speak to her now. Zoe's thrilled. She says she'd love to come.”

***

Ginny jumped a mile and almost dropped the sticky toffee desserts she was carrying through from the kitchen when Tamsin burst into the restaurant. She was wearing jeans and a white T-shirt and had a face like thunder as she stood in the center of the noisy, crowded room beadily eyeing each table in turn. Evie, raising her eyebrows at Ginny, approached Tamsin and said, “Are you looking for someone?”

“I'm seeing who's here.” The words came rattling out like marbles. “Finn wouldn't tell me, but it has to be someone in this restaurant.” Tamsin continued to scan the diners before turning to blurt out, “You won't
believe
what they've just done to me, some petty, spiteful… jealous…” Her voice trailed away as her gaze came to rest on Ginny. Slowly, incredulously, Tamsin drawled, “Or maybe you would believe it. Look at your face! Fucking hell, what is going on here? You know exactly what I'm talking about, don't you? Who told Finn?”

Ginny stared back. OK, this was now officially a nightmare. Licking dry lips, she said, “I did.”

“You!
How?
My God, I might have guessed. You interfering bitch.” Tamsin's voice rose and her features narrowed. “Let me guess, you were jealous because I had Finn and you don't have a man of your own. You can't bear to see other people happy so you have to stir up trouble by poisoning their minds!”

Close, thought Ginny. I'm jealous because you have Finn and you don't deserve him. You're cheating on him, which is something I'd never do. God, look at everyone
watching
us.

Levelly she said, “I didn't lie.”

“You've probably got a crush on him.” Tamsin's upper lip curled, revealing catlike incisors. “Is that what this is about? Is that why you were upstairs in the flat this afternoon, hoping he'd take some notice of you?”

“Right, that's enough.” Evie ushered Tamsin toward the door. “You're upset; let me take you back to—”

“No!” bellowed Tamsin, wrenching free. She grabbed a carafe of white wine from the nearest table, spun around, and hurled the contents straight at Ginny. “You bitch, you've ruined my life!”

Everyone in the restaurant gasped. For the second time in three minutes Ginny almost dropped the sticky toffee desserts. Then, blinking wine out of her eyes, she saw that they'd been caught in the onslaught too, which meant they couldn't be served to paying customers. Oh well, waste not, want not…

“Aaarrrgh!” Tamsin, who clearly hadn't been expecting a mere waitress to retaliate, let out a shriek and leaped back. She gazed in disbelief at the brown sludgy gunk sliding down the front of her white T-shirt and jeans.

“It's not your day, is it?” said Ginny. “First your life is ruined, now your outfit.”

Incandescent but unable to escape Evie's iron grip, Tamsin stamped her feet and let out another ear-splitting howl of rage. At various tables people began to whisper and giggle.

The husband of the couple who had ordered the sticky toffee desserts looked at Ginny and said tentatively, “Were those ours?”

Ginny's knees were trembling, but she managed to keep her voice steady. “I'm so sorry. And there aren't any more left. But I can really recommend the chocolate torte.”

***

By some miracle she managed to drive home without ending up in a ditch. It was only nine o'clock, which had Carla running across the road shouting, “Oh my God, what happened?”

Ginny was incapable of sitting down. Revved up and hyperventilating, she paced around the kitchen. Finally she finished relaying the showdown in the restaurant and shook her head. “That's it, I've lost my job. I'm going to move to Scarborough.”

“Sit down. Calm down. So he still doesn't know you're pregnant.” Banging kitchen cupboard doors open and shut, Carla said, “Bloody hell, I'm trying to get you something to drink here and all I can find is hot chocolate.” She took down the tin and gave it a shake. “Have you even been to Scarborough?”

“We went there on holiday once when Jem was a baby. It has a nice spa thingy. And it's a long way from here.” Ginny's stomach lurched as the phone burst into life. Oh God, this couldn't be good for the baby.

“Don't answer it if you don't want to,” said Carla.

But caller ID showed that it was Jem.

“Yay, Mum, you're there! You'll never guess what!”

Even when she was having a crisis, hearing Jem's voice cheered her up. Glad of the distraction, Ginny said, “What won't I guess?”

“Marcus McBride's got a beach house in Miami. He's just emailed Davy and said if we want a vacation in July, we're welcome to use it. And it's, like, the coolest house on the planet!”

“Gosh.” Ginny wondered how much the plane tickets would cost.

“
And
he's taking care of the flights,” Jem went on excitedly. “Isn't that amazing? We won't get to see him—he's going to be away filming in Australia while we're there—but when Davy said there'd be three of us, he was fine. He even said the more the merrier and why didn't Davy's mum go along too?”

“And is she?”

“No! Rhona said it was our trip and she'd stay at home. Which is serious progress, because she and Davy have never been apart before. That's OK with you then, is it? If I go to Miami in July?”

“Of course it is, sweetheart.” Ginny's throat swelled; she and Jem had both had flings with unsuitable men. And to think she'd worried about Jem being the one ending up pregnant.

“I'd better get off now. Everyone's going to be so jealous when they hear about it! So, everything all right with you, Mum?”

“Yes, yes, fine. Carla's here. She's just pouring me a drink.”

“Let me guess, a huge glass of ice-cold Frascati!”

Ginny looked over at Carla, frustratedly trying to stir lumps of cocoa powder into microwaved hot milk, and said, “How did you guess?”

“That's someone else you're going to have to tell before the baby actually pops out.” Carla was nothing if not full of useful advice.

“I know. Don't nag.” Ginny put down the mug of hot chocolate which was vile and lumpy.

“It feels like we're waiting for the world to end. You'd think somebody would have phoned by now, even if it's just to tell you you're sacked.”

“If Tamsin phones, it'll be to tell me I'm dead.” A kind of hysteria struck Ginny. “She could call the police, have me done for assault with a deadly dessert. Oh God, what if she hasn't been cheating on Finn? What if I made a—”

Drrrrrrrinnnggg
. The sound of the doorbell caused both of them to jump off their chairs.

“This really isn't good for me.” Ginny pressed a hand to her breastbone.

“I'll go and see who it is.”

“No.” Shaking her head, Ginny said, “This is my mess. It's up to me to sort it out.”

Her heart went into overdrive when she saw Finn, who clearly wasn't in the mood to waste time.

“Can I come in?” Already over the threshold before Ginny could reply, he stopped dead when he saw Carla. Brusquely, he said, “Could you leave us?”

“No I couldn't.”

“Carla.” Ginny tilted her head helpfully toward the door. “Please.”

“Please what?”

“Go home.”

“But he might chop you up into tiny pieces and feed you to that she-devil cat of his.”

“Out,” said Finn.

“Spoilsport,” Carla muttered as she left.

 

“I'm not sorry about the sticky toffee dessert, so don't expect me to apologize for that. And I'm leaving the restaurant, which saves you having to sack me.” The words came tumbling out; until that moment Ginny hadn't even known she was going to say them.

“I wasn't planning to sack you,” said Finn. “You don't have to leave.”

Ha, he didn't know the half of it.

“I'm still going to.” Her fingernails dug into her clenched palms. She was; it was the only way. Far better that he didn't discover the truth.

“It's all over, by the way. They've left.” Finn's expression betrayed the way he felt. “Tamsin and Mae.”

Oh God, how awful for him.

“I'm sorry.” This time Ginny meant it. He must be devastated.

“It had to happen.” Finn shrugged. “Getting back together with Tamsin was never going to work. I wanted it to, because of Mae. But it's no way to live. Tamsin wasn't the one who left Angelo, by the way, before she arrived back down here. He chucked her. It all came out tonight. She's been angling to get back with him for weeks. And was just about to, if she had her way.” Surveying Ginny, he added, “She still doesn't know how you found out.”

There was no reason not to tell him now. “Carla was at the hairdressers. She overheard Tamsin arranging it on the phone this morning.”

“Carla again. I might have guessed. Anyway, it's over. They've gone. I don't imagine I'll be seeing them again.”

How he must be feeling beneath the calm exterior didn't bear thinking about. Feeling horribly responsible, Ginny said, “But you could if you wanted to.”

Finn shook his head. “It's over, dead and buried. As far as I'm concerned it was over between Tamsin and me long ago.” He paused. “And Mae isn't mine. I know that now. Saying good-bye hurt like hell, but it's not like last year. This time it's been kind of inevitable.”

“Really?” Well, that was a relief.

“Really. If I'm honest, I was looking for a way out. And for Mae's sake it's better that it happens sooner rather than later. So that's it. All over.” Finn shoved his hands into his pockets. “Life doesn't always turn out the way you expect, does it? You think you're in control, but you're not. It's like getting on a plane to Venice, then getting off and finding yourself in Helsinki.”

Ginny's stomach was in knots.

Tell
him
you're pregnant.

I can't, I can't do it.

Just
tell
him.

I really can't. God, news like that, tonight of all nights, could finish him off for good.

Aloud, she said, “Gavin and I went to Venice for our honeymoon. Maybe I should have gone to Helsinki instead.”

It was meant as a flippant remark to make him smile, but clearly Finn wasn't in the mood. Almost angrily he said, “And did you think that at the time?”

Ginny was taken aback by his vehemence. “No, of course not. I knew what Gavin was like, but I was young and stupid. I thought I could change him.”

“And now?”

She shrugged. “Now I'm old and stupid. But this time he tells me he's changed.”

“Do you believe him?”

Did a leopard ever really change his spots? Who knew? But when you saw Gavin and Bev together, they certainly seemed happy. “I'm a romantic,” said Ginny. “I want to believe it.”

Finn looked at her as if there was plenty more he wanted to say. Ginny pictured his face if she blurted out the truth.

Tell him.

No.

“Right.” Abruptly Finn said, “Well, good luck.”

“Thanks.” That was it, then. Resignation accepted. She wasn't going back to work.

“Bye.” He turned and left the house, closing the front door without so much as a backward glance.

God, what a night. Ginny rubbed her face, then her hair. Too traumatized for tears, she picked up the phone to dial Carla's number even though Carla was doubtless, at this very moment, watching Finn get into his car.

The next moment the doorbell rang again. Speak of the devil. Padding barefoot down the hall, Ginny pulled open the door and—

“You're mad. I can't believe you're being so gullible.”

“What?”

“Gavin.” The look Finn gave her was fierce. “He's going to break your heart.”

Mystified—yet at the same time ridiculously pleased to see him again—Ginny said, “Not my heart. What are you talking about?”

Finn was visibly taken aback. “So you're not seeing Gavin?”

“Bloody hell,
no
! We've been divorced for nine years. I went out to dinner last night with him and his new girlfriend. Her name's Bev and she's lovely.” Ginny realized she was babbling. “And get this; she's as old as me!”

“I thought you and Gavin were back together.” Frowning, Finn said, “When I dropped your cardigan off, Gavin was wearing your dressing gown.”

“His boiler broke down.” Gavin would think it was hilarious, Ginny realized, to answer the door in a girly dressing gown. “I said he could use my shower, that's all. God, if I ever thought of getting back with Gavin I'd have myself certified.”

“Sorry. I can't believe I got it wrong.” Finn shook his head, his expression unreadable. “So… um, will it work out, d'you think, with this Bev?”

“Truly? I shouldn't think so for a minute. Bev's great, like I said. But Gavin's never going to change. This is a novelty for him. Personally I give it a couple more weeks.” It was a pretty irrelevant conversation but Ginny pressed on anyway. “And deep down, I think Bev does too. She said something last night about if it doesn't work out, at least she'll have got Gavin out of her system.”

There was a long pause. Finally Finn said, “Not necessarily.”

“Why not?”

He shrugged. “Doesn't always work that way.”

“Well, they're adults.” Ginny felt herself getting hot, unnerved by the intensity of Finn's gaze. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Because if he knew, she would just
die
.

“Probably because I slept with you and didn't get you out of my system.”

Ginny's knees almost buckled. “Wh-what?”

“Sorry. Being honest. You did ask.” Finn raked his fingers through his hair. “And I know you only wanted a one-night thing, but I haven't been able to forget it. At all. Obviously, I couldn't say anything before, and maybe I shouldn't be saying it now.” He swallowed and Ginny heard the emotion in his voice. “But it's been a hell of a day and I needed you to know how I feel about you. If I'm honest, it's how I've felt the whole time Tamsin's been back.”

Seconds passed. Ginny was speechless. Finally, she stammered, “M-me too.”

It was Finn's turn to look stunned. “Really?”

“Oh yes.
God
, yes. Really.”

He kissed her and she'd never felt so alive nor so terrified. Pulling away, Ginny blinked and said, “There's something else I have to tell you.”

Finn wasn't in the mood to take her seriously. “Don't tell me you were born a man.”

Hardly. Ginny braced herself. “I didn't mean it to happen.”

“Didn't mean what?”

Her courage failed. “I can't tell you.”

Yes
you
can.

No I can't, can't,
can't
.

But you
must
.

“OK,” said Finn. “Is it good or bad?”

“I don't know.”

“I love you. Does that help at all?”

Tears sprang into Ginny's eyes. “I'm pregnant.”

Finn was motionless. “You are?”

“Yes.” She saw the look on his face, realized what he was wondering, and burst out, “It's yours, I swear. I haven't slept with anyone else—not for years. I'm sorry!”

To her relief Finn relaxed visibly, half smiling. “No need to apologize. I'm glad you haven't slept with anyone else.” Glancing at her stomach he added, “Is everything OK?”

“With the baby? Oh yes. I've had a scan.”

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

“No. I thought I'd move to Scarborough.” Ginny was still in a daze of happiness. “Until this afternoon, you had a family.”

Finn pulled her into his arms. “I had a child who wasn't mine and a girlfriend I didn't love.” His gaze softened. “Even worse, I was
in
love with someone who worked for me, but couldn't tell her because she was back with her ex-husband… hang on, so what was all that with the condoms?”

At last, a question she could answer. The two she and Carla had examined earlier were still in the fruit bowl on the kitchen table. Reaching over and fishing them out, Ginny said, “Tamsin wanted another baby last year, but you weren't so keen. So she stuck a needle through every packet in the box.”

“Good job the vicar didn't call round this evening.” Finn raised an eyebrow at the fruit bowl, then ran his fingers over the packet in his hand. “Just as well it didn't work.”

“Except it did. Right result,” said Ginny, “wrong womb.”

“Are you kidding? Tamsin finally did something that turned out well.” Pushing her wayward hair back from her face, Finn said, “This could be the happiest day of my life. In fact, I think we should celebrate.”

Ginny trembled with pleasure as he kissed her again, then regretfully pulled away. “I should phone Carla. She'll be wondering what's going on.”

“Carla's a grown-up.” Finn surveyed her with amusement. “I'm sure she can hazard a guess.”

“But she hates not knowing things. It drives her insane. Plus,” said Ginny, “she'll come over and start hammering on the front door.”

Her mobile was still lying on the kitchen table. Picking it up and locating Carla's number, Finn rang it.

Carla, evidently waiting on tenterhooks, snatched it up on the first ring. “I saw him leave and then go back in. This is killing me! You're either shagging him or having the most almighty row.”

“Well done,” said Finn. “Your first guess was correct.”

“Waaaah!” Carla squealed.

“Thanks. We think so too. So we'd appreciate it if you didn't come rushing over here because Ginny and I are going upstairs now.”

Ginny, seizing the phone, added happily, “And we may be gone for some time.”

***

The next morning it was necessary to make another phone call, this time to Jem.

“Hi, darling, how are you?”

“Great, Mum. Did you get the photos I emailed you?”

“I did.” Ginny smiled, because Jem's happiness was infectious and the photos of her with Davy and Lucy attempting to roller-skate had been hilarious. “Listen, there's something I have to tell you. It might come as a bit of a shock.”

Jem's tone changed at once. “Oh God, are you ill?” Fearfully, she said, “Is it serious?”

“Heavens no, I'm not ill!” Looking over at Finn, squeezing his hand for moral support and feeling him squeeze hers in return, Ginny said, “Sweetheart, I'm pregnant.”

Silence. Finally Jem said soberly, “Oh, Mum. I don't know what to say. I suppose it's Perry Kennedy's.”

“Good grief no, it's not his!”

“Mother!” Stunned, Jem let out a shriek of outrage. “Excuse me, but do you even remember that big lecture you gave me before I left home to start university? And now you're telling me you've gone and got yourself pregnant? How many men have you been sleeping with? And do you have the
faintest
idea who's the father?”

Jem was screeching like a parrot. Aware that Finn was able to hear everything, and that he was finding her daughter's reaction hugely amusing, Ginny offered him the phone.

“Oh no.” Finn grinned and held up his hands. “This time I'm leaving it all up to you.”