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Authors: Karen Rose Smith

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Gina’s voice was soft, as if she was afraid to say the words out loud. “I want to come to your bedroom with you.”

Unable to help himself, Logan swept her up into his arms. His bare feet made no sound on the carpeted hallway and when he pushed open the door to the bedroom, it creaked. The hall light spilled inside, but Gina wasn’t looking around at the decor. She was looking at him.

After he set her by the side of the bed, he tossed back the covers, then hesitated. He’d heard of rape victims having flashbacks. He didn’t want to trigger anything that would cause her panic.

“Logan, don’t look so worried. Try to forget about my past, please.”

“I want you to understand something, Gina. I haven’t been with a woman since before Amy died. I’ll try my best to hold back with you, to do whatever you need. I
will
stop if you ask me to. I want to make that clear. But I want you with a need that’s been building for weeks. You have to understand that, too.”

“Undress me, Logan,” she said shakily. “Let’s just start with that.”

He was heading into troubled waters. Once they started getting swept away, how difficult would it be to turn back?

When he looked into her eyes, he didn’t care. When he let himself feel the heat between them, nothing else mattered. That was what concerned him most.

Still he went ahead, slid his fingers under her top, and slowly pulled it up and over her head. Standing before him in her bra, she smiled at him, a sweet, encouraging smile that told him she definitely wanted to go ahead with this.

As she reached for his T-shirt, she said, “Maybe we can do this at the same time.” She lifted his T-shirt up, stood on tiptoe to drag it up over his chin and his head.

He mumbled, “Maybe we can.”

When she slid her hand over his chest, his breath hitched.

“Your skin is still damp.”

To talk, he
had
to breathe. “It was still wet when I dragged on my T-shirt.”

“Do you often dress without drying off?”

He laughed. “Only when I’m in a hurry.”

“No hurry now,” she said, leaning forward, kissing his chest.

He slid his hands into her hair and gently tugged her
away from him. “This is about
you
, too. You don’t have to prove anything to me. I know it’s probably easier for you to focus on my pleasure than yours, but I want you to be
here
, Gina, really
here
while we do this.”

He saw her chest rise and fall as she closed her eyes for a few seconds and then opened them again. “I’m here.”

Her vulnerability awed him. She trusted him completely. That was the responsibility he had to handle like a treasure.

Bending forward, he kissed her while his hands caressed her back and unhooked her bra. His mouth told her in a hundred ways how much he desired her. She didn’t hesitate to stroke his tongue with hers, to put her hands on his body, to rub down his spine until all he wanted was to bury himself deep inside her. When he broke off the kiss, her fingers went to the drawstring at his waist and his went to the button on her shorts. They stripped each other quickly and crawled into bed together, eager and short of breath.

They lay face-to-face for a while, touching and kissing. Logan wanted to make sure Gina was ready for him…wanted to make sure she didn’t doubt what they were doing…wanted to make sure he didn’t do anything to make her afraid.

Finally, when he didn’t think he could hold back any longer, he asked, “Are you on birth control?”

She shook her head. “No, I didn’t even think about it. I never thought we’d—”

“I have condoms in the drawer.”

Her eyes asked him what her lips wouldn’t.

“The box has never been opened,” he said with a wry chuckle. “I was saving them for the day I was ready.”

“Are you ready?”

He nodded. “All I know is that at this moment, I want you, and I need you.”

As Gina caressed him, he groaned, wondering at the same time what was going through her head.

But she didn’t say. She just whispered, “Get the box and I’ll put one on you.”

He slid over to the nightstand, searched in the drawer and found the box in the back. Quickly he took out a packet and handed it to her. He was a man who usually took control of any situation he was in, but he knew tonight he couldn’t. He had to let Gina take the lead.

He lay back and watched Gina tear open the packet. She was beautiful as she sat up and slid out the condom.

He’d turned on the bedside lamp and now he asked, “Do you want me to turn that off?”

“No. I want to see you, and I want you to see me.”

He knew exactly what she meant. She didn’t want him to get confused and imagine his wife’s face in his mind.

“Gina—” He had to keep her focused on him, in the now, right here.

She didn’t roll the condom on right away, she teased him first with her fingers. His jaw locked. His hands clenched into fists. He had to last for her. He had to do whatever was necessary to make this good for her.

After she’d finished, he exhaled and reached for her. “On top of me, Gina. You set the pace.”

Now she looked a little rattled, as if the extent of what they were going to do had hit her.

“We can stop,” he forced out when it was the last thing he wanted to say.

Instead of answering directly, she stretched out on top of him and requested, “Kiss me again.”

Logan gladly fulfilled her request, alert for any nuance of change. Soon, however, he was absorbed in their passion, aroused to a limit he’d never experienced…using willpower in a way he never thought possible.

She must have realized he was at the end of his control. As she broke the kiss, she sat up and straddled him.

Logan’s aim was to give her mindless pleasure. He stroked her breasts and thumbed her nipples until she moaned and murmured his name.

The next thing he knew, she was allowing him to slowly enter her. He gazed into her eyes and saw only pleasure as she began to move. He held her hips as they both began to glisten with passion, as her soft cries mingled with his groans. When she moved faster, he rocked with her. Seconds later she cried out, calling his name.

He knew everything was all right. He knew she’d stayed
here
and had allowed herself to fly with him. She kept moving, her body tightening around him until his climax hit, too, and his need was satisfied in a shuddering release.

It was a long time until they could both catch their breaths. After they had, he gathered her into his arms.

“Are you okay?” He leaned away slightly to study her face.

She smiled at him. “I’m more than okay. How about you?”

“More than okay.”

The problem was he didn’t know where they should go from here.

 

Gina was still floating in a sensually induced haze when Logan returned from the bathroom. Everything about tonight had been unplanned and surprising. She didn’t know what was going to happen next.

Is that so bad?
she asked herself, knowing organizing and compartmentalizing and planning had become defense mechanisms over the years. If she knew what was in a room before she walked into it, she could stay safe. If she dotted every
i
and crossed every
t
, nothing would surprise her. If she ate the right foods, exercised enough and took self-defense courses, she could defend herself no matter who came after her. She’d lived her life without any deviation from her carefully chosen path.

Until she’d impulsively decided to return to Sagebrush. Until destiny or serendipity had put Daniel’s chart on her desk. Maybe fate wasn’t that mysterious. She’d moved into the Victorian with Francesca, become friends with Tessa—

The Victorian. The rumor. Any woman who resided there would find true love. She’d found true love once with Logan and turned her back on it. But now…

When he climbed into bed beside her, she didn’t know what to expect. Did he have regrets? Had tonight been physical rather than emotional for him? What would he want now? What would he do next?

“Do you want something to drink?” he asked.

She shook her head. She didn’t need something to drink. She needed to know what was in Logan’s head.

“That really was good for you?”

She knew he meant their lovemaking. He couldn’t bring himself to use the words, she supposed. She knew
tonight might not have been possible with anyone but Logan. She’d known he’d never hurt her. With each kiss and each touch, he’d respect who she was and what she’d been through. She trusted him implicitly, at least where a physical intimate connection was concerned. She wasn’t sure about their emotional one. Was he really ready to move on? Had he truly forgiven her? Would he trust her to put a commitment to him and Daniel first above all else?

“Logan, I’m more than okay. Tonight was wonderful. This couldn’t have happened with anyone but you.”

“I didn’t intend for anything to happen.”

“I know.”

They both looked toward the monitor and Daniel sleeping soundly in his crib. “We’re getting to know each other all over again,” he murmured.

“Is that something you want?”

“I thought I didn’t. I thought Daniel and I would be better off going it alone. But tonight, when I came home and saw you with him, I began to doubt that decision.”

“For your sake or his?”

“For
both
our sakes.” Now he brushed his thumb across her cheek and laced his fingers in her curls. “Maybe we should try being friends, try being lovers, and see where it goes. We won’t rush headlong into anything.”

So he could hang on to his wife’s memory? Or was he protecting himself in case she turned her back again? She wouldn’t do that. She couldn’t.

“I’m not sure I understand what you want,” she admitted. “A weekend together, now and then? Should I stay in or out of Daniel’s life? Do you want me here to help put Daniel to bed? Do you want to go riding together, be seen in public, have dinner at my mom’s
house?” She hadn’t intended for all the questions to spill out, but they just had.

“I don’t have the answers, Gina, but I do have a suggestion.”

“What?” She liked the sense of anticipation in his voice.

“Next weekend, I have to go to Houston. How would you like to come with me?”

She didn’t hesitate. “I’d love to go with you.”

“I’m having a full day of meetings with the people who run my foundation,” he explained. “They’re going to catch me up on the research, explore ways to help pregnant women with cancer. If you’d like, you can sit in on the sessions with me. There’s a dinner and dance Saturday evening to raise money. We’d have Friday night together and Saturday night after the dance. I’m thinking about asking Hannah to go along with Daniel. I don’t want to leave him again after what happened tonight. That way I can spend time with him on and off while we’re there. What do you think?”

From the sounds of it, he would be incorporating her into his life. And not just his life, but Daniel’s, too. “I think it’s a terrific idea. I can help with Daniel.”

Logan slipped his arms around her and brought her close to him. “I’m not asking you to go along for that reason.”

“I know.”

“Do you think he’ll handle a plane ride okay?” Logan wondered.

“We’ll make it okay. With you, me and Hannah, he won’t be bored.”

Logan laughed, an honest-to-goodness, genuine laugh. “You’re right about that.” He lifted her chin and
kissed her deeply. Afterward, he said, “I guess we should get some sleep.”

She’d like nothing better than to sleep all night in his arms.

She suddenly realized that wasn’t exactly true. She’d like nothing better than to spend
every
night in his arms.

Chapter Eleven

G
ina sat quietly beside Logan at the dinner-dance Saturday evening, taking in the conversations swirling around her at the long table.

“The guide who led the white-water rafting trip was exceptional,” Logan commented as he continued his discussion with the fundraising guru on Saturday evening.

Then Logan glanced at Gina, their gazes lingered and she felt anticipation building between them.

Last evening hadn’t gone as planned. After they’d landed in Houston in the late afternoon, Daniel had to be acclimated and settled in. Logan had reserved a suite for Daniel and Hannah and an adjoining room for Gina and himself…to enjoy more privacy. But last night Daniel hadn’t wanted to go to sleep, so they’d ended up playing with him and watching TV until it was time to
turn in. Even then, however, he’d wanted his father. So Logan had wheeled the crib into his room and he and Gina had just snuggled while his son slept.

Now happy excitement danced in her stomach as she looked forward to her time with Logan tonight…dancing…and making love later.

Dr. Katz, the guru, targeted Gina now. “Have you ever been white-water rafting on the Colorado River?”

“I’ve never been white-water rafting,” she had to admit, considering the fact that being with Logan now was so different from when they were teenagers and she’d worried about fitting in with his crowd.

“Gina has skied in Vermont, though,” Logan interjected, giving her arm a squeeze.

“What part of Vermont?” Katz questioned her.

“Killington.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

He was in his fifties and his heavy brows almost came together in the middle of his forehead. She was beginning to realize his gruffness was just part of who he was and didn’t reflect on her. “I did enjoy it, but I like horseback riding more.”

The gentleman across from Gina, Dr. Silverstein, pushed his silver-rimmed glasses higher on his nose and addressed her. “Logan mentioned you worked with his son.”

Meetings all day had involved PowerPoint presentations on the effectiveness of certain treatments and the difficulty of treating a pregnant woman. Introductions had been made, but Gina had listened more than she’d interacted with anyone there. But Logan had been involved in several private conversations.

It pleased her that Logan had spoken about her time
with Daniel. “I work with babies who have developmental issues,” she explained.

“You have a degree in child development?” Dr. Silverstein asked with interest.

“I have a master’s in pediatric physical therapy as well as a Ph.D. in infant and toddler development.”

“Who do you work for?” Silverstein wanted to know.

“I work for myself. I have a practice called Baby Grows in Lubbock.”

“That’s very interesting.” The doctor looked thoughtful. “There’s such a need for that kind of practice with all kinds of children—children with Downs, with epilepsy. Children who have been in accidents.”

“She’s published articles,” Logan said proudly. “If you search the Internet, you’ll find them.” He folded his napkin, laid it on the table and pushed his chair back. Standing, he said, “I think I’m going to ask my beautiful companion to dance with me before the band stops playing.”

Logan’s gaze lingered on her as if he’d been waiting for this dance all night. Whenever he looked at her like that, she felt so special…so pretty. She’d worn a black dress with a white bow on her left shoulder, no sleeve on the right. Sterling jewelry sparkled at her ears and around her neck. She’d never felt more self-confident…or appreciated.

Logan helped her with her chair and then swept her away to the dance floor. There he pulled her close.

“I’m not ready to sacrifice any more time for mingling and conversation. Last night should have been different. We should have had some time to ourselves.”

“Logan, when a child is involved every situation is in flux.”

His green eyes were gentle as he studied her face. “You can understand that with your head, but do you understand it with your heart?”

“I do,” she assured him, her lips almost touching his jaw. “I loved you holding me last night. That was enough.”

“Tonight will be different. Hannah took Daniel down to the kids’ area before supper. I looked in on him while you were getting dressed. His eyes were almost closing over his dinner.”

“We’re good as long as we don’t get any storms,” she teased.

“No storms tonight. I checked the weather report.”

The weather outside might be perfectly calm, but she could see the hunger building inside Logan. The simmering intensity in his eyes told her he wanted to give way to it. She wished he would. She wished he wouldn’t continue to hold back with her. But she sensed he wasn’t just holding back his passion, he was holding back part of his soul, too. Tonight she wanted to give herself to Logan completely. She wanted him to realize that he could depend on her and trust her, that she wouldn’t turn her back on him again.

The music was smooth and dreamy. They gazed into each other’s eyes, searching for answers that maybe they could find tonight.

Logan moved his hand to the small of her back. When he did, her breasts pressed into his chest. As she laid her face against the lapel of his suit jacket, she inhaled his cologne, anticipated what was to come and felt the excitement heat her whole body.

Logan’s lips were close to her ear. “Do you feel it, too?”

“The music?” she teased, looking up at him.

“Gina,” he murmured in part exasperation and part amusement.

She knew she had to be the one to say it because he wasn’t going to push her into feelings or into physical pleasure if she didn’t want to go there. “Yes, I feel it. I feel you. I’m ready to get naked if you are.”

He laughed.

She realized she could be provocative with him as well as share pleasure with him. She could be the girl she’d been at eighteen.

Bending to her, he kissed the shell of her ear and she felt his tongue on her earlobe. Shivers danced up and down her arms. She wanted to kiss him long and hard, but not in the middle of the dance floor, not with these people who respected and admired him and expected propriety.

She leaned back and warned with mock sternness, “If you don’t want me to undress you right here, you’d better stop teasing.”

“No, what I’d better do is take you up to our room.” With that he stopped the pretense of dancing, wrapped his arm around her and guided her back to their table. Fortunately everyone was mingling, talking or dancing, so they didn’t have to make excuses. They just slipped out of the room and headed for the elevator.

The sounds of the hotel lobby were background noise as they stood at the bank of elevators glancing at each other. Gina’s heart was racing and she wondered if Logan’s was, too. But it was impossible to read him. He was so good now at hiding what he was feeling.

She just wished he’d talk to her about what was ahead of them…about the future. They hadn’t had much
time together this past week. Both had had full schedules. Logan had called her mid-week before bed, but it had been a short call and she’d wondered if he wanted to avoid talking about the future.

When the elevator doors opened, they stepped inside. Alone now, Logan enfolded her into his arms. She forgot about the future, caught up in right now. Logan kissed her. His mouth was more demanding, more possessive than it had been before. He broke off the kiss to look at her, checking if she was okay.

“Don’t treat me as if I’m going to break,” she pleaded. “I want you, Logan. I want
us
.”

His expression was tender as he said, “I’m afraid I’ll trigger something.”

She knew what he meant and she didn’t know how to reassure him except to say, “
You
are not that man. My mind, my heart, my body and my soul know that. Please, don’t hold back with me tonight.” She hoped he understood she wanted to give herself to him completely, and she wanted him to do the same in return.

At their floor he curled his arm around her as if he didn’t want to let her go. After he opened the room door with his key card, he brushed his hand down her cheek and said, “I’ll be right back. I’m going to check on Daniel.”

Gina had barely had enough time to undress when he returned from the adjoining suite. “He’s sound asleep.”

Logan shed his suit jacket and tie and began unbuttoning the buttons on his shirt, his gaze focused on her.

She’d donned a satiny nightgown in swirls of pink and yellow. As she moved toward the bed, she could feel the spaghetti straps slipping slightly, the material molding to her.

His hands stilled on the placket of his shirt and he watched her as if she were a mirage which might disappear in the blink of the eye. “You’re beautiful,” he said hoarsely. “I want you so much my hands are shaking.”

Crossing to him, she took his hands in hers, opened one and kissed his palm.

When her lips touched his skin, tension rippled from him to her. Their gazes locked. Not hesitating, she pulled his shirt from his trousers. Logan tugged her close for a impetuously erotic kiss that told her exactly how much he wanted her. Excited, thrilled to be with him again, she kissed him back, needing him to know how much she wanted him, how much she
loved
him.

The feelings welling up in her heart were no surprise. Logan had been there all these years. He was the man she’d always envisioned spending her life with. He was the man who could put the past truly in the past.

When he broke off the kiss, he ran lighter kisses down her neck to the pulse at her throat. His hands caressed her back and he began to lift her nightgown in handfuls. After he slid it over her head and tossed it aside, a ruddy flush darkened his cheekbones.

He mumbled, “I’ve got to get out of these clothes.”

Moments later they were lying in bed. Logan stroked her face, gently kissed her lips and lingered on her breasts. His tongue teased her nipples until she was pulling at his shoulders, almost begging him to enter her. But he didn’t. His hand gently reached between her thighs, his fingers sliding in and out of her, doing wonderful fluttery things that made her feel as if she were going to fly apart.

“Do you want to be on top?” he asked when she was practically senseless with desire.

“No. I want
you
on top, all over me, inside me.” She closed her eyes.

But his deep voice coaxed them open again. “Look at me, Gina. Look at me and know I only want to give you pleasure.”

Tears came to her eyes—because she was so sure of that, so absolutely sure Logan would never hurt her.

He rose above her, his gaze locked to hers. When he entered her, all the pleasure in the world seemed to be theirs. It filled her heart. It filled her body. And it filled the room. Logan and the sensual sensations rippling through her burned away the past and healed any part of her that still held pain. She felt whole again. She let go of herself and flew to the stars with Logan.

His release came as the tremors of her orgasm still washed through her, as she held on to him and murmured his name.

Stretched out on top of her, he dropped his head to her shoulder. When he rolled them onto their sides, still joined, she snuggled into his chest as he kissed her temple. They fell asleep holding on to each other.

 

A few hours later, still tucked into Logan’s arms, Gina awakened. She relived making love with Logan—every detail, every wonderful sensation. Suddenly, however, her breath caught. She realized something she hadn’t given any consideration to a few hours before. They hadn’t used birth control! They’d been so caught up in each other and the moment that it hadn’t even entered their minds.

The hush of night was veiled by the hum of the air conditioner. Logan’s chest hair brushed her cheek, his scent surrounded her and she felt as if she’d been born
to be held in his arms. What if they’d made a baby last night?

What if she was carrying his child?

Gina closed her eyes again, embracing the idea, perhaps even hoping for it.

But would Logan feel the same?

 

The sun was just peeking through the draperies when Gina opened her eyes the following morning. Logan had moved away from her during the night. She reached out a hand before she turned and felt his muscled arm. Then she shifted to her side to look at him.

He was lying on his back, one arm tucked under his head as he stared at the ceiling. Something was different and she suspected what it was. After all, Logan was as pragmatic as he was passionate.

“Good morning,” she said lightly, hoping he’d come to the same conclusion she had about a pregnancy.

“I’m not sure about that,” he said, sitting up, pushing pillows behind him and hiking himself up against the headboard.

He was out of reach now and she felt the distance emotionally as well as physically.

“My condoms are still in the suitcase,” he said wryly.

“I know.”

“You mean you thought of them and you didn’t say anything?”

Now she quickly sat up, too. “No, of course not. I woke up in the middle of the night and that’s when I realized it. Logan, why would you think I wouldn’t say anything?”

“I shouldn’t have said that,” he muttered. “Of course you wouldn’t. You wouldn’t want to be pregnant any
more than I’d want you to be pregnant. You’ve got a career, a practice.”

“Yes, I do. But I wouldn’t look on a baby as an awful thing happening. I mean, a child would be something wonderful, wouldn’t it?”

His silence wasn’t the answer she wanted, and she realized that last night might have been something different to her than to him.

Finally he said, “You really sound as if you might want a baby.”

Not any baby. Your baby
. But she decided to keep that comment to herself.

Looking troubled, he assured her, “If you were to get pregnant, you don’t have to worry. I’ll support you.”

He would support her. She was afraid to ask what that meant. Did he mean monetarily? Did he mean emotionally?

She simply said, “I appreciate that,” and slid out of the bed. Without another glance at him, she hurried into the bathroom. She needed to take a few deep breaths before she said something she couldn’t take back…before she said something she’d regret almost as much as she regretted leaving him when she was eighteen.

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