The Truth About Love (5 page)

Kylie and I made it as far as the great room before Shane came rushing by.

“I’m leaving.  What are you doing?” He demanded as he passed us.

I looked him in the eye, and responded evenly.
  “
Just waiting to lock up after you.”

He was still going on about dinner as he wandered out to the garage.  I followed behind cautiously.  He sat down, taking his pack of cigarettes and the lighter from his pocket, but didn’t actually manage to smoke.  As he ranted, he fell asleep, slumped against the back of the couch.  Cautiously, Kylie and I snuck back into the house.

My phone had been ringing earlier, but given the circumstances, I had ignored it.  It was after five in the evening when I returned Julia’s call.  I did what I do, only badly.  I tried to act like everything was fine.  Was it really only an hour ago we had hugged like old friends and taken pictures before she packed up the family and drove back to Atlanta?

Clearly I wasn’t fooling her.  “What’s wrong?”

I could hear the serious edge in her voice.  Jules knows me entirely too well.  
“
Nothing…”

Like a true friend, she called me out.  “Liar. Something’s wrong.  What happened?”

Exhaling slowly, I tried to calm down.  “I’ll be fine.”

Julia wasn’t going to let it go.  “Tell me what happened.”

Where would I even begin?  “So, Shane went nuts.”

She was silent a moment before she asked, “Do you need to cancel on me tonight?”

I didn’t even have to consider before responding.  Julia had always been such a loyal and supportive friend, I wouldn’t dream of standing her up.
  “
Never.”

She seemed exasperated.  “How will you be able to do the radio show?  It sounds like it’s really crazy right now.”

Biting on the side of my cheek, I considered her question.  “
I don’t know, but I will.  I would never let you down.”

We were still chatting when Shane stumbled back into the room about fifteen minutes later.  He didn’t seem to notice or care I was on the phone.

“This is my house,” he growled.  “You leave.”

Ignoring him, I continued to talk.  Soon, he was in my face, repeating himself in case I hadn’t heard him the first time.

“Get. Out.”

As soon as he finished speaking those words, he walked back down the hall into the bedroom.  In my ear, Jules spoke words of comfort, words I was finally ready to take seriously.  
“
Come here.  Come stay with me.”  When I failed to respond, I heard Jules sigh into the phone.
“You can’t stay.  You have to leave.  You know this, right?  I mean, you aren’t safe and neither is Kylie.  Did he hurt you this time or just punch the walls?”

She always feared his violence would escalate at some point, and destroying stuff wouldn’t be enough.  She believed it would just be a matter of time before he would lose control and lash out at me.

“I was hit with a picture frame,” I admitted.

Her reaction was swift and sound.
  “
What if the frame had hit Kylie?  It could’ve killed her.”

Hearing her say that out loud hurt.  Suddenly I was forced to recall a conversation I had with Brynn, my little sister.  She was struggling financially.  After listening to much complaining I finally reminded her life wasn’t about her any more.  She was a mom.  Her time was over.  The same was true for me too.  If it were just me, I’d stick it out.  I’d love him through it, same as always.  Only, now, with Kylie involved, I had to consider the ramifications of my actions.  If anything happened to her, I would be devastated.  It wasn’t about us.  I had to do what was right for our baby.  Living in a war zone was all kinds of wrong.

The neighbors were clearly already talking.  While I was in the middle of the conversation, the phone chimed in my ear and I discovered I had received a text from one.

Pilar: Is everything okay? I was in the kitchen when I saw the bedroom window break.

me: Shane had a temper tantrum.

With the text sent, I turned my attention back to Julia, who was patiently awaiting my response on the other end of the phone.  Finally, I gave in.
  “
Okay. Text me the address.”

Then I hung up.  Though I had never done this before, it was clear what needed to be done.  

Clicking on the camera icon, I started to snap pictures of the damage even as I walked to the bedroom to pack. Finally, I took a photo of the crib tipped over before he came out of the bathroom and righted it.

Shane glared at me.  “Why are you still here?  Leave.  Get. Out.  Right. Now.”

Ignoring him, I walked to my closet and pulled out two suitcases, one at a time.  I hadn’t set Kylie down since the drama began to unfold.  She was starting to feel heavy, but I ignored the pain.  I needed her safe and at the moment, safety was only guaranteed in my arms.  Shane was too erratic.  This wasn’t the man I had married.  This wasn’t the man I dated and fell in love with.  That Shane, I never wanted to live without.  This man was a stranger and I had no trouble leaving him.

When he saw the second suitcase come out, he stiffened.  Opening Kylie’s drawers, I started loading her belongings into the waiting bag.  It wouldn’t take but a moment to get her clothes together; it was the medical supplies which would be so time consuming.

“You aren’t taking my daughter.”  He crossed his arms over his puffed out chest.

“I’m not leaving her with you,” I said simply.

“She’s my only child.”  He leaned over the bed menacingly.

I paused in my packing to respond.  “You can’t take care of her.  You can’t even take care of yourself right now.”

He threw his hands up in the air.  “Just how do
you
expect to take care of her?”

It wouldn’t end.  As long as I kept talking, he would continue arguing with me.  I was already worn out and we’d barely begun to fight., so I ignored him and kept loading the suitcase.

His eyes glittered threateningly.  “If you want to take her, you’ll have to call the police.”

Immediately, I stopped working and stood frozen.  There was an unspoken rule about involving the police.  I knew it.  He had made it.  Calling the police raised everything to the next level.  These things were handled in house, behind closed doors, even if many of those doors had holes.
  Swallowing hard, I asked, “
You’re really going to make me call the police?”

He nodded seriously.  “If you want to take Kylie.”

So, we were playing chicken.  Still holding my daughter, I picked my phone up from the bed and punched in 911.  We stared each other down as the phone rang.  I was giving him a chance.  He just had to back down and let us leave.   It was all about control.  He would set the tone.

The problem was, I knew how
my
Shane would react.  I didn’t know this man who stood before me at all.  There was no reasoning with him.  There was no rationalizing.  There was only this seething anger over nothing.  According to the phone screen, it was 5:30pm.  Finally, a dispatcher answered.  Walking out to the great room, I explained the situation.  “I just want to leave safely.  Can you send police to facilitate this?” 

“Yes, ma’am.  We’ll have someone out there as soon as possible.”

Our call ended and I waited.  Half an hour later, two guys showed up.  They weren’t the police.  They were the guys who had called earlier and unknowingly had set this series of events in motion.  Clearly, they were pretty determined to get some of this equipment.  While Shane went to speak with them, I went back to packing.

My vehicle only had about half a tank of gas in it.  I had about three dollars in cash.  It certainly wasn’t going to get me to Atlanta, a good four hours away and the safety of Julia’s house.  Shane would never know to look for me there.  He didn’t know where they lived.  Now I merely needed to come up with gas money.

While he was out in the driveway talking to the strange men, I was racking my brain.  If I’m anything, I’m a problem solver, able to fix nearly anything.  Given enough time, I could reason it out.

In my closet, I found the solution.  My mother had sent our Christmas package early.  Very early.  September early.  She was driving down to her Florida home for the winter.  Apparently they didn’t have post offices there because she felt the need to ship her package before leaving New York.  At the time, I thought her foolish.  Now, I knew she was instead brilliant.  

Opening the box, I found what I had hoped for: envelopes.  With but a moment of guilt, I ripped them open, hoping for Visa gift cards.  Instead, I found cash.  Soon, I had a hundred bucks.  I was rich…in hope.

Within fifteen minutes, the bags in the bedroom were packed; the toiletries, too.  I was trying to concentrate on getting everything else together.  There was so much to think about, so much to consider, so much Kylie would need.  It was so difficult to gather with just the one hand.  Taking a break, I went out to the garage to wait and watch.

It was nearly 6:30 in the evening by the time the first police car arrived.  Seconds later, a second one appeared. The officers were quick to separate us, which wasn’t a challenge since we had no desire to be anywhere near each other.  Shane was on one side of the driveway, while I had been told to remain on the other.  Even with the distance, I could hear him talking beside his
truck
.

“She’s crazy!” He exclaimed loudly.  “She made me crazy!  The last five years of my life have been miserable.”

He went on and on about what a horrible person I am.  He refused to let me leave with our daughter or take my vehicle because even though it was paid for by both of us and my vehicle had been traded in on it, he liked to consider it his since it was in his name.  

Suddenly, I was assaulted with memories of the day we had purchased it.  He told me then I was good and stuck; he owned me.  At the time, I thought he was joking.  I thought he meant it in the most loving way.  Now I realized he had been more honest in that moment than he had been through maybe the bulk of our marriage.  Control.  He thought he had it over me.  I shook my head sadly.

The young Asian police officer came to speak to me.  He seemed far too intelligent to be an officer.  He had to be doing time to make it to detective.  Already he had picked up on Shane’s incredibly erratic behavior and questioned me about it.  

“Can we go in the house to talk?” Officer Kim asked.

Before they had arrived, Shane had reminded me the officers weren’t to be allowed inside.  “This is my house, not yours.  I bought it before we were married.  They can’t come in.”  Given the considerable damage he had done to the residence, he could have it.  I never wanted this house without him.  

Of course, now, with the officer asking if we could talk inside offering me a witness to the destruction, and the other officer distracting Shane out in the driveway, I was inclined to lead him through the place.  While Shane could certainly object, there was nothing he could really do to prevent it.

“Sure.”  I glanced quickly over my shoulder as he followed be through the door.  

As I walked him through
, I was able to describe in vivid details exactly what had happened.  When we returned to the great room once more, he asked his questions. “So, is he on anything?”

Inhaling deeply, I considered carefully before speaking.  “Technically, nothing illegal.  He’s abusing prescription drugs.”  

He pulled out a notepad and pen from his front pocket.  “Do you know which ones?”

Through the years I had watched Shane more closely than he had imagined.  In the back of my mind, I had always worried there would come a day when I’d have to call for an ambulance due to an overdose.  With ease I rattled off what I knew.  “Of course.  Xanax for his anxiety.  Something else to sleep.  Adderall to keep him awake.”  I wanted to say more, but I allowed him to draw his own conclusions.  Waiting patiently, I watched his reaction.  

If he was surprised, he hid it well.  “Has he ever taken illegal substances?”

Shaking my head, I responded.  “Not since he was a teenager.  Then it was purely recreational, as I understand.”

Officer Kim closed the notepad and return it to his pocket along with the pen.  “Clearly, it isn’t safe for you both to stay in the house together tonight.  One of you needs to leave.”

“I’m perfectly happy to do that.  I have a friend who offered to let me stay with her.  I was trying to pack and go there when he stopped me, said I couldn’t take his daughter or his vehicle.”  I frowned before continuing.  “He told me he would have me arrested for kidnapping and stealing his car.  I’m not the kind to call the police over nothing.  If you checked our history, you know that you’ve never been called here before.”   

“Of course.  I understand.” 

“I just want to be able to leave safely.  That’s all.  If you can just stay here while I load up, that will be very helpful.  You have no idea how much I need for Kylie.  She’s special.”

The officer grinned.  “I’m sure she is.”

Inhaling deeply, I explained quickly, a product of plenty of practice.
  “
She was born early.  Very early.  While she’ll outgrow all of her issues, right now, she requires a lot of care, a lot of medical supplies.  It’s not so long ago she was on oxygen 24 hours a day. She needs nebulizer treatments and uses a feeding tube, since she won’t eat anything by mouth.  She’s had numerous surgeries for her eyes.  Yes, the glasses are real.” 

Somehow, I must have been getting through to him.  He was studying Kylie with a new appreciation and looking at me differently as well.

Holding her closer to me for a moment, I bit my cheek before continuing.  “I love my husband.  This man...this is not the man I fell in love with.”

Officer Kim nodded in understanding.  “He said he’s been working a lot lately.”

I shook my head.
  “
He
was
working a lot until two weeks ago.  Since then, he’s only been taking odd jobs here and there.  His last job ended badly.  We had to file a lien for $18,000 against the contractor who hired him.  It has been very stressful.  And Kylie is a lot of work.  I get that.”  

The officer crossed his arms and rocked back on his heels.  “He said you don’t work, that everything is on him.”

A hollow laugh escaped me.
  “
I’m self-employed, just like him.  I’m his accountant and office manager, plus I’m a writer, and I raise our daughter pretty much single-handedly.  Believe me, he may earn more, but he doesn’t work as hard as I do.”

“Obviously this could go on all night.  Where will you be going?”

Knowing I’d soon be leaving safely had me relaxing some.  “I have a friend in Atlanta…”

He frowned and shook his head. “You need to stay locally.  Where can you stay?”

We wandered out the door through the garage while I contemplated his question.  Friendship as an adult is different from friendship as a child.  My friends are all over, but mostly not here.  I grew up in the Adirondacks.  For the past twelve years, I have lived here in Charlotte, but given I quit my last out of the home job years ago at Shane’s request and have been working from the comfort of the great room ever since, I had few friends locally.  Lately, because of Shane’s mood swings, we had even fewer now than we had before.  

The reality of the situation had finally hit me.  Maybe I was still trapped.  My voice caught in my throat.  “Where should I stay locally?  Would you like me across the street or next door?”  I gestured as I spoke.  “Otherwise, my best friends are in Raleigh and Atlanta.”

He studied my face.  For the first time since his arrival, I was at risk of bursting into tears.  It was too much, to finally have the guts to make this drastic change, to seek out the help we so desperately needed, only to have my hopes dashed before I even managed to get out of the driveway.

“Where’s your family?”

While I had my younger sister, Brynn, living an hour away, because she was ten years younger, she was more like my child.  She didn’t have room for us, not in her living situation and therefore wasn’t an option.

“New York and Florida.  Any chance you will let me go stay with one of them?”

His brow furrowed. “There’s nowhere to stay here?  There must be someone.”

Thinking, I knew I really had one option.  We had one couple we still hung out with who lived outside of Charlotte in Mint Hill. Naturally, there was a down side.  “The only local friends I have left are his.  He’ll be furious.”   

“Listen, just call.  If they don’t answer, you can go stay in a hotel instead.”  He shrugged like it was so simple.

“Did you miss the part about the $18,000 lien?  We’re pretty much broke at the moment.  I get paid once a month and it’s two weeks away.”  My eyes filled with tears.

Still, I called Lily under duress. The minute she answered, the officer reached for the phone.  This wouldn’t be too awkward.

Though he took the phone and moved away from me to talk, I could still hear what he was saying.  Even though it wasn’t his intention, I felt unwanted, unloved, and completely pathetic.  It took everything in me to keep my head held high, to retain any pride, any sense of dignity.  This wasn’t my life.  
Finally
, he passed the phone back.

Lily sounded breathless on the other end.  “I’m down the road at my mom’s house picking up Isaac.  Do you need me to come over and take anything back to the house with me?”