The Touch of a Woman (28 page)

The only place where she could make a private call was the ladies’ room off the main hallway near the elevator bank, outside the
Vista
offices. Four stalls, all empty.

She expected to reach voice mail, and was momentarily taken aback when Summer answered her call.

“I…I thought you were in a meeting.”

“He let us out for a break, thank God. There was a mad dash for the bathroom. But we have to go back for who knows how long. And half the people on our floor are going to have to work late tonight to get our paperwork out the door. Otherwise we miss the funding cycle.”

She was protesting too much, Ellis thought. Since when did state workers stay overtime? “So I guess dinner’s out for tonight.”

“Sorry.”

After several awkward seconds, it was apparent she wasn’t going to suggest another time. “Summer, are you avoiding me?”

“No! Of course not. Why would you think that?”

“Because I practically had to break down your door last night to get you to talk to me. You haven’t been to the fitness room all week. No calls, no texts. Nothing. It’s like we aren’t even friends anymore.” She was tempted to challenge her story about the long meeting and having to work late too, but that would put Summer on the defensive. “I was hoping after last night that we were okay again.”

“We are.” A deep sigh was followed by what sounded like a door closing. “I didn’t mean for you to think I didn’t want to be your friend. I just thought you could use a little space…that maybe we both could.”

Both of them
.

“That’s informative. I hadn’t realized I was crowding you.”

“I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Let me be clear, Summer.” She sharpened her tone to make it known she was irritated. “Honesty matters to me—
a lot
. I’ve been on the wrong end of someone keeping secrets, and I don’t want to go through that again. So if there’s something I should know about how you feel, I suggest you tell it to me straight.”

“I’m not being dishonest. I’m just…” She sighed again loudly. “I was crazy about you—that’s me being honest, okay? Crazy about you. But I could see how hard it was for you to deal with Allison, and I didn’t want you to feel like I was forcing something on you that you couldn’t handle. All that got me thinking…it took a few days to figure out what I wanted, but I got clear on it last night when you were at my place. I want to be your friend, Ellis. Nothing more, nothing less.”

So there it was. Summer was finished with the intimate aspects of their relationship. And Ellis had done this to herself.

“We can talk some more tomorrow if you want to, but right now I have to go.”

A painful lump formed in the back of Ellis’s throat. “Don’t put yourself out.”

The heavy door swung open with a
swoosh,
and Angie Alvarez dashed into the first stall, in too big a hurry even to look her way. “Blessed Mother of the Baby Jesus. I didn’t think I was going to make it. That man wouldn’t let me off the phone.”

Ellis dabbed the corners of her eyes and exited before Angie could see her.

She returned to her cubicle intent on getting back to work. Her next assignment was a review of Sacramento’s newest restaurant, the Brasserie Capitale. Virtually all the menu items were in French, incorporating various accents, carets and cedillas. A fact-checker’s nightmare.

So their lovemaking had turned out to be a notch on the bedpost after all.

The lead on her pencil snapped and she tossed it against the wall of her cubicle. How was she supposed to concentrate with Summer’s stark decision playing on a loop in her head.
Your friend…nothing more, nothing less.

She shoved the desk, sending her chair rolling backward, and sprang to her feet.

Rex’s office was in the corner opposite Marcie’s, and every surface was covered with folders, books or notepads. He was peering at his computer screen with his reading glasses atop his head, but he jumped up immediately to clear a chair.

“It’s okay. I can’t stay but a minute. I just wanted to say I checked with my kids. They aren’t planning to come over this weekend, so if your invitation to the ballet is still open, I’d love to go.”

He flashed a wide smile. “That’s great. Would you…like to stay the night in the city?”

She froze for a moment, waiting to see if he’d clarify the terms of their date. He didn’t, which was a clarification in and of itself.

Summer didn’t care what she did.
Your friend…nothing more, nothing less.
They were finished.

“That would be lovely.”

* * *

“Aaaiiiii!” Summer let out a muffled scream and pounded her desk with frustration.

She should be flogged for her careless choice of words—
nothing more, nothing less
. It must have sounded so flippant.

After Ellis’s appearance at her door the night before, she’d felt sure they were on the right track. It was easy to be her friend, and she firmly believed the day would come when she’d need someone and Ellis would be there for her.

But then one glib remark meant to underscore her resolve had come out like
take it or leave it
. Now she could only hope Ellis would give her the chance to explain herself.

Then again, what could she possibly say? There weren’t many ways to admit she was merely going through the motions of being friends while her heart was aching for more. That she was bravely committed to getting up every morning and hoping it hurt less, and that she dreaded the day Ellis found someone else to love. All of that was true, but it would only put pressure on Ellis to return her feelings. More likely, it would make her uncomfortable because she couldn’t.

Alythea knocked and entered her office simultaneously. “Don’t think you’re going to hide out in here and miss the second half of this training. If he holds us up one minute on account of you being late, I’m going to kick your butt.”

“Get in line,” she said brusquely, pushing past her friend in the doorway.

“What is up with you?” Each word was punctuated with a half-beat pause.

“Sorry…personal problems.”

“Which person?”

“Ellis. I can’t seem to do anything right.” They opted for the stairs instead of the elevator, and it caused her words to bounce off the concrete walls. “No matter what comes out of my mouth, she’s guaranteed to take it the wrong way.”

Alythea huffed and shook her head. “I’m starting to think this woman might not be worth the trouble. I’ve known you, what? Eighteen years? Next to Julius, you’re the most easy-going person I know. If she can’t see that, it’s because she’s spoiling for an argument. Nemy’s worthless husband did that all the time.” The man was so emotionally abusive to their daughter that Alythea and Julius had paid for the attorney to facilitate the divorce.

Summer didn’t want to believe something like that about Ellis. “No, it’s a trust issue. She was on the wrong end of a horrible situation. Imagine the worst kind of deception in the world and multiply it times a million. You don’t recover from something like that overnight. I honestly think I can help her if she’ll let me.”

They reached the conference room, where the deputy secretary was returning to the podium. Alythea grabbed her arm to stop her at the door. “It took us two years to convince Nemy she had to leave that SOB. You know why? Because you can’t save somebody who doesn’t want to be saved.”

Alythea had Ellis all wrong, but Summer was powerless to fix her perception without giving away the horrible secret. “She wants it…and she deserves it.”
No matter how long it takes
.

Ellis counted out all of her quarters to feed the meter, hoping an hour and twenty minutes would be enough to reason with her daughter. She’d heard from Jeremy that Allison was out with her friends late on Friday night, so she was sure to be sleeping in. If she wasn’t going to return calls, she should expect to be roused from her bed.

She tugged her wool blazer around her against the morning chill. Her jeans were slightly worn and her shirttail flapping freely in the fashion of the day, but no one would mistake her for anything other than a mom, especially as she headed into the dorm.

Currant Hall was one of several brightly-colored rectangular buildings positioned inside Tercero, the residential center of the Davis campus. There wasn’t a soul in the lobby or on the elevator, not surprising for seven forty-five on a Saturday morning. She’d been to Allison’s room only once—on moving day last fall—but remembered it as being on the third floor, next to last room on the left. Just to be safe, she verified the number from Allison’s campus address before knocking.

“Go away,” her daughter moaned from inside.

Ellis tried the door and found it unlocked. They’d have to talk about that. A quick glance showed a lump in one bed and the other neatly made, its occupant gone.
“Allison?”

“Mom?” She frowned as she pushed herself up in bed, looking as though she’d had quite a night. Bloodshot eyes, streaked makeup, wild hair, and she was wearing only panties and a tank top. Her jeans, sweater and shoes lay in a pile on the floor. “What are you doing here?”

“We need to talk.”

“Now?”

“It wasn’t my first choice, but you wouldn’t return my calls.”

Allison grunted. “I was going to.”

“And now I’ve saved you the trouble.” She was tempted to launch into a lecture on how inconsiderate Allison had been to ignore her, to say nothing of her tantrum last weekend. But that wasn’t why she’d come. “I’ve been worried all week you were going to do something foolish to punish me. I hope those were just angry words.”

From the open textbooks, laptop and notepad on the desk, it was clear she hadn’t given up on her studies. That was a relief.

“I haven’t dropped out of school, if that’s what you were worried about.”

“Among other things.” She sat on the edge of the roommate’s bed, being careful not to muss it. “Allison, I still don’t understand why you got so upset. We don’t have to talk about that now, but I hope we will eventually. I don’t need to know everything you think and do—nor do I want to—but I can’t allow you to pull away from me like that.”

Left unsaid was why, but she was sure Allison could fill in the blanks. Her failure to engage at a deeper level with Bruce had enabled his frustrations to fester.

“Jon called me yesterday…told me all about getting kicked out of Stanford.” Allison cracked a cynical smile. “You’re having a pretty shitty week, huh Mom?”

“Tell me about it.” Ellis managed a light chuckle. “My daughter goes off on me…I find my son in a totally different college than the one I thought I’d sent him to. And I broke up with somebody I cared about.”

“You didn’t have to do that.” She had the decency to look guilty. “I talked it over with Jeremy a couple of days ago. He basically said if I didn’t accept you and Summer, it meant I didn’t accept him and Bruno either. So I was going to call today and tell you it was okay.”

Ellis was proud of her son and grateful for his support. It didn’t escape her that his word on this carried more weight with Allison than her own. She’d had years to adjust to him being gay and only minutes to think of her mother in that vein.

“Thank you for your permission, but I’d already decided not to let you choose those things for me. I’ve never done that for you and I never will.”

Allison sighed and swung her legs out of the covers. Then she slid into her jeans and padded barefoot to the door, apparently on her way to the bathroom. Without turning around, she said, “I want you to be happy, Mom.”

She didn’t know whether to be furious or relieved. It hardly mattered now that Summer was no longer interested in a romantic relationship. Furthermore, she was acting as childishly as Allison had last weekend. Ellis would never understand people who preferred the silent treatment over talking something out, but at least she didn’t have to guess about how they felt. Bruce never showed anger at all, while inside he was seething at the world.

Her daughter returned and took a plastic bottle of orange juice from a small refrigerator under her desk. “You want one of these?”

“No, thank you. I had breakfast at home. Would you like to go out?”

She shook her head.

“Honey, I’m glad you talked to your brothers. That makes what I have to say easier.”

Allison looked at her warily.

“We’ve been through so much, the four of us. Between you and Jonathan especially, I realize now that I dropped the ball. I was wrapped up with the attorneys, with getting the house ready to sell. And I was numb, just like you. I thought we all were strong enough—and close enough—that we could get each other through what happened. We were there for each other. We cried a lot and we hugged. You remember those nights you came and crawled into my bed?”

Her eyes filling, Allison nodded.

“You’d think I’d know my own kids better than I did. I should have seen how hard it was, especially for you and Jonathan…thank goodness Jeremy had Bruno. I should have gotten you the help you needed. I see you carrying all this anger around and I know it’s my fault for not dealing with it the right way.”

“It’s not your fault, Mom. You weren’t the one who killed seven innocent people.” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

“But my responsibility is you. Always you. That’s why I broke things off with Summer. I could see how much it upset you. It’s my job as a mother to care more about you than myself.”

“Whatever.” At least it was said without attitude.

“Honey, you’re a freshman in college now. Can you please try to speak in complete sentences?”

“Whatever…you say…is obviously how you see it.” It was crude, but nonetheless properly constructed. “I don’t remember getting my way every time I got upset. Why was this time different?”

“Because you were threatening to flunk out of school, for starters. That nearly happened in high school, so I knew damn good and well you might do it again. And not caring if you’re in a car wreck? I can’t have you go off feeling like that.”

Allison shrugged. “It was just words. I was mostly pissed because you told Jeremy but not me.”

“I would have told you.” She had trouble believing the reaction would have been any different but wanted to give her daughter the benefit of the doubt. “It doesn’t matter now.”