The Watchers (18 page)

I looked at him and felt some of my anger
drain away. He had saved my life. The least I could do was let him
change.

“Up here.” I took him up the stairs and
flipped on the light to our bathroom. “You can use that towel.”

“Thanks,” he said, starting to peel off his
shirt.

I retreated quickly. Before I made it to the
relative safety of the hall, I noticed that what I’d seen in his
biceps did carry over to the rest of his torso. I fled up my stairs
to change, suddenly feeling awkward about him being in my house.
Daniel and I had been in my house alone almost every day. I had
felt comfortable with that. The tension, and certainly the
attraction, had been there between us, but I’d kept them buried
through bickering and our verbal playfulness. Now, that didn’t feel
like enough. I sat down on my window seat, my legs no longer
willing to support me, and began to peel off my wet clothes,
thinking about the change. Deep down, I knew I had liked Daniel all
along, but this felt like more than just ‘like’. It was as if he
had reached into my chest and my head and peeled back the person I
was inside, exposing my heart to all its vulnerabilities. I didn’t
like it. It made me feel unraveled and out of control. It was the
anti-Clare, and I wasn’t sure how to handle it.

I stood slowly and picked out a pair of
pajamas, contemplating the changes. I got dressed facing the
forest, looking out the window I had come to appreciate for the
peace it offered. I felt as if the trees had some answer I was
missing. As old as they were, surely, they had seen things like
what had happened to me today?

“I knew it!”

I jumped and hurried to lower my shirt down.
I spun and saw Daniel framed by the door.

“What the hell are you doing?!” I yelled at
him.

He was in his typical blue jeans and t-shirt.
His hair was a disheveled mess from where he had tried to towel it
off. It framed his face in a way I had never seen it fall before.
It made him look different; wild. I was too angry and worried he
had seen my back to focus on the change.

“Making an intentional accident,” he said,
his expression not wavering with my yell.

He stepped into my room and looked around in
wonder. I had never let him up here, embarrassed by the mess which
had quickly accumulated. Books and CDs littered the floor, along
with the odd item of clothing.

I plucked up the bra I had hung over the bed
banister and snapped angrily, “What does that mean?!”

“You said I’d never know where your tattoos
were unless I learned by accident. Woops.”

He had been standing at my door longer than I
thought. My face flooded with heat. How much had he seen?

“Don’t you think it’s a bit creepy sneaking
up to a girl’s room like that?” I asked as I stuffed the bra and
the shirts I’d picked up into my dresser. I slammed the drawer shut
with more force than necessary.

One shoulder rose. “No.”

“Why? Because you don’t see me as a girl? Or
because you don’t have manners?”

I was overreacting, but the tension between
us had me on the defensive. I was worried my realization of my
intense feelings would have me doing something impulsive, such as
kissing him, or worse, confessing my feelings. He walked across the
wood floor, quickly closing the distance. His eyes held mine as he
walked.

When we were only inches apart, he said,
“Believe me, Clare…I see you as a girl.”

I realized what he was doing. “That’s not
fair.”

He stepped around me and went to my window
seat, dispelling the magic of the moment. “What isn’t?”

“You were doing that charm thing on me
again.”

“Maybe you were just seeing what you wanted
to see.”

“Or maybe I was seeing what you wanted me to
see,” I countered.

“Or maybe I’m being honest.”

“Are you sure that’s a word you know?”

He made a face and looked out at the swaying
trees. I joined him on the bench, pulling my knees to my chest to
protect myself from the emotions, a part of me afraid of him for
all the wrong reasons – not the reasons that could get me killed,
at least. I put my head against the window and closed my eyes to
marshal my thoughts.

As I tried to find the words, I started
shivering. Beyond being tired, I was cold, cold to the bone. I
hugged my legs closer. Between shivers, I felt a blanket drape
softly across my back. I opened my eyes. Daniel sat down again and
curled his legs to his chest, mimicking how I was sitting. We
looked at each other across the space.

“You sure are pretty when you’re tired,” he
teased.

I looked away to hide my smile. “I think
you’re just trying to make me not ask you what the heck happened
today.” I paused, disconcerted. “Wait, you only think I’m pretty
when I’m tired?”

“Yes.”

“Jerk…Explain,” I demanded, not feeling up to
bickering with him anymore.

“I get to ask questions, too.”

“I know,” I agreed.

His eyes bored into mine, and I felt a
strange pulse start between us. I saw worry behind his eyes as he
searched for a way to begin. “Can I start my explanation by asking
a question?”

“If it’s the easiest way for you to explain,
then yes.”

There was a pause, and I felt the world
shift. Something was about to happen Something major. I felt my
brain trying to prepare me. Was I ready?

“That tattoo on your back, is it a literal
tattoo or a figurative tattoo? Because I think it might be
literal.”

“Which…which one? The phoenix…or the fallen
angel?”

“I think you know which one.”

My heart started pounding. The urge to run
kicked into overdrive. He knew. And the only reason he would know
was because he was like me. Was he working for one of the sides
that were at war? Would he turn me over to his boss, whoever that
was? Was his whole family a front to blend in, so he could track
people like me?

“Calm down!” he barked. I blinked at him
stupidly. “Your heart is beating too fast, calm down!”

I ignored him. “You’re going to kill me, or
turn me in to whoever you work for. Either way, I’m dead. Ellen is
dead, because she knows too much. Who do you work for? It doesn’t
matter. I’m dead. Why did you save me if you were only going to
kill me? No, that doesn’t matter either. I’m dead.”

He moved along the bench then dropped down to
his knees beside me. “I’m not going to kill you!”

“Why didn’t I see it sooner? You knew about
me as soon as you saw me. That’s why you zeroed in on me and
pretended to be my friend. You wanted to be certain I was like you.
I knew you couldn’t just want to be my friend. You lied to me! And
I trusted you! You have no idea how much it took for me to trust
you!” Tears welled up in my eyes. “Please, don’t kill Ellen! I’ll
go quietly if you don’t kill Ellen.”

“Damn it, Clare!”

“Is that why your ‘friends’ came by? To make
sure you finished it? What’s your deal anyway? Do you lure people
into trusting you then when you’re certain of them, you turn them
over to the highest bidder? Are you a mercenary, or do you actually
care about the people you kill?”

My voice cut off as he grabbed my arms, his
hands like steel. I fought at first, scared for my life, scared for
Ellen, not understanding what he was doing. He bent forward and
kissed me roughly. Then the visions came, and I couldn’t fight
anymore.

I saw the boy at a crossroad in his life. I
saw the darkness he had inside him at war with the light. I saw the
light winning as he was taught by his parents to love science, to
love humanity, instead of playing the role of avenger for his
murdered friend.

A man appeared next to Daniel, in a lab
somewhere high. He was Native American with strong lines and a
handsome, young face. He was patient as he taught Daniel the
different elements on the periodic table and how to conduct
experiments. There was love in his wise eyes as he looked down at
the boy that was Daniel. The light was winning, yet the darkness
lurked in the background – a constant presence that whispered to
Daniel in the darkest parts of the night.

He got older and went through the tag-end
years of adolescence. I saw his first love, a girl named Jocelyn. I
saw the intense love he had for her, his complete adoration. She
was beautiful and perfect, a blonde angel that made everything in
his life brighter and more vivid.

I saw him reach his birthday, and I knew his
fear. I watched him go through the change, which was very painful.
His pain was my pain. The man and the woman stood by him as he
changed from human to hybrid – understanding what was happening
before he did – their kindness the only alleviation from the fear
and harsh reality of what he was going through. He emerged
different, changed. He was more now, but his heart felt like less.
Jocelyn fell away, shunning him because of his difference, thinking
him a demon – he had told her the truth, trusting in their love. I
witnessed his broken heart when she left, never to return, breaking
their secret engagement. I watched as he searched for an outlet
from the pain, from the darkness. I saw countless women in his bed,
women he did not, and could not, love. I saw men dead by his hand;
men who were guilty of murder and rape. Men he had no pity for. I
saw hours of study and learning as he searched for a way to feel
again, hoping those before him had mastered a solution to
heartbreak.

The scene abruptly changed from defined
colors to blurry and uncertain. A vision of demons and men amassed
against him on a great battlefield. Daniel wore antique armor, and
as I watched, he raised a silver sword to the heavens with an ear
shattering roar. The scene shifted again. A white rose fell on a
bloodied floor. I watched the rose fall with curious eyes. I looked
up in time to witness Daniel turning into one of those demons he
had stood against so fearlessly on the battleground. I felt his
terror at that thought. I saw a circle of faces, nine faces, who
demanded obedience. I felt his defiance and an unwavering
purpose.

The scene changed back, the lines hardening
again. I watched him befriend a young man with white hair and
yellow eyes, a man who reminded him in spirit of his friend who had
died too young. I watched as that friend betrayed him, joining with
others who thirsted for death and enjoyed the destruction of the
war. I felt the coldness reach into his heart again, the despair
overwhelming at the thought that he could trust no one. He was
alone in a world full of madness. What better way to deal with the
madness, but to be mad?

There was a space then in which everything
was dark, a blanket that covered everything. I felt his emotions
dim into nothingness. He wasn’t human. He wasn’t angel. He was
beast. He was a shadow of the night. No one could save him.

A flicker of light appeared out of the
darkness. Jackson, the blond man I had so recently seen in front of
my house, appeared in the light. I saw their camaraderie and their
laughter as their new friendship developed and grew. I saw how
Jackson taught the man not to hate himself so much, to laugh at
life, showing him that not all friends would abandon him. As that
laughter took hold of Daniel’s soul, I saw a purpose form; a
purpose that went back to his childhood and the friends he had
watched murdered by life. It was a purpose to protect. To protect
the world from the others like him. Resolve and a powerful desire
to do good things became his allies. They kept the darkness at
bay.

I saw how he protected his family, loving
them with a strength that was almost alarming. I saw how he
protected humanity from the others, a dark shadow in nameless
cities. A Watcher; a hidden protector of humanity. He loved
protecting people, but deep down he felt like it wasn’t enough to
atone for the mistakes of a lifetime.

Then I saw my face and everything changed. I
felt too many emotions to count. I was blinded by the light and the
hope rolling from him in waves.

I kept my eyes closed as his hands slid off
my arms. The visions danced around inside my head as I tried to
remember who I was, what I was.

“Clare?” he said softly. “Are you okay?”

I opened my eyes and looked at him in amazed
wonder. I couldn’t imagine any one person feeling so many things.
How did he manage? I felt a pressure on my chest, the added weight
of all those experiences. It was overwhelming. I reached out and
touched his face without thinking, the electricity jumping up
between us. The visions were gone, but I felt a whirlwind of
overpowering emotions. My own emotions this time.

“I need you to go,” I said softly.

“Please don’t…I just thought if you saw, you
would understand that I…“

I put a finger on his lips. “Come back
tomorrow when Ellen is at work. I need some time to process
everything. There’s too much….”

His eyes, having turned cold at what he
took as a rejection, lit up again. He reached out and touched my
face wistfully.
Anything you
want
.

For a long moment, neither of us moved. Then
he stood and headed for the door.

“Daniel?” I called before he could leave. He
paused, his back to me. I sensed he was afraid to look at me.
“Thank you.”

“For what?” he asked, still unwilling to look
at me directly.

“For saving my life.”

He hesitated before leaving, fighting against
a powerful urge. He finally nodded, having bested the urge, and
disappeared down the stairs without a sound. When I was certain he
was gone, I put my head against the window and started crying in
earnest. I let all the emotions come, both Daniel’s and mine,
drowning in them, until I couldn’t separate where he ended and I
began.

Lost in his past, and our present, I cried
myself into an uneasy sleep.