Then Came You (20 page)

“Six hundred.”

A shriek worms
it’s
way out of my mouth and my eyes widen. “Y-you’re kidding, right?” I protest, taking deep breathes in and out, shocked. “T-that’s a lot of wages!”

“I’m sorry, miss, but it is what it is,” he gives me a speculative look as he writes something on his notepad. “I’m also going to have to issue your father a warning.”

The breath leaves me once more.
“A warning?
What for?”

“Well, miss,” he sighs. “You’re father has had three mishaps already with being drunk and disorderly. If another situation should occur, it won’t be a fine – it will be court, and he will most likely get time in prison or therapy sessions to sort
himself
out.”

“Prison,” I
breath
the word out.
Well, at least I’d know where he is.
But, still
-
 
my
dad?
In prison?
I never thought, not once, that it would come to this. “Surely that can’t happen.”

“It might,” he rolls his eyes and rips the paper out, handing it to me. “You’ll need to hand this in to the police station along with the fine documents and the cheque for the damage – same as usual.”

“I know,” I force out through gritted teeth, my grip on the paper tightening and making it crumple. He watches
I
worriedly, almost like he thinks I’m going to hurt it, before nodding at me and smiling conceitedly.

“Well, have a good day, ma’am.” He walks out the door cheery and carefree, and I slam it behind him angrily. I throw the fine on the ground, huff out a huge breath, and fall against the wall, sobbing.

Just when I feel like things are starting to go right, it all comes crashing down.

Chapter 29

The next morning I got up to school feeling numb. I shoved my hair in a scruffy bun, I threw on the first pair of jeans and the first hoodie I could find and I spaced out as I brushed my teeth. I didn’t bother looking in the mirror, not wanting to see the broken shell of a girl in my place. I knew I looked a wreck, and I didn’t need my reflection to tell me that.

I grabbed the last, bruised apple and pocketed the fine and the cheque to take to the station after school – I just wanted to get it over and done with now. I’d been saving the money for college, but that idea was down the drain. All because my dad couldn’t stay away from the booze and keep himself in check. It was ridiculous.

He’d been staying in his room since that night, and I haven’t seen him come out. Maybe he was drunk, maybe he was sleeping. Or maybe, just maybe, he felt bad for his actions.

Yeah, he was probably drunk.

I walked to school that morning, not wanting to be with my friends anymore then I had to today. It’s not like I’d be great company anyway. I’d just got in the school gates when a certain pink-haired girl squealed and charged at me, a loopy grin on her face.

“Darcy, guess what! Ben is staying for the whole year! Isn’t that amazing?” She sang in a giddy voice, her eyes filled with adoration. “He’s staying with his mum over here because she’s meeting some family
members
blah
blah
blah
… but isn’t it great!”

I shrug, “I guess so.

Her face falls slightly at my lack of emotion, but I don’t have it in me to apologize or smile for her. “Oh, right… Well, I guess I’ll go find Joey and tell him the good news. Um, are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m fine,” I force out between clenched teeth. She hovers slightly, looking unsure. Eventually, I snap. “Weren’t you going to find Joey?”

“Right…” she gulps, before darting off. I watch her, felling… empty. I probably went
to
far. Great – now I’ve hurt my friend.

I hear a ‘huh’ behind me, and I turn away to see Dana staring at me with a raised eyebrow. “That was… harsh, baby doll. Way harsh. Did something happen?”

I shake my head at her, frowning. “No, nothing happened. Can’t you just leave me alone?” I snap, wincing immediately. “I-I didn’t mean that,” I force out, looking at her sadly. She chews her lips before shrugging.

“It happens; but I think you owe Remy an apology,” she nodded at the pink haired rainbow unicorn as she spoke animatedly with a very amused looking Joey. “She may be crazy and hyper, but she
is
human.”

“I get it,” I sigh. “But I just feel like everything is suffocating me and I just can’t
cope
anymore.”

“I know,” her brow furrows in concern as she places a comforting hand on my arm.

I snap again, shaking her off and stepping back. “No, you don’t. You don’t ‘know’ what I’m going through, and I doubt you ever could.”

She winces. “I don’t
know,
Darcy, but I understand, and I want to
help
-“

“I don’t want help!” I burst in outrage, stepping back again. “I don’t
need
help! Stop trying to fix everything!”

She narrows her eyes at me. “
I
try to fix everything?
Me?
” She laughs cynically. “Coming from Miss Goody
Goody
who can’t do a thing wrong – the girl who solves
everybody’s
problems with a wave of her magic wand! Maybe it’s you who needs to learn that you can’t fix everything – because you’re certainly trying hard enough with everyone else’s problems but your own!”

“Because it’s easier!”
I shout at her. “It’s easier to help everyone else’s problems, because I forget about my own!”

“And that’s your problem!” She yells back at me. “You don’t give a shit about yourself and to be perfectly honest then yeah, sometimes it pisses me off! I try to help you, but you never openly come to me for help, I have to practically
force
your secrets out of you, even though it’s killing you inside. You’ve built so many fucking walls around yourself that even you don’t know how to take them down!”

“But I don’t want to take them down,” I spit at her, my blood boiling as the girl who was my best friend glares back at me sharply. “Because it’s too hard and it’s
scary!
”

“Well then stop being scared,” she huffs. “Because that’s what’s holding you back the most; you’re
afraid
of living.”

I felt hurt, and the sudden rush of shock hit me when I realised that she was right: I
was
afraid of living. But in the heat of the argument, you just never really stop to think that what the other person said is true. “Just fuck off, Dana,” I scoff at her. “Leave me alone.”

“Oh, I will,” I huffs, shaking her head at me before marching off.
“And Darcy?
Have a nice
‘life’
.”

I was about to scream in frustration, and then I felt the eyes on me. Turning round, I realised that
everyone
had been watching in shock, even Remy and Joey. Remy shook her head and ran off in the direction Dana had stormed, and Joey jogged over to me, a concerned frown on his face.

“Darcy, what just happened?” He asks me.

I shake my head at him sadly, still angry from the argument. “Just leave me alone, Joey. Please. I’m
really
not in the mood.”

He nods in understanding, watching sadly as I walk away with my shoulders hunched and my first clenched. It really wasn’t a good time to talk to me.

Just as that thought ran into my head, a pair of hands slipped over my eyes. “Guess who?”

Of course, I recognised the voice immediately, but loving him didn’t excuse him from my anger. “Not now, Tyler – I just want to be left alone.”

He sighed and turned me around so he could look at me, his warm eyes searching mine. “Is everything okay?”

I roll my eyes at him and clench my jaw. “Of course,” I force out between my teeth. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because you’re angry and moody, and you’re eyes are filled with pain. I love you, Darcy and I told you I don’t want to see you hurt. Are you going to tell me what’s hurting you so I can help?”

“No,” I snap. “Because there are something you just can’t fix, Tyler.”

“Right,” he sighs, running a hand through his tousled hair in irritation.
“Because nobody can help you, right Darcy?
You’re problems just can’t be fixed, so what’s the point in even trying?” He laughs bitterly. “I thought when there was a problem, you could go to the one you love, but obviously that’s not the case with you.” He looks pained at he takes my hands in his. “Why don’t you trust me?”

“I
do,
” I insist, panicking as I look up at him. “I love you, so of course I trust you!”

“Really?”
He shakes his head in disappointment, dropping my hands and taking a step back, a step away from
me.
“Because it sure doesn’t feel like it.”
And with that, he walks away, too. And I can’t do anything but watch after him pathetically, feeling like the biggest loser in the world.

In just under fifteen minutes, I’ve managed to lose all my friends and my boyfriend.

Chapter 30

For the rest of the week, I was on my own. I felt like a failure, and a huge one at that. Then again, my whole life was a failure. I think I almost gave up on life completely in that week; I just didn’t care anymore. And it’s not like anybody cared about me. I was a loner, a loser, and a broken girl. Nobody wants to have anything to do with a broken girl. They’re just too damaged.

I lay in my bed listening to Amy Lee sing about pain. The lyrics scream recognition at me as tears dripped onto my navy duvet. 
No one’s here and I fall into myself… don’t give in to the pain… immobilized by my fear…

“You’re scared,” Dana’s voice yells in my head over and over. “You’re 
afraid 
of living.”

I used to think life was something you could treasure, something you should live for day after day, hour by hour. Because to have life, you were lucky: life meant happiness, life meant freedom,
life
meant 
love.

And then I lost someone I loved, and someone I thought I loved betrayed me and hurt me in an unspeakable way. That was the moment I started to question life – the moment it began to fall apart.

Dana was right when she said I was scared I was of living, because I am. But isn’t everyone? Isn’t there always that teeny part in the back of your mind that whisper 
I can’t do this. 
It can’t be just me, right?

I roll over onto my bed and sigh up at the ceiling, my eyes working over the swirly patterns randomly, my insides feeling numb and hollow. A cold tears rolls out the corner of my eye and dribbles down to my hairline, followed by a few more, until strands of my hair are wet. My eyes feel heavy and painful as I gulp back the lump in my throat. Crying is only ever a last resort in a horrible situation.

How is it possible to be so empty?
So alone?
I’ve lost my friends, my boyfriend and my family and now, I have no one. I’m too scared to even look at them anymore – I don’t lift my head up in lessons, I sit in the library on my own at lunch and free periods and I walk to and from school.

I’m afraid of living, and I’m afraid of approaching the people who care about me. How sad is that? I guess that’s just how it will always be for me – lonely, sad and depressing.

When my mum died, my life fell apart. I felt like a huge piece of my heart had been torn from my chest and ripped to shreds. She was my other half, the only person who ever
 

truly
 

understood me. I loved her with all my heart, which was why she took that love away with her when she left. I miss the moments we had together, when we'd curl up and read, or when she'd tell me an elaborate story that made my eyes light up in wonder, only to forget it when it came to writing it all down.

Mum meant fun, she meant laughter and she meant 
love. 

The family she held together fell apart without her, and our lives just weren't the same anymore. It wasn't just love mum took away with her; I lost my inspiration, my happiness, my will to 
live. 

And the worst thing is that I know she'd hate that. If she could see me now, I know she'd be heartbroken at the sight of her daughter lying on her bed and crying over how everything has gone wrong.

You can make some things right... 

My subconscious reminds me, but I shake that thought away
immediatly
. No way... I haven't done that in a long time. I don't remember how... 
Just try.
Loose
yourself in the emotions and the words. The
scratch of the pen on paper as you pour
out your heart and soul...

With a heaving sigh, I sit back up, and I grab my notebook and a pen, before pouring all my emotions out onto the pages, teardrops falling on my words and making them leak, the ink running down and marring each word until you can barely read it. But I know what it says, and that’s all that matters.

I don’t like to swim,