The Tome of Bill (Book 6): Half A Prayer (39 page)

What happened next, though, was nothing short of amazing. Sheila grabbed the hilt of her sword and heaved. At first, it stuck fast. For all I knew, the underlayment was solid concrete like everything else. Then, slowly, the glow of her power spread across her body and down to the weapon itself. She gave one last heave and it pulled free, her body and the blade both igniting in an explosion of white light as she held it aloft.

Tom said it best. “By the power of Grayskull, motherfuckers!”

Indeed. All that was missing was her transformation into that hot mini dress She-Ra used to wear. Oh well, it’s not like my mind couldn’t fill in
that
blank.

So spectacular was it that it seemed the fighting paused for the barest of moments for all to watch.

I opened my mouth to cheer her on, but as my eyes opened wide, the words wouldn’t come.

“I’m afraid I can’t let you keep that,” Alex said, stepping from the chaos of the crowd and facing her. He’d somehow procured a sword of his own at some point. The distinctive grey mottling of the blade glinted in the harsh fluorescent lighting.

Oh crap.

* * *

The whole point of becoming an Icon was an undying faith in oneself, or so the legends say. The truth was, if Sheila was afraid of Alex, she didn’t show it, leveling her sword in his direction. Unfortunately, as much as I wanted to believe in her too, I had tasted Alex’s power. It was immense, unlike almost anything else I could imagine - a real life Marvel superhero, or villain, as was the case. Add to that his experience and the disdain he’d expressed earlier regarding the threat Sheila represented, and I knew what I had to do.

Tensing my legs, I leapt - clearing the next level easily. I took a moment, but no more than that, to savor how awesome being an elder vampire must be. Sheila, thankfully, glanced over her shoulder rather than swinging wildly and cleaving me in two. She nodded, then turned back to face Alex, assuming a battle stance.

Unfortunately, she’d misjudged my motivation. I hadn’t joined her to fight Alex. James was powerful, but that would have been little more than suicide on my part. Instead, I racked my mind, trying to remember what Sally and Grulg had said.

Alex stood there confidently. He waved Sheila forward with his free hand - his own sword at the ready.

White fire gleaming from her eyes, she opened her mouth to elicit a battle cry.

“I offer a truce as per the Humbaba Accord!”

Both combatants stopped in their tracks to turn toward my direction.

“Excuse me?” Alex asked.

“As per the Humbaba Accord,” I repeated, having no real clue whether what I was saying made any sort of fucking sense. I mean, it’s not like I’d read the damn thing. “Warring parties can enact a temporary truce, can they not?”

“Are you suggesting...”

“Yes. Right now, we have a bigger problem than all of this bullshit.”

Alex narrowed his eyes, but I held my ground, not wanting to puss out while the girl of my dreams was watching. The things I sometimes endured a beating for.

“I’ve fought these things before. They’re tough, act with one mind, and will turn any of us they capture into their slaves. They need to be stopped. When this is over, we’ll surrender happily.”

“We will?” Sheila asked.

“Well, okay, we can discuss that part. For now, though, what do you say, Alexander of the First?”

He took a long moment to consider it, glancing off into the battle beyond. The Jahabich continued to pour into the room, replenishing any of their numbers we managed to take down. Considering the force on display, I had to assume that once we’d escaped their clutches down below, they’d just said fuck it and dumped all remaining prisoners into the goo.

“Well played, Freewill. Your truce is granted,” he said at last. “I swear on my honor.”

Sheila once more glanced back at me, as if to ask if his honor was worth the toilet paper it was written on. I held my tongue for a second to avoid jeopardizing our situation and simply replied, “Thank you.”

“Keep in mind,” he warned, “should you try to escape, or any of our people fall by her blade, then it shall immediately be dissolved.”

“Those are your terms?”

“They are.”

Good enough for me, and probably the best I was going to get. “So be it.”

With that, the three of us turned our attention to the fight at hand: the Freewill, the Icon, and the greatest military mind the world had ever seen.

Go figure. There’s never someone around with a fucking camera when you need it.

Things didn’t look particularly promising. The room had been full of beings of considerable power, beings that should have been able to decimate the ranks of the Jahabich like bugs. The problem? They didn’t appear to want to stick around for the fun.

I jumped into the mix, using James’s stolen power to good effect. I’d just grabbed a pair of Jahabich by the arms and swung them hard enough into each other to embed their broken forms together when I spotted Druaga. The ugly fucker was standing off in a corner, looking bored. One of the rock monsters approached and he casually swatted it, sending its head and the orange goo inside flying. Then, just like that, he was gone - the air around him imploding in a pop of noise.

All around the room, others were doing the same. Those four-winged imps vanished in little balls of fire. A pair of ugly blobs of multi-eyed pus seemed to melt into the floor. Some
thing
that looked like the Grim Reaper’s hairier cousin turned translucent and walked to the door, passing through everything in its path.

Sadly, that left the rest of us in a bad way. Most of those elves I’d seen earlier got pounded into elven paste before anyone could reach them. A human arm, still holding an M16, went flying past me at one point. Vampires were turning to dust left and right. In short, it wasn’t looking all too promising.

I ducked a swing from one of the attackers and dove for the floor as a red-hot beam of force cauterized it in place. Rolling to my feet as gracefully as I could, I made my way over to where Christy stood. “How are you doing?”

“I’ll live.” Sweat stood out on her face from the strain, but she appeared to be holding her own. “Find the others so we can get out of here.”

“Um, there’s a little problem with that.”

“Don’t worry. I’ve been saving enough in reserve to get us all to safety.”

“Yeah, I kind of sort of promised Alex we wouldn’t do that.”

She stopped firing for a moment to turn toward me, the red glow around her never fading. To tell the truth, it sort of unnerved me a bit. “You
what?
”

“He was going to kill Sheila. I offered him a truce, but the terms were we couldn’t run.”

“Could you have made a
worse
deal?”

“Well, I also promised that she wouldn’t kill any vamps during the fight.” I grabbed a Jahabich trying to flank her, spun, and threw it into the wall.

“Anything else I should know?” she growled.

“You look great. Pregnancy really works for you.”

Before she could blast me, I took a look around. “There!” I pointed out Tom and Ed.

The Jahabich were closing in on them. I had no idea if it was because they looked soft and squishy or if they still wanted Ed for their personal trophy case, but it didn’t matter. “Get them out of here,” I said, clearing a path toward my friends. I tossed the creatures left and right, not really caring who they flew into but hoping they slammed into someone I didn’t like.

“But you said...”

“Don’t leave the complex. Just get them to another room, preferably someplace with a really sturdy door. Shouldn’t be hard to find in this madhouse.”

A beam of heat flashed disturbingly close to my head. Were it not for James’s power currently in my blood, I had a feeling I’d be missing an ear or worse. “What about you?” she asked.

“Don’t worry about me. I’ve pissed off far too many people in this room for them to let these monsters have the fun of killing me.” I only wished that was a joke. Oh well, better reaction than indifference, I say.

“I don’t know much about...”

“Concentrate on your cell,” I suggested. “It’s better than nothing.”

“There’re mystical sigils in it. No sending in or out.”

“What about right outside the door?”

She appeared to consider that, then nodded.

I glanced off to my left toward a bright flash of white light. Sheila was engaging the enemy. I had no doubt she’d fulfill her end of the bargain, but it wasn’t clear yet if Alex was man enough of honor to live up to his. If not, I’d almost certainly live to regret it.

We reached my roommates just in time. One of the Jahabich had closed in and was about to cave in Tom’s skull - something that might’ve hindered even his ability to carry on a conversation.

Before it could connect, I grabbed it from behind - my claws digging into its rocky skin like it was made of putty. I dragged it back, lifted it - enjoying how much lighter these things felt when my muscles were powered up - and brought it down upon my knee, shattering its spine, or whatever bodily structure kept it upright. “Go!”

Tom and Ed looked confused, but Christy didn’t hesitate. She stepped up, placed a hand on each of their shoulders, and mouthed “Good luck” just as she winked out of existence in a flash of light.

Their quarry gone, the Jahabich who’d been closing in on Ed all turned their focus on me.

“Alright, assholes, who wants some?”

Turns out far too many of them did.

* * *

James’s speed and strength kept me on my feet and my defenses mostly intact. Unfortunately, the problem with a half dozen clubs all swinging at you at once is that some of them are going to get through. Considering the composition of our foe’s bodies, that meant it was going to hurt a lot - which it did.

That being said, a hundred Saturday afternoon kung-fu movies had taught me that in a fight like this, it’s key to never let your opponent knock you off your feet. You stay upright and maybe you can find a way out or a wall to put your back to. You end up on your ass and you’re fucked, just not in the good way.

Needless to say, one club to the side of my leg later and I was fucked. I looked up to see a circle of empty orange eyes glaring down. I had just enough time to think how pissed everyone would be at me for getting killed at hands other than their own when a screech of rage rent the air, as if someone had just run over an angry alley cat with a lawnmower.

I knew that sound. Hell, I heard it in my nightmares more often than not. A small, cowardly part of me wanted to shout, “Well, c’mon, kill me already!” but I was too late.

A dainty hand reached over the top of one of the monsters, grabbed hold of an eye socket and yanked back, ripping its head in half at the jawline. Faster than the beasts could register one of their own biting the big one, a small foot caught another in the side of the head with a vicious spin kick that sent it and its two closest buddies flying.

Even with James’s power backing me up, I wasn’t quite sure I could have moved as fast. Within moments, the glowing orange malevolence was gone, replaced by a set of bright green eyes that sparkled with their own nefarious intent.

“Thanks, Gan.”

She smiled broadly, her slightly mussed hair the only sign she’d just kicked the ass of a bunch of rock monsters. Otherwise, she could have just walked home from school, the playground, or the various torture dungeons I had little doubt she kept. Her dress was regal, sparkling jade in color with gold highlights throughout it. The only oddity...well, visible oddity...were the smiling pair of SpongeBob faces that dangled from her ears. Oh god, what a weirdo.

She reached a hand down to help me up. “Is this not romantic, beloved - us fighting to the death against insurmountable odds?”

“Oh yeah, sure as shit beats dinner and a movie.”

“Should we survive, I accept your invitation.”

“Wait, that wasn’t an...whoa!”

Before I could finish, Gan had grabbed me by the sleeve and dragged me once more into the fray. Though lacking my strength, she more than made up for it with speed and the precision of her blows. Judging by the look on her face, she considered this to be a grand ole time hanging with her
beloved
. Me, I wouldn’t have minded being smashed in the head real good at that moment.

Alas, that didn’t seem to be in the cards, so I followed along, punching the shit out of any Jahabich Gan happened to miss. Sloppy seconds, go figure.

The exertion was starting to cost me, though. Running on empty as I was, I could sense the boost from James’s blood wouldn’t last as long as it might otherwise. Already my steps slowed and my hands started to hurt whenever I’d smash one of those fucking monster’s teeth out.

We reached a line of vampire guards and did what we could to bolster them, but it was like trying to fight off a living avalanche. The Jahabich appeared single-minded in their assault, not looking particularly worried when any of their number fell to our counterattacks.

I was just starting to breathe hard when a vamp, one of Sheila’s former guards, bought it next to me. I caught a mouthful of dust when he exploded and found myself bent over, trying to cough him out of me. Just for the record, powdered vamp doesn’t taste nearly as good as fresh.

Looking down, I saw he’d dropped his weapon - one of those black-bladed thingees. Fuck it, maybe I could put this one to good use. My D&D characters were normally swordsmen or magic users. I was never much of a pole-arm fighter, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t start to appreciate them.

Up close, I could see the blade wasn’t naturally that color. Flecks of the normal sheen of steel shone through here and there. It was some kind of coating. I examined it closer, catching a familiar coppery scent as I did so. What the? The weapon seemed to be coated in blood of some kind.

Sadly, that was all the examination I could make. One of our enemies rushed me and I brought the weapon to bear, looking to spear the fucker like a mackerel. Spinning it toward him, and proud I didn’t decapitate myself in the process, I thrust forward as it opened its ugly mouth in a wide grin.