The Telling (10 page)

eighteen

The ministers want to meet with you in a day or so,” Preacher Josiah told Lettie after she had admitted her grave misdeeds to him later that morning. “At that time, we’ll decide on the type of confession you must offer the church.”

There were four kinds of disciplinary actions, including the kneeling confession, as well as the Bann, which could last as long as six weeks. Members who were in rebellion and not attempting to adhere to the Ordnung could be shunned for life if they refused to repent and come under the authority of the church.

“Will I be allowed to return home in the meantime... see my children?” Lettie asked tearfully as she leaned against the side of the corncrib, where they talked privately. She knew that, because of the gravity of her sin and the years of covering it up, there would be dire consequences.

Josiah frowned thoughtfully and removed his straw hat. He ran his long fingers through his matted hair. “For now, that’s up to your husband.”

She nodded slowly. Everything was being decided by others – her husband, the ministers, and the membership as a whole.

“Sally’ll help you move to our smallest Dawdi Haus, since it’s vacant,” Josiah said. “Just till the bishop makes a ruling.”

Deciding my fate.
She wondered how long it might be before Judah received her back – if he would at all. She couldn’t help but think they might be apart for a long time, given his response to her confession.
Maybe for the rest of my life.

As for the church vote, if a wayward person sincerely repented and turned from his or her wickedness, the bishop would offer the hand of fellowship within two to three weeks. But Josiah hadn’t mentioned any of that.

“Denki, preacher, but I don’t have to stay here if it’s too awkward,” she offered, not knowing where else she’d go.

“We don’t mind.” Josiah put his hat back on and excused himself to the barn.

Lettie stood there, facing the wooden slats of the corncrib, and leaned her head on its sun-drenched side. Oh, she needed the comfort of Judah’s arms... and time spent reading the Good Book, especially the more soothing psalms.

But she must not think too far ahead; she must simply manage to live
this
day without fretting or borrowing trouble. As Proverbs 27:1 said,
thou knowest not what a day may bring forth.
Preacher Josiah had said she was welcome here, with him and kindhearted Sally. Perhaps, in due time, Judah’s heart would soften. If not, Lettie must keep her chin up – with God’s help.

Still shaken, Judah bent low to pull a weed near the edge of his property where the road and the driveway made a T, and the sheep fence edged the grazing land. He stood back up with a groan and looked toward the house, rubbing his soiled hands together. Adah was up there leaning on the porch railing, staring across the road, evidently lost in thought. He dusted his hands against his trousers.

I must speak to Jakob.
He wondered if he shouldn’t sit Adah down, too. Sure seemed like the two of them needed to hear what was on his mind. Did he dare to let out all the pent-up frustration he’d experienced since seeing Lettie? Her shocking admission still pounded in his head. His sense of reasoning was askew. Truth was, he had little regard for his wife’s efforts to soften the blow of her confession.
If she’d just confided all this business about having Samuel’s baby before I ever asked her to marry me... Well... no.
Now that he considered that, he wasn’t sure if he would’ve gone ahead with it, even though he’d loved Lettie then. He loved her even now.

Knowing she’d carried and birthed another man’s child – and that she’d conspired with her parents to hide that fact – gnawed at his core. He could not shake it, particularly when he thought back to Lettie’s shining joy at the births of their four children.

Looking again at Adah, he stiffened. To think Lettie – and Jakob and Adah, too – had succeeded in keeping their wretched secret from him. He muttered in Deitsch as he walked to the backyard, then made his way to the Dawdi Haus. There, he saw Jakob puffing on his old pipe while sitting on a wicker chair in the screened-in porch.
“Guder Mariye,”
Judah said, wishing he’d had more time to contemplate what he might say to Lettie’s father. But he was here now and so was Jakob. He’d have to make the best of it.

“Mornin’,” Jakob said, his pipe wobbly between his white teeth. His hair was combed and he wore his tattered work hat, the straw sticking out in places.

“Got your cane nearby, Jakob?” He thought they might mosey out to the woodshed, maybe – someplace out of hearing, away from the house.

“Right here.” Jakob reached to tap on the crook of his cane.

“Time we talk man-to-man.”
Again...

Jakob’s eyes locked with his. “If it’s about Lettie, then Adah ought to be privy, too.” No sooner had Jakob uttered this than here came Adah, pushing open the screen door. By the look of concern on her face, Judah knew his father-in-law was right.

“So be it.” Judah pulled over another porch chair for Adah and pushed it next to Jakob’s. He perched on the porch rail and waited for her to sit, all the while sorting out his thoughts.

“There,” Adah said, reaching behind her to situate the yellow-checkered pillow on her chair.

“Lettie will be stayin’ on at Josiah’s,” he began, “till the ministers put their heads together.”
And I decide what to do about her living arrangements....

Adah nodded ever so slowly, her gray eyes serious. But, surprisingly, the more he told them what he knew about Lettie’s time as a teenager in Kidron, Ohio, the more relaxed her face became. “I never thought I’d say it, but I’m relieved someone else knows Lettie’s secret now... ’specially
you
, Judah.”

“Oh jah,” Jakob piped up. “Adah and I never should’ve asked Lettie to keep this quiet... never should’ve interfered ’tween you and her. For that, I’m most sorry.”

Adah’s mouth twitched. She looked at her husband and tears spilled down her face. “It’s been just awful livin’ with this... for so long. And for Lettie, too.”

“What’ll happen, do ya think?” Jakob asked Judah.

“For now, we’ll just have to wait ’n’ see,” Judah said finally, knowing he was also a big part of the decision-making process, at least when it came to Lettie’s relationship with him. Because if he’d wanted her to come, Lettie would already be home.

“Can we visit her?” Adah asked. “And Adam and Grace – won’t all the children want to see her?”

“They can go.” Nothing like this had ever happened in this church district – not that he knew of, anyhow.

The fresh, pungent smell of late spring drifted lazily through the morning air. A cluster of birds flew out of a stand of bushes over yonder, near the property line of Andy’s pastureland. The grazing land literally shone in the shifting light.

“So, then, did Lettie find what she went lookin’ for in Ohio?” Jakob had extinguished his pipe and was gripping his cane with his bony hands.

“Never even thought to ask that.”

Adah’s brow knotted into a deep frown. “Well, either she found her child or she didn’t.” She turned to Jakob and looked at him for the longest time before she continued. “I have information – had it all these years – if you... or Lettie want it. About the private adoption.” She sighed heavily, as if an enormous weight was slowly lifting from her.

Jakob’s eyes lit up; he was obviously as surprised as Judah was. So there were more secrets hidden away from view than even
Lettie
knew!

Judah glanced again in the direction of Andy’s cow pasture, marked with dozens of dairy cattle. In certain patches the meadow grasses were already knee-high.
Ach, too much has happened too quickly for a single morning.
He was a man who preferred order and predictability. All this personal information seeping out first from Lettie... and now Adah, was more than he cared to hear.

“Will she balk at makin’ a public confession if it’s required?” asked Jakob.

“That may be why she came home.” Judah felt as if someone else were saying the words.

Adah let out a little wheeze and reached under her sleeve for a handkerchief, which she pushed hard against her mouth. Her face wrinkled up beneath it, quivering, but she said no more.

From the barn, there rose a piercing wail – the sound of one of the last ewes delivering her young. Judah slid off the railing and mumbled that he must see to the keening ewe. With that, he hurried to the barn, relieved to put the tense moment behind him.

O dear Lord, this just cannot be!
Grace prayed silently. Her stomach felt cold, and panic bubbled up as she carried the heavy basket of clothes inside from the line. She hadn’t meant to, but she’d overheard some of Dat’s conversation with her grandparents.

Mamma had a baby before she married Dat!

She didn’t want to believe it. And oh, goodness, Mamma might have to confess it in front of the entire congregation!

She stumbled into the house, where Mandy was trying to keep ahead of the folding at the long table. Quickly, Grace concealed her tears by looking away, shaking as she did so. She didn’t want her sister to learn such heartbreaking news from her.

She set the wicker basket down right away. “There’s more clothing yet,” she said over her shoulder, heading back outdoors. Dawdi Jakob and Mammi Adah were still sitting on their porch, and for the life of her, Grace couldn’t understand how they could appear so calm.

Making her way through the grass, she eyed the clothesline. There were plenty more damp dresses, aprons, and trousers, but few that were anywhere near dry enough to take in. She had to keep her wits about her, even though she’d love to stop everything and take the pony cart up to see Mamma this very minute. No, Grace would have to wait till later, after making the noon meal and washing dishes, to go visit Mamma at Smuckers’. Maybe she could simply walk, stopping on her way home to see how Heather Nelson was settling in at the lodge. A visit to Heather would certainly provide a welcome distraction.

Still shaken, Grace thought about Mamma’s being intimate with her first beau like that... back when. Recalling the remarks she’d overheard from her mother’s sisters clear last month – when they’d come to help prepare Dat’s house for worship – she wondered if the baby’s father was the young man who’d given Mamma the poetry books, some of which were now missing from her bedroom bookshelf.

Just then, she saw Yonnie and Joe coming out of the barn, slapping high-fives and talking loudly. “We’ve got us another healthy new lamb!” Yonnie called to her.

He talks like he’s one of the family.
She smiled fleetingly at Yonnie, her heart aching at the prospect of his hearing this news.

Downright blue, Grace considered Mamma’s plight. Fact was, all the People, Yonnie and his family included, would soon know why Mamma had gone to Ohio.

Sometime after the noon meal, Dat returned to the house and asked Grace and Mandy to go with him into the front room. His eyes were so dark and solemn, Grace’s heart skipped a beat.

Slowly, he informed them that Mamma would be staying with the Smuckers for the time being. He added that he’d just told Adam and Joe the same thing, out in the barn.

Mandy appeared bewildered. “Why doesn’t Mamma come back home, Dat?”

He bowed his head for a moment, his hands limp in his lap. Then he raised his head. “The ministerial brethren are deciding how to handle Mamma’s disappearance and her return.”

“But I want to see her!” Mandy said, dismayed.

Grace reached for her sister’s hand as she sat next to her on the little settee. “We all do, Mandy.”

“It’s all right to go to her at Smuckers’,” Dat said, “when there’s time.”

Chores came first, he meant. After all, a visit over there with Mamma could stretch on for hours.

“I’ve urged Adam and Joe to go, too,” Dat added, to Grace’s relief.

But it was clear that Mandy was baffled by the apparent need to keep their mother at bay. “Try and look on the bright side, Mandy,” Grace told her sister after Dat left the room. “At least Mamma’s within walking distance.”

“Well, it makes not a whit of sense!” Mandy rose with a sigh and ambled through the sitting room to the kitchen. She kept going as if she might follow their father clear out to the barn, but then stopped at the side door and peered out. “Ever so peculiar, ain’t?”

Maybe not so peculiar,
Grace thought, recalling what she’d so recently overheard. She went to stand behind her sister, placing a hand on her arm. Then, seeing Yonnie push open the barn door for Dat over yonder, she flinched. She hoped their father hadn’t included Yonnie in his talk with her brothers, like a third son. Dat was fond of him; she knew that much.

I have a sister I’ve never met, one who doesn’t even know she has four half-siblings.
The concept was so foreign, Grace scarcely believed it. She could see why Mamma might be curious to find her grown daughter at this stage of her life, but why had she left her family to do it?

Glancing up at the clock, Grace knew that if she hurried and helped Mandy finish cleaning the kitchen – and bring in the rest of the clothes – she might be able to rush off to see Mamma. Grace wanted to do whatever she could to get her mother home.

Surely Mamma will return soon with Dat’s blessing... surely.

Mandy agreed, though a bit reluctantly, that Grace should visit Mamma first. Grace was relieved as she hurried past the Riehls’ house on foot, waving now to Becky, who was carrying in the washing from her family’s clothesline. She made a mental note to catch up with her friend in the next couple days.
It’d be interesting to hear if she
is
seeing Henry Stahl – if she’ll even own up to it.

Temporarily shrugging off Mamma’s own secret – stunning as it was – Grace sped up her pace, eager to get over to Smuckers’ place.
Oh, Mamma... I miss you so!

Through the screen door, Grace saw her mother folding a heap of children’s clothes in the small kitchen of the three-room Dawdi Haus, where Sally Smucker’s maternal grandparents had lived before they passed away. Sally had directed Grace to go there, all smiles when she met her coming up the lane.
“Your Mamma surely needs a hug,”
Sally had whispered on the back walkway.