Authors: Iris Johansen
And he took a step toward her.
“YOU’RE BEING VERY STUBBORN.” Selene rolled over on her back and straightened her bodice. “What does it take to convince you that you cannot live without me? I’m sure that I must be as proficient now as any of those women in that house of pleasure where you apprenticed.”
“You concentrate on seduction of the body, not the mind.” Kadar sat up, picked up a blade of grass, and drew it teasingly over her lower lip. “But, by all means, continue.”
She knocked his hand away. “Only because you won’t talk to me.”
“It’s too pleasant a day for discussion. The sky is blue, the sun is bright, and you—”
“The sky was stormy yesterday, and you would not talk then either. It’s been over a month and we’ve done nothing but make love.”
He shook his head. “A terrible waste of time.”
“It is when I wish to—”
His lips covered hers.
She bit him.
He jumped back, and his hand touched his lower lip. “I take it you’re really sincere about this.”
“I want to go back to the villa and have you tell Tarik to give me the potion.”
He shook his head.
Dear God, he was obstinate. She had not expected to have this much trouble convincing him. “You know you’ll do it eventually. I won’t have it any other way.”
“Perhaps.”
“What will it take to convince you?”
“I have to give you time.”
“How much time? A week? A month?” When he didn’t reply, her eyes widened. “A year?”
“Five years should give you a goodly period to consider the consequences.”
“Five—” She vigorously shook her head. “No.”
“Have you thought why you’re so eager to have this done and over? Are you afraid you’ll change your mind?”
“No. I want it over because it will be in contention until it’s done. I don’t want that between us. No more confusion or conflict, Kadar.”
He drew her closer. “I wish I could believe that’s the only reason for—”
“I want to
hit
you.” She pushed him away and jumped to her feet. “All right, I don’t believe this Eshe is a miracle. But, by heaven, I’m going to take it.” She started down the hill.
“Where are you going?” he called after her.
“Away from you. Go back to the cottage, you stupid man. I don’t want to see you for at least an hour.” She had reached the stand of trees and was enveloped in the shady coolness. She needed that coolness. She was frustrated and annoyed and she saw no way to—
She froze with shock.
No.
Again.
She staggered to a nearby oak tree and leaned against it.
Impossible.
“You weren’t long.” Kadar didn’t look up from the stew he was stirring in the fireplace. “Does that mean I’m forgiven? Or that you’re going to do me bodily—My God, what’s wrong?”
“We’re going back to the villa.”
He was by her side. “You’re pale. Are you ill?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know.” She began to gather her belongings. “We have to go back to the villa.”
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
She shook her head. How could she tell him what she didn’t understand herself? “Just take me to the villa.”
The villa was in turmoil when they reached it a half day later. The courtyard was filled with wagons loaded with boxes and furniture. Heavily laden servants were scurrying to and from the house and the wagons.
“What’s going on?” Kadar murmured as he lifted Selene down from her horse. “It looks as if they’re abandoning the place.”
“Not abandoning.” Tarik walked down the steps toward them. “We’re merely moving on. It’s never wise staying in one place too long. You’ll also find that to be true, Kadar.”
“Where’s Layla?” Selene demanded. “I have to see Layla. Is she still here?”
“Of course. But you caught us just in time.” He turned toward the door and raised his voice. “Layla.”
“In a moment. I cannot—” Layla appeared in the doorway. “Well, it’s about time you returned. We’ve been waiting for weeks.”
“It appears you’re waiting no longer,” Kadar said dryly. “If we’d come tomorrow, the villa would have been deserted.”
“We would have sent word of our location. Vaden is becoming impatient.”
“Vaden?” Kadar asked. “What on earth has Vaden to—”
“Stop it. None of this is important.” Selene stepped forward. “I have to talk to Layla.”
“You don’t look well.” Layla’s gaze was raking Selene’s face. “You’re very pale.”
“I’m with child.”
She could sense Kadar stiffening in shock beside her.
A brilliant smile lit Layla’s face. “Again? What wonderful news. It will be—”
“Not again. I felt
life.
Thea didn’t feel life until she had reached almost her fourth month. It has to be the same child. I did not lose my baby.”
“What?” Layla asked, stunned.
“You heard me. How could this be? You told me I’d lost the babe.”
“I thought you had. There was bleeding . . .”
“How much bleeding?”
“Not too much, but you were unconscious and the shock . . . You
should
have lost it.” Her eyes widened as a thought occurred to her. “Unless it was—”
“What?” Selene asked as Layla stopped speaking.
“Nothing. What do I know about babies? I’m no midwife. I’ve always tried to stay away from—It hurt too much when I couldn’t conceive myself.”
“Layla,” Tarik said.
Layla glanced warily at him. “I thought you wanted it.”
“Oh, my God,” he whispered.
“Eshe,” Kadar said.
“It was the only time I didn’t offer choice,” Layla said quickly to Tarik. “You’d given it to Kadar, and it was clear you wouldn’t want him to be alone. She loved him.”
“You put it in my wine that first night,” Selene whispered.
Layla’s gaze was still fixed anxiously on Tarik’s face. “I thought you wanted it.”
And obviously that was the only thing of importance in Layla’s world, Selene realized in frustration.
Tarik shook his head. “It mustn’t happen again, Layla. Not without choice.”
“Oh, it won’t,” she said, obviously relieved. “But it’s just as well, don’t you agree?”
“No, I don’t agree,” Kadar said grimly. “You robbed Selene.”
“Of choice.” Layla turned to Selene. “But you should have lost the child. It had to be Eshe that kept it alive.”
“You’re sure?” Selene asked.
Layla shook her head. “We don’t know enough for me to be sure. I’ve never given Eshe to anyone carrying a child. I didn’t know you were with child when I gave it to you. But it makes sense a potion that would battle disease and strengthen the mother would also strengthen the child, doesn’t it?”
“Yes,” Selene said dazedly.
“Then I did entirely the right thing.”
“You did not,” Kadar said through his teeth. “Were you going to deceive us indefinitely into believing she had a choice? Good God, you even made me promise not to give her Eshe without discussing it with you.”
“Because I wasn’t sure what effect two doses would have on her. We don’t know enough about—”
“You keep saying that,” Kadar said. “I’d think you’d refrain from reckless acts until you do know.”
“Tell me that when you face a similar choice.” She turned to Tarik. “I believe we’re packed. Are you ready to go?”
He nodded and helped her onto her horse.
“Where are you going?” Selene asked.
“First to the north. Vaden has claimed his price. It seems he wants a piece of property and he has to wed a lady to get it.”
“Wed?”
Tarik nodded. “But there are difficulties. The lady is already married.” He mounted his horse. “And after that we will probably set sail on the
Dark Star
for Ireland. Neither of us has been there.”
“But don’t worry,” Layla said. “We’ll not lose touch. We’ll be there to help you when you need us.”
“Wonderful,” Kadar said.
“You need only send word.” Layla ignored Kadar’s sarcasm and addressed Selene. “And let me know when the babe is born. After all, I feel a certain responsibility toward it.”
“God forbid,” Kadar murmured.
“Since we have need of the
Dark Star
for our own purposes, I’ve sent word to Genoa and my captain will put my ship there at your disposal to take you home to Montdhu,” Tarik said as he turned his horse. “I believe that’s all. Farewell.”
“Wait,” Kadar said.
Tarik shook his head. “Now isn’t the time to talk. You’re too upset with Layla, and I’d feel the necessity to defend her. Much better to let everything settle and let you become accustomed to the situation.”
“When? Another hundred years?”
Tarik chuckled. “Much sooner. You’ll be surprised.” He raised his hand and put spurs to his horse.
Layla lingered a moment. “The babe,” she reminded Selene. “Send word.”
Selene nodded, still in a daze.
Layla’s smile lit her face. “I told you Eshe was wonderful.”
The next moment she was riding out of the courtyard after Tarik.
Selene’s knees felt suddenly weak. She abruptly sat down on the steps and watched the wagons roll slowly out of the courtyard.
“Are you well?” Kadar asked quickly.
She nodded. “It’s just that—I never expected—I thought I’d lost—”
“Idiot woman.”
“She’s not an idiot.”
“No, she’s a ruthless, self-absorbed—”
“Hush.” She couldn’t deny the condemnation, but she felt the need to defend Layla. “She was desperate. She loves Tarik.”
“So she gave you no choice. Do you know what a struggle I’ve had to keep myself from giving in to that temptation? And that blasted woman had already given it to you.”
“Why are you so upset? It would have come to the same thing anyway. I’d already told you what my decision would be.”
“That doesn’t matter. What if you’d changed your mind later?”
She shook her head. “I’m relieved. Now I don’t have to put up with your noble restraint for the next five years. I couldn’t bear such—”
“I’ve brought you a present.” Vaden galloped into the courtyard. “Though I doubt if you’ll like it overmuch. I would not.” He got down from his horse and untied the wooden chest. “Tarik said to tell you it was now your responsibility. He was starting anew and there were enough bones of contention to plague him.” He set the chest down on the stones of the courtyard. “So here it is.”
“Take it back to him,” Kadar said.
Vaden shook his head. “I don’t want him distracted. I have use for him. That’s the only reason I agreed to deliver it to you.” He got back on his horse. “Give Ware my greetings.”
Before they could protest, he’d galloped out of the courtyard.
Selene stared at the carved chest.
Kadar muttered a curse. “By God, I won’t be saddled with this against my will. I’m tempted to ride out of here and leave it sitting there.”
“No, you aren’t.”
“What?”
“It isn’t against your will. I think you’d already made up your mind. I think you were looking forward to it.”
“And what of you? Was I going to force it on you as well?”
She shook her head. “But you hoped . . .” She closed her eyes. She felt in a fog, drunk. “Let me think for a moment. Everything has happened too fast. I never dreamed—”
“There’s nothing to think about. It’s bad enough that you weren’t given a choice about Eshe. You don’t want this.”
“Don’t I?”
“You know you don’t.”
“I didn’t think I did. I only wanted to take the potion because it was the only way we could be together. It seemed there was too much danger of unhappiness. . . .” Her eyes opened and she slowly stood up and moved toward the chest. She put a tentative hand on the carved top. It felt smooth, pleasing beneath her palm. “There’s still that danger.”
He stood watching her.
“But there’s something else too.” Her hand moved in a gentle stroking motion. “I told you I didn’t think Eshe was a miracle, but if it saved my baby, then it can’t be anything else. If it saved my baby, then it’s worth protecting. Maybe it’s as wonderful as Layla thinks it is.”
“May I point out you’re thinking with your heart and not your mind?” Kadar asked gently.
“What’s wrong with that?” Her palm left the wooden chest and rested on her abdomen. No flutter of life, but it would come again. She was filled with wonder at the realization. Life. Eshe. “Feelings are good. Instinct is good. I’ll let you think coolly and calmly. It sounds very boring.” She turned and mounted the steps. “Now bring the chest inside. We have to plan on how we’re to safely transport it to Montdhu. What if the ship sinks? Nothing must happen to it.” She turned as she heard him chuckle. “What’s so amusing?”
“You sound like Layla.” He picked up the chest and caught up with her on the steps. “And I was wondering if Tarik should have left the grail in your care instead of mine.”
“Then you’re very foolish.” She smiled at him. “Together, Kadar. What must I do to convince you that everything we do must be done together?”
MONTDHU
“IT’S NOT AS LARGE as I remembered it.” Selene rested her arms on the ship’s rail, her gaze fixed eagerly on the castle on the hill. “Isn’t that strange? In my thoughts Montdhu loomed gigantic.”
“It’s large enough.” Kadar’s arm slipped around her waist. “Or is it? Do you wish a castle of your own?”
“And leave Ware and Thea? Why would I want to do that? And what of the babe? It will need company. Children should not grow up alone. Thea’s Niall will make a fine companion and kinsman.”
“Heaven help him.” He paused. “I wasn’t suggesting taking you far away. I just thought a little distance might be a wise course.”
“Because of the potion?” A little of her eagerness left her. “You believe it may be dangerous for us to not show signs of age?”
“I believe it’s something with which we’ll have to contend,” he said gently. “We both know that it will come sometime.”
“I’ve been thinking.” She didn’t look at him. “Who is to say Tarik and Layla are right? Why shouldn’t we give more than five vials?”
He shook his head. “There would soon be none left if you give it to the whole glen. I realize how you feel. I feel the same. But Eshe is a responsibility. There have to be limits.”
She had known that would be his response, but she still could not consider the limitations of Eshe calmly. It wasn’t right. There should be something they could do. “Because of the rarity of the herb that grows along the Nile. Well, surely that herb grows somewhere else. The world is wide. Perhaps wider than we know. We could find it. We
must
find it.”
He threw back his head and laughed. “Good God, I should have known that you’d not meekly accept Tarik and Layla’s strictures. Tell me, should we turn the ship around and sail out of the harbor in search of this elusive herb?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. We can wait awhile. We’ve just come home.”
Home. A rush of emotion overwhelmed her as she gazed mistily at the distant castle. Soon she would see Thea and Ware. “So solid. So peaceful,” she whispered. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
“Very.” Kadar’s arm tightened around her. “Home usually is beautiful. I’m glad you’re going to allow us to enjoy it for a time.”
“You know I’m right about searching for—Oh, look, the gate’s opening. They must have caught sight of the ship.”
“I’d wager Ware’s lookout spotted us some minutes ago.”
“Then why—Dear heaven, they’re going to attack!” Selene watched in astonishment as soldiers thundered through the gates, with Ware at their head.
“Why are you surprised?” He chuckled. “It’s to be expected. This ship is unknown to them, and Ware is a cautious man.”
“It’s not funny. I did not expect any such thing. We’ve not come all this way home to be sunk in the harbor by the people we love.”
“Then we must make sure they know who we are.” He was still laughing as he stepped closer to the rail and waved his arm back and forth, repeating her words, “So solid. So peaceful.”
He was right. Montdhu was no more peaceful than any other place, and Selene was not certain she would have it any other way.
Havens were all very well, but they could become boring. When she had made her choice about Eshe, she had rejected her right to hide away from life. She had to go to meet it.
But there was a difference between hiding and putting down roots. She wanted those roots, and by God, she’d find a way to strike a balance and hold what she wanted.
“You’re doing this all wrong, Kadar. You look like you’re trying to catch a seagull,” she said. “You’ll have an arrow in your chest before you get his attention. Let me do it.” She stepped forward, and her voice rang over the water to her brother-in-law, who had just reined in at the shore. “Ware, you idiot, don’t you dare attack us. Are you blind? It’s Kadar and Selene. We’ve come home.”