The Understatement of the Year (27 page)

He released me with a popping sound. “Don’t you dare come,” he warned. “I’ve got plans for you.” I shoved my hands into his wet hair. “Mmm,” he said, nuzzling me. “Did I say you could use your hands, yet?”

Quickly, I put them on the wall again.

He stood up. “Am I fucking you tonight?”

Rikker always asked this question, and sometimes I told him no, to give my ass a break. But now he was kissing me so hard that I couldn’t answer right away. “Yesss…” I said eventually.

“Yes,
what
?” he asked, his voice husky.

“Yes, doofus?”

Sputtering with laughter, he reached down to pinch my ass. “I don’t think you have this whole submissive thing down yet.”

“I’ll listen better after you make me come. Get on it already.”

Rikker grabbed me by the hips and turned me around. “Pushy bottom.” I heard the crinkle of a condom wrapper. “Spread.” He tugged my hips back, angling my ass away from the wall to give him better access.

If ever there was a
holy shit
moment for me, it would be that one. Because you can’t bend over in the shower for your gay boyfriend and pretend that your life hasn’t totally changed course.

But did I freak out just then? No. Because Rikker pressed his hips against me, wrapping his arms around my chest. And I was so turned on that I was practically vibrating. But first, all I got was this full-body hug. And when I turned my head to the side, I could see him in the mirror. The shower was already steaming up the glass walls, but I got a blurry view of him, eyes closed, a look of unconscious, blissful affection on his face. As I watched, he held on tight, kissing me between the shoulder blades and groaning into my back. “I
looove
road trips,” he said.

I laughed, because that was just so easy to do when I was with him. God, I had it so bad for Rikker. Whenever we were alone, the world shrank down to a manageable size. In his company I became my real self. And it wasn’t just the sex. We might be arguing about the NHL entry draft, or dining hall food. It was all just right.

The shower rained down on us, and I closed my eyes and pressed back against Rikker’s body. Groaning with anticipation, he began to stroke me.

I wanted him on me, around me. In me. Right where he belonged.

—
Rikker

The next morning, I woke up halfway off the hotel bed. I rolled over. Or rather, I tried to. “You are such a bed hog,” I whispered to Graham, who was sleeping spread-eagled on the double bed that we’d ended up sharing. It was so much smaller than the big bed that Graham had rigged up in his dorm room.

Graham did not reply, seeing as he was dead to the world. His face was serene, chin tipped up toward the ceiling. In the stillness of our hotel room, I could hear the faintest whistle each time he exhaled.

I liked to study Graham when he was sleeping, because only then did he look truly peaceful.

But nature called. And it was a luxury to stumble into the hotel bathroom and take a piss without worrying that one of Graham’s neighbors would spot me.

When I came back out, Graham’s phone alarm had just gone off in the little docking station he traveled with. It played — naturally — a Clapton tune. Though I’d never admit it, the acoustic version of “Layla” was a really good song. And kind of sexy, too. Even though it was time to get up, I slipped back into bed. Or I tried to. “Move over, hottie.” I swatted his big thigh.

Without opening his eyes, Graham gave me a sleepy grin. Then he stretched his legs a little wider.

So what could I do but climb on him? I maneuvered into position, straddling his sleepy body. “The bus leaves in thirty minutes. I’m on the fence about breakfast. But I’m not leaving here until I know you’ll get up.”

“Good of you,” he slurred, turning his face away from the light.

I reached up, stroking his cheekbone. He had such a beautiful face, I loved touching it. “Wake up, baby.”

His lips twisted. “You are too cheerful in the morning. I don’t like it.”

I leaned down, dropping kisses onto his hairline. “I know better ways to wake you up. But I don’t think we have the time.”

“Mmm,” he said. His eyes were still closed, but his hips shifted underneath me. At least one part of Graham was properly awake. The feel of him beneath me was divine. Too bad I didn’t have a half an hour to waste…

Sleepy hands rose up to grasp my ribs. I dropped my lips down to his neck, kissing softly along the sensitive skin beneath his ear. “Wake up,” I whispered.

He turned his head then, capturing me in a kiss. So sweet. I still got a thrill whenever he made a move on me. It was stupid, really. We were together now in every possible way. But I craved his affection. Every kiss still felt like a gift, because I knew how much they cost him.

I sank into Graham’s kiss, my hips riding him just enough to probably frustrate the both of us. I was so absorbed in the moment, and in the sound of each breathy exhalation that I didn’t hear the door open.

“Graham, I gave you my key by mistake! Had to get another one from the…” Bella’s voice died away. Then there was a loud gasp. And then, “Rikker? What the…?”

Beneath me, Graham went absolutely still. I turned my head to see Bella standing there, her face reddening, her mouth open.

I eased off Graham’s naked body, giving him time to yank the sheet up higher. “What the fuck are you doing in here?” he rasped.

That was the wrong thing to say.

Bella stood there, a molded tray with three coffee cups in one hand. “You…” she stammered. “He…” It was horrible to watch. Her eyes filled with tears. Then she took a deep breath. “I was bringing you coffee. You asshole,” she said. “Because I was under the mistaken impression that we were
friends
.”

“Bella,” I said softly. But then I ran out of words. Because there really was nothing else to say on the subject. I put a bed pillow in front of my package and dove for my underwear on the floor.

Her face had turned bright red. “This isn’t just a fluke, is it?” she sputtered. “You’ve done this before. God, Graham.” His eyes were squeezed shut, and his face was red, too. Maybe redder than hers. Bella stomped toward the door, turning around once more before she got there. “I thought we were
close
!” she yelled.

And then she turned around and left, the door slamming behind her.

“Oh, God. How the hell did she get in here?” Graham covered his face in his hands.

“She said something about her key. I don’t fucking know. I’m sorry,” I said, hopping into my jeans. “I’m going to catch her. You okay with that?”

Graham just lay there, stunned. “Yeah. I guess.”

“She’s not going to tell anyone,” I said as I shoved my feet into my shoes.

He just sighed, the weight of the world in it.

I put one knee on the bed, and a hand on his chest. “Are you okay?”

“She’s pretty pissed.”

“You know why, right?”
Because she loves you
.

He pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers. “I guess. I’m such an asshole.”

“No, you’re not. Just kind of stupid.” I patted him on the hip and then stood up. “You’re not going to freak out, are you?”

Another sigh. “Probably not.”

“Good. Because your very fine ass needs to be on the bus in half an hour.” I shoved my stuff into my duffel at warp speed. “Can you grab my toiletries when you leave? I don’t have time.”

Bella wasn’t hard to catch. When I got to the elevators, she wasn’t there. But a quick scan of the lobby revealed a defeated-looking figure on a lonesome bench between two ficus trees. She sat there, staring at her shoes, her face blotchy.

She didn’t look up when I sat down beside her. But she didn’t order me to leave. So that was something. “Would it be really obnoxious of me to ask right now if one of those coffees was supposed to be for me?”

Bella practically growled. “I kind of hate you right now.”

“I know,” I whispered.

She took one of the cups out of the tray and handed it to me. Then she took a big slug of another one. “What the fuck, Rikker. How could I be such an idiot?”

“You’re not.”

She made a face. “I… It’s hard to wrap my head around.” She raked her hands over her forehead. “I mean… I never thought that Graham…” I watched the emotions duke it out on her face. “You went to the same high school for a while. He said he didn’t remember you.” She looked up at me for the first time. “That wasn’t true, was it?”

I cleared my throat. “He would have to have a pretty impressive case of amnesia.”

Bella groaned in frustration. “I’m so
pissed
at him. It’s like… we had so many conversations about relationships. And sex. And our pasts, you know? We talked all the time.” She dropped her voice. “Graham is
gay
.” These last words came slowly, as if she were trying them on.

And I’d still never heard Graham say it out loud.

“…So then he lied to me for
years,”
she went on. “Even last night, I asked who he was texting… I’m
offended
, okay? Because I would have been cool with the truth, you know? I’m not
like
that.”

I just put my arm around her, and let her get it all out.

“I knew he didn’t love me.”

“He
does
love you.”

She flapped a hand, making the universal sign for
enough already
. “I don’t usually fall for people. And whenever I do, it’s a huge disaster.”

“We have that in common, then.” I moved closer to her on the bench. “Come here, would you?”

She hesitated. Then she leaned in, letting me wrap my arms around her. “I
definitely
hate you right now,” she said in a small voice.

“I know.”

“I hate Graham more.”

“He’s kind of an idiot,” I said. She giggled, her face in my neck. But a few tears came along for the ride, too. “Bella, for what it’s worth, I don’t think he ever knew how you felt about him.” This was weird, really. Comforting my friend because she couldn’t have my lover. But whatever.

“I never told him. Because I knew it wouldn’t help. He didn’t love me. I just didn’t know
why
. But everything makes so much more sense now. Graham likes
guys
. That’s why he would only have sex drunk. And that’s why I always had to work so hard to…”

“…That’s T.M.I.” Thankfully, she didn’t finish that thought. I didn’t want to hear anything about the sex they had. Partly I was jealous. But also, I felt protective of poor Graham. For a few minutes I just held her. And then, at the risk of setting her off, I said what I had to say. “Bella, please don’t tell anyone.”

She jerked away from me, her expression fierce. “Is that why you’re being nice to me? So I’ll keep his little secret?”

I pulled her to me again. “No. And you know it. You’re my friend. Pretty much my only one.”

She made an irritated sound, but didn’t pull away. “Why does it have to be such a big secret, anyway?”

“Seriously? Do you think I make this look fun?”

She put her chin on my shoulder. “If everybody came out at once, it wouldn’t be a thing anymore.”

“Dream on. I’ve been comfy in the closet before. Christian school, and all.”

She looked up at me. “Jesus saves. Unless you’re gay?”

I gave her a squeeze. “That’s exactly right.”

“Graham went there for four years?” she asked.

“Six, because we did the middle school first. Fire and brimstone, and reading, writing and arithmetic.”

“God, what a mess.” She sighed, her head dropping onto my shoulder again. “I just can’t even…” Her sentences kept stopping and starting. But shock will do that to a person. After a while, though, she seemed to calm down. “What happened between you two, before?”

I shook my head. “Sorry. It’s not my story to tell.”

“Sure it is.” When I shook my head again, her brow furrowed. “It must have been something bad. And that’s why you didn’t want me to put you in that other hotel room together.” She clapped a hand onto her forehead.

“That turned out okay,” I said quickly.

“For you.” Her laugh was dark. “The night we met, I
told
you that I was afraid you’d cut in on my action.”

“When I said that it would never happen, I really believed it.”

Bella let out a big groan. “Fuck. I loved Graham in spite of his dark corners. I thought someday he’d realize he felt the same way about me.” She was quiet for a moment, her hands over her eyes. “Saying it out loud sounds so pathetic.”

I took a big slug of my rapidly cooling coffee, and then offered her a hand. “You aren’t pathetic.”

“I am, though,” she insisted. “It’s just that usually I can get through the day without being reminded of it. Fucking Graham. Why didn’t he just tell me?”