The Unorthodox Arrival of Pumpkin Allan (24 page)

Lois felt very unsettled for the rest of the afternoon. Here she was planning a home delivery, my God she’d even ordered a birthing pool. What had she been thinking? She had an image stuck in her brain of being told by the midwife she was going to have to go into hospital, as the baby was too big to deliver at home. She imagined herself having to walk from the house to the car with the baby’s head almost out.

Tom arrived home at four thirty and away they went. Tom had had his plaster removed from his wrist that morning and kept itching his arm and picking loose bits of skin from the back of his hand as he drove, which Lois found particularly irritating. They called into a superstore and bought a card, a little pale green dress and matching cardigan for Izzy and a rather extravagant bunch of flowers for Chloe. She said nothing to Tom about her latest anxieties; she felt she wanted to be the one to decide where to have their baby. Not that he would necessarily take the decision away from her, but just in case.

The nurse at the front desk of the ward directed them to Chloe’s bed. She was sleeping. She looked very pale, accentuated by the fact that they had never seen her without makeup before. The baby was nowhere in sight and they didn’t know quite what to do. They were beginning to wonder whether their trip had been a waste of time when Joe walked into the room carrying the baby.

Lois and Tom peered at the tiny bundle in Joe’s arms. She may have been a whopper of a baby as far as giving birth was concerned, but she looked minute to Lois as she put her finger into Izzy’s tiny grasp. Lois and Tom stood speechless for a while, both processing the thought that before very long, they would have a little bundle like this of their own.

“She’s beautiful Joe!” Lois eventually managed to whisper.

“Would you like to hold her?” Joe lifted the baby in a gesture to pass her to Lois.

“Oh, I d-don’t know,” Lois stammered, “I’ve never held a baby before.”

“Probably a good idea to have a go then?” said Tom smiling. He gently took the baby from his brother, being careful to support her head. Izzy’s dark eyes opened and she squinted up at him and yawned. He gently rocked her in his arms, totally mesmerised.

“Hi,” came a weak voice from behind them.

“Hi, how are you feeling?” Lois walked across and gave Chloe a gentle peck on the cheek.

“Like I’ve been trampled by a heard of wildebeest. But I don’t suppose you need to know that do you?” Chloe paused. Lois thought she could see tears welling up in her eyes. “Anyway, she was worth it. Isn’t she beautiful?” Chloe reached out towards Tom, who walked to the bed and gently laid Izzy in her arms.

Lois handed the present and card to Joe. She felt odd. Not quite faint, but a little wobbly on her feet. Dazed. Shocked perhaps. She glanced at her watch. “Tom we’d better get going and let Chloe get some rest.” She tugged at his sleeve. Tom and Lois said their goodbyes. Tom could hardly take his eyes off little Izzy and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead.

As they drove away from St Albans they both sat quietly. Their introduction to Izzy had affected them in such different ways. A feeling of awe dazed Tom. He felt that he had never seen anything so wonderful, so miraculous, in all his life. He reached over to Lois and gently rested his hand on her tummy. Pumpkin gave some fluttering movements in response.

Conversely, Lois was feeling petrified. She was silently questioning what in heaven’s name had led her to think that having a baby would be a good idea. She had spent almost the entire pregnancy not really connecting with it. When she’d first taken the pregnancy test, she’d sat on the loo for ages, in shock, until Tom had come to see if she was okay. She’d never imagined it would happen so quickly. But after those initial few weeks Lois had just been ‘living the pregnancy’, not really connecting with the huge changes that were about to happen. Meeting Izzy had brought the massive adjustments they were going to have to make, crashing into her mind.

Lois spent much of the following week walking. She discovered quickly the many benefits that walking, in this stage of the pregnancy, had to offer. There was the fitness aspect of course and she was trying to walk briskly and incorporate at least one decent hill each time. Very occasionally breaking out of a walk into a pace resembling more of a shuffle than a jog. Then there was the protected thinking time. She realised, as she lay in bed unable to sleep on the night of their trip to St Albans, that the reason for her not being in touch with her pregnancy was lack of thinking time. With work, the move, the renovations, the puppy, the wedding, the neighbours and so on, life had been directing her thoughts elsewhere and what she needed now was time to focus on Pumpkin and his, or her impending arrival. Yes it was only three weeks until the wedding, but this was more important. So, twice a day Lois walked, for between thirty minutes and an hour. She took her phone with her but had it switched off in her pocket.

Tom was worried about Lois at the beginning of the week. It wasn’t like her to be thoughtful. In fact he hadn’t noticed her being this thoughtful for the entirety of their relationship. She just got on with whatever life threw at her. Except perhaps her parents, she did have a bit of a hang-up with them. Tom’s response to Lois’s withdrawn mood was to spend money. Not vast sums, but he bought lots of little things. Cuddly toys, outfits, socks, shoes, hats, for the baby. Essential oils, scented candles, flowers and chocolates for Lois.

On the Wednesday, as Lois went for her morning walk, she bumped into Debbie, who was, as she put it, taking time out of the madness, that was her home life. They decided to walk together, half an hour around the short wood walk.

Lois was grateful for the opportunity to talk through her newly exacerbated concerns with somebody as experienced in childbirth as Debbie. She told her how Chloe’s ordeal had made her feel extremely dubious about the whole home-birth thing.

“Have you read the book I gave you yet?” asked Debbie.

“Um, no, not yet,” said Lois, tingeing red with embarrassment.

“Well, I suggest you read that first. I am sure you will find it helps you make your decision. And look, you are not carrying a ten pound baby,” Debbie stopped Lois in her tracks, turned to face her and ran her hand over Lois’s bump, tilting her head to the side as she assessed the size of the baby. “You’ve only got five weeks to go haven’t you?” Lois nodded, “Well, unless it has a massive growth spurt, I recon that’ll be a seven pound baby, no more. Has the midwife said any different?”

“No.” Lois still sounded dubious.

“Look Lois, the decision to aim for a home-birth is a major thing and it is YOUR decision and nobody else’s. If you don’t feel comfortable with it, then there’s no point. You need to be comfortable with whatever decision you make. Okay?”

Lois thanked Debbie for her advice.

They had a lovely walk. The weather was warm, but not too warm. The view towards Berkshire was clear. Lois felt very much more positive by the time they arrived back in the lane. As they parted company Debbie called to Lois, “Oh Lois, I forgot to tell you. Richard went to the hospital yesterday. Bert’s got a urine infection apparently. Same time tomorrow?”

“Great!” said Lois, as she thought, ‘Yes Tom, she is a bit scatty, but I like her.’ 

After the walk Lois went home and read the book that Debbie had given her, straight through, twice! It was fascinating. Enlightening. Reassuring. The message that came across predominantly was the need to be as relaxed as possible during the labour. The more relaxed, the less the likelihood of intervention. As she finished the book for the second time, the sun was shining through the open French doors at the back of the living room. Birds were singing in the back garden and that was all she could hear. Mmm, not too difficult to work out whether the hospital environment would me more or less relaxing than that.

By the end of the week Lois was feeling much more positive again. She was having long chats to Pumpkin when she thought they were alone. She had even put some serious, deep thought into the actual birthing process. She was becoming more and more confident that it was a home-birth that she wanted. Tom was greatly relieved that Lois was back to her old self and thought that all the little gifts he had bought must have done the job.

The following two weeks flew by for Lois. Mel spent a couple of days in ‘The Park’ during the first week, splitting her time between Adam and Lois. They made a trip to Oxford on the first day. There they found an exquisite dress for Mel, which made her very happy. They then bought shoes and accessories. Finding some sexy underwear to fit Lois proved to be a challenge, but they managed to eventually.

Once all the wedding gear was acquired they dumped it in the back of the estate car, covered it with the boot cover and drove to The Perch for a leisurely lunch. They then drove to the retail park and managed to spend several hundred pounds in the baby/toy megastore, on baby essentials.

“Gosh, good job I bought such a big car Mel!” said Lois as they squeezed the last of the purchases in.

“So when are you going to pick up the cot from your mum’s?” asked Mel.

“Tom’s fetching it tomorrow.” Lois was trying to sound positive about the old cot, which she felt she really couldn’t turn down without causing offence to her mother. “Lick of paint, it’ll look great.” They’d just bought the latest, most researched cot mattress to put in it, and some pretty stick-on animals to put on either end. ‘It’ll look great!’ Lois repeated in her mind. “It’s a good job I didn’t need to buy a cot as well, this baby’s costing us a fortune!

“Of course Pumpkin won’t need the cot for a while. Debbie has said she’ll lend me her Victorian crib for the first few months, while he or she is in our room. In fact, perhaps we could go and collect that today. Would you mind giving me a hand?”

“That’s what I’m here for!”

By the second week Lois was feeling that the wedding was now pretty much organised. It was, after all, planned as a comparatively minimalist affair. The guest list consisted of Lois and Tom’s immediate family, Mel, Jim, Adrienne and her partner Jane and the neighbours. It had been a relatively last minute decision to invite the neighbours, excluding children, but including Sicily, Maureen and Bill, who weren’t, strictly speaking, neighbours. The only adult neighbour not to be invited was Charles Black. In fact Lois was sorely tempted to deliver a ‘Not Invitation’ through his door. She actually designed one on the computer and printed it out. ‘Mr. and Mrs. Geoffrey Shenfield DO NOT cordially invite you to the marriage of their daughter Lois Helen to Mr. Thomas Arthur Allan, because you are a nasty, small minded little man!’ She felt better for having written it down.

Social services contacted Lois to let her know that they had organised a team of cleaners to go in and give Bert and Betty’s cottage a blitz. The pest control people would hopefully arrive at the same time to assess the glis glis problem. Would Lois please leave the key for them, under the flowerpot by the back door, for the following Monday morning? The plan was for the occupational therapists to bring them for a visit to the house on Tuesday and assess what help they needed at home. Apparently Richard had been very firm with Bert, saying that they would only be discharged from the hospital if he accepted some regular help. Then, once help was in place, they would come home, hopefully on Friday.

In the event, Bert and Betty came home on the Wednesday, with support from carers twice a week. Lois called in to see them the first evening. She was astounded by how clean and tidy the kitchen looked and how relaxed and happy Bert and Betty both were. Whilst they sat having a cup of tea, Lois asked, “So, do you think you could make it to the wedding on Friday? Adam said he’d take you didn’t he?”

“Lois,” Betty gave a little giggle, “we wouldn’t miss it for the world, eh Bert?”

“Tha’s right. Booze and good grub. Why d’ya think we come ‘ome today? Time t’ settle back in, then a nice day out on Friday. Smashin’!”

Lois woke at five on the wedding day and went to the loo. Outside the bathroom window, rain was hammering down on the roof of the outhouse. It can only have rained half a dozen times since they’d moved to Harewood Park. Why today of all days? She looked in the mirror at her huge self as she washed her hands and shrugged. It could all be a lot worse; at least theirs was not to be a huge, white affair. She imagined how she would feel if she’d booked an open-topped, horse drawn carriage. Now that would be depressing. Anyway she’d heard that many a successful marriage started on a rainy day.

She got back into bed and snuggled up to Tom. She knew he must be exhausted. He hadn’t got back from work until ten o’clock the night before. He’d had an important project that had to have all the loose ends tied up before he went off for his long weekend. But, Lois was feeling particularly rude that morning. This was not an unusual state of affairs at this stage in her pregnancy and Tom was certainly not complaining.

“One last chance for sex before marriage?” she whispered in his ear. He rolled over with a sleepy grin on his face.

“Well, if you insist, almost Mrs. Allan!”

It was ten o’clock by the time Lois and Tom got up. They had both fallen back to sleep afterwards and only woke when they heard the post fall through the letterbox.

“Bloody hell!” Lois squealed in panic, seeing the time on the bedside clock. “How can it be so late? Mel’ll be here in a minute and I’m not even showered yet!”

Tom did his best to jump out of bed. “Stay calm my little Pumpkin grower, stay calm, we’ve got a whole hour until we have to be there! I’ll do the most important thing. I’ll make the tea.” He gave Lois a peck on the cheek before she disappeared into the bathroom.

By the time Tom had made tea and toast and brought it upstairs, Lois was showered and half way through drying her hair, wearing just her enormous bra and colossal pants, the sexiest she’d been able to find. Tom put the tray down and looked over Lois’s shoulder at her reflection in the mirror and put both his hands gently on her tummy. “You are the most beautiful woman in the world and I love you more than pie! And Pumpkin, you are the most beautiful baby in the world and I love you more than pie too!”

“That’s lovely Tom, but it’s time you were getting ready.” Lois laughed. Having finished drying her hair, she tried her best to eat her toast and put on her very expensive tights at the same time. After teetering around, almost falling over, and getting marmite much too close to them a couple of times, she gave up on that idea and just shoved the remainder of the toast into her mouth whole and chewed the best she could. Tom had his phone camera out in a flash and got a photo of her balancing on one leg, cheeks like a hamster and looking very cross at the sight of the camera.

“Now there’s one for the wedding album!” Tom chuckled, before aiming quickly for the bathroom, out of reach of a slap. There was a knock at the door just as Tom got into the shower. Lois pulled on her dressing gown and went downstairs to find Mel and Jim had arrived at the same time. Both looking very smart and well prepared for their respective responsibilities, Maid of Honour and Best Man.

“You’re not ready!” Mel and Jim exclaimed in unison. Mel grabbed Lois by the arm and marched her towards the stairs. “What the hell’s going on Lo? You said you’d be ready to leave at 10.30.” The door to the bathroom opened and Tom appeared, dripping wet with a towel wrapped round his waist.

“It’s all her fault. Insisted on ravishing me at the crack of dawn. The woman’s a crazed beast!” Lois arriving at the top of the spiral staircase, reached to where Tom was leaning over the bannister and gave him a loving slap on his wet head.

“I thought sex was supposed to be a good way to induce labour. Isn’t that a bit of a risky thing to do today?” said Mel.

“You don’t believe that old wives tale, surely Mel?” said Jim laughing. “Imagine all those couples whose babies are overdue, wouldn’t need drugs to start the labour. They’d just be prescribed sex three times a day!”

“Come on, we’re going to be late!” Mel tried to refocus the men to the matter in hand and away from the thought of sex with heavily pregnant women. Lois and Mel disappeared into the baby’s room, where Lois had hidden the dress, to get her changed.

Tom raised his eyebrows as Lois walked down the stairs to where he was waiting. “Wow Lo, you look absolutely stunning!” Her dress was cream, three quarter length, in silk satin; it couldn’t have been more flattering.

“It’s lucky she’s got short hair and doesn’t go too mad on make-up!” said Mel.

“Not bad going, all ready by ten forty-five. And Lois and Tom, I have to say, you look very presentable. How pregnant is Lois now?” asked Jim, grinning.

“Thirty eight weeks and counting,” said Lois as she picked up the bag she’d bought to match her dress, checked she’d got everything, and walked out of the front door.

The decision was to drive to the Manor, time being of the essence. Although the rain had now stopped, there was still a stream of rainwater flowing down the road. They arrived at the front door of the manor five minutes before the ceremony was due to start. Members of the hotel staff grabbed them as they walked through the door, to pin white carnations to Tom and Jim’s buttonholes. Lois and Mel’s bouquets were thrust into their hands and they were ushered straight into the room where the ceremony was to take place.

It looked stunning. There were beautiful floral bouquets adorning the various tables around the room. The sun was trying to break through the cloud, lighting up the spectacular gardens and lake that were clearly visible through the huge panelled glass doors. The seating was arranged in a U shape so that Lois and Tom could be seen by their guests and vice versa. As they walked to their places, one of the registrars was turned away from them, talking on her mobile. The second registrar, whom they had met previously shook their hands and explained that Ms Sheila Williams would perform the ceremony and that her own role was to record the details in the register. Lois and Tom took their seats. Both of them glanced around at their guests, waving and thanking people quietly for compliments on their appearances and the beautiful venue.

Mel nudged Lois, “Pleased to see the flowers are fresh!” she commented, with a grin.

When the other registrar turned around, a minute or so later, Lois was rendered immediately speechless. She was the woman who had been in front of Lois at the supermarket checkout when her ‘waters had broken’!

Lois turned a very bright shade of red. She could not remember feeling so embarrassed at any point in her life. She desperately wanted to tell Tom, but Ms Williams started to welcome everyone and introduce the civil ceremony, so Lois just started praying silently that Sheila Williams would not remember her.

It wasn’t like Lois to blush and Mel wondered why it had happened, Lois had always been socially very confident. Suddenly, Mel found herself overcome by a strong urge to laugh. Unusually, she managed to stop the laughter emerging. However, her shoulders starting shrugging up and down, gradually increasing in speed and momentum. Lois caught this movement in her peripheral vision. She made herself focus extremely hard on her and Tom’s hands, mapping freckles and lines, to stop herself laughing. She barely heard any of the words that Ms Williams was saying.

Gradually, as Tom and Lois repeated their declarations, Lois’s need to laugh subsided and she managed to re-focus on the ceremony, the serious nature of the occasion taking hold. But then, just as Ms Williams recited the words ‘..my lawful wedded wife,’ to Tom, she farted. Loud enough for Lois, Tom, Jim and Mel to hear, very clearly. Well that was it for Mel. She was ready to burst at the seams. She bit her lip and closed her eyes tight. The other guests wondered what on earth was the matter with her. Debbie and Annie both fought back their giggles, Adrienne and Jane were not so discreet and their shoulders started to shrug up and down, little titters emerging.

By this time, Lois was beside herself. Tom had managed to complete his vows in a very composed fashion, but as it came to Lois’s turn, she didn’t think she could open her mouth without laughing. Her bladder was also getting very full, which really wasn’t helping!

“I, Lois Helen Shenfield, take thee, Thomas Arthur Allan to be my wedded husband,” said Ms Williams.

“I, Lois Helen Shenfield,” said Lois, not daring to look at Tom’s face, because she knew it would be too much, “take thee, Thomas Arthur Allan,” Lois suddenly felt a wet sensation in her knickers and pulled hard on her pelvic floor muscles, “to be my wedded husband. Oh God!” The wetness was now gushing down her legs and onto the floor. Lois went white as a sheet as the colour drained from her face, with the thought that she’d wet herself, whilst taking her vows!

The guests were aghast. Lots of hands went up to mouths. “Oh bugger off!” said Jack, rather louder than he’d planned, when he saw the puddle around Lois’s feet. Jim pulled up a chair to sit Lois on before she hit the decks, and encouraged her to put her head between her knees, which she had to splay to make space for Pumpkin.

“What’s going on?” Betty asked Bert, having heard the sound of pouring water and then the gasps.

“It’s Lois Love, she’s wet ‘er self!”

“Oh dear!” exclaimed Betty.

Debbie and Richard went straight to Lois’s rescue. Richard knelt down next to her. “Have your waters broken Lois?”

“Oh my God! I hadn’t even thought of that.” Lois concentrated on whether her bladder was still full for a moment and yes, it was. “Yes. That’s what it is! Oh my God, I’m going to have a baby!” The blood once again drained from her. This time she didn’t have to be told to put her head between her knees. Excited rumours spread around the room that it was her waters that had broken.

As Lois re-emerged and brought herself into an upright position, Ms Williams said loud and clear, “I hereby pronounce you man and wife. Thomas, would you like to kiss the bride?” Tom, who was looking fairly shocked himself, knelt next to Lois, cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. There was a huge cheer and round of applause from the guests. “I love you Mrs. Allan,” said Tom, taking Lois’s hands in his, “how are you feeling?”

“Well, wet. Otherwise okay, I think. No twinges or anything.” Lois turned to Richard. “What do we do now?”

“Well. Let’s take you home to change. Call your midwife and let her know. Are you going for the home birth? I can’t remember what you decided.”

“Yes, I think so.”

“Birthing pool?”

“Yes, in theory. It arrived yesterday, but it’s not set up.”

“Okay,” said Richard, “well, while your guests start celebrating, we’ll go and set up your pool and turn on your hot water tank.”

“Oh, I tell you what,” said Debbie, “it would be worth Annie and Dave putting on their hot water as well, in case yours can’t cope. I’ll ask them shall I?”

“Yes please,” said Lois, as she got up from the sodden chair. “Look at the state of my dress!” she said trying to turn to see the back of the skirt. As she did so, one foot scooted away from her on the slippery wooden floor. Tom just caught her under the arms before she lost both feet and landed in a heap, in the puddle. He helped her negotiate the walk to dry land. “Now that would have added insult to injury!” she laughed. “Or perhaps the other way around?”

“Before you go!” called Ms Williams in a shrill voice, “you need to sign the Register!”

“Oh gosh, I’d completely forgotten!” said Lois. Tom linked his arm through hers and guided her around to the other side of the registrar’s table. A cleaner was now busily mopping up the puddle. “Tom, this is increadibly embarrassing, I’m so sorry.” Lois whispered towards Tom’s ear.

“Lois, I am delighted! It means Pumpkin’s coming. And this is certainly a wedding that won’t be forgotten!” Tom smiled and kissed Lois on the cheek. Tom, Lois, and their respective fathers, who they had asked to be witnesses, signed the Register and everyone cheered again.

To Lois’s surprise her father gave her a hug, “Well done young Lois, you held it together very well, under the circumstances.”

“Thanks Dad.” Lois felt tears welling up in her eyes. Tom could see that Lois was starting to feel emotional and was looking cold, so said his thanks to the registrars and started to turn her in the direction of the door before too many guests wanted to chat. As they turned, Ms Williams took Lois by the hand, “Good luck Lois, hope it all goes well,” and in a quiet voice she added, “It was bad luck that, your waters breaking. I hear it’s very rare for them to break in the day time, and to have it happen twice, well!” she smiled and winked at Lois, who squeezed her hand and thanked her for everything.

Debbie came back to report that Annie and Dave’s hot water had been left on anyway this morning. She asked Lois if she would like her to come back to the house. Lois was delighted with the offer, Debbie and Richard both instilled a lot of confidence in her and that was exactly what she needed right now. Richard went to fetch his raincoat for Lois to put over her shoulders, so the entire manor staff were not able to see her sodden dress. The four of them then left, leaving Mel and Jim to inform the guests what was happening and that Lois and Tom would return as soon as possible.

At the cottage, Lois and Debbie went upstairs. Debbie helped Lois out of the dress. “Lucky it was in the sale!” Lois joked. She was starting to feel excited now. When her waters broke she really didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, but now she was on quite a high. They went through the wardrobe for a replacement dress. There was only one that fitted, so the decision was made easy. Lois went for a shower and Debbie went back downstairs to make tea. Richard and Tom had managed to put the frame together for the birthing pool and were just working out how to put the lining in. They had positioned it at the back of the living room by the French windows.