Things We Never Say (47 page)

Abbey looked at her. Lisette’s eyes were clouded and the lines etched on her face were deeper than she remembered.

‘What has it done to you?’ she asked. ‘You personally, I mean.’

‘Besides wreck my marriage?’ Lisette’s laugh was entirely humourless. ‘Besides turn me into a …’ She broke off. She didn’t think it would be a good idea to confess to having taken money and silver from the house. Not while the case was going on.

‘Why has it wrecked your marriage?’ asked Abbey.

‘I told you. It’s turned Gareth into a different person. Me too. And neither of us likes who we’ve become. Neither of us knows who the other person is any more.’

‘But you’re still together,’ said Abbey.

‘Who knows for how long.’ Lisette sighed deeply. ‘Even if we win. Even if we get everything, I don’t think we can ever go back to the way we were before. I saw a side of him that I didn’t like. And maybe he saw the same in me.’

Abbey said nothing.

‘We shouldn’t have been depending on Fred to get us out of the mess we got ourselves into,’ continued Lisette. ‘Donald shouldn’t have had massive expectations either. His self-worth shouldn’t be tied up in being the eldest. That’s what upsets him most. That there was a child before him.’

‘Even if you win the case, that won’t change,’ said Abbey. ‘My mom will still exist.’

‘I know. And if we lose, he’ll be worse. Heaven knows what it’ll to do him and Zoey.’ Lisette paused. ‘If we lose, Gareth will be devastated. We’ll have spent money we don’t have …’ She stifled a sob. ‘And all for what?’

Abbey didn’t know what to say. She left Lisette repairing her make-up in the ladies’, but she didn’t go back into the courtroom herself. She was still standing in the entrance lobby when Ellen came to see where she was.

‘Why should I feel bad?’ asked Abbey after telling her of her encounter with Lisette. ‘I’m not responsible for the problems in her marriage and I’m certainly not responsible for how Donald feels. And she agrees that Mr Fitzpatrick was entitled to do what he liked with his money.’

‘That’s true,’ said Ellen.

‘So why do I feel so sorry for her? Why do I care what happens to them? And why do I feel like I’m some greedy, grasping bitch for wanting what the old man left me?’

‘It’s perfectly natural to feel concern for them,’ said Ellen. ‘And I know that you’re not greedy or grasping – or a bitch.’

‘I’m not?’

‘You were never a greedy person.’

‘Do you think we’re doing the wrong thing?’ Abbey’s faced was pinched. ‘Do you think Mr Fitzpatrick did the wrong thing?’

‘Those are two very different questions,’ said Ellen.

Abbey looked at her mother. Ellen’s face was as serene as always, her blue eyes calm and understanding.

‘He wanted to make things right for Dilly,’ Abbey said. ‘He wanted to make it up to you.’

‘I know.’

‘It’s all about you,’ said Abbey. ‘How he felt.’

‘No. It’s all about him.’

‘Oh stop!’ Abbey’s shout was louder than she realised and startled even herself. ‘Stop,’ she said again, more quietly but with greater force. ‘Stop being so damn nice and reasonable and non-judgemental about everything, and for once in your life tell me how you goddam feel!’

‘How I feel doesn’t matter,’ said Ellen.

‘It does to me!’ cried Abbey. ‘It matters a lot. I want to know how you feel about everything. About Mr Fitzpatrick. About the money. About Dilly. About me.’

‘I love you,’ said Ellen.

‘How could you possibly love me when you left me?’ Suddenly the words that Abbey had never been able to say before poured from her. ‘You left me for something that I could never compete against. For a religion. For God. For a whole different life.’

‘It wasn’t a competition.’

‘Yes it was,’ said Abbey. ‘And I lost. I lost you.’

‘Of course you didn’t,’ said Ellen. ‘I’m always here. With you. Whenever you need me.’

‘No you’re not,’ said Abbey. ‘You’re there for other people. For the sisters. For those who come on retreats. For those who ask you to pray for them. But not for me.’

‘I pray for you.’

‘Oh, please.’ Abbey was disdainful. ‘What good has that ever done for me? Has it stopped me from doing stupid things or falling for the wrong person or … anything!’

‘I can’t protect you from life,’ said Ellen. ‘No matter where I might be or what I might be doing, you’ll follow your own heart and make your own mistakes. But I can pray that you learn and grow from the experience and—’

‘Dammit, Mom!’ cried Abbey. ‘Stop praying for me to be a good person and just … just …’ She broke off, fighting against the tears that were brimming in her eyes.

Ellen looked at her daughter, a stricken expression on her face. And then she reached out and drew Abbey to her, holding her close and running her fingers through her hair as she’d done when Abbey had been a small girl.

‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. ‘I’m sorry.’

Abbey leant against Ellen’s chest, feeling the thump of her mother’s heart. The movement of her fingers through her hair soothed her as it had always soothed her in the past. She stayed immobile for almost a minute and then she lifted her head.

‘I’m the one who should be sorry,’ she said as she took a tissue from her bag and blew her nose. ‘Letting you down like this.’

‘You’re not letting me down,’ said Ellen. ‘You’ve never let me down. It was me who—’

‘Please, Mom.’ Abbey gulped. ‘You’re the good person here. You’re the nun.’

‘I’m as flawed as anyone,’ said Ellen. ‘And isn’t that what they want to prove in that courtroom? That everyone is flawed.’

‘I think they want to prove that you’re even more flawed
because
you’re a nun.’ Abbey’s smile was watery.

‘Maybe I am,’ said Ellen.

‘You’re not,’ Abbey told her.

‘As a mother, I’m very flawed.’ Ellen sighed. ‘And for that, I truly am sorry, Abbey.’

‘Oh, like I’ve said before, you could’ve turned out much worse.’ This time Abbey’s smile was a little stronger.

‘I love you,’ said Ellen. ‘You do know that, don’t you? Just because I have this … this other relationship doesn’t mean I ever stopped loving you.’

‘I thought I should come first,’ admitted Abbey.

‘I understand.’

‘But what you have – it’s very different, isn’t it?’

‘I can’t explain,’ said Ellen. ‘I wish I could.’

‘You don’t have to,’ Abbey told her.

‘I feel I should. But I don’t know how.’

‘I guess … I guess you have to concentrate on what you’re good at,’ said Abbey. ‘On the praying. Maybe I need it no matter what I say.’

‘I always pray for good things to happen to you,’ Ellen told her. ‘I always will.’

‘And this thing now?’ Abbey wiped her eyes. ‘What have you prayed about for this?’

‘That we – you and I – make the right choice,’ said Ellen.

‘Oh Mom.’ Abbey looked at her resignedly. ‘We already know what that choice has to be.’

When they returned to the courtroom, Abbey sat down beside Ryan and took a deep breath.

‘We’ve changed our minds,’ she whispered. ‘We don’t want anything at all.’

‘What?’ He looked at her in shock and then glanced around the courtroom.

‘We can’t do it,’ she said. ‘I never should’ve let it get to this.’

‘Abbey,’ he said, his voice low and urgent. ‘This is what Mr Fitzpatrick wanted.’

‘He wanted to let me and Mom know that he was sorry,’ whispered Abbey. ‘She knows that.’

Ryan turned his gaze to Ellen, who was sitting impassively beside her daughter.

‘What did you say to her?’ he asked. ‘Why are you doing this?’

‘I didn’t say anything,’ said Ellen. ‘This is Abbey’s choice to make.’

Ryan looked at her sceptically.

‘Oh hell.’ Abbey sighed. ‘I’ve never believed in this inheritance, Ryan, you know that. I’ve always struggled with the idea, but for a while I thought I deserved it. I thought it was the greatest thing that had ever happened to me.’

‘You do deserve it,’ said Ryan. ‘You both do.’

‘No,’ Abbey said. ‘We don’t. We haven’t lost out by not being part of Mr Fitzpatrick’s family. We’ve been our own family.’

‘Abbey … you’re talking about a lot of money.’

‘I know.’

‘Are you sure it’s not that you’re finding all this …’ he gestured at the courtroom, ‘a bit overpowering?’

‘It’s overpowering all right. But that’s not it, Ryan. The truth is that Mr Fitzpatrick should’ve left everything to his close family, not us.’

‘Ellen is his daughter,’ said Ryan.

‘His natural daughter, yes,’ agreed Ellen. ‘But I’ll always really be the daughter of John and Mamie Connolly and the mother of Abbey Andersen. And my close family, besides Abbey, is now the community in Los Montesinos.’

Ryan stared at her for a moment, then turned to Abbey. ‘I know that your mam has spiritual reasons for her decision. But what about you?’

‘Mom already said that she was giving her half to me,’ said Abbey. ‘That’s why we made the offer; it was giving her money back. But he should never have left anything to me in the first place. I don’t need anything from him to be fine with who I am and how I’ve been brought up.’

‘Abbey – he wanted to do this.’

‘He was wrong,’ said Abbey.

Ryan sighed, then nodded slowly. ‘I’ll need to work out with Alex the best way of approaching this.’

‘I don’t want to let Alex down,’ said Abbey. ‘You told me that it was important to him not to be seen as having given wrong advice to Mr Fitzpatrick. I like Alex. I think he’s a good man. I don’t want him to lose face.’

‘We need to talk,’ said Ryan. ‘Me and Alex, and then we need to talk with the other solicitors and barristers. We have to ask the judge for some time.’

‘OK.’ Abbey still felt sick. She knew she was doing the right thing, but she realised it was causing a lot of trouble. She closed her eyes. And then she felt a hand squeeze hers and she opened them again.

‘Everything will be all right,’ said Ellen. ‘I promise.’

‘I hope so,’ said Abbey. ‘Because right now I feel like I’ve messed up again.’

There was shocked jubilation in the small room where Donald, Gareth, Zoey and Lisette had been informed of Abbey’s decision by their legal advisers.

‘I told you!’ Donald was triumphant, a wide smile on his face and his chest puffed out. ‘They knew they didn’t have a case.’

‘They had a very good case.’ Donald’s barrister was astounded. ‘Courts rarely overturn wills. I could see that Halligan was sceptical about us.’

‘But the judge would’ve realised that the Americans were nothing more than money-grabbers,’ said Gareth.

‘I don’t think so,’ said Paul Tierney. ‘As you know, Donald, I advised against—’

‘And see what that would’ve done!’ Donald was scornful. ‘You legal people are so concerned with the law that you don’t understand justice.’

‘You might be right about that,’ said the barrister. ‘But I’m astonished all the same.’

‘You see!’ cried Donald as the legal team left the room. ‘I’m the eldest and I look after you all. I knew what I was doing. I always did. So now, Lisette Fitzpatrick, with all your doom and gloom – who’s the daddy? Who?’

‘Don!’ Zoey punched him gently in the ribs. ‘Get a grip.’

‘Sorry.’ For a moment, Don looked embarrassed. But then he did a quick jig. He couldn’t help it. His position as head of the family had been vindicated beyond a shadow of a doubt, and now he wanted to celebrate.

Although there was paperwork and agreements to sign, the final outcome was that the house and contents were now part of Fred’s estate and, according to their barrister, who’d rejoined them after some discussion with Alex’s, would be divided between Fred’s three children, Donald, Gareth and Suzanne.

‘It has to be that way?’ asked Donald. ‘Because originally we thought it would be just me and Gareth.’

‘Once the house becomes part of the estate, yes,’ said his barrister. ‘Abbey Andersen is also still entitled to the five thousand euros that your father left her.’

‘You’re not going to dispute that too, are you?’ Lisette’s voice was anxious.

Donald hesitated.

‘Don!’ Zoey looked at him sternly.

‘No, no,’ he said. ‘All I’m thinking now is that Suzanne should be pleased with me despite opposing me. She’s done better than she would have otherwise.’

‘It’s not about who does well and who doesn’t,’ Zoey told him.

‘Huh?’ He looked at her in astonishment. ‘That’s exactly what it’s about.’

‘We’re in a lot better position than we were a few days ago.’ Lisette had shed at least ten years since the agreement. ‘Maybe it’s not as perfect as you would have liked, Don, but it’s a damn sight better than seeing Abbey and her mother walk away with it.’

‘We’ll get started on the paperwork,’ said Paul. ‘But that’s the end of it. Congratulations, everybody.’

‘Thanks,’ said Donald. ‘I knew we had right on our side.’

‘It’s a surprise to me,’ Paul rubbed the back of his neck, ‘that even in the law, justice sometimes happens.’

Donald and Gareth insisted on going to the nearby Morrison Hotel and ordering a bottle of champagne.

‘Not only have we got everything we wanted, but we’ve also saved on a chunk of legal fees,’ said Donald as he poured the alcohol into their glasses. ‘And I know you were doubtful, ladies, but we took the right approach.’

‘My hero,’ said Zoey, and took a sip of champagne.

‘I’d love to know why they suddenly changed their minds.’ Gareth sounded as though he still couldn’t believe it. ‘Did they find out something? Do they know something? Is there a catch?’

Lisette and Zoey exchanged suddenly worried glances. Was there a catch? they wondered. Had Abbey and Ellen discovered that they’d raided the safe? Did they have some other plan that nobody knew about? A plan that would scupper everything?

‘We have to talk to them,’ said Lisette urgently while Donald and Gareth congratulated each other again. ‘You and me both.’

‘I guess so.’

‘We won’t say anything to the boys.’

‘Too right,’ agreed Zoey. ‘This is just between us.’

In the time they’d been in court, the temperature had risen and the morning’s snow had turned to slush. It meant that the return drive to Howth was quicker than the journey into the city had been.