The Witch Is Back (29 page)

“I can explain everything to you or I can do you one better,” he started.

“What do you mean?” I asked as I eyed him suspiciously.

He chuckled at my expression and shook his head, never taking his eyes from mine. “With the help of fae magic, I can restore all your true memories to you, Jolie. Things can be as they were always meant to be.” He
paused. “Or as close as possible, given the circumstances.”

“My true memories?” I started, already lost. “What true memories?”

He nodded and took a deep breath, as if realizing he needed to go back to the beginning. “Everything that you know is not how it really was,” he started.

“You’ve said that before. I don’t understand what you mean.”

He nodded and was quiet as he apparently searched for the right words. “Jolie, Sinjin broke the rules—he altered history. He was never supposed to walk into your store that day. It was supposed to be me.” Rand’s gaze never left mine. “Jolie, I met you before Sinjin did.”

I shook my head. He’d told me this before too. “But that isn’t the truth!” I took a deep breath, trying to understand what he was telling me, and make sense of it somehow. “How? Explain to me how?” I insisted.

“Because Sinjin sent himself back in time to ensure that he would meet you first.”

“How is that even possible?”

“I have learned to stop asking myself that question. We are creatures of magic, Jolie.” He paused for a second or two and offered me an apologetic smile. “Anything is possible.”

I took another deep breath. “So just playing devil’s advocate here for a second, let’s suppose that I believe you about Sinjin wanting to go back in time and meeting me before you ever got the chance to …” Was I really even considering this craziness? “What would be the reason? Why would he even bother in the first place? I mean, I can’t imagine time traveling is as easy as getting on a bus or something?”

Rand shook his head. “You just don’t get it, Jolie.”

“Get what?” I asked and sighed. “What is there to get?”

He took each of my hands and stared at me. As much as I felt like maybe I should pull away, I couldn’t. “Jolie, you are incredibly powerful. So powerful that all sorts of creatures want to control you or at least have you on their side.”

I swallowed hard, anger and pain assaulting me at the same time. I tried to figure out where Rand was going with all this. “So you’re saying Sinjin wanted to control me too?”

Rand frowned and dropped his gaze, as if he didn’t want to witness the pain that I’m sure was building in my eyes. “I think so, yes.”

If everything Rand had just said was true, it suddenly cast my relationship with Sinjin in a new light. It made me feel as if I might be sick. Why? Because it made total sense. I’d always wondered what Sinjin saw in me—the girl next door who definitely didn’t stand out in a crowd. And he was so regal and handsome, so dashing and completely out of my league.

Or, on the other hand, this could be Rand’s way of getting me on his side—weaving doubt about the truth of Sinjin’s affections for me. Maybe I was playing right into Rand’s hands by doubting the person who was my true protector, the person who had come into my life for the express purpose of keeping me safe.

I exhaled a pent-up breath of pain and frustration as I felt tears stinging my eyes. Which was it? Was Sinjin just using me or was Rand hoping to take his place?

“Sinjin was never good enough for you. He never deserved you,” Rand said and placed his hand on mine, squeezing it reassuringly. Then he sighed. “I once promised myself that I would do everything in my power to ensure that Sinjin never hurt you, and I’m afraid I failed.”

I swallowed hard, trying to fight the need to believe him, but somehow I couldn’t. It was as if there was a
crack in the foundation of my feelings for Sinjin and that crack was spreading, turning into a valley of doubt. I looked up at Rand, all the while aware that he was watching me. “How do we get my memories back?”

An hour or so later, I was standing in the middle of my cottage room surrounded by people—well, by the fae. Mathilda had instructed Rand that the spell would only work if there was enough magic.

I was nervous as I listened to the hushed voices of the twenty or so as they assembled in the room. It sounded like a hive of bees all nervously buzzing about. I felt an arm around my shoulders and glanced up to find Rand smiling down at me. I wasn’t sure why but this time-traveling thing was beginning to grow on me. Maybe there was something to it. Maybe Rand had been telling the truth all along.

Well, whatever the outcome, all I knew was that I was fed up with all the second-guessing—of Sinjin, of Rand, even of myself. Maybe that was the reason I’d agreed to this so-called memory spell—I needed to know the truth, whatever it was.

“So what happens if this doesn’t work?” I asked, feeling both agitated and frightened.

Rand shrugged. “Then I suppose it just doesn’t work.”

“This spell won’t take my current memories away?”

He shook his head. “No, everything you know now will remain the same. All this is intended to do is return to you everything you knew before—all your experiences, your feelings, your memories.”

I watched Mathilda enter the room and all the voices around us became silent as she parted the sea of fairies and proceeded toward Rand and me. I wasn’t sure why, but at the sight of her, my heart raced. She reached for my hand and I willingly offered it to her. Then she smiled at me so serenely, I felt any nervous energy fade away.

“This should not take long, child,” she said in her soft cadence. “And when it is done, you will understand everything … It will all be clear.”

I nodded at her and thought how wonderful that sounded—how I wanted now, more than ever before, to no longer feel as if I were always the last to know, as if I’d been completely left out in the dark.

Mathilda turned to face everyone in the room and smiled broadly. “I thank you all for coming and for doing so on such short notice. I understand that many of you have traveled from Britain, as did our generous and kind King.” Then she glanced at Odran and bowed. I looked at Rand and mouthed, “How did they get here so fast?” I mean, last time I checked, a flight from the UK to California took at least ten hours.

He just smiled at me and said—in my head, I might add—
Fairy magic—they can travel much more quickly than humans can
.

Oh
, I thought in return and faced Mathilda again. I could feel Rand’s gaze as it lingered on me. When I turned back to him, he just smiled in that handsome way of his.

“Please join hands,” Mathilda said. Those in the room formed a circle around the three of us, each of them taking the hand of the person on either side of them. “This is one of the most difficult charms to perform,” she continued. “It will require your absolute focus and strength. Please close your eyes.”

Mathilda reached for my hand and Rand’s at the same time that Rand reached for my other hand. I felt his familiar electricity course up my arm but it didn’t cause me any discomfort. No, now I felt as if I was on the brink of something wonderful, of coming home again, as crazy as that sounds.

“Focus on sending all your magic, your power, into Jolie,” Mathilda instructed, closing her eyes and tightening
her hold on my hand. “Rand, I need your concentration the most,” she whispered.

“Of course,” he responded.

“Focus on your feelings toward her, on everything you have shared together, everything you have experienced. Think of emotions as well as actual events.”

He just nodded. Mathilda opened her eyes, facing me. “You must open yourself, child, open yourself and accept all the power that is offered to you. Embrace it and make it your own.”

I didn’t know what that meant but nodded anyway, figuring I could just do my best. Mathilda closed her eyes again and started chanting something indecipherable, her mouth twitching with the effort. I looked at Rand and found that he too had his eyes closed tightly.

That was when it hit me. And it hit me like a truck. I suddenly felt as if my entire body were being swept up in a typhoon, my feelings and emotions battling one another, only to sink into my subconscious. It was like puzzle pieces circling before me in a great wind, some falling down to find their place in the puzzle that was beginning to take shape—the puzzle that reflected my life—a life that I had no clue ever existed.

As strange as it sounds, I felt like I was filling up. It was as if there were a void within me that was now growing solid. And while there was no pain, there was tremendous pressure on my very being, on my soul. Little by little, I began to fill up from the inside out. Thoughts and emotions ran through me that I didn’t understand as experiences I had no familiarity with began to build within me.

I clenched my eyes tightly as images came, one after another. I watched Rand walk into my store that fateful day, just as he’d said. Then that memory was whisked away, to be replaced with Rand teaching me how to take the shape of the beast—but I was only able to assume
the shape of a fox. Another vision dropped in front of that one, this one of Rand dressed in nineteenth-century garb—from a time when I’d traveled back to 1878 and fallen in love with him all over again. Memories continued to pummel me, images of Rand on the battlefield of Culloden in Scotland when we’d gone up against Bella’s forces, Rand in the drawing room of my home in Scotland, Kinloch Kirk, where we’d planned my future as Queen, and Rand inside me when we’d first bonded …

I opened my eyes, my breathing elevated as my heart pounded in my chest. At the point when I felt I could handle no more, Mathilda dropped my hand. I glanced at her then, seeing her in a new light. I felt as if I had known her for years. She looked at me curiously.

“Mathilda,” I said with a smile, tears glistening in my eyes.

She responded with a wonderful grin. That was when I remembered his hand still clenched in mine. It felt like slow motion as I turned around and my eyes settled on the one man whom I had loved so completely for the past two years—the one man who had made me what I was today.

“Rand,” I whispered.

I felt as if I’d just awakened from an incredibly long and frustrating nightmare and finally landed in the realm of clarity. It was almost as if I’d been living in a hallway of closed doors, wondering at what could possibly be behind each one, and now every door was open, inviting me to explore.

It was just like Rand said it would be—I’d retained my most recent memories but now I had a whole shelf of memories layered above them, some complete contradictions, which I assumed were due to Sinjin’s manipulation of time. Even though there were still unanswered questions, and I had to force myself to remember the truth in several events, I felt complete again. And that feeling of wholeness created a sense of serenity and contentedness within me.

“Jolie,” Rand said, and I returned my attention to his beautiful face, his caring eyes and loving expression. I was faintly aware that he and I were now completely alone. I wasn’t sure when it happened, but everyone in the room was gone, allowing us to rekindle our love in privacy.

“Did Mathilda’s charm work?” he asked, his tone hopeful.

I simply nodded, smiling up at him. Her charm had worked, and then some. But while looking at him, I completely
lost control of myself and felt a sob strangling my throat as my eyes unleashed a deluge of tears. Instantly, Rand’s arms were around me and I buried my face in his shoulder, inhaling his clean, masculine scent. I held on to him as hard as I could, never wanting to let him go—never again wanting to think of him as my enemy …

My enemy
.

I pulled away and looked up, into his beautiful chocolate eyes. “I’m so sorry,” I started. “I’m so sorry for not trusting you, for not believing everything you said. I …” I shook my head, feeling so completely disgusted with myself for the way I’d treated this man. He was the one who cared for me so completely that he’d traveled through time in order to find me again. “I feel horrible about everything that’s happened between us.”

He shook his head, a smile claiming his sumptuous lips. “None of that matters now, Jolie,” he said and held me closer. “You didn’t know me from anyone and everything you did or said was completely understandable. And I’m sure Sinjin didn’t help matters.”

Ire began to grow inside me at how Sinjin had completely manipulated the situation: how he’d openly lied to me about Rand, declaring that he was dangerous and wanted only to control my powers, and ultimately me. I was suddenly able to see Sinjin for the absolute manipulative asshole he was.

Do you really believe that was all there was to it though, Jolie?
my inner voice sounded.
Could there have been more to the role Sinjin played in all this?

Of course I believe it! He changed the course of history to ensure his place next to the Queen
.

But you’ve always known Sinjin had feelings for you. And there were moments when he seemed to genuinely care for you …

He’s a good actor but that’s it!

You know it’s not as simple as that, Jolie. You know
Sinjin better than that. He wasn’t always thinking about the throne. You’re lying to yourself if you think Sinjin was just out for himself
.