The Touch of Sage (41 page)

Sage thought of his b
eating the cowboy in the street—
the way he
’
d shoved the sheriff, told Ivy to leave.
She thought of the way he
’
d kissed her right there in broad daylight for all the town to see.
Reb Mitchell was no more a coward than she was a loose saloon girl.

“
He
’
s a coward all right,
”
Eugenia continued,
“a
n idiot too, to think you
’
d blame him for that cat.
But he
’
s more of a coward for not reaching out and takin
’
what he wants for fear of losin
’
it,
”
Eugenia said.
Sage nodded then.
“
But then, he
’
s no more of a coward than you are.
”

“
What?
”
Sage exclaimed.

Eugenia rais
ed her eyebrows—shrugged her shoulders—
tipped her head to one side as she said,
“
You
’
re pointin
’
the finger awful straight at a man who
’
s been badly wounded.
By
‘
wounded
’
I
’
m takin
’
about the wounds that devil-girl left on his heart and soul.
The wounds that cat gave him were nothin
’
compared to it.
And you
’
re pointin
’
the finger awful hard, Sage.
You
’
ve never had those kinds of wounds.
You
’
ve had your own
,
and I
’
m not sayin
’
you haven
’
t.
But how can you stand there judgin
’
that boy when you didn
’
t have the courage to claim him yourself?
”

“
What?
”
Sage exclaimed again.
“
What do you mean?
Claim him?
How could I ever have
—”

“
The day Ivy arrived,
” Eugenia interrupted, “y
ou were shaken up
,
and I understand that.
It shook me up somethin
’
awful too. But when Reb came to the door
,
you didn
’
t make one move to claim him.
You didn
’
t make one sound to let Ivy know he was yours.
”

“
But he wasn
’
t!
”
Sage exclaimed in defense of herself.

“
Oh, pig snot!
”
Eugenia grumbled.
“
He
’
s been yours for the takin
’
since the day Bullet wound the two of you up on the front porch!
You just haven
’
t given Reb any sign whatsoever that you even want him.
You just stood there next to Ivy Dalton…stood there with your mouth glued shut, not a tear in your eye.
What was a man in Reb
’
s situation to think?
Hmmm?
”

“But
he
’
s so…how could I have hoped…you saw
her…you saw how beautiful she i
s,
”
Sage stammered.
It was a fierce fight to hold onto her tears.

“
She
’
s beautiful all right.
Like a
shiny
snake in the grass,
”
Eugenia said.
“
And Reb knows that.
Oh sure…he
’
s been an idiot, but only because he
’
s been through a world of hurt.
And I don
’
t mean this to sound as heartless as it does, Sage…but he
’
s been hurt worse than you ever have.
At least up until now.
So quit bein
’ so selfish. Q
uit bein
’
so scared of life and the disappointment that comes with it.
And you go on. Y
ou keep callin
’
Reb a coward…but I
’ll say it again.
I haven
’
t ever seen you do one thing to let him know you love him, to let him know you want him.
And I still don
’
t see you doin
’
anythin
’
to let him know.
”

“But I…b
ut I…
”
Sage stammered.
Sage
’
s mind was whirling with confusion.
Was Eugenia blaming her for Reb
’
s unhappiness?
What was she supposed to have done the day I
vy had shown up at the boarding house
? When Reb had arrived?
Should she have thrown her arms around him, smothered him with kisses?
Yesterday in the street, after he
’
d beaten the cowboy, should she have wrestled him to the ground and confessed her undying love?
What good would that have done?
Would he have then confessed an endless love for her suddenly?
Would he have swooped her up in his arms and demanded the Reverend Tippetts marry them then and there?

“
That boy put a mountain lion down for you, Sage!
Put his very life in jeopardy without one thought the other way!
”
Eugenia shook her head, her expression pleading.
“
Can
’
t you find enough courage to fight for him now?
It seems to me…if Reb can best a mountain lion for you, you oughta be able to best that Ivy…drive out the poison she spit in his heart and fill it up with sweet sugar again.
”

Somehow Sage still managed to choke back her tears.
Closing her eyes she saw Reb
’s handsome smile—
his easy manner and fiery eyes.
Rebel Mitchell was more than she could ever have even dreamed a man to be.

“
Sometimes,
”
she whispered,
“sometimes
I wonder if he
’
s even real, Eugenia.
Sometimes I think…I think I just dreamed him up.
Sometimes I thin
k I dreamed all of it up. Him…his smile…
and the way he laughs when Miss
Rosie
is being silly.
Sometimes I think I dreamed up that entire day…the trip out to the ranch, dreamed up the mountain lion and all that happened before it.
”
Sage forced a smile and shook her head as she looked at Eugenia.
“
I
’
m…I
’
m just Sage Willows, Miss Eugenia,
”
she said.
“
I
’
m just the woman who runs the boardin
’
house in town.
”

Eugenia smiled and put a hand to Sage
’
s cheek.
“
But that
’
s not true
,
Sage.
You
’
re not just the woman who runs the boardin
’
house in town.
And Reb
’
s not just the cowboy who runs the old Smarthin
’
ranch.
”
She took Sage
’
s hands in her own, squeezing them with reassurance.
“
You
’
re the girl who loves Reb Mitchell.
And he
’
s the man who loves you.
”

“
That
’
s not true,
”
Sage said, shaking her head.
“
Please don
’
t say it.
”

“
It is true!
”
Eugenia exclaimed.
“
You know it
’
s true, Sage.
You
’re just afraid…
afraid of feelin
’
the way Reb did when Ivy did him wrong.
You
’
re afraid of heartache…but doesn
’
t your heart ache already?
”
Eugenia paused, seeming to choose her words carefully.
“
Your life has had a bit of disappointment, Sage.
No one would fault you for feelin
’
fearful.
But don
’t let fear win. D
on
’
t let fear keep you from happiness.
Fear is the devil
’
s saddle pal
,
Sage, and he depends on it.
Fear wants you to stay disappointed.
It wants to break you.
It
’
s breakin
’
the man you love right now.
Right now while you
’
re standin
’
here hangin
’
out your underwear, fear
’
s whippin
’
Reb.
Fear of not havin
’
you is whippin
’
him down.
And when a man feels whipped, that
’
s when he
’
s at his weakest.
That
’
s when he gives up, gives in, and settles for what feels easy and safe.
And I think you know that.
”

Sage closed her eyes, willing herself not t
o cry. She thought of running—
running to her escape in Ruthie
’
s pasture.
She inha
led deeply, holding her breath—envisioning Reb again—
h
is frown—
his angry behavior in the street the day before.
Again
,
she envisioned
him sitting in the ranch house—
blood streaming from the wounds the mountain lion had inflicted on his powerful
body. She thought of his eyes—
the expression of anger and hurt in them the day he
’d come to the boarding house
and found Ivy there.
She thought of the way he
’
d looked at her the day before, accusing her of being the likes of Ivy Dalton.

Releasing her breath sh
e thought of other things then—
of his smile and playful manner.
She thought o
f the mischievous grin he wore—
the bright twinkle in his eyes as he teased her or the widows.
She thought of his kissing her in the barn when she
’
d only just touched him, the slightest of gestures.
She thought of his preying on her in the kitchen
—
taking a bite of the juicy peach she offered and then brushing her hand aside as he kissed her.
She thought of the delighted look on his face when he
’d entered the boarding house
t
o see her dancing on the table—
the way he
’
d carried her off to the wagon.
She thought of his lifting her down from the wagon on the way to the ranch, remembered the emotion in his eyes a moment before he
’
d kissed her.
She thought then of the fear, the undeniable fear in his expression as he
’
d looked at her in the kitchen after the mountain lion attack.
Only then did she remember and fi
nally recognize the fear—
the agony of guilt apparent in his eyes in those moments before she fell unconscious again.

“
What if he…what if he hates me now?
”
Sage whispered, looking to Eugenia.
“
What if it
’
s too late?
”