The Witch Within (14 page)

Some of the women attempt to stop her, but she is persistent and goes nevertheless. They keep pace with her, trying to reason with her, but she does not listen.

Then, at the edge of the camp, she stops, probes something and finally turns to all of us in a rage.

“God help you if you take part in this!”

And with the last word she speeds down the mount with no one trying to stop her. I shudder, shocked by the rapid change of atmosphere. I thought that all of these women had lived here in harmony and were on friendly terms? Edana notices my distress and touches my arm comfortingly.

“Don’t be worried, whatever she told you she said in anger. She has set her mind on the notion that you and I have caused Sorcha’s death.”

“But how---that’s absurd!”

“I know. She has been through too much in her life, her lot has made her hot-headed; she has always been rather theatrical. I suppose it is for the best that she has decided to leave. I would have had to banish her eventually anyway.”

“Banish her? I thought that you help these women, that you give them a chance to live.”

“Of course I do, Talitha, but not everybody can live in harmony. One must believe that all that has happened was for the best.”

Edana becomes distant, within her own world for a while.

“Sorcha wanted to die. And her wish came true. She is back with her guardians, her eternal friends...”

An almost undetectable spark of insanity flashes through Edana’s eyes. I discard the chill that climbs up my spine and focus on the strange misunderstanding.

“Let’s not think of it any more. Let’s focus on the brightness of the day, the warmth, the gifts of nature! Just inhale the beauty!”

Her mood changes once she takes a deep breath and closes her eyes to absorb the sunlight.

“Sorcha wanted us to go on with gratitude.”

I gaze at her peaceful face and suddenly can’t comprehend why I ever doubted her. She must be a good woman. She has managed to establish a new home for all those lost souls. I don’t know why the sly voice in the back of my head causes me to be so distrustful. I decide that from now on I shall trust people more, give them a chance before I judge them and try to see the good in them. After all, I have been misunderstood as well and clearly still am by some. Edana opens her eyes and turns to me.

“Now tell me, would you like to stay with us tonight?”

I muse for a while. I like their company, but I dread the cave and the spirit it keeps.

“Maybe I should go and come back some other time. I'm quite tired.”

“But it would be so lovely if you stayed!”

She vigorously clutches my arm and her eyes plead me to surrender. She has a strong persona, a persona which is similar to this mount. I can’t refuse her offer just as much as I can’t accept it.

“I think I wouldn’t be good company tonight. Yesterday was tough.”

“Oh...”

She turns away, slightly angry with me.

“I just thought that you would stay for the bonfire. We have been planning a celebration. To honour Sorcha’s memory.”

I ponder how to get it across that I don’t mean to be disrespectful, that I'm really just tired and long to retreat to my solitude again for some time.

“I’m sorry, I can’t.”

She becomes even more offended.

“Well, it’s about Sorcha anyway, not about me.”

The words strike me. I can’t help but feel guilty and so I finally succumb.

“All right. I’ll stay one more night.”

She finally smiles again and joyfully walks me over to the back side of the cave, where one gets the best view over the landscapes below. I watch the river that meanders through the forested valleys, trying to see where my cave is located. I'm relieved when I detect that it can’t be seen from up here, for it is well hidden by the rocks. I think it’s for the best that I keep the cave of my ancestors a secret. It’s simply too sacred to me to share.

“Where does your home village lie?” Edana asks. I point toward the opposite side, the south, and am irrevocably swallowed up by nostalgia when I think of my home. Edana points the other direction, straight ahead of us.

“My village lies there on the north. Can you see it?”

The village she has been pointing to is actually quite near to these lands, certainly much closer than my home. Also, it is close to the largest settlement in the neighbourhood, the town which is famous for its lively pubs and brothels. I notice that Edana has been consumed by hatred and I become curious about her story, particularly after Sorcha told me that nobody knows what really happened to her and Geira in the past. I don't attempt to ask her though, because I doubt she would confide in me, the newest member of the group.

“I have never been vengeful, but whenever I lay my eyes on those houses, I wish I could shatter them into pieces.”

She clasps her fist as if she has just done it. I notice that her lips start to tremble as she says:

“Those people don't deserve my forgiveness.”

I'm taken aback by the menacing expression that possesses her face. My curiosity diminishes in an instant. Suddenly I dread and fear the story behind her, because judging from her reaction; it withholds something horrid, something beyond my worst imagination. She turns to me abruptly, searching my face.

“Have you forgiven your people?”

“I suppose. Because I believe that they regret it now. That they wish to take it all back.”

She smirks and looks back at the village where roofs glisten in the sun.

“I doubt that those down there regret what they have done. It would take some very strong magic to bring them to their knees.”

Her words remind me of the confusion that has been on my mind since I came up here.

“Edana? May I ask you about something?”

Her instant attention frightens me a bit. I tend to forget how deep her eyes are and whenever they meet mine, I shiver a little bit.

“Both Valdís and Rita mentioned something about me being a sorceress. Why is that? I'm no sorceress, I can assure you.”

I let out a faint laugh when I pronounce the last two words. Edana turns to me, deadly serious.

“You are. You just don’t know it yet. Sorcha was never mistaken, Talitha. If she said that you're a sorceress, you're one. Trust me.”

I notice a spark of naive hope in her widened pupils and it makes me wonder – was Sorcha perhaps mad? Was she feeding these women false promises just to make them feel better?

“What for would you need a sorceress though?”

Edana looks around, ostensibly anxious about something.

“This is not the right time or place, Talitha. But we will talk about it very soon, don’t worry.”

*

The fire releases wondrous flames. Dark red meets orange and yellow and creates a spectacle of flaring lights. Occasionally it spits out a cloud of golden dust that resembles stars when it falls to the ground. It makes me think of my grandmother and the six-pointed star inscribed in her pendant, the two triangles intertwined. My eyes follow the smoke and linger upon the heavens above. Like the smoke, I wish to rise to that kingdom and meet with her. She must be an angel now, looking over us, the small burned out stars that desire to shine.

We have been drinking herbal tea that Otama prepared. It's supposed to evoke an effect similar to being drunk. I don't feel particularly affected, though, but rather I remain timid and restrained, quietly watching the lively women around me.

The three wild sisters - Myrun, Aesa and Yrsa keep to themselves this time, talking in secrecy, as if concocting something. Halla and Otama discuss different ways to spice food, while Rita keeps to herself, like me. She has been watching Geira and Edana who have distanced themselves from us and are nearer to the cave. Geira is undressing and Edana meanwhile dips a piece of cloth in a bowl which most probably contains a healing potion then starts to wash her back with it. And only then I detect a long, vicious scar that runs from her neck all the way to her tailbone.

“Oh God, what is that...”

As soon as I pronounce it, I realise that I have unwillingly shared my thoughts with Rita.

“It looks awful, I know. I wonder what happened to that poor soul.”

“You have never tried to ask her?”

“No. Edana becomes agitated whenever we try to talk to Geira. She claims that we need to give her space so that she is able to restore herself.”

We both turn our attention to Libi and Brigita who have started to kiss passionately. I look away instantly. They sense my nervousness and decide to set off, in privacy. Aesa is ostensibly aware of that we have noticed them, because she leans towards us and smiles roguishly:

“Tell me, beauties, which one of us would you pick if you were to experiment with a woman?”

I blush and Rita just throws her hand.

“Stop it, Aesa.”

Aesa locks her eyes with mine and winks at me.

“I’d pick you, Talitha.”

I smile, flattered, but timid at the same time and hope that she will return to her sisters, but unfortunately she enjoys making me nervous.

“Tell me, wouldn’t you rather find pleasure in the arms of a woman than to restrain from your passion for the rest of your life?”

I want to get rid of her and so I answer curtly.

“No.”

“And you, Rita?”

“You know my opinion already.”

“Rita is a desperate fool. She claims to be in love with some boy from her past and insists that if she can’t have him, she will remain a virgin.”

I smile at Rita, impressed by her venerable intentions.

“What about you, Talitha? Has there been some particular someone?”

I instantly think of Nathaniel, but can’t bring myself to mention him. I suppose that I can’t hide the thought, Aesa seems to be a mind reader when it comes to romancing someone.

“Oh... I can see there has been! Who is he?”

I suppose it would seem weird if I told her that he used to be my enemy, my captor and so I decide to leave that out.

“Just someone from my village who gave me that strange feeling of...well, some sort of fondness I suppose.”

“Fondness?”

She laughs and pokes me.

“You and Rita are the same. You two are in need of a reckless trip!”

“What do you mean?”

She leans closer to me and whispers:

“Edana is not very fond of these trips, but we do it anyway. We walk to the nearest town, the one with the famous brothels and we pretend to be whores. That’s how we get both satisfaction and a reward.”

I wonder how come these sisters were all born with the same incessant sexual appetite. There must have been something wrong with their parents.

“You should join us soon. I would pick some decent man for you, my dear.”

“Thank you, but my virginity does not seem to be a problem so far.”

“Nonsense. You simply must get a taste of a man! You're far too prudish. It’s not healthy for a woman your age to restrain from the most natural desires!”

“But I can assure you that I have no such desires.”

“Oh, stop fooling yourself!”

She rises and starts to take her clothes off. I instantly turn away from her, hesitating whether she is just too warm or is actually doing it on purpose? She laughs at me again, grabs my hands and lifts me up. She starts undressing me too. I try to stop her.

“What are you doing?!”

Her childlike eyes lure me into the game. I remain persistent though, having decided not to succumb. With a joyful smile on her face, she continues undressing herself and theatrically throws her clothes off as she starts to dance around the fire.

“Join me, sisters! Come and join me!”

To my surprise, nobody else is surprised by her behaviour. In fact, they all seem to be fond of the idea and I realise that they must have done it many times before. Aesa’s sisters follow her lead immediately, jumping and dancing around the fire like mad. Soon, even seemingly shy Rita and Otama with Halla join them. Only Geira and Edana refrain from the madness, obviously not at all concerned about what is going on outside. I squat and hug my knees, deciding not to join them, but Aesa continues teasing me:

“Have some more tea, Talitha! Get into the mood, sitting can become exhausting!”

Aesa and Rita reach for one another and once their hands finally clasp, they start dancing together. Myrun jumps around like a spider, more comic than her sister Yrsa, who moves her hips sensually and narrows her eyes in the pleasurable motion. Otama follows the silent rhythm of her mind, calmer than the others, while Halla is the most frantic and welcomes the fire into her arms like a long gone lover.

I notice how happy they all are and for a while I lose myself in their blissful faces. They don’t care about me sitting there alone anymore; in fact, they couldn’t care less, for they allow themselves to disappear in the trance of their inner fire. It’s as if they were simultaneously accepting and ridding themselves of the blazing power. I watch their unruly hair flowing in the air and notice how it creates ceaseless waves of colours. I start to pity myself for being so held back, for disallowing myself to experience such a freedom. Their joy is infectious and soon I grow envious, longing to lose myself in the same rapture, but I simply can’t get up and do it.

Aesa locks her eyes with mine again. She moves over to me in a slow, dance-like motion and lures me to join her. I finally accept her hand and let her pull me up. She leads me to the fire and continues dancing with her eyes closed. I notice that the others have closed their eyes as well and so I finally lose my shyness and take off my dress. My long hair covers my breasts and my bottom is none of my concern, for I leave my underskirt on, so as not be too daring at once. I join Aesa, imitating her moves and she opens her eyes again. She smiles, nodding approvingly. Slowly, I tune into the silent rhythm, for I start to hear music in my inner ears, deep drums aligned with the softest melody of flute. I allow myself to dive into the imaginary song and start dancing freely, just like I used to when I was a child. I close my eyes as well and let the motion carry me, not forcing anything, just being present in the sweet moment. When I open my eyes again, I behold the fire and observe faces in the flames, faces of women with symbols imprinted in their features, token shapes similar to those in my cave, yet also somehow different. Am I dancing with my ancestors again? They also have their eyes closed, their hands flare up with the flames and I become aware that it has some meaning. I turn to the real women around me and back to the dancers in the fire, dazzled by the vision.