The Tailor's Girl (9 page)

Her father finally regarded her. ‘What do you mean?’

‘We’re friends. I worry that I would struggle to take it beyond that. And I think it would make us both unhappy.’

‘Benjamin Levi worships you!’

‘I know,’ Edie replied sadly, leaping up to cross the heartbeat of distance between them. She crouched by her father’s knees and took his hand. ‘I know it. But that only makes it worse. I feel . . . smothered by how he regards me. I think Ben believes his love should be more than enough to satisfy me in my life.’

‘Well,’ her father said, shaking his head. ‘I have never heard a girl complain about being loved too much.’

‘Abba, hear what I’m saying,’ she pleaded. ‘Ben and I have been the closest of friends since childhood – you know that. He has never been with another to know any different.’

‘Surely neither have you.’

She felt the blood flush upwards and despite her resolve she looked away.

‘Edie?’

She shook her head, feeling the sting of tears. She couldn’t lie but she dare not tell her father the truth. Torn between duty and desire, she remained silent.

‘It is acceptable . . . perfectly normal to have doubts at this stage. I think your mother wept herself to sleep in the week before our wedding. She was so fearful of leaving her family . . . starting a new life. This is all to be expected.’

‘I just don’t love him. Not the way you loved my mother . . . and still do.’ Her father lifted her chin to look into her moist eyes as she spoke. ‘I want to be in love like that.’

She could see that she’d sounded a chord in him and that he felt sad for her. ‘I think Tom has much to answer for,’ Abe said softly. ‘He has distracted you from Benjamin; made you question your commitment.’

Edie felt as though she’d been punched. She faltered, as the tears came. ‘No, Abba . . .’

‘The man has entered your life like a meteorite, caught you in his blaze.’

She shook her head but felt the hopelessness of her denial; she hated hurting him like this.

‘He’s putting ideas into your head.’

‘No. The ideas were always there, Abba.’

He nodded sadly, watching her intently. ‘How can I help you, Edie? You know all that I want is your happiness.’

It was her chance. She would never have such an opening again, she was sure. ‘Daniel always urged me to follow my dreams, Abba.’

He said nothing to this, as though refusing Daniel’s name to be mentioned in connection with this conversation about not loving Ben. ‘And Tom?’

‘I want you – no, need you – to give him a chance.’

‘To steal my daughter? Absolutely not.’ Abe Valentine stood, wincing, and she knew it was the stab of arthritis from bending over a cutting and pattern bench for most of his life. She stood too and allowed him to tenderly gather her hands in his own and lean forward to kiss them. ‘I love you, child, but you are naive – and I say that with utmost respect. That’s part of what makes you irresistible and beautiful. You see the best in everyone. You are generous and affectionate.’ He sighed. ‘I imagine sooner or later Tom will discover the truth about himself.’

‘So?’

He shrugged. ‘Only pain waits for you then.’ As she opened her mouth to speak, he raised a finger. She knew not to defy it. ‘Go to bed, Edie. Think carefully on what I say. Your mother wanted this. I want this for you too. Benjamin is a fine young man from a good Jewish family.’

‘I’m tougher than you give me credit for, Abba. Remember, while you lost your wife and son, I lost my mother and brother too. We both have our grief and we have both survived. Now I have my dreams. Let me try.’

‘Are you sure Tom feels the same way about you?’

Edie was quietly stunned that her father had sliced deep to the crux of where this conversation truly lay.

‘I . . . I haven’t asked him,’ she said, convincing herself she spoke the legal truth, ignoring the fact he’d declared himself to her only hours earlier. She had to protect her father’s feelings.

‘Benjamin offers robust health, stability, good family, income and a reliable future. I can honestly say to you that Tom offers none of this —’

‘At this stage, Abba,’ she interjected and he nodded.

‘Well, tell me how Tom with nothing but a borrowed suit and no memory is going to give you a house, support a family, provide you with that dream of the shop you want, Edie?’

‘I can’t tell you how. All I can say is that Ben would never give me the shop, even if we did have the money. Ben wants me pregnant, rocking babies to sleep and cooking his meals.’

‘Is that so unreasonable?’

‘Abba, I want to be the designer of beautiful women’s clothes and bridal wear. I want to be the owner, the founder. I want the atelier,’ she said, shrugging as though in apology for having such aspirations.

He gave a slow sigh. ‘And you think Tom can give you this?’

She bristled. ‘I don’t need Tom to give it to me. But I don’t want to marry for convenience or a safe future. I don’t want to be pushed together with someone for the rest of my life who I don’t love as I should. I want to choose for myself . . . in everything, from the career I have to the man I love and ultimately choose to marry.’

Abe tutted quietly. ‘I would be lying if I didn’t say you are wounding me with this conversation. I too must think on it and reach a decision. I am your father and will not be denied my responsibilities to you.’ He nodded with another soft sigh. ‘Off to bed with you, Edie. Busy day ahead.’

She rose and gave her father a lingering kiss on his cheek. ‘Consider how much you adore my mother to this day and ask yourself whether you want anything less for me in my marriage than that sort of love. Please.’

The following morning, setting aside any awkward feelings about the conversation of the previous evening, Edie presented her father with a bowl of porridge, ladled with most of the cream from the top of the milk bottle and a generous dollop of honey. She had made a large pot of oats and hurried back to the kitchen to stir the slowly bubbling, gloopy mass that would keep Abe’s and Tom’s bellies full and warm for hours.

‘Tom!’ she called down the hall. ‘Breakfast!’ She came back into the dining room. ‘Where’s Tom?’

‘Do you know, child, you ask that question a lot,’ Abe observed. ‘He’s left to do the Goldberg delivery and to run some errands.’

‘Goldberg?’ she said, looking astonished. ‘But I haven’t given him directions.’

‘He’ll be fine. I wrote them out for him in the end.’

‘Abba, you haven’t delivered to that customer in years. He always collects.’

‘Tom is a grown man, Edie. Let him be. He’s trying to find his own way.’

‘What if he gets lost? What if he has one of those attacks?’ She felt suddenly distraught. ‘What if he doesn’t come home?’

‘So this is home, now?’

‘Abba, don’t.’

‘Stay calm, child. Let’s see how resourceful he is. I want a demonstration of his spine.’

‘His spine? He’s returned from the front! I don’t think any of our soldiers need to demonstrate their courage. We can’t begin to imagine what he’s seen or experienced!’

‘You miss my point, Edie. If your Tom ends up cowering in a bus stop again, I feel my concern that this man is no good for you is well founded and that he should be in a hospital where he belongs, letting the authorities find his real home, his real family.’

‘Why are you being so heartless?’

‘I don’t believe I am being heartless.’ She watched her father ponder this and then shake his head. ‘No, I don’t believe I could ever be accused of that, whereas your behaviour towards Benjamin might be construed that way.’

Edie stared at her father as though he’d slapped her. ‘The problem with this conversation will always be the same, Abba,’ she finally said, surprised at how calm she sounded. ‘Benjamin is who
you
want for a son-in-law. But this is my heart we’re talking about, so I can be as heartless as I choose about who it beats for. You love Benjamin more and more, I’m sure, because he behaves like Daniel,’ she said, only fully grasping the truth of this as she spoke. It felt like a revelation and she blinked with the shock of it. ‘He is a good Jewish son from good stock. He even looks a bit like Daniel – so lean and with that slightly curly hair. And Daniel was as serious as Ben has become.’ She saw her father wrestle to keep his emotion in check and she loathed herself. ‘But no matter how hard you wish it, Abba, you cannot replace your son. He is gone. He died, bravely, pointlessly, stupidly, even – because I never agreed with him volunteering – but he found the courage to give his life for his country, to make the world safer for those of us left behind. How ridiculous then that I would squander the chance he’s given me by spending it with someone I can’t love the way you want me to. I want to marry who I choose and because I love him with all of my heart, not because of a promise made between two old friends who loved each other and believed they could force their children to do the same!’

She watched her father’s mouth purse at the reference to her mother.

‘You would marry out of our faith, child?’ His voice had a low ring of shock to it.

‘I didn’t say I was marrying anyone out of our faith, Abba,’ she replied, her expression exasperated but it couldn’t hide the flare of hope that glittered in her eyes. Edie heard the lack of sincerity in her words and suspected her father knew she was lying even to herself, so she spoke the truth, harsh though it would be for him to hear. ‘But I wouldn’t hesitate to if I loved him. This is 1919, not the Middle Ages!’

Abe began to shake his head, his face grave. Had they both heard the name ‘Tom’ in the word ‘him’? ‘I could be glad your mother isn’t alive to hear this, my daughter. She would turn in her grave.’

Edie was beyond sparing her father’s feelings, and although this was the first genuine disagreement they’d had since Daniel’s departure, she refused to back down. ‘My mother loved her husband. Why would you want anything but that for me? I don’t love Ben and never will.’ She needed to get off the subject of marriage because Edie knew it was a nest of vipers that would need untangling with an unlikely happy outcome. ‘And how could you send Tom out without breakfast?’ she added, deliberately knowing it would draw his ire, but at least it would distract her father from this marriage question.

He snorted, looking genuinely irritated with her. ‘The man survived the trenches. I’m sure he can survive a morning without porridge.’

‘But I notice you can’t, Abba,’ she replied, turning on her heel, feeling her cheeks burn with angry disappointment but coupled with guilt for snapping at her father and for revealing all that she had.

He suddenly appeared behind her with his empty dish. ‘Daughter, the man wants to prove he is capable. Let him prove he is independent.’ He shrugged. ‘Stop fussing. He is not a child.’

There was a ring on the bell. She frowned in confusion but couldn’t yet lose the anger and hurt that Tom had been clearly coerced into leaving this morning without seeing her. She had so much to say to him and her sixth sense was screaming at her that something was desperately wrong.

‘Now, who can that be at this early hour!’ she said.

‘I know who it is,’ her father muttered and disappeared before she could object.

Edie busied herself clearing away the dishes, making more noise than she knew was polite, but she had to rid herself of her fury somehow.

Edie heard whispers and swung around in surprise to see a group of familiar women; at their helm stood Benjamin’s mother, Dena.

‘W–what’s this?’ she stammered.

‘Morning, Eden, darling,’ Dena said, overly brightly. ‘In the absence of our beloved Nina,’ she nodded at Abe politely, as though practising rehearsed lines, ‘I have agreed to be your guardian in the week prior to the marriage ceremony.’

‘What?’ Edie replied dully. ‘The wedding . . . i–it . . .’ She glanced at her father, stammering. ‘I don’t understand.’

The women advanced. There were only three but they were like a trio of fat, black mother hens who gave an impression of the armoured vanguard of an operation that had been set in motion.

‘Edie, last night we sensed some reticence on your part regarding this marriage that has been planned for most of your life. Dear, we know it feels like a big step, but it is the most natural journey in the world for a woman of your age, of your faith, and especially with an ideal man who worships you. Benjamin doesn’t want to wait.’ She beamed her pleasure to everyone, taking in Edie with her scan of the dining room where they now all stood. ‘Ben and your father both agree we should bring the wedding forward.’ Edie had to repeat the word
forward
in her mind silently. She wanted this to be a joke but no one was smiling . . . no one but Dena, and Edie knew Aunt Dena well enough to sense when she was faking it. ‘Why wait?’ Dena was saying with an obvious shrug. ‘You two precious souls have been joined and promised since birth.’ She tittered, glancing at her sentinels. Edie was sure they were going to pounce on her and truss her up, ready to present to Ben. ‘Samuel and Ben are speaking with the rabbi now about the
ketubah –
we must get the marriage contract officiated.’

‘Abba?’ Edie moaned, her sense of betrayal escalating. ‘What’s happening?’ He must have used the shop’s telephone, which her father was so proud of, to call the Levis last night; she felt ill at the thought.

‘It’s for the best, daughter,’ he said but his voice was not steady, his mouth trembled as he spoke.

‘Come, Edie, we must prepare you for your wedding.’

‘Prepare? When exactly are you thinking this marriage might take place, Aunt Dena?’ Her mind was filled with dread and even though she’d demanded her question, Edie shook her head as though she didn’t want to hear the answer.

Dena giggled but behind the amusement, aimed to disarm, pressed a fierce determination to have her way. ‘We thought tonight. The Levi family is ready; it has been for years.’ She glanced at Abe. ‘Your father is also ready, child, to hand you over to your husband . . . a very special man.’ Edie was so shocked by Dena’s admission that she had heard nothing more since Dena had uttered the word ‘tonight’.
Tonight?
It was ridiculous. It was cruel. It was not going to happen.
Tom! Where are you?
her head and heart screamed.

If Dena saw it, she ignored Edie’s dismay. ‘There is the ritual bathing, and —’ She shook a fat finger. ‘No meeting of your betrothed. Not until tonight, anyway, when the
ketubah
will be read and the Torah, and we shall witness the joining of our families.’

‘Stop this!’ Edie interrupted.

The three older women gasped and the porridge bubbled angrily behind her. She could feel its heat on the stove and it echoed how she was feeling in this moment – churned up, ready to boil over.

Edie rounded on her father. ‘Abba, what have you done? How could you discuss such a turn of events behind my back? This is between —’

Edie felt the light sting of a slap. Dena had clearly lost patience. It wasn’t hard; it wasn’t even a full-handed, open-palmed swing. It was the sort of tap that a parent might give a wayward child speaking back to them. It didn’t hurt, it barely made a sound, and still Eden gave a choked gasp, inhaling with horror as she understood what had just occurred.

‘Listen to me, Eden Valentine,’ Dena was saying, but Edie wasn’t listening. She didn’t want to hear another word from Mrs Levi, who had just taken a step too far. She glanced at her father with his head hung, and eyed the two silent friends who suddenly looked as uncomfortable as Abe.

Edie wished she could slap Dena Levi right back but her small remaining reserve of patience and respect forced her to clap her hands loudly instead, surprising herself but mostly surprising Dena, whose words died instantly.

‘Dena, be quiet!’ She frightened herself by her outburst and her courage to snap at an elder. ‘Tonight is Shabbat. I would like you and your family to join us for dinner and I am going to have a private conversation with Benjamin and then we are all going to say prayers together, take bread together and sort out this situation. But I can assure you I will not be getting married tonight, certainly not on Shabbat, nor in the immediate future either. You can take your bathing implements back to your house and you can tell Ben and Samuel that no marriage contract will be discussed with any rabbi without my father present and without my sanction. I have rights, Dena, the main one of which is to agree to my wedding . . . which I do not agree to tonight.’

Dena’s mouth was open but her voice silent. Edie’s gaze slid to her father, who nodded once.

He sighed. ‘Dena, my daughter is right. Shame on us. This is an ambush. Although our ancestors might have done such a thing, I cannot. Please come tonight as Edie suggests. We are family. We will sort this out.’

Dena glared at them both. She raised the same forefinger now in threat; bangles jingled at her wrist and she took a step forward so that Edie could count the spidery wrinkles forming at the woman’s lips, making her lipstick bleed slightly into the grooves. ‘Do not,’ she began, in an icy voice, ‘hurt my son.’

Edie swallowed, and could feel a blockage of tension in her throat. ‘I do not wish to hurt Ben.’ She turned away deliberately, leaning against the sink to steady herself, and waited for her father to show their visitors out.

When he returned she was waiting for him, but despite her scrambled thoughts, past experience of intense grief had taught her how to find calm through the greatest storms.

‘Abba,’ she said softly as he arrived, his expression sheepish.

‘I know you’re angry, Edie, I —’

‘No,’ she said, taking a slow breath as she lied, ‘I am not angry. I am disturbed.’

He raised his gaze to meet hers but said nothing.

‘I feel frightened that you would put me into such a position as you did just now.’

Abe sat down heavily in one of the dining-room chairs and held his head. ‘What a mess.’

Her heart hurt for him. She knew he wanted only happiness for them both; in his mind Ben represented that for her – she understood this. Edie quickly moved to reassure him, crouching by him and taking his hands. ‘It needn’t be a mess,’ she said, tears springing, but she refused to let them spill. ‘We just have to be honest.’

‘I only want what’s best for you!’

‘I know, Abba, I know. But Ben is not the one.’

‘Are you sure?’ he pleaded, searching her face. She knew he referred to Tom but couldn’t bring himself to say it.

And she faltered . . . how could anyone be certain about something as capricious as matters of the heart, which she knew so little about anyway? ‘No. But is there any surety in life? All I know is that marrying Ben now is a mistake.’

Abe gave a long sigh of regret. ‘I suggest, child, that you make Benjamin aware of your feelings before you explore those you have for Tom. The Levis do not know about a change of heart . . . towards another. All they know is that I was anxious about your modern thinking and whether your commitment to the marriage this year was still there.’

Edie wanted to wince but surprised herself by seizing her chance. ‘I certainly will,’ she said and watched her father’s expression change to wary.

‘He’s going to break your heart, Edie.’

‘Why?’ she asked with soft exasperation.

Abe shook his head. ‘Intuition.’

‘You’ve been wrong before. He may surprise you.’

‘I cannot change your mind so I must now fall back on my duty as your father. I insist that Tom show me his worth to you. I presume you are not denying me my paternal right to make sure my daughter is well cared for.’

‘I would be upset if you didn’t. But be fair. Give him a chance – that’s all I’m asking.’

He blinked and she saw he was angry with her. ‘Benjamin will return with me from synagogue. Samuel will bring his mother over later. I cannot throw Tom out, but when he returns I will ask him to spend the evening elsewhere.’