The Truth in Lies (The Truth in Lies Saga) (5 page)

“What’s that?” I breathed.

“You need to decide what you really want.  If fixing things with Nate is what your heart truly desires, then fight for him.  But if there’s even the slightest twinge of doubt, cut your losses and leave.  It doesn’t make you a failure, it makes you a survivor.”

The oceanic color of his eyes hardened.  He was dead serious and spoke from somewhere that only someone with experience could understand.  Tears burned the back of my eyes threatening to escape.  I blinked rapidly, pushing them away.

“It’s not that easy.”

“Actually, it is.  You keep telling yourself that it isn’t easy, because you’re afraid.”

“I
am
afraid,” I admitted.

Drew rubbed his thumbs over mine, sending sparks through my skin.  His brow furrowed, wrinkling his forehead.  He glanced over our hands
before looking up at me.

“Can I ask you an odd question?”

“Yes.”

“When we touch, do you…” he paused, searching my face.

An awkward silence filled the air between us.  I shifted in my seat waiting for him to complete his sentence. 

Realizing he was struggling with his words, I took it upon myself to answer.  “I feel it too.”

His lips twitched into a relieved smile, as he released my hands.  He then reached into his back pocket, where he pulled out his wallet, and extracted a card.  I heard the click of the ink pen before seeing it in his hand.  Drew balanced himself on the balls of his feet, as he quickly jotted something on the back of the card.

“Here’s my personal number.  Feel free to call me anytime,” he said, handing me the card.

I glanced down at the black embossed lettering.  It read, ‘Andrew J. Wise, Attorney at Law.’

“Thank you.”

“I mean it.  Morning, noon, or night, call me.  I tend to not sleep anyway, so I never mind the midnight call.”

“Is everything okay in here?”

Seeing Olivia standing at the door with Morgan and Gavin, I shoved the card into my pocket and smiled.  Drew bounced on the balls of feet, pushing himself up from the ground. 

“Everything’s fine,” Drew replied, walking over to Olivia, kissing the top of her head.  “But I do need to head out of here.  I have to be at the office early tomorrow.”

“What for?” Gavin asked.

“The paperwork on the Bartlett case is due to the courthouse by noon,” Drew said, glancing over at me.

“Well, in that case, let me walk you out,” Gavin offered. 

Drew rolled his eyes at his brother before kissing Olivia softly.  “Can I call you tomorrow?”

“Of course.”  

“And, Mickie,” Drew added, “it was nice meeting you.  I look forward to talking with you again soon.”

I stood up and extended my hand to Drew.  Instead of shaking it, he pulled me into a tight hug.  The smell of his skin was intoxicating.  Hints of coffee, cologne, and peppermint flooded my senses.

Moments later he and Gavin walked out of the condo, leaving me alone with Olivia and Morgan.  They sat down on the couch, pulling me down in between them.

“So?” Olivia cooed, fluttering her heavily mascara eyelashes.

“So?”  I repeated.

“What do you think?” she beamed.  “He’s dreamy, isn’t he?”

“He’s very hot,” I replied, knowing that was what she wanted to hear.  It didn’t hurt that it was the truth.  The hairs on my arms were still standing on end from him touching me.  “But he’s also very opinionated and kind of cocky.”

“I know right!” she squealed.  “Plus, he’s great in bed.  I swear the man can go for hours.”

“That’s a family trait, girl,” Morgan added.  “Gavin is like a machine.”

“I really didn’t need to know that,” I bellowed.

“C’mon!” Morgan exclaimed.  “At least we didn’t go into how big their penises are.”

I covered my ears, singing off key.  “LA! LA! LA!”

Morgan and Olivia laughed loud enough that I could hear them through my singing.

“We’ll stop,” Olivia said, pulling my hands away from my ears.

“You promise?”

“Yes,” Morgan confirmed.

I sighed in relief.  “Thank you.”

Olivia laughed at me, shaking her head.  I adjusted my position, suddenly feeling the card poke me in the hip.  Uncertain what the protocol would be for my best friend’s boyfriend giving me his number, I figured it would be best to ask.

“Liv, I have something I need to ask you.”

“Okay, what’s up?”

“Well, um, you see, Drew gave me his number tonight.  He was only being nice, I know, but I want to make sure it’s okay with you.”

She sat back in her seat for a moment.  A strange expression flitted across her face.  A ball formed in the pit of my stomach until she took my hand in hers, giving it a squeeze.  “Absolutely.  I’m glad you two hit it off so well tonight.”

“Me too.  He seems like a good guy.”

“One of the best,” Morgan agreed. 

I pulled the card out of my pocket and turned it over.  Written across the back of the card was a small inscription in thin scribbled font.  I smiled at his simple, but effective note. 

‘You’re not a failure.  You’re a survivor. Call me.  –Drew’

Shrouded by gray billowy clouds, the heavy orange moon filled the sky with a hazy glow.  The cool winter’s breeze flowed through the vents of my car.  The thrill of rolling down my windows and letting the music carry me away beckoned me, but the chill of the night thwarted such a plan.

All the way home, my mind and my heart fought over what I knew was inevitable.  Even before the pregnancy, I knew the truth.  Drew’s words hovered over me like the clouds hung around the moon.  The truth was, Nate and I weren’t meant to be. 

Now was the time to make the hard decision.  I didn’t like admitting defeat, but in order for me to heal, I had to take care of myself.  There was only one way for me to fix my situation.  I had to move out.

A plot started to develop in my head.  Nate wasn’t due back in town for a few more days, so I’d have time to find an apartment.  Then, I could have Olivia and Jared help me pack things up and move out before Nate had a clue as to what was going on.  It might sound like the coward’s way out, but I had no other recourse.  This wasn’t the first time I’d considered leaving.  I knew how persuasive he could be when he turned on the charm. 

With a heavy heart, I turned down my street.  It was dark save for the dull street lamps hanging in the balance of the Heavens.  I pulled into the driveway, staring at the faded paint of our little home.  I’d miss that house.  The creaking floors, the shoddy cooling unit, but most of all, I’d miss what could have been.

The door to the garage creaked open to reveal Nate’s car parked inside.  A sinking feeling hit me.  All my plotting was obsolete.  With Nate home, I’d be forced to face him.  Logic reminded me that whether he was here or not when I left, it made no difference.  Eventually, I would be forced to face him.  At least this way, I could hold my head up high and know I stood up for myself.  That was if I could keep my resolve in check.

Parking my car in the drive, I slid out of my economical vehicle chuckling to myself as I walked past his white Toyota Highlander nestled safely in the garage.  That SUV was his pride and joy.

All the lights in the house were off.  Relief washed over me at the thought that he was asleep.  I crept through the halls cringing with each squeak of the floorboard.  In the distance, I heard the mellow murmuring of the stereo playing.  My eyes focused in on the crack under the door.  Dim light was flickering in a slow, steady motion.  

The rock that had developed in my stomach was growing with each step I took.  The sound of Olivia’s voice echoed in my ears.  “Everyone cheats,” she said, “Whether it’s on your taxes or your lover, everyone cheats.  Nate is no exception.”  

I inched my way closer to the bedroom, listening for any sound out of the ordinary.  My imagination started to get the better of me.  Images of Olivia catching Tristan in bed with another woman crossed my mind. 

Reaching for the doorknob, prepared for the worst, I stopped when I heard the somber lyrics to the song playing.  Nate and I had always had a special bond through music.  It was through music that Nate and I started dating in the first place.  Olivia had taken me clubbing to get my mind off an important interview.  I’d been so nervous about the job, and was driving her crazy staring at my cell phone waiting for a response.  A local band was playing at the club that night.  They had a Big Hair Band sound, and while I wasn’t a fan of the 80’s, their mix of current rock hits had me hooked.  I was dancing by myself on the dance floor.  Heaven only knew where Olivia had taken off to.  I’d always suspected she’d disappeared into the bathroom with some random guy.  It wouldn’t have been the first time.  Lost in the music, I didn’t notice when Nate appeared beside me on the dance floor. 

“Poison or D
ef Leppard?” he screamed over the shrill electric guitar.

“‘Pour Some Sugar on Me,’” I replied.

“Aw! You’re ‘Bringin’ on the Heartbreak.’”

I glanced beside me, sweat dripping down my neck from the gyrations of my body.  Hovering beside me, shifting from foot to foot with no rhythm was Nate.  His light brown hair was dripping with sweat, same as mine, and his sexy hazel eyes peered back at me through heavy lashes.  He smiled and I was hooked. 

We spent the rest of the night arguing over the all-time best rock bands.  An argument we still would revisit from time to time.  We’d bicker for hours, only to find ourselves making love afterward to the bands we had just argued about. 

There was no way he’d play a song like that if he were in the heat of passion.  Nate understood the power of music and how it could drive a woman insane with need or turn her cold in an instant. 

I peeked around the doorframe, unsure what to expect.  Nate was sitting on the bed with our old photo album lying in front of him.  Shirtless, he sat with his legs crossed in the center of the bed.  His body shifted with the turning of a page.  I pushed in a little closer, trying to see him a little better through the crack in the door.  Tears streamed down his face.  His dark eyelashes, slick with tears, shrouded his eyes; his lips flattened against his teeth, and there was a rattle in his chest as he sucked in air.

Suddenly, the floorboard creaked underneath me.  Nate’s head shot up, and I froze in place.

“McKenzie?  Is that you?” 

I pushed open the door and my heart broke at the sight before me.  Red circles encased his hazel green eyes, and a five o’clock shadow darkened his jaw.  

“Yeah, it’s me.  I wasn’t expecting you home so soon,” I replied. 

“I caught an earlier flight.”  He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at the roots.

I took a step into the room.  The candle light twitched, casting my shadow over the white wall.  “Nate, are you okay?”

Shaking his head, he flipped to the next page in the photo album.  His broad shoulders slumped toward the old book.  Each breath he took lifted and dropped his chest, rattling from the tears he’d shed.  “Where were you?”

I dropped my purse and keys on the dresser and walked over to the edge of the bed, sitting down.  “I had dinner with Olivia and her new boyfriend.”

He swiped his knuckles over his nose.  A forced chuckle escaped his throat.  “Oh yeah?  So who’s the flavor of the month?”

I laughed at his suggestion.  “You remember her talking about going on a not so blind date?”

His nodded his head, still focused on the album.  “Yeah.  The lawyer guy, right?”  His voice sounded so small.  Only once had I seen him sound this way.  It was the night in the hospital when I lost Evan.  It appeared that Nate had finally dropped his guard.  Unfortunately, it was too late; my mind was already made up.

“Yeah.  It’s that guy.”

“Oh.  Well, what’s he like?”

“He’s really a nice guy.  I like him,” I stated. 

The heat in the room was stifling.  With the heater running and the multitude of candles burning in the small space, there was depletion of breathable air.

“If you like him that says a lot about him,” he responded.  He lifted his eyes from the book.  I swallowed hard as a small smile cracked across his lips.

I reached over and flipped the album to face me.  It was open to a picture us in Cancun a couple of years back.  We were at a cabana club and had been dancing.  Nate normally had two left feet, but that night he danced with perfect rhythm.  I closed my eyes and allowed the memory to wash over me. 

A sexy Latin beat vibrated all around us.  Multi-colored lights blinked throughout the club.  People were packed wall to wall, dancing without a care in the world.  The smell of sweat, tequila, and Nate wafted through the breeze.  In a single, swift motion, Nate picked me up from the floor.  I was dangling from his neck, leaning back in his arms when the photographer snapped the picture.  The look in his eyes was electrifying.

Opening my eyes, I was met by his intense stare.  “I remember that night,” I whispered, my fingertips lightly brushing the silky paper.

A faint smile appeared on his lips.  “The club was scorching hot,” he mused.  His thumb brushed along the length of his jaw as if he were lost in the memory.

“That didn’t stop you though.”

“Why would it?  I had a gorgeous woman in my arms.”

Slowly, heat flooded my cheeks.  I traced the outline of my legs in the photo.  It was a happier time for me.  “We were drenched by the time we reached the hotel.”

“You were so sexy.”

“It was the tequila,” I assured him.

“Not true.  You’ve always been sexy as hell.”  A seductive glint appeared in his eyes.  “Do you remember what happened after we reached the hotel?”  His fingers brushed over my wrist.  Every nerve in my body jolted to life.  It had been ages since he touched me like that, and even though my body was pleading for him, my heart and mind were screaming at me to get away.

“You were on fire.  I’d never seen you so comfortable or sure of yourself.” The husky edge to his voice resonated right to my core.

At the beginning of our relationship I was very uptight.  Not that I didn’t enjoy sex, but I was raised by a woman who believed that love came before intimacy.  She instilled that belief so deep inside of me, that the thought of random sexual encounters repulsed me.  In fact, Nate was the second man in my life that I had ever been intimate with. 

Maybe it was my impropriety that annoyed Olivia, but she had this habit of trying to push me into the arms of random men.  It infuriated her that I wouldn’t partake in the offerings she bequeathed.  She never understood that to me love and sex went hand in hand.

That night in Cancun, my inhibitions were tossed in the wind.  Physical need and intimacy overpowered me.  Then again, it could’ve been the alcohol.

“That was a very intense night,” I agreed, pulling my hand away from his.  While my body ached for his touch, my heart pumped venom in my veins.  One night couldn’t change months, even years of neglect.

I looked up into his swollen eyes to see fresh tears streaming down his cheeks.  “What happened to us, McKenzie?”

My mouth opened, but nothing came out.  It took me a moment to speak.  My heart constricted in anguish. 

“I don’t know,” I breathed. 

There I was, trying to console him, when all he’d ever done was hurt me.  As the lie tumbled from my lips, my mind screamed, “
You did this to us.  You didn’t want me.  You rejected me.  Now we both are miserable.”
 

“We’re going to be all right, aren’t we?”

“I don’t know,” I repeated.  Tears filled my eyes, threatening to spill over.  “I feel lonely all the time.”

“I know.”  He reached out to touch my hand, but then pulled back, balling his hand into a fist.  “But I don’t know how to fix it.”

“I wish I knew.”  Yet another lie.  We both knew what needed to be fixed, but in order to save us; he had to give up his first and only true love.  That was something I knew he would never do.

“McKenzie, you’re my world.  Don’t you realize that?”

I clenched my teeth, biting the inside of my mouth.  A trickle of blood dotted my tongue leaving a bitter taste in my mouth.  “I used to think so,” I whispered.

“But not now?”  He leaned toward me, resting his elbows on his flannel clad knees.

I shook my head unable to answer.

He shifted forward, tilting his head to look into my eyes.  “Why not?”

And there it was, my moment of truth.  I pressed my hand against my forehead thrusting my fingers through my hair, scratching each section of my scalp as I went.  Air expanded my lungs and expelled as I contemplated my words carefully.

Finally I spoke
, “I’ve seen it in your eyes for a while, that emptiness that comes with goodbye.  No matter how many times you’ve said you love me and want to be with me, I could feel what really laced those words.  You didn’t want to hurt me, so, you lied.  I’m not a fool.  And with every lie that dripped from your tongue, every trip you left me alone to take, every moment I mourned without you, only increased the wedge between us.  I know you’ve felt it too.  You can’t tell me you haven’t.”

Nate released a deep sigh and looked down at his hands.  “I have.  That’s why I came home early.  I had hoped to find you here, but
instead you were out with your friends.  You can spend time with them but not with me.”  Anger sated his tone.

He wasn’t the only one angry.  I felt like I had been slapped in the face.  “Fuck you, Nate,” I snarled.  “How dare you?  I’ve been locked in this house for months on end, pleading with you to come home and be with me.  The
one night
I go out to have dinner with a friend, you show up and expect to find me here.  You then have the nerve to get all pissy because I’m not where you expected me to be.”  I threw my hands in the air in frustration.  “Besides, how am I supposed to spend time with someone who runs away from me?”  I slammed the photo album shut and hopped off of the bed.  “Nate, you can barely look me in the eye, let alone be in the same room as me.”

“That’s not true!” he growled. 

“Bullshit!  How many times did I beg you, plead with you, to just sit here and hold me?  But no, there was always something more pressing you needed to do.  You had to go wash the Highlander, or fly to Chicago or New York.  You’d prefer to be anywhere than here with me.”

“You’ve always known I wasn’t the touchy feely kind of guy.”