The Vow (3 page)
His words rippled through me, blazing a warm trail and leaving a nervous excitement in its wake. The pressure of his fingers was firm and warm, and I couldn’t think about anything but the fact that he was holding my hands and asking for permission to see me again.
“I do permit,” I whispered. “And I shall pray that the day of your return happens with all haste.”
His relieved smile lit up first his face then his eyes. “My prayers shall join yours.” At the nudge of Pup’s wet nose, Thomas squeezed my fingers before letting go and putting proper amount of space between us.
With the increased distance, already I began to miss him. I twisted the bracelet on my wrist, one made of silver with a single carved cameo of a rose. It had been a gift from my father and mother for my last birthday, meant as a symbol of the fact I was no longer a tiny bud. I was blossoming into the woman I was created to be.
I unhooked the clasp and traced the rose pattern. Then, before I could change my mind, I held the bracelet out to Thomas. “Perhaps this will help you remember me.”
He shook his head. “I’ll need no help remembering you, my lady.” At the low rumble in his voice, my pulse sputtered forward, and I ducked my face to hide the color that surely infused it. “I shall be hard pressed to think about anything but you.”
“Does that mean you’ll miss me?” I tried to lighten my voice, to sound playful, to hide my longing.
But he did no such thing in response. Instead his voice turned nearly hoarse. “I shall miss you every minute of every day.”
My heartbeat couldn’t go any faster. “Then you must take this.” I thrust the bracelet into his hand. “And then, when you can find no other excuse to visit me, you will always have a reason to come, to return the bracelet to my wrist.”
He finally took it, caressed it with his long fingers. And then he lifted it to his lips and pressed a kiss against the cameo rose. All the while his eyes held mine and were filled with so many promises. And although he wouldn’t dare give me a kiss good-bye in this place, in front of everyone, I had the distinct feeling that the kiss on the cameo was his way of telling me that one day he would lay claim to my lips.
He slipped the cameo into a pocket near his heart, and with a last bow he retreated down the stone stairway.
I could only stare after him in breathless wonder and pray that our time apart now would be our last.
I peeked out the guesthouse door. The neatly
trimmed yard was dotted with the skeps the monastery used for raising honeybees. But other than the conical wicker baskets and a few bees, the lawn was deserted.
“You can’t go, my lady.” Trudy clasped my arm and attempted to pull me back into the sparsely furnished room that had been my home for the past week.
I didn’t budge. Instead I opened the door wider and peered past the abbot’s house. Still no one. If I ran, I could likely make it across the yard and through the side gate into the monastery without detection. Once inside, I would have no trouble making my way to the infirmary.
“Sun, moon, and stars,” my nursemaid said. “You’ll be the death of me yet.”
“You stay.” I turned back to the woman who’d been my caretaker since I was born. Strands of her graying hair poked out from the plain veil draped over her head. Her plump cheeks were splotched red. Even though she wore a gorget around her neck and shoulders, the linen band couldn’t cover the red staining her throat too, the telltale sign of her frustration with me.
A whisper of guilt gave me pause. I hated to distress my nursemaid, but like my parents she worried about me too much.
I pressed a hand over her clammy fingers. “I insist that you stay. I don’t want to put you at risk.”
Trudy rolled her eyes. “I’m not worried about myself. You know that.”
I looked again in the direction of the infirmary that stood behind the monastery walls. The slate roof beckoned to me, and all week I’d had a difficult time resisting its call. There were too many people for all of the monks to assist. The sick and dying lined the corridors of the cloister. Although as a woman I wasn’t supposed to go inside the monastery, during this time of dire need, no one had forced me out.
“Your dear mother and father will chop off my head if they discover I allowed you to be anywhere near the infected.”
I knew as well as Trudy that my parents would do no such thing. Even so, her words did exactly what she’d intended — increased my guilt. I surely didn’t want Trudy to suffer any remorse if something happened to me. My parents wouldn’t blame her, but Trudy would never forgive herself if I came to any harm.
I released a pent-up breath. “I don’t understand why Mother and Father can go out and mingle among the sick and provide aid, but they want to keep me locked away here, where I have absolutely nothing to do.” That is, nothing to do except think about Lord Caldwell.
Over the past week I’d relived every moment of the time we’d spent together, especially that last hunt when he’d asked me to call him by his Christian name and had told me that he couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing me every day. Remembering the way his rich brown eyes had melted me was enough to make my insides do strange things again.
We’d had so little time to say good-bye; but every detail of those last few moments on the balcony burned inside me nonetheless. I still marveled over the fact that he’d all but admitted his desire to court me, to win my heart, to have my affection for
his alone. And I couldn’t deny that I was entirely enamored by the prospect. It didn’t matter that he was the first man to notice me or the first one I’d really interacted with. Even though I was young and inexperienced, I could see that he was a man of the highest and most noble caliber.
I was quickly learning, however, that the brief memories of my time with him were not enough to sate me. And now, in the seclusion of the monastery guesthouse, without my dog or anyone to talk with except Trudy, I had too much time to brood and to think about Thomas.
Reluctantly, I admitted that I also missed my parents. I’d never been apart from them for any length of time. As smothering as they’d seemed at times lately, I couldn’t deny that I longed for their company, their laughter, and their conversations.
“Trudy, please try to understand.” I grasped both her hands between mine and squeezed. “I cannot sit around here a moment longer without anything to do.”
“You have your embroidery —”
“How can I stitch when people are dying?”
“What about your spinning?”
I shook my head. “I couldn’t bear such tedious work at a time like this.”
“Perhaps I can send word to your tutor and have him resume lessons.”
I pivoted back to the crack in the door. The silence and stillness of the ancient monastery greeted me. Although I’d never been inside the convent during my childhood, I’d attended mass in the spacious church that formed one corner of the walled complex. I’d always been curious about the monks who lived on the other side of the wall, who shaved their heads except for a round ring of hair, who wore plain brown habits, and who kept to themselves, rarely speaking or interacting with anyone. What
would it be like to take a vow promising never to marry and instead spend one’s whole life devoted to serving God?
I couldn’t understand why anyone would willingly choose such a life. But at times of crisis, like with the current plague outbreak, the monks refused to turn away anyone who needed help. I was sure my parents didn’t know about the sick and dying escaping past the town walls to the monastery, or they would have sent me farther away; likely to some remote estate in the country where I’d be even more isolated.
As if realizing the direction of my thoughts, Trudy thumped her fists against her wide hips and narrowed her eyes. “If you don’t stop sneaking inside the monastery and visiting the sick, then you’ll force me to ask the earl to relocate you. And believe me, lass, the next place will make the convent seem like paradise.”
“You wouldn’t dare say anything to my father.” I swung the door all the way open.
“Watch me.”
I flipped my braid over my shoulder and then stepped outside. I tossed her a smile. “I’m watching.”
My dear nursemaid huffed and shook her head.
I felt my smile curl higher. I loved Trudy almost as much as I loved my parents. In fact, I was more comfortable with Trudy, who’d seen me through many childhood antics. There were still times, like now, when I couldn’t resist a bit of childish teasing. I moved into the open yard, drawing closer to one of the skeps. “I’m still watching.”
Trudy clucked like a mother hen before bustling outside after me.
I turned and skipped away.
“Earth, rivers, and sky,” she muttered.
I raced across the distance of open yard and then past the abbot’s house, veering toward the side gate I’d discovered earlier
in the week. I refused to allow myself to harbor any more guilt. Another visit into the infirmary wouldn’t hurt anyone. At least it hadn’t so far. I wanted to do something useful, something to help. Surely if my parents were spending their days caring for the sick, the minimum I could do was follow their example. How could they fault me for that?
I skimmed my fingers along the stone wall that was weathered gray and covered in places with overgrown blackberry brambles. The gate was behind one such thicket.
“Lady Rosemarie?” came a voice from the direction of the abbot’s house.
I froze. A thousand thoughts came and went. Ought I act as though I hadn’t heard? Or slip through the gate without answering?
Honesty won the battle. Slowly, I turned to find myself facing the tall abbot who’d greeted me the day I arrived at the convent. Abbot Francis Michael’s face was gaunt, and his shoulders and elbows formed sharp points in his habit. But, as before, I was struck by the compassion in his eyes.
“Your ladyship,” he said. “May I be of service?”
“Father Abbot,” I replied. “I was on my way to help the sick.”
He glanced to where the side gate was hidden and then smiled. “I see you’ve found my entrance into the monastery.”
I wanted to deny it for fear he’d prevent me from using it again. But from Trudy’s frown as she finally caught up to me, I had the feeling I wouldn’t be using the gate much longer anyway.
“We’re sorry for disturbing you, Father Abbot,” Trudy said, bowing. Although the distance hadn’t been long, Trudy’s breathing was labored. She wiped at the beads of perspiration forming on her forehead.
“You’re no disturbance at all,” he said. Behind him, the door
of his house stood open. Why wasn’t he in the infirmary helping with the sick alongside all of the other monks?
“I’ll just take Rosemarie back to the guesthouse.” Trudy fumbled for my arm.
I stepped out of her reach. “Father Abbot, please allow me to give aid to the monks. They’re overwhelmed with so many sick.” Perhaps if I couldn’t convince Trudy to stop sheltering me, I could convince the abbot.
The abbot cocked his head and regarded me. The seriousness of his expression gave me hope that perhaps he would consider me an adult where others had failed.
“Father Abbot,” Trudy spoke again. “My lady’s parents sent her to the convent for safekeeping. They won’t be pleased to learn the disease has made its way here. They’ll be even more displeased if Lady Rosemarie is further exposed by direct contact.”
“You’ve taken precautions?” the abbot asked Trudy, his thin brows coming together to form a pointed V above worried eyes.
“Yes,” I replied before Trudy could answer. “My dear nursemaid has made me wash in vinegar, eat onions and garlic, sleep on my stomach, and carry flowers and scented herbs nearly everywhere.”
“Good.” The abbot’s hands were tucked into his wide sleeves, as I noticed was the custom among the monks. “Then you’ll surely be secure for now.”
A flutter of hope took wing within my chest. “Then you’ll allow me to help?”
He hesitated and again cocked his head. With the movement, I noticed the sun’s rays had begun to add a glossy sheen to the bald spot at the top of his head. “Women and children are forbidden from entering the cloister.”
My shoulders sank and I started to sigh.
“But under the circumstances,” he continued, “I’ll make an
exception. I can’t turn away the sick based on their gender. I suppose I can’t turn away help based on gender either.”
His words swept away all my frustration of the past days. “Oh, thank you, Father Abbot.” I couldn’t contain my smile even though I knew I should, especially as the deep creases of Trudy’s frown rivaled the depths of the moat surrounding Montfort Castle.
A shout came from the road that passed in front of the monastery, and the abbot straightened to a height that towered over me like the belfry on top of the church.
“I’ve a message for Lady Rosemarie,” came the distant shout again, this time more distinct. There was something urgent within the messenger’s voice that pricked me into motion. I skirted past the abbot and Trudy and headed in the direction of the road, all the while praying that he was bringing good tidings, that perhaps the plague had finally been contained, that now my parents would allow me to return home, and that Lord Caldwell could return to Ashby.