The Word of a Child (35 page)

"He doesn't see it that way," she said wearily.
"It wasn't a job for him, like it was for you. It was personal. Of course
he hated you."

"If anybody here should have a problem, it's me. I have
to bear some responsibility for your marriage breaking up." Sudden
intensity crackled through the phone wires. "What if, with my attitude, I made
you afraid Simon had molested that girl, and
he didn't do it?
Would
you still be married?" He made a harsh sound. "I'm in love with a
woman who might still be married if I hadn't taken a dislike to her husband.
What does that make me?"

Shocked, she said, "Connor, I'm the one who made a
marriage vow. I'm the one who left my husband. I did it after you were gone
from our lives. Yes, you scared me. But I should have had faith in him, and I
didn't. That's my fault."

"Is it?" he asked.

She sat still for a moment, replaying the conversation.
"You love me?" she whispered.

"You hadn't noticed?"

"Maybe," she swallowed, "I was trying not
to."

"Because you don't love me?"

"Because I don't want to," she said starkly.

He was silent for a long time, but she knew he was still
there. "What are you trying to tell me?" he asked finally.

Every word scraped her throat. "I should never have
started this."

"And now you're going to end it?" He sounded
disbelieving.

Whatever she did, she hurt someone. Everyone. She deserved
the pain. But Simon didn't, and Connor didn't.

"I don't know," she said softly. "I need to
think."

Voice raw, Connor said, "I'm going to find out whether
Simon did it. You need to know. I need to know."

She opened her mouth to say…
No.
Shocked,
she sat slack jawed.
No?
she asked herself in utter incredulity.

No, I don't need to know. No, it isn't the point. Maybe it
never was.

"I…" she whispered. Of course she wanted to know,
because of Zofie. But not to understand her own choices.

"When I have answers," he said with quiet force,
"we'll talk."

"I…" was all she could manage.

"I love you. I don't think you could have made love
with me the way you did last night if you didn't feel the same. Don't throw
what we have away because you doubt yourself."

"Yes," she said, shaken. "I'll think. You
don't need to prove anything about Simon."

"Yeah," he said. "I think I do." His
voice gentled. "Go take a hot bath. Get to bed yourself. You know Zofie
will be up during the night. You take care of yourself, okay?" A quiet
click ended the conversation.

She was left with hot tears pouring down her face and the
terrible conviction that she had never really faced what had been wrong with
her marriage.

Chapter
16

«
^

"
T
hank you for seeing me
, Mrs. Thalberg." Connor gingerly chose a dainty
chintz-covered chair not scaled for him. Nothing in the living room was—the
furniture was all feminine and upholstered in pastel colors. It suited the
petite blond woman, elegantly dressed, who had let him in.

"I don't quite understand
why
you
wanted to talk to me now," she said, sitting on the edge of the chair, her
hands folded tensely in her lap.

"I don't like unresolved cases like your
daughter's," Connor explained. "Sometimes when I'm able to look at
them with a fresh eye, I find answers I didn't at the time." He paused.
"Is your husband unable to join us?"

Her gaze shied from his. "I didn't tell you on the
phone, but … we're divorced."

Connor's interest sharpened. "I'm sorry. I hope your
problems had nothing to do with the stresses brought about by Lily's
molestation."

"Oh, it's…" Her hands fluttered. "It's hard
to say."

"Does he see Lily often? Would he be willing to speak
to me, do you think?"

She still didn't quite want to look at him. "He's
actually in California now. The Bay Area. It's been a year, and he hasn't seen
Lily yet. He does pay child support, but… Well, she's very young to get shipped
off like a parcel. He recognizes that."

"Yes, that would be difficult."

She met his eyes again, her chin lifting. "What is it
you want to know?"

"Will you tell me the story again to the best of your
recollection?" He forestalled her. "I do have notes and my reports,
but it's possible some memory has come back to you since then. I'm hoping to
hear your perspective as if I never have before."

She agreed, although the telling obviously distressed her.

Lily had squealed in pain when she stepped into a soapy
bath. "Down there hurts," she said. Ellen Thalberg's first thought
was of a yeast infection, but Lily did go to day care, so of course her mother
worried about hidden abuse. She asked questions. Lily was terrified, but she
was too young to keep a secret for long.
He
said they were playing a game and did things to her, and had
her touch him. She didn't want to say who, but finally she did: Zofie's daddy.
That's when they called the police.

Connor led her through memories of where Lily had gone the
week previous to her accusation. Mrs. Thalberg mentioned one other friend's
house that wasn't in his report. He made a note to check it out.

He asked how Lily was doing, and was glad at least when her
face brightened. "You know, I think she's completely forgotten. She's
doing wonderfully in school and has lots of friends. I'm … undoubtedly
overprotective, but you can see why. I don't let her spend the night at other
people's houses, and I like to know them before she goes over, and…" She
stopped with a sheepish smile. "I'll probably be trying to guard her when
she's eighteen. Maybe I'll become her dorm mother. Except I'm afraid they use
students for resident hall advisors now, don't they?"

He smiled back at her. "Yes, but you'll relax as the
years go by. Trust me. She'll make you."

She half laughed. "Yes, I suppose she will."

Seizing the moment when her defenses were lowered, Connor
said straight out, "Mrs. Thalberg, I'm going to ask you now to be honest
with me. Have you, in the years since that incident, had any reason to suspect
that her father might have touched Lily inappropriately?"

She stared at him openmouthed. "Her father? Why … why …
of course not!" The last sounded forced. "Don't be ridiculous! Would I
let Lily visit him if I thought anything so … so horrible?"

"But in fact Lily hasn't visited him," Connor
reminded her. "Which did make me wonder."

"I explained!"

"Yes, and very reasonably." He waited.

She clasped and unclasped her hands, moving restlessly, at
last saying, "What a terrible thing to suggest. No. The answer is
no.
I have
never suspected Tom. I would never."

"I'm sorry to have to ask," he said quietly.
"Unfortunately fathers do sometimes abuse their own children."

Her nostrils flared. "Zofie is the one you should worry
about!"

"That has certainly been a concern of her mother's. But
in fact, Mr. Stavig seems never to have reoffended, if he did molest
Lily."

"Of course he did! Lily said so." Her agitation
increased to the point where she shot to her feet.

"Why would she name him if he didn't do it? Children
don't make up things like that!"

"They do only if the truth is something too awful to
face. They can reason, 'It couldn't have been my daddy. It had to be somebody
else's.'"

"I'm going to ask you to leave now," she said
frigidly. "Tom certainly has his flaws, but he would never, never do
something like that to his own child. Please go."

He rose slowly, careful not to alarm her. "I'm sorry I
upset you, Mrs. Thalberg. I'm very glad that Lily has made such a wonderful
recovery. I'll be in touch if I learn anything you should know."

She quivered, torn between shame and indignation. "I
know you didn't mean anything by your suggestion. I appreciate what you did for
us."

His mouth twisted. "Not enough, I'm afraid."

"We couldn't have Lily testify in court."

"As I said at the time, a videotape would probably have
been acceptable. But, given her age, her word alone would not have been enough
to convict Mr. Stavig."

"No. I understand." She saw him out and shut the
door very firmly behind him.

He heard the click of the lock and understood that he was
not welcome to come back.

As Connor made the long drive back to Port Dare, he reviewed
his week's activities without much satisfaction. The only good part had been
arresting Eddie Page. The son of a bitch hadn't been cocky enough to continue
as a regular at the Customs House where Tracy's mom worked, but he hadn't been
hard to find. Connor didn't know when he'd enjoyed slapping cuffs on someone so
much. Tracy was gaining in confidence by the day. He thought she was going to
make a hell of a witness on the stand.

The rest of his week, though, had consisted of spinning his
wheels. He'd interviewed Lily's preschool teacher, the parents in the other homes
she'd visited in the couple of weeks before her mother's hysterical call to
911, and the Thalberg's pastor. None had painted a different picture than he'd
seen at the time: the Thalbergs were upright, likable people, genuinely
concerned about their daughter's welfare. During her other play dates, Lily had
not been alone with any man, that Connor could determine. Other parents from
the preschool had not liked Simon Stavig. He was abrupt, often unfriendly,
pushy about getting what he wanted for Zofie, uninterested in casual
friendships.

And yet he had been willing to stay home from a planned golf
game to watch over Zofie and her cute friend. Such uncharacteristic cooperation
had bothered Connor then, and bothered him now.

As did Ellen Thalberg's discomfiture at every mention of her
husband and Lily in the same breath. Maybe she didn't want to think anything so
horrible about him, but he'd had the distinct impression that she had done so
anyway.

Traffic was sparse this Thursday afternoon once he broke
free of Bremerton and Silverdale. It left him free to brood about other avenues
he could pursue.

Talk to Tom Thalberg—he'd get his address from DMV records.
Track down this other family and find out—if it wasn't far too late—whether
Lily had actually played there. He'd have liked to talk to Simon, but couldn't.

He felt an uncomfortable sense of urgency. Panic crowded
close behind him. He had trouble not looking over his shoulder constantly.

What if he found no answers? Could he live with himself?
Would Mariah give him a chance?

Could he blame her if she didn't?

He'd called twice this week. Both times they had talked
guardedly. Zofie was feeling better. Mariah had only had to miss one day of
school herself. He'd remembered to tell her about Tracy, who was back in class
by Tuesday, seeming freer, Mariah reported, as if a nightmarish burden had been
lifted from her. Mariah hadn't talked to Simon; he hadn't called, and she
hadn't known what to say so she hadn't phoned him. Connor didn't suggest they get
together, didn't ask what she was thinking. She wasn't objecting to his phone
calls. That had to be enough for now.

Until he could settle the doubts that had clouded both of
their lives for the past three years.

Damn it, the truth was out there, he thought with intense
frustration. He just had to find it.

Except for Monday, Mariah
managed
to appear in front of her students every day that week with her lessons
planned, her eyes sharp and her hair well groomed. She picked up Zofie from
after-school care on time, they were never out of milk in the morning, and she
stayed on top of the laundry so that Zofie could wear her favorite jeans on
Friday. She amazed herself.