The Women of Duck Commander (9 page)

Miss Kay has taught me not to take my family or my marriage for granted. This is something anyone around her can see because she lives it every day. She works on her relationships. I don’t think Miss Kay even realizes she is teaching this lesson because it comes so naturally to her, but I see how she does it. She continuously makes sure she gives her marriage the attention it needs to grow and thrive. She purposefully thinks about ways to make it better and to make Phil happy, happy, happy. She does the same for the rest of the family. She thinks of ways to bring us together and notices if one person needs a little more attention at a certain time or is struggling with something, and then she works to encourage the person or fix the problem. These valuable life lessons are now
a part of my life, and I hope my children and husband can see me doing the same.

Jessica:
T
HE
B
IGGEST
H
EART
I K
NOW

The first time I met Miss Kay, she gave me a big bear hug. Since that day, as long as I have known her, I have felt she embraced me as her very own, and the two of us have had a very strong relationship. When Jep and I first got together, I was the new girl at church dating a guy most girls thought was really good-looking (and he was). That is not usually a good way to make friends with other young women, so for quite a while I felt that Miss Kay was the only friend I had.

The fact that Miss Kay embraced me as she did is not really surprising. She has a bigger heart for people than anyone I have ever known. She is a friend to all—seriously, to everyone she meets. She picks up friends like nobody I have ever seen, but she also has a lot of long-standing relationships because she is so loyal to her friends. When you are Miss Kay’s friend, it means that when you are discouraged or disappointed, she will help lift your spirits. When you are sad, she will comfort you. And when you make a mistake, she will never tear you down or try to make you feel bad about yourself.

Miss Kay is a pure delight to be around. She expresses her affection freely and has taught me by example so much about how to love and how to forgive. Jep and I did not date for very long before we married, so in many ways we had to learn about each other after our wedding. Miss Kay was so helpful and loving toward me during
that time, as she helped me know how to be an encouraging and supportive wife. Those lessons helped me do my part to lay a firm foundation for a good marriage.

Kay and I were both blessed with very close relationships with our grandmothers. Her mother’s mother, Nannie, had a major influence on her life and Miss Kay learned so much from her, especially about cooking. Kay loved her grandmother greatly and valued the things her grandmother told her. Likewise, I love my mamaw Nellie so much, and the two of us have had a strong bond with each other ever since I can remember. I still treasure the things she has said to me and the lessons she has taught me all these years. She is truly one of the most godly women I have ever known.

Miss Kay and I also have similar tastes. We both love classic movies, especially Doris Day movies and films like
Pride and Prejudice
. We also both enjoy old-timey music and have a love for hats. Some people even call us “the hat ladies.” Miss Kay and I share an appreciation of antiques and have taken many girl trips to a well-known antiques area near Dallas, Texas. She and I do dinner-and-a-movie nights together and have been in many women’s Bible-study groups with each other. Every time I am with her, I have fun and feel blessed to have her as my mother-in-law.

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GETTING OUR PHIL

A Message from the Daughters-in-Law

One thing we can say with total confidence and unity about Phil is that he is a man of the Word—God’s Word, that is. If there is anything he loves more than a good duck hunt, it is studying the Bible and sharing God’s love with people. We honor him for the hard choices he has made in his life as he has chosen to follow God and for his steadfast, unshakable faith.

Phil is definitely not concerned about what other people think of him; he has very strong convictions and he lives his life according to them. Phil is a wise and loving man and a great leader in our family. We are thankful to have such a great father-in-law.

Korie:
A W
ISE AND
H
UMBLE
M
AN

I know it won’t be breaking news to anyone for me to say that Phil is blunt. He just “tells it like it is” all the time—no sugarcoating, no diplomacy, no punches pulled. But Phil is also incredibly wise. That catches some people by surprise, but everyone in our family recognizes and respects the wisdom in this man. In many ways, he has had a tough life and he has learned a lot through his experiences. Any time my children have a chance to be around him—whether it’s in a duck blind or a fishing boat, out working on his land, or around the table—I want them to be.

One of the things I value most about Phil is his passion for God. He knows the Bible backward and forward. He was baptized almost forty years ago but still thirsts like a new Christian to learn and grow and share what God has done. He studies God’s Word all the time; I don’t know that he ever reads anything else.

Even though Phil is very wise, holds a master’s degree, invented a famous duck call, and played some pretty good football in his day, he is also very humble. It would be easy for Phil, especially as he’s gotten older, to sit back and rest on what he has accomplished in life, but he doesn’t. He is always open to growing and changing and even to being proven wrong, if someone could do that. When he is not sure about something, he’ll say, “Hey, why not? Let’s try it.” Not many men in Phil’s position are willing to be challenged like he is.

Sometimes Phil can come across as hardheaded and
intimidating, and in some ways that might be true. But what many people don’t realize about Phil is that he truly loves people. He really wants the best for them. That is his motivation for doing what he does, especially when it comes to sharing Jesus with others. His love for his fellow man drives him to open his home to complete strangers to tell them the good news of Jesus.

In many families, when control of a family business is passed from one generation to another, the older generation struggles to let go. That has never been the case with Phil. He has always shown respect and support for Willie as Willie has taken over the company his dad started and ran for many years. Again, this is a rare trait in someone with Phil’s experience, but it sure has made Willie’s job a
lot
easier!

Jessica:
H
E
M
AKES
U
S
W
ANT TO
B
E
L
IKE
H
IM

When I first had a chance to be around Phil, I thought he was rather quiet. The more time I spent in his presence, the more I realized he is a great storyteller, and he definitely has some great stories to tell. I also found out quickly that he is a man who truly loves God and is not afraid for anyone to know it. He genuinely cares about people’s souls. He is so good at forgiving people and not holding anything against anyone.

I am so grateful for the way Phil understands and shows true forgiveness, because he taught Jep to do the same. When Jep and I first met, I was going through something a lot of twenty-year-olds go through. I had “baggage.” Jep later told me that when he talked
to Phil about it, Phil said, “Since she is a child of God Almighty, she is forgiven.” He reminded Jep that my sins were washed clean by the blood of Christ.

I think Jep has always valued his parents’ thoughts and opinions. He always took to heart the scripture “honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12). The fact that Phil spoke such affirming words to Jep about me gave him the courage to take the next step in our relationship. I will always appreciate that more than I can say.

A lot of parents tell their children and grandchildren, “Do as I say, not as I do.” Phil never needs to say anything like that. He lives in such a way that he inspires us to want to do what he does. He “walks the walk”; he does not just “talk the talk.” He is deeply committed to knowing God through His Word and when we look at Phil’s life, we want to be the same way. His faithfulness and constant willingness to learn more about God have set an awesome example for all of our family.

Missy:
H
E’S
H
APPY TO
S
HARE

To me, Phil’s best quality is his love for the Lord and his thirst for the knowledge of God. When I picture Phil at home, I picture him laid back in his recliner with one leg over the arm of his chair, his reading glasses on, his Bible open, with a notebook and a pen on his lap. This is a scene I have witnessed too many times to count. Sometimes he acknowledges my presence, sometimes he doesn’t, depending on how deep he is into his study. Matthew 5:6 describes Phil: “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for
righteousness, for they will be filled.” He truly has a longing for God’s Word, and he loves to share his knowledge whenever he gets a chance.

Phil has taught me to never judge a book by its cover. From the beginning of my relationship with Jase, I saw this firsthand in Phil. He accepted all people into his home. Everyone who entered his house got the same treatment. They were told about Jesus and asked how their lives were going. Some people were honest with Phil; some were dishonest. It didn’t matter. Every person was treated like the one before and the one after. They got a meal, a bed (or couch) if needed, and a Bible study.

Phil does not get upset or excited about much. He does not get out of his chair to shake your hand if you are wealthy or famous, because he does not get out of his chair if you aren’t. No one is better than anyone else in his eyes. Without Jesus, everyone is lost. That pretty much puts everyone on an even playing field. Phil looks at everyone the same way. His attitude is, “That person needs Jesus, and I am more than happy to share Him with them.” I
love
that about Phil.

Lisa:
S
TAND
B
Y . . .

Phil has always been the big, burly, totally straightforward guy he is today. After all, he was once a star quarterback! Even with his imposing physical presence, I never had any reservations about speaking my mind in front of him or in front of Miss Kay. That was
not always a good thing, but they understood my immaturity and did not keep a record of my wrongs.

One of the most important lessons I have learned in life I learned from Phil. It is this: whether or not you agree with a decision your child has made, you still stand by that child (even if he or she is an adult) and you stand by that decision.

When Alan and I had our relationship problems in the late 1990s (more about this later), Phil told Alan that he did not think we should get back together. Alan made the decision to accept me back into our home and into his life. When that happened, Phil told Alan that even though he thought I would just hurt him again, he would respect Alan’s decision and he would treat me with respect. That is exactly what he has done since that time, and he has never once questioned our decision. He even defended Alan’s choice when others questioned him and tried to put stipulations on the relationship. Phil has acted out 1 Corinthians 13:5, which says that love keeps no record of wrongs.

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