The Weston Front (14 page)

“You’re not on the pill,” he stated. “Do you take that injection?”

I waited a couple of seconds too long to lie.  His mouth set in a hard line and he shook his head, turning his eyes to the floor.  “You aren’t using contraception, are you?” he coldly said.  I couldn’t meet his eyes as he continued. “What, are you just praying that you won’t get pregnant by God’s grace?”

I rubbed my hands together as I worked up a little courage.  Okay.  It was West.  Would he understand?  He wanted to make things work.  He would at least listen.  I opened my mouth and closed it, then tried again.  “I need…”

“Tell me what you really want out of all of this!” he shouted, making me jump and push around the desk.  I pressed my back into the wall as he clenched his fists and looked about ready to punch a hole through the wall.

“West,” I tried to say, but it only came out in a choking voice.

“Are you…are you trying to get pregnant?” he growled in a low voice, making my heart stop.  “Is that what all of this coy, make-me-chase-you, bullshit has been?  Was Drake right when he told me to watch myself?  You’re presenting such a compelling argument!  Well?”

“I’m not,” I tried to choke out, unable to finish as I shook my head.  Where was this coming from?  Why was he so angry?  Why was he looking at me like he hated me?  “West, I need to tell you…”

“The truth?  I would love the truth!  You don’t have a job, according to your questionnaire you filled out.  And you’re in credit card debt, according to your credit report.  What do you need to tell me, Blake?  That you’re another girl trying to get at my money?  This is pretty good, though.  You’ll be tied to my bank account forever if I get you pregnant!”

My heart fell from suffocating me in my throat to my knees.  “Is that what you really think about me?” I whispered, holding back tears as they filled my eyes.

The harshness in his eyes melted away a little as he looked at me.  It was like he wanted to be mad but couldn’t.

I, however, was seething.  “This was a mistake,” I shook my head, pushing around him and walking briskly across the room.  Moving in, being with him, liking him as much as I did…it was all wrong.  Someone I cared about shouldn’t be making me feel as horrible as I did at that moment.

“Yes, Blake, just run away.  You ran away here to escape your life, now go run back to what’s left of it…”

“Shut up!” I screamed, surprising myself as I paused at the bottom of the stairs and wheeled around on him.  It surprised him, too, because he remained silent as he stood before me.  “You think everything is about you!
 
You
r
girlfriends
,
you
r
money
,
you
r
life!  No wonder you live here alone!  You’ve never had a real hardship in your fucking sheltered fucking miserable life!”

“Blake,” he exhaled, looking like I’d hit the nail on the head.

“You don’t know me,” I grit through my teeth.  “And that’s a good thing.  Now it’ll be easy to get over me…”

“Don’t run away,” he pleaded, grabbing my wrist and squeezing until it hurt as I pulled and tried to climb up the stairs.  “You have to understand why I’m confused…”

I wheeled around and punched his shoulder.  He let go and frowned at me.  I figured I’d just let him off the hook.

“We don’t know each other,” I said in a shaky voice, really working hard to hold in the tears.  “It’s better if you don’t know and just let me go, but I’ll give you a reason to let me walk out right now…”

“I don’t want you to ever walk out, Blake, I just want the truth…”

“It will take,” I spoke over him, clenching my jaw.  I blinked several times and looked away.  I just couldn’t look into his eyes when I said what I had to next.  “It would take a miracle…for me to get pregnant.  Do you understand?”

His body shrank in on itself and I knew it was right to tell him.  Not many men wanted to start a life with a girl who had no chance of having a baby.  The older I got, the more veritable that fact became.  I turned and walked up the stairs at a pretty fast clip, hearing him calling out for me, hearing Drake’s voice, too.  Oh great, how much had he heard?  Drake was telling him to let me go, to give me a damn minute.

I wanted more than that.  I raced into one of the guest rooms, shut the door quietly, and found the deepest closet with the darkest recesses I could hide in.  Then I buried my head into my knees and cried.  I’d been holding it back for a while so it felt good to let it all out. 

It would be all right.  I would go home, go back to work for my dad, keep on with my house payments and car payments and insurance payments…and just live the normal life I was supposed to live.  I wasn’t meant to live on a ranch in Wyoming with a smoldering cowboy.  He needed a tall, pretty cowgirl who could have four of his sons and then her body would just snap right back into that size zero.

My chest ached when I thought about being without him, though.  Right, I’d totally fallen for him in a matter of days?  Whatever.  It was just my lady parts transmitting their disapproval of abandoning the best sex of my life.

I heard muffled voices and my name.  Over and over again.  Dim light flooded in on the carpeted floor in front of my feet, but I squished them into my chest and leaned back into my corner, not even breathing.  The door slammed and I was in darkness again, hearing my name and arguing and more of my name.

He’d said some pretty cruel things.  But…so had I.  Raindrops pounded on the roof over my head, and as I grew exhausted from crying and reasoning, my eyes shut and I drifted off.  I only came to a few times, hearing my name, shuffling around, and more arguing.  I wasn’t ready to face anyone yet.

I wasn’t ready to admit to anyone that I was leaving.  That night.

My story was coming to a close.  My one wild, my one fun, breathtaking, toe curling, crazy passionate story about youthful indiscretion was ending.  I would tell this story in a rocker on my old front porch in Texas one day.  Not to my kids, not to my grandkids…but to anyone who would listen.  Me and the smoldering cowboy…ten days in Wyoming…and I had to smile.

I smiled in the darkness of my hiding place in all that grayness of the guest room in West’s house.  He was an ass but he made me smile.  I’d been in that closet long enough, drifting in and out of sleep, using my browser and texting in silence so I could get my flight arrangements in order, telling Caroline that I’d had enough.

My knees popped as I crawled and stood, opening the door and entering into a dimly lit room.  Dawn broke through the tall French windows covered in sheer white curtains.  The gray carpet muffled my footsteps as I walked to the door and pressed my ear against it.  No sound.  I repeated the process on every single door down the upstairs hallway.  Drake’s room was empty.  West’s room was empty.  I checked myself in the mirror and changed.  I crept downstairs and lurked from room to room.  The tan pickup truck that sat right off of the porch by the kitchen was gone.

Good.  The house was empty.  My escape would go unnoticed.

Another plate of food caught my attention on the table.  Pancakes, eggs, bacon, and a note.  I swallowed the lump in my throat as I held the note for about five minutes in my sweaty palm before turning it over to read it.

Sweetheart,

Please eat.  It’s been a whole day since you’ve eaten.

And please wait for me.  There are things I need to say to you that can’t wait.

Love, West

Love?
 
Lov
e
?  This note seemed so short but so serious.  I crumbled it up and tossed it on the table as I nibbled listlessly on the end of a piece of crispy bacon.  What did he need to say that he hadn’t already?
 
You’re getting too involved.  We agreed to take things slowly.  You lied to me and are trying to extort millions by stealing my sperm.

I closed my eyes as my skin tingled and my heart hurt.  If I wasn’t such a coward and so inarticulate, I could have been totally honest with him from the beginning.  But what would that get me in life?  Just a lot of memories of the broad backs of all of the men who didn’t want me.  And not-so-broad backs, seeing as West was the most perfect male specimen I would ever have.

Daniel had been nice, average, in love with me, and undeterred by my confession senior year in college.  Too bad I couldn’t hold onto him.

And, as if thinking about him willed him into existence, he popped up on my caller ID as my cell phone playe
d
Fool In the Rai
n
.  I didn’t even need to check the caller ID…or the picture that flashed up.  The song revealed who was calling me.  I still hadn’t changed it.

I cleared my throat and brought the phone to my ear.  “Hello?”

“Blakey, Jesus Christ, are you alright?”

I heard the relief in his voice as I shifted on my bare feet in the cool kitchen.

“Daniel…I…I’m fine, what…”

“I’ve been trying to get to you to see if you’re okay.  You’re not picking up the phone in your cabin.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I booked a ticket after your call the other night, Blakey.  I came here to see you.”

My stomach fell to the floor.  “You’r
e
her
e
?”  What would West say?  He would kick his ass.  Wait…why was my first thought about West?

“Come and meet me at the big cabin up here.  They won’t let me further on the property.”

Holy shit.  Dan was at the Administration Cabin.  Right at that moment.  I raced out of the front door in my black stretch pants, a black tank top, and my green hoodie.  What was he doing in Wyoming?  My bare feet slapped against the pavement of the black top road as I rounded the pine trees, cabins, boulders, and pastures.  The large building came into view and I slowed to a stop in the bright morning sun, everything dripping wet from the rain the day before.

Was I excited?  Nervous?  Mad?  I think I was everything. 

“Blakey?”

I stood still and silent in the shade of the Administration Cabin as the glass doors swung open and Daniel walked out, shaggy blonde hair, rounder-belly-since-college, and wrinkled khakis. 

And a smile.

Should I hug him?  No.  I ran my fingers through my hair as the breeze sifted through the trees and then crossed my arms over my chest.  He wanted something.

“Are you okay?” he asked, looking only a couple of inches down at me, shifting from foot to foot.

“Yes,” I nodded, forcing a smile.  “I’m…I’m sorry I called you all freaked out…”

“No, you were hurting.  I’m glad you called me,” he quietly said, giving me a reassuring smile.

“I got the last of our wedding gifts returned,” I offered, shrugging up a shoulder.  “This vacation was kind of a reward for that.”

“I didn’t come to talk about that,” he sighed, shaking his head and looking down.

“I know,” I replied, digging my toe into a crack in the cool pavement.  I didn’t want to fight; he’d made a really long trip.  “And thank you.  I really…I really feel fine.”

And I did.  For about one more minute.

“Blakey, I’m really glad, because there are a couple of things you need to know before you head home,” he exhaled, letting his shoulders sag.

I instinctively stepped back and rubbed my arms as a chill went up my spine.  What could it be?  Worse than West looking at me the way he had yesterday?  Saying what he had?  What was worse than that?  Oh no!

“Daniel,” I choked, immediately stepping forward and placing my hand on his arm.  God, I felt so selfish at that moment.  A tear fell down my cheek as I looked at him.  “Oh God, Daniel.  Is it your mom again?  Is the cancer back?  I’ll be there as much as I can.  What happened between us doesn’t matter…”

“No!” he quickly snapped, holding his hands up and closing his eyes.  I quickly jerked my hand back as he shook his head and let out a short laugh.  “Don’t be so nice right now.”

“Your mom’s health is important to me, too, Dan,” I said, shrugging my shoulders and wondering why he was acting so callously.  His mom had been through a lot and so had we.

“My mom is fine,” he replied, looking around at the landscape and taking a deep breath.  “I just, before you get back, I just want you to hear it from me, not anyone else…that I’ve been seeing Angie.”

My face fell as a frown settled in.  “Angie?  Angela Biggs?  From my high school?”  A brief flash of her and her huge tits in a red cheerleading uniform popped in my head.

“Yes,” he nodded, still searching around for something to focus on as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Well…that’s great, I guess.  We can’t just pine after one another,” I laughed, trying to lighten the situation.  After all, I’d been with West the past week.  He didn’t laugh.

“There’ve been some…complications, Blakey.  She, we’re…pregnant.”

My heart beat a few extra times as the air whooshed out of my lungs.  Holy shit.  He’d gotten a girl pregnant?  Holy shit.

“Are,” I hesitated, knowing that the answer was right in front of me.  He’d come all this way so that I’d hear it from him and not some random person at the grocery store.  “So…you’re getting married to her?”

“Yes,” he swallowed, head down as he looked up at me.  I caught his eye and he looked away.

Christ, this was a hard pill to swallow.  I swiped my hand down my face, suddenly aware that I hadn’t brushed my teeth, my hair, I hadn’t done anything since getting out of bed.  I pulled the hoodie tighter around my body as I shook my head and looked away.

“It’s soon, but…it was going to happen sometime,” I softly said, trying to be strong.  I was proud of myself for taking it so well, and preparing myself for a pity party once I was alone.  I really was trying very hard to hold back tears of disappointment. 

“Blakey, don’t be so nice.”

A statement I’d heard from him several times before.  He had always told me I was too nice to people, that I let people walk all over me, that I bent over backwards to do kind things.  I frowned again as I looked at him.

“Well, you don’t get to try and tell me what to do anymore, Dan.”

“The baby’s coming next week,” he quickly threw out, voice cracking.

I choked back a jerk reaction of bile rising in my throat as I gave him a confused look.  “Well, God, Daniel…I’m sorry…sounds like it’ll be so premature,” I whispered, trying to get over myself and worrying about his progeny.

“Just stop!” he loudly said, holding up his hand and making me jump.  He looked away, rubbed his neck, and then looked back at the ground.  “Angie is thirty-four weeks.”

“What?” I laughed, certain that a boy couldn’t be counted on to get conception dates and due dates right.  “That’s like, eight months.”

He licked his lips and looked off to the side of the road.  I shook my head and chuckled at him.  “Dan, you probably mean she’s twenty-four weeks.”

Silence.

“Dan,” I repeated, as a sweat broke out all over my body.  He wasn’t floundering like he did when he knew he was wrong but still wanted to argue he was right.  He was just…standing there.  Avoiding my eyes.  “Dan!”

“I’m so sorry, Blakey, I didn’t want you to ever find out…”

“Angie is eight months pregnant?” I shouted, throwing my arms out, feeling the heat rush over my body as sweat dripped down the sides of my face.  What in the hell?  “But that means…that means that…you were together…”

My breathing wasn’t coming very easily anymore.

“Sweetheart…”

“You were together before you broke up with me?” I choked, as I tasted salty hour-old bacon in my mouth.  I swallowed as shaky breaths came out of me.  “How…how long before we broke up?”

“Blakey…”

“How long were you fucking her before you had the balls to break it off with me?” I shouted at the top of my lungs, staggering around as my head began to spin.  How could he do that to me?  I thought it had been me…I thought I wasn’t good enough.  But no. 

“It’s not like that…”

“I want t
o
fuckin
g
know how long you waited after college before you found a new place to stick your worthless little dick!” I yelled, holding a handful of my hair and realizing that I now knew what it felt like to totally lose control.  I needed to sit down.  I needed to run ten miles.  I had no idea what my next move would be and I was okay with it.

“We…met at your five year reunion,” he quietly said, looking like he was terrified of me.  Good. “But, I swear, nothing happened until a couple of years ago.”

“Fucking hell, Daniel!  Two years?  You were having sex with her and then coming home to me for two years?  You proposed to me!  Why did you ask me to marry you if you were fucking Angie?”

“Quit talking like that,” he said with absolutely no authority.  “I don’t know why, except that I loved you and I thought we were more right for each other than me and Angie.”

Something was bothering me as I prepared to ram my fist up his ass.  “Just tell me…did you know she was pregnant when you broke off our wedding and told me that it just wasn’t going to work out?” I asked, proud that my voice was so even.

“Yes,” he admitted, looking down.

Hot tears filled my eyes as I tried to ask the next question as bravely as possible.  “Did you leave me because even though you told me you didn’t care about having kids you were…excited that she could?” I cried, my cheeks hot and wet with my tears.  This was a terribly fresh wound that he was reopening.

“Yes,” he whispered, looking pained and lifting up a hand to touch my face.

I went into self-preservation mode in about .5 seconds.  Grabbing his wrist, I twisted it and yanked forward, jamming my knee into his crotch and crushing his nose with the heel of my hand.  This was the product of self-defense classes that he’d paid for, since I was too trusting and too nice to everyone.

He cried out and blood began to pour from his face before I began to rethink my actions.  I lifted my hands to my eyes and fell back to the road; only my ass didn’t hit the pavement.

Arms engulfed me and soon I was nestled into a hard chest with a familiar manly smell.

“Shh, it’s okay.  It’s over.  Let me take care of you.”  A commanding but gentle voice.

The words sounded distant as I closed my eyes and a wave of nausea hit me.  I swallowed as I kept my eyes closed and felt myself floating around in the air.  I thought about my parents, happy at some cocktail function, waving me over to introduce me to another nice boy and his parents.  Everyone was all smiles and I sort of liked it.  I just didn’t feel comfortable meeting a man that way.  I couldn’t go back to that.

Daniel popped into my head, kissing Angie.
 
I should have known that was how my relationships would end.