The Thing Itself (20 page)

I then asked whether Mistress
Newbolt
, the wife of the
Judge
, was in residence at this House? &d whether the three children were present also?

At this the Man laughed the more, &d said
No, young Scrap; they live in the Judge’s Great House in Dornie, by Maidenhead, which they only leave to come up to London for the Royal Season.

I trembled some at this, not knowing why my
lord
should wish to remove me to a far distant house, with none but the Grinning Devill as guardian, if it were not to use me Ill. My mind turned againe to Self-
murther
, &d indeed it was a frequent thing for me in these days to think of ending my life. But, having been cooped-up so long in the Cellar, my Eye was soon distracted by the roads &d views to be Spyed out the coach-window.

We travell’d to
Windsor
, wheere my
Lord
the Judge had Stabling-rights, &d at an Inne we lunched upon Capons &d Beere, the Grinning Man watching me the while as if he feared I might give him the Slip at any time. For indeed the Streetes of this town, &d the Fine Castle, looked so Fair in my eyes that it seemed to me the Celestial Citie, &d I imagined I might live happy heere, e’en if only to bed me down on the streets. But at night I was lodg’d with the Grinning man, who tho he touched me not, yet he never left off Looking at me. When I fell asleep he was watching me, &d as I awoke in the Dawn he was watching me still.

We travelled from theere alongside the river to
Maid
[enhead], &d from thence into the countryside wheere we came to a Farm of my
lord
’s, &d a House in moderate Gardens &d a wood near bye. In this house, smaller than my
lord
the Judge’s Towne house, I was lodg’d in a clean white roome, although it had Barres on the window to prevent my egress. Heere I had a good straw-mattress, sheets, a pitcher of water &d a jugg, &d a bowle, &d a Bible to read. I was kept in this roome, nor allowed out for five days; &d only the Grinning Man came &d went with my foode &d to remove the pan into which I voided my selfe. I strove to improve myself in these days, &d read the Bible often, but theere were times of great Darkness of Soule too, &d I often contemplated my owne Death, drawing a satisfaction theereof that I Reason’d must reflect on my Wickedness. Truly is it said,
Life
is a Gift of
GOD Himself
, &d all who rejoyce in that gift praise
GOD
in their way. But if
His
face is turned away from ye, &d ye see but his hind-partes, then the Sheen of Life is rubb’d Away, &d Death preys upon the Minde. For the Abandoned of God, theerefore, is
Death
the colour of Soule, just as
Life
colours the Godly. By this Token, I knew that God was gone from me, &d I read in the
Book
.

On my second day, a
Parson
did come &d talk with me. He bade me think of
GOD
&d humbly beg forgiveness, &d I heartily wept with this man that he should so know my Wickedness. He staid but a short time, &d he read aloud a passage from the
Testament
of Paul, which I considered to lighten my mind greatly, but after he left I felt the weight more direly on my Soule, that
GOD
should so have turned His face away from me.

Now this
Parson
did visit me on divers occasion, &d at first I considered him a
Succour
, or agent of Redemption &d Deliverance; but afterwards he revealed himself in another light. &d his name, as he willingly told me, was
Wilmot
.

After a weeke of confinement I grew pale &d sickened, &d knew in my Hearte that the scab, &d the itch, had been sent of
GOD
to seeke me out in my isolation. A doctor attended me, with a silk-cherchief over his nose, &d after I was brought out of my roome during the day, &d given great meals in the Kitchen (although my appetite was feeble still), &d walked with the Grinning Man, or with Parson
Wilmot
, amongst the apple-trees of the garden. I thought that my skinn would fall off my bones with the Scab, &d Devills come up through the floor in my fever &d carry me directly to
Hell
, but this did not come to pass. I regained my strength in time, &d walked some more amongst the Blossom of the trees, so Fragrant &d Fair that I thought myself glimpsing Heaven.

The Parson first proposed to teach me
Lattin
at this time, &d would come to my roome with a great, black-bound
Vulgate
to help me construe. For a time this was broke off by the return of my
lord
the Judge, but after was recommenced; for what reason I afterwards knew.

At a later poynt this Parson did teach me a moiety of Greeke.

To busy my Hands, the Parson would give me chores about the house to be seeing too; &d only a Serving Maid of great Girth &d a sounding Wheeze was theere, excepting always the Grinning Man. It seemed that my
lord
came to this house but seldom, &d that no large retinue was necessary to keep it clean for him. Yet the Serving Girl spoke very little, &d I only knew her name was Molly from the Parson, &d she would quickly tire of any work &d sit at the side of the roome to watch me. The Grinning Man’s name I did not know, but he would absent himself if the Parson be present, &d journey to the town, or wheerever. I reasoned that my
lord
the Judge had given him a most particular charge in respect of me, for he would always guarantee for himself that the windows were bolted &d the door locked before I would lie me down to sleep.

Spring gave onto Summer before my
lord
the Judge returned, &d I had almost begun to consider that he had Decided not to see me againe, &d had Pensioned me to Grow to manhood in the house. But a week before coming the Parson receipted a letter, &d brought me news of my
lord
’s being with the King in
Windsor
, &d of his plans to bring a party up to this house.

This was straightway to promote in me terrors during the night, &d Sweats with trembling, that the Parson talked of calling the Doctor againe. But the Grinning Man said
Nay, twas just a bride’s trembling, as the Song of Solomon would say
. At this the Parson tittered, like a woman, tho I had thought he might be outraged. I tried to pray in the Night, first in English &d after in
Lattin
(having the foolish thought that such was
GOD
’s tongue, &d truer to prayer), but the wordes would not order themselves in my head &d I despair’d.

Then my
lord
the Judge arrived from Windsor in a great Coach &d Four, with a body of other men all finely drest in bright colour’d coates &d silk. A cart came behind with servants, &d a cook, &d dogs, &d the Wheezy Maid Molly told me that her master often came to this corner of the Land to hunt. I asked her whither he found the horses, &d she replied with a sneer that the horses were to be borrowed from Squire Thompson three fields yonder. She made to give me a box upon the ears (&d in truth she had never liked me from my first coming to the house), &d at this my
lord
the Judge came upon her &d struck her hard on the face. She wept &d wailed, &d gather’d her skirts to flee away in shame, but my
lord
the Judge caught her by her hair &d so threw her to the ground. At this I felt no sudden glory in the vanquishing of my enemy, but rather fear at the strength of arm possess’d by my master. He seemed in a sudden rage that sweated from him quickly.

Why did she make to strike you, my lad?
he asked of me.

Begging you lordship’s pardon
, I replied,
but I was ignorant of how your lordship proposed to go hunting, &d was asking her
.

&d wheere was the crime in this?
he asked Molly, who was gathering herself from the floor. But his wrath had gone, &d she weepingly fled away.

At this I was strangely moved with fear, for it seemed to me that my
lord
might shift his mood at a moment’s leave, that tho he appear kindly towards me one hour, yet might he be suddenly sparked in anger &d be cruell to me.

That night I was to wait upon my
lord
the Judge &d his Hunting friends, &d I carried wine from the kitchens to fill their glasses. They made great merry, &d sang songs by the firelight, &d when I entered every time they cheered greatly, &d on one time I was lifted up as by a Wrestler, that I spilt the wine &d was afraid lest I be punished for this slip; but they only laught the more.

In the kitchen, wheere the travelling Cooke or
Belgian Chef
as he styled himself was at work fashioning the meals, I cached myself under the table, to be away from the feet of the Grinning Man &d the Cooke &d Molly the maid. But then I would be called from the Dining Roome, &d Molly would come in breathless to scold me for hiding &d tell me to go thither.

After the meal had been supp’d, &d the brandy drunk, I was called againe. My
lord
the Judge himself greeted me &d tryed to make me drink some Brandy, something I was loathe to do on account of my strangeness to the Liquor, but I was prevailed upon to take some in my mouth.

At this they all cheered, &d made me for to drink some more, &d then sang againe &d carried me around the roome on their shoulders. I was Flushed with the drink, &d when they had finished their sport, I crawled away into the corridor, &d lay underneath a Priest’s-bench by the wall in the dark. Heere it seemed that the world did spin, as I have heard Philospher’s claim it do, caught in Grooves or Trackes in space that propell it around &d around. I perhap slept a little time, &d dreamt of a great Fiend with skinn all covert in small fur like a bat, but huge wings of blacke feathers. When I awoke this dream was still large in my mind, &d I was afeared; but my
lord
the Judge was shaking me awake with his foote, &d theere was one other fellow theere with him.

Come out, Thomas my lad
, saieth my
lord
.
Have you not a Roome of your owne, that you couch yourself on the floor of a corridor like a common beggar?

I stumbled out, &d begged my
lord
’s pardon, but he was in good humour &d chastised me not.

We are to blame
, he said to his fellow,
for having turned the poor lad’s wits with our Drinke. Come through to the fire, young Thomas, &d warm yourself. Some Vittles will soone restore you
.

I went with the two gentlemen into the roome wheere the fire was roaring still like a Great Winde. I sat me down &d had some cheese &d a glass of Nogg.

Heere, Thomas
, said my
lord
the Judge;
permit me to introduce to you William, Lord Knox, a young man of excellent temper &d prospects
.

I bowed to the young lord, as was proper. He said:
Hola my lad! James has told me much of you, you know.

Tush!
said my
lord
the Judge.
Is he not as I described? &d Thomas, what think ye of my young lord Knox? My noble lord Knox? Is he not a tall, well-shap’d, Handsom fellow?

At this I was uncertain how to answer, &d I began shivering with a terror; I tried to ask to be Excus’d, but the wordes would not form, &d I chattered my Teeth instead like unto a Parrott.

Are you school’d
, asked the young lord.

I can read sir, &d write sir,
I told him.
&d Parson Wilmot is learning me Lattin, so please you.

Lattin
, cried my lord the Judge, who seem’d in a fine humour.
A fine undertaking! To read Ovid, my lad! Amores – that means Loves, you know
.

Come come
, said the lord Knox.
Let us see the lad, as you promised
.

Ay
, said my
lord
the Judge, easy as anything.
Strip, lad, &d be quick
.

Not wanting to appear insolent before too such Noblemen, &d yet not wanting to be Naked before them, I knew not what to do, &d meerly stood &d shook, looking from the face of one to the other, &d back.