The Truth About Love (23 page)

Minutes before noon, there was a knock on the door.  When I opened it, Brynn stood there holding Max, Allen standing shyly behind her.  “Come on in!” I bellowed. 

As she stepped into the house, Brynn started waving her left hand in my face.  “Notice anything different about me?” Her eyes sparkled even more than the diamond on her ring finger.  “You’re smiling?”  I had to tease her.  She’d been pretty miserable the last time we’d been together. 

“No!  The ring, dammit!”  She huffed while I laughed.

Shaking my head, I spoke.  “Did you think I didn’t see your ring?”  I held her hand to examine it.  “I mean, I almost didn’t. It caught the light and blinded me.”  Then I looked over at Allen who seemed to be trying to blend into the wall.  “Did this ring come with a question?  You know, a contract of sorts.”  I smiled at him as I struggled to draw him into a conversation.

“Yeah.  And obviously she agreed.”  He noted as he gestured to her hand.  He spoke in such a low voice, I had to really pay attention to hear him.  As outgoing as Brynn was, it surprised me that she’d pick such a soft-spoken guy to be with for the rest of her life.  Still, what mattered was their happiness.  I still remembered when Shane asked me to marry him. 

It was one of those conversations which seemed surreal at the time.  We’d broken up and happened to run into each other.  Once he had me close, couldn’t keep his hands off me.  “I’ll never let you go,” he had murmured into my hair as he pressed me against his chest.

I’d laughed.  “You already did.  We’re not together.  Remember?”

“Please.  Say what you want, but we’re never far apart.  Look at this.  How do you explain the way we keep running into each other in a city the size of Charlotte?”  He pulled back enough to gaze into my eyes.  “Never again.”  Then he tilted my chin up as he bent to kiss me. 

The chemistry, the sparks, they were still there.  I felt the connection from the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes and especially all the places in between.  “What are you doing?”  I muttered as we drew apart.

“Reminding you.  Claiming you.”  He nuzzled my neck right there at Carmella’s Restaurant.

I shook my head.  “Nope.  Not this time.”  I started to turn and walk away, rejoin my friends, but he stopped me with a hand clasped around my bicep.  Raising my eyebrow, I looked at him, a warning.

Shane didn’t flinch.  Suddenly in the background, someone had picked Beyoncé’s
All the Single Ladies
.  A smile spread across his face.  “Come with me,” he urged. 

My neck craned away.  “No.  I’m with my friends.  Why would I go anywhere with you?”  I reached up and started to pry his fingers off.

“So I can put a ring on it.”  His words had me frozen in shock.  Somehow, he’d managed to hold my attention long enough to drag me out of the restaurant.  We walked to his truck, where he helped me up into the passenger side.  “Stay.”  He begged as he backed around to the driver’s side of the truck. 

Soon we were driving down the road and I was left to sit and wonder where we were going.  He didn’t stop until he came to Jared Jewelers right across from the mall.  Once he parked, I was even more confused.  “What are you doing?”  I held my hands up in protest as he came around to the passenger side of the truck to let me out. 

“Something I should’ve done long ago.”  He held my hand as we walked into the store.  “I kept putting you off, kept asking for more time.  I thought I would be missing out on so much if I settled down.  Now I’ve come to understand I was actually missing out by not committing to a life with you sooner.”  He shook his head, a look of disappointment in his eyes as he opened the door for me.  Wrapping an arm around my waist, he guided me to the engagement rings.  It felt strange to discover he knew right where they were. 

“I don’t understand.”  I whispered in the nearly deserted shop, afraid of attracting too much attention.

“Understand this.”  He dropped to one knee.  Shane must’ve seen the look of disbelief in my face.  “On second thought.”  He dropped to both knees.  “See?  I’m not asking.  I’m begging.”  Taking a deep breath, he reached out and held my hands in his.  “Please, Nina.  Be my wife.  Let’s build a life together.  I know we’ve had our fair share of challenges, but we have a strong foundation of undying love to grow on.” 

My face softened then.  My heart thawed.  He was right.  Our love never seemed to fade, it never ended, no matter how hard we tried to part ways. 

“Will you marry me?”  Shane squeezed my fingers while staring up at me with those gorgeous blue green eyes.  I could get lost forever in them, if I only answered the question.

“Yes.”  It came out a sigh, a blissful release, after holding my breath for years.

Standing abruptly, he grinned.  Then he waved over the counter.  “Pick.”  He urged. 

“I thought the guy was supposed to pick.”  I looked at him from the side of my eye. 

“I picked the right woman.  You pick the right ring.”  Shane leaned over the glass display case.  “Although if you want my input, try that one on.”  He had pointed to one, a simple solitaire in a square setting.  “You have such tiny fingers.  I don’t want something to look gaudy.” 

The salesman behind the counter had come over and pulled out the one he pointed to.  Shane took it from his hands, and slid it onto my finger.  It fit perfectly.  And though the ring wasn’t the one from my dreams, the man who came with it more than made up for it. 

“We’ll take it.”  He turned to the salesman and passed him a credit card.  Just like that, we’d gone from broken up to together forever.  Only now we weren’t.  I didn’t even have the ring anymore. 

Determined to be happy for Brynn, I swallowed my sorrow and focused on the positive.  “So you’re getting married.  Have a date in mind?”  I merely meant to make conversation.  Brynn was supposed to laugh and tell me it was too soon.

“Yeah, actually.  We’re just going to go simple, a justice of the peace wedding and a small reception with friends and family on our anniversary.”

My blood ran cold.  “When’s your anniversary?”

“The week before Valentine’s.”  Allen was the first to answer. 

This was really happening.  A few short weeks after my next court appearance for the divorce and custody, they’d be tying the knot.  I swallowed hard as I struggled to be happy for them.  “Well, let me know what I can do to help.”  That’s what family did, right?  They offered to help out, even when they didn’t really mean it.  I seriously had no intention of committing to anything more than showing up with a gift, which would probably mean a card and some money. 

“Since you offered…”  Brynn did a little dance.  “We were hoping we could hold the reception here.”  I know my jaw dropped open.  I couldn’t help it.  “You have the biggest and best back yard.  You have the screened porch and the fireplace.  We could really have a nice reception here.”  She walked over and looped an arm through mine.  “We could even put the kids to bed in the rooms and close the hall door so they would have quiet.”

Clearly she had thought this out.  I looked around the house and saw it from her perspective.  I knew how beautiful the house looked now, decorated for the holiday.  If I tried, I could easily imagine how it would look for her reception.  This house had so many sad memories lately.  Worse, we’d had years of not celebrating hardly anything.  Shane avoided celebrating birthdays.  First it was his, then it was everyone’s.  Finally, it seemed to be all holidays.  As down as he was on life, I wondered if it might not be a result of his inability to celebrate it.  It was time to let someone else have a happy beginning here.  Marriage was something to be celebrated.

Nodding slowly, I faced her.  “Okay.  Let’s do it.  You can have your reception here.”

Chapter Twenty-two

On Kylie’s birthday, the day before our court appearance in January, there was a knock on the door.  Brynn and I looked at each other.  She’d been here the better part of the day.  At first we worked on wedding plans while the kids napped.  Then we made birthday cupcakes for my daughter.  They were these perfect strawberry cupcakes with cream filling and cream cheese frosting.  To top them off, we’d dusted them with some pink sparkling sugar.  They belonged on a magazine cover.  We topped off the celebration with a quiet family dinner and were about to open presents and sing when the doorbell rang. 

“I don’t know why you’re looking at me.  It’s your house.  You answer it.”  She stuck her tongue out at me as I narrowed my eyes at her.

“Like it matters most of the time!”  I argued.  “You usually race me for it.”

“That’s just when it’s the UPS guy with a package.  I’m having all my wedding stuff shipped here and you know it.”  She threw a hand in the air.

“Fine.  I’ll answer the door, but I won’t like it.”  Then I stomped off to the front door.  When I reached it, I discovered Evan and Lola were standing outside.  “Hey.”  I greeted them.

“We knew it was Kylie’s birthday.  We thought we’d take a chance and stop by.”  Their arms were loaded with presents. 

“Wow.  You shouldn’t have.”  I shook my head.

“Oh, these aren’t from us.  Shane sent them for Kylie.  We’re supposed to take pictures of her opening them.”  Lola looked almost guilty at her announcement.  Evan, however, seemed to be distracted by the cupcakes.

“Did you want a cupcake?”  I asked hesitantly.  “No photos.”  I warned.  “We have court tomorrow.  Notice you didn’t bring anything over at Christmas.  This is no doubt a planned photo opp so he can use them in court tomorrow.”

Evan looked a little nervous, which suggested I probably guessed correctly.  His phone was already out and unlocked. 

“I’ll just hold onto these until you leave.”  I reached for his phone then for Lola’s. 

She held hers against her chest.  “You’re joking, right?”

Shaking my head with my hand still out, I reminded her.  “I can never be too careful.  Kylie’s life is at stake.”  With that, she sighed and passed me the phone.

“I’m not sure what I’ll tell Shane.”  Evan grumbled.

Wiping the sour look from my face, I pasted a fake smile there instead.  “Tell him he’s been outsmarted.  Tell him you’re more afraid of me than him.  Honestly, I don’t care what you tell him.”  Then I stuck their phones in the junk drawer and shut it loudly.  “Time for cupcakes!”

An hour later, the birthday girl was completely partied out and asleep in her crib.  The neighbors had gone home, and Brynn was hanging around, waiting for Allen to pick her and Max up after he finished work.  Once I’d finished the clean up, she looked at me and smirked. 

“What?”  I dried my hands on the kitchen towel and frowned at her.

“Nothing.”  She stretched and then leaned on the counter and smiled.  “You handled that so well.”

“Seriously.  I about lost my shit.”  I chuckled.  “The nerve.  I swear.”  I gestured for her to follow me to the great room then I collapsed on the couch.  “I’m not expecting people to take sides, but I feel like they’re playing me half the time.  I hate it.”

She growled.  “I know.  And I totally get it.”  Brynn sighed as she sank into the love seat and folded her hands behind her head.  “Are you worried about tomorrow?”

At first, I considered playing my fear off.  Then I remembered it was a conversation with my sister.  She’d know.  “Yeah.  I’m terrified.”  I admitted as I wrapped the couch blanket around me. 

“What’s the worst thing that can happen?”  She asked flippantly.

Brynn meant well, but she had no idea.  “Okay.  I’ll play.  Worst case?  He lies his ass off and the judge believes him.   Worst case is he gets unsupervised visitation and he’s still a mess.  Kylie could be injured by his neglect, or his rage.”

“You think he’d hurt her?”  She sat up straight, her eyes wide.

I shook my head adamantly.  “Never intentionally.  Like the first time, he threw a shoe.  She was nearly hit.  These things are dangerous for someone so little.” 

After sitting silently and mulling over my words, she turned and raised one brow. “What about the best case scenario?”  She smiled, obviously determined to have me thinking positive.

“Hm.  I never thought about a best case scenario.”  I closed my eyes for a moment and imagined my perfect world.  I thought about how his lawyer claimed he wanted to reconcile.  I wondered if he could ever stick to the doctor’s orders for meds.  I pictured the life we’d planned so long ago, the life we dreamed together throughout the years.  We’d had a ten-year plan where we moved out of state.  We were going to build a house together, our place, not just his.  There were more children. 

Tears flooded my eyes.  “My best case scenario?  He loses.”  Yeah.  I lied.  I couldn’t admit to anyone how much I wanted our life, the impossible dream.

Finally, a knock on the door broke the tension.  It was such a gentle knock, I knew it had to be Allen.  “Guess we’re out of here.”  Brynn hopped to her feet.

“I’ll drop Kylie off around noon.”  I reminded her.  “Court starts at one.” 

As soon as she left, I locked up and rushed to the bedroom.  Nothing would feel better to me than getting a good night’s rest.  Once I stripped down, I stretched out under the blankets and glanced over at my sweet two year old sleeping in her crib.  Kylie was my precious gift.  I’d do anything to protect her and give her the life she deserved.

***

Court…went by in a blur.  I thought I was so smart, as I parked on a different level and changed up my routine.  I patted myself on the back for setting up a meeting place with my lawyer.  We had rehearsed and discussed all the possibilities.  I knew with absolute certainty we’d covered all our bases.  Hell, I’d even told her what Shane would do.  There was no doubt in my mind he’d try to lie. 

Soon, I discovered I could never be a lawyer, or at least his lawyer.  It’s such dirty, dishonest work.  By the time I left, in tears, I was convinced Shane’s lawyer was soulless.  How else could I explain the way he twisted my words, my actions, and my deeds.  Soon Shane was looking like some poor misunderstood man.  I was the evil bitch who was trying to keep him from his child and steal his house. 

Oh, but that wasn’t the worst of it.  The worst part came when Shane was questioned.  As expected, he lied his ass off.  He disputed the pictures of the damage he’d done to the house.   “I don’t know where these pictures were taken,” he told the judge under oath.  “You can’t even tell whose house it is.”

My head in my hands, I struggled to stay calm.  We’d remodeled every bit of the house together.  He didn’t recognize the Irish Paddock paint?  What about the bamboo hardwood floors we’d spent hours selecting in Lumber Liquidators?  I had no words.  This man was such a disappointment.

In the end, the judge looked back and forth between us.  He seemed to be struggling, so confused with the testimony he’d heard.  Was I the shrew I was painted to be?  Was Shane the angry out of control addict I claimed?  His verdict shattered me.

“I’m going to allow visitation starting next weekend.”  The judge began.  My jaw dropped open and Shane fist pumped the air in excitement.  “The visits will be for three hours at a time and supervised.”  He stared meaningfully at me.  “You won’t be able to stay because of the Order of Protection.”

“My sister, Brynn.”  I spluttered.  “He can visit Kylie at the house. I’ll leave.  Brynn can be there.”  I didn’t know this for sure, but I was certain Brynn would do anything she could to help protect her niece.

“Is that acceptable, Mr. Powers?”  He stared at Shane.  In my mind, I dared him to dispute my terms.  He and Brynn had a sometimes-tumultuous relationship.  She was immature.  He had little patience. 

“Yes, your honor.”  Shane looked over at me.

“Okay, so we’ll say from two to five next Saturday.”  The judge looked at me while I nodded numbly, tears streaming down my face.  “You two will have to talk.  I’m making that change in the Order of Protection.”

My lawyer tried to lean over to speak to me, but I was furious.  I felt absolutely let down by her.  I’d have done better on my own.  She didn’t redirect.  She didn’t cross-examine.  She didn’t do anything to help me out.  I couldn’t believe I was paying her for this.  I held up my hand and walked away.

Shane went chasing after me.  “We have to talk.  You heard the judge!” 

I didn’t stop.  I kept walking until I reached the elevator.  The doors were open already as I stepped inside.  Turning, I spoke firmly.  “Not now.”

I’ll never forget the look on his face.  He wasn’t basking in a win.  He seemed utterly confused as to why I was so upset.  It wasn’t about me.  It wasn’t this shame of losing.  It was all about fear of what the loss meant.  I worried about my daughter.  I worried he’d lose interest and fall off the grid.  I worried she’d get invested in him and he’d never follow through.  If everything went well and the length of the visits increased, it could be terrible for her.  I tried to picture her sleeping under some other roof at night away from me.  I imagined other women playing mommy to her, lots of them, lines of them, Shane’s flavor of the month.  I was the only woman he’d ever seriously dated, the only one he’d ever lived with and been serious about.  Of course, he might be living with some ex now, if the rumors were true.  These were the thoughts I tortured myself with on the drive home. 

As I opened the door to the house, I found Kylie sitting on the floor playing.  I rushed over to her, crushed her to my chest and held her right there on the floor. 

“I guess I don’t need to ask how it went.”  Brynn sighed from the couch.  “I’m sorry.  Anything I can do to help?”

Sniffling, I turned to face her.  “Actually there is.  What are you doing next Saturday?” 

With a weak smile, she responded, “Whatever you need me to do.”

Half an hour later, Brynn had left and I was alone with Kylie counting the days until she would see her father.  Ten.  That was it.  I didn’t have enough time to mentally prepare myself.  How was I going to be able to help her?  As I lamented our current state, my phone chimed. 

Shane: My lawyer gave me this number.  He apparently got it off some court paperwork.

Funny, I’d never wondered how the lawyer found me on my new phone.  It was all coming together now.  Still, I said nothing.

Shane:  The judge said we had to talk.  Are you really going to let it all end like this?  Do you really never want to speak to me again?

Me: Actually, yeah. 

Shane: Haha

Me: This is funny to you.

Shane: Made you talk to me.

I set the phone back on the couch.  He’d hurt me in so many ways.  He still was.  Somehow, he didn’t get it.  I could feel my blood boiling.  His next message didn’t help.

Shane: What are you so upset about?

Me: Seriously?  You lied under oath!  You don’t deserve to see Kylie, especially after all you’ve done.

Hot tears began to sting my eyes.  Apparently with Shane in my life, I would be prone to constant tears all over again.  I hated it.  I hated feeling weak.  Maybe I even hated him a little.  I waited for a response, but it took forever in coming.  When he finally answered, I could almost hear the pain in his words.  It’s funny.  Everyone always claims text messages lead to so much confusion.  This is only true if you don’t really know the other person.  Because he has been such a part of me, I could actually hear him speaking.  We might as well have been talking in person.

Shane:  You’re right.  I’m sorry.

I inhaled so sharply, I nearly choked.  He never used those words.  I was always wrong and he was always too proud to apologize.  There really seemed to be only one possibility.  I recalled all the times he sought my help in crafting messages to various individuals through the years.

Me: Who’s with you?  Who’s helping you?

Shane: No one.  Just me.  What? You don’t believe me?

Then I sent a text I never imagined I would.  I hesitated so long over the send option my thumb nearly grew numb. 

Me: Call me

Then I stood up and paced while Kylie played in her bouncer.  Why had I said that?  What if he didn’t want to talk to me?  What if he was with some girl?  I picked at my cuticles while I contemplated all the various possibilities.  Before I could torture myself for more than a few seconds, the phone rang.  It was him.  “Hello?”  Instantly, I was filled with self-loathing for how tentatively I answered the call.

“Hey.”  He sounded breathless, just like he used to after we’d finished kissing. 

Slowly, I closed my eyes and recalled what that felt like.  Then I remembered I was mad at him.  “What do you want?”  My words come out far colder than I meant them.

“Oh.”