The Sweetest Kill: A Young Adult Paranormal (22 page)

I desperately try to think of something else to talk about and end up blurting out, “Are you dead?”

He frowns deeply at me, “Come again?”

He’s giving me a chance to back out of this line of questioning, but I’m not really seeing an escape. I’ll do anything to avoid talking about any feelings we may have towards each other. I’d rather have bullshit conversations about lore and facts about him, to seem like a good scapegoat.

“A-Are you dead?” I ask again, “Folklore says…”

He rolls his eyes and cuts me off, “They also say I can’t enter a home of my own accord, will die with a piece of wood in my chest and put together objects shaped like an ‘X’ will ward me off. I think it’s fair to say that the old folk stories are as reliable as Tyler’s stories about all the women he’s been with.”

“He’s an attractive guy.” I admit with a shrug, “Why would him being with women be unreliable?”

Tobias lets out a low growl. “Tyler is not attractive.”

Seeing a chance to annoy him, I smirk, “Yes he is.”

“No, he is not.”

My smirk widen, “Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.” I tell him with a grin.

“I’m beginning to regret getting you comfortable with me.” He grumbles.

I sigh and shrug, “Too late I’m afraid.”

“You know, no matter how much you fight it, I will have you in the end.” He tells me as he crouches in front of me.

My eyes widen and I stare at him before whispering, “I’m not much worth having.”

“Your opinion.” He says dismissively, as he runs his fingers along my jawline, “As they say, one person’s trash is another person’s treasure, and I am certainly not complaining about my little gem.”

I want to comment on how cheesy of a line that is. I want to tell him that I’ll never belong to him. I want to tell him that I don’t believe he really wants me. I want to tell him all those things but I don’t. Mostly, because I don’t want to argue about things not worth arguing about. However, a small part of me, a small voice in the back of my head tells me, I don’t want to say these things because I know it would all just be a lie.

Intrusion

I descend the staircase quietly. I woke up about ten minutes ago, alone in the bedroom. It has been three days since Tobias’s kiss in the office and he’s been odd ever since. He still lays beside me as I sleep every night, but that’s about it. No biting, no kissing, and no conversations over ten minutes. I feel him staring at me often, but I don’t meet his gaze. To be honest, I’m a little hurt by the way he’s acting.

Either way, I’ve gotten used to the routine. A rather dull one, but one that I tell myself that I like. It’s one that would have made me happy before I ever got in this mess. I get up and is forcibly cooked and served food by Tyler. He’s always around, bothering me to hang out with him. I’m beginning to think he’s lonelier than I am. Either that, or he’s on some mission to annoy me to death. 

Eventually, I stumbled upon the library, although Tyler said it was ‘under renovations’. I found it just dusty. I’ve found a lot of first editions among the thick oak shelves of the library. So most of the day, I disappear in there and read. Sometimes, I fall asleep and Tyler annoys me and wakes me up. Florence has come out of her hiding spot. When I’m sure I’m in the clear, I sneak a book up to the bedroom to hang out with her.

I don’t know where Tobias goes during the day to sleep. Maybe he really does have a coffin hidden somewhere. If he does, I haven’t found it yet and I’m not sure I want to. It would probably be strange for all parties involved at this point, at least one would think so. Besides, if he wanted me to know, I’m sure he would have brought it up by now.

I’m pulled out of my thoughts by the sound of a muffled piano playing. I exit the bedroom and as I approach the bottom of the staircase, the music has gotten audibly clearer. Now, as my feet hit the dark wood of the ground floor, it’s’ clear enough that I can vaguely recognize the tune.

I grab the handle to one of the sliding doors and push it open. The music becomes much clearer. It’s Moonlight Sonata, a song I remember when Mom used to have the piano. It was one of the songs that always made me cry. One of those haunting melodies that seems to reach into your chest and just grip your heart. I can feel it now. As I move further into the room, it’s gripping my heart, reminding me of what once was.

“You should be sleeping, wallflower.” Tobias’ voice says over the music, making me pause.

I don’t respond. Instead, I walk close enough to him. And if I wanted to, I could touch him. I don’t, however. I don’t know why the impulse is there, tempting me to break my own boundaries. Taking a few more cautious steps forward, I pause again when I’m beside the piano bench he’s seated on. He continues to play and after debating with myself whether or not to, I sit beside him on the bench.

Closing my eyes, I rock a little as his fingers play the required ivory and onyx keys. “When I was little, my mom would play this.”

“And it used to make you cry.” He says.

“Yes.”

“Would you prefer something happier?”

I open my eyes and study his profile before shaking my head, “No. I think this fits perfectly.”

He stops playing, but keeps his face forward as he speaks, “Are you unhappy here, Shoshanna?”

“Unhappy.” I repeat, testing out the word. I shake my head, “No, I’m not unhappy.”

“But not happy.”

I shrug, “I’m not a happy person in general.”

“You weren’t always like this though, surely. There must have been a time you remember when you weren’t miserable.”

A frown comes over my face as I process his words. Was there ever a time? It’s hard to tell anymore. When you’re stuck in the gray haze of depression, it’s hard to say. Time can get distorted and with it, perception. I’m sure I was happy once, long ago.

Before Charlotte got sick, and before my time at the mental wards. Back when my dad would ask me one exciting thing I learned that day, and I would be excited to tell him. Back when I used to sing with mom when we did the dishes. Back when Charlotte would climb on my back and I would piggy back her to bed. The distant and ever fading, before time.

“It’s hard to remember times like that.” I whisper, “It seems like a lifetime ago.”

“The past can become a fog as time goes on. Old memories are replaced with new ones and soon, we forget the times we were sure we’d never forget.”

His voice is full of ancient grief and I wonder what secrets he has, lingering in the depths of his mind. Staring at his profile, I realize how lost he looks. My stomach clenches and the urge to soothe him rises within me. I reach out hesitantly, before dropping my hand in my lap again. I move closer to him on the bench and lay my head against his shoulder instead. He stiffens but doesn’t push me away. I close my eyes and enjoy the controlled intimacy.

“Mom was pregnant with Charlotte.” I tell him, “She was huge. Well, her stomach was anyway, and we were sitting in my bed before bedtime, reading. Charlotte was kicking and Mom let me feel it. I was so happy because I was going to be a big sister. I thought it would be like when I took care of my baby dolls. I talked to Charlotte through mom’s belly, introduced myself and promised her I was going to be the best big sister she’d ever have.”

“And were you?”

I shrug, “I tried to be. I stayed with her at the hospital as much as I could. Sat with her through treatments. I was convinced that she would get better because I couldn’t imagine a world without her. I didn’t want to think of a world without my baby sister. I shouldn’t have had to live in a world like that.”

We both sat there in silence for a long time, before I started to speak again. I take a deep breath and decide to tell him what he needs to know because it’s not just him who’s mixed up about all this. I am too and he needs to know that. At least I hope I’m not the only one who is at a loss with this confusing relationship we have.

“You scare me.” I tell him quietly, “It’s overwhelming for me to be around you. I usually keep everything bottled up, letting it boil under my skin. It’s how I keep in control. How I keep sane, but with you, everything is so fresh and… unsettling. I’m out of my depth with you.”

He doesn’t speak and I continue.

“I like being around you. It’s sick. Knowing what you are, what you’ve done, and yet here I am, happily sitting beside you. Do you know how much it’s messing me up? Wanting things but knowing I shouldn’t have them. Protecting myself from you and telling myself that it’s for my own good. The truth is, Tobias, if I give in to this, I’ll end up sacrificing something that I’ve fought so hard to keep.”

“And that is?” he asks thickly.

“Control. If I give up control to you, what will I have left for myself? If I give it to you, you’ll have all the power in your hands. The power to completely destroy me.”

He’s silent, processing my words, until he suddenly groans and moves away from me. I catch myself on the bench and watch him as he starts to pace. I turn my body away from the piano and watch him with cautious eyes, waiting for some kind of response. It takes him a while. He just kept pacing and running his hands through his hair, until finally, he pauses and faces me.

I wince at the amount of conflict written on his face. I almost wish I hadn’t said anything, but selfishly, I’m relieved I did. It’s like a weight, one that’s been sitting on me for days, has finally been lifted. My intentions and desires are clear, as well as my fears. What else can I really say? Nothing, because the ball is in his court now.

Suddenly, he comes towards me and drops to his knees in front of me. His hands are shaking as he reaches out and grabs my limp hands from my lap to hold. His eyes nearly glow in the darkness of the room, and I can just make out his face. The moonlight’s rays pouring in from the nearby window illuminate his classic profile, and almost highlight the pain there.

He brings my hands up to his mouth and I keep perfectly still, as he lightly kisses each of the knuckles of my hand. He turns my hands upside down and kisses each of my palms, while his eyes locked with mine. I use all my strength to keep them limp in his grasp. Not wanting to scare him away from me. I’m surprised by how much his lack of touching has bothered me over the course of these last three days. How long have I felt like this without realizing it?

I jump a little when I feel Tobias’s lips on my wrist. I’m only dressed in a pair of sweatpants and one of his t-shirts. The smell that clung to his t-shirt seemed to help me fall asleep, that’s why I chose it. I grimace at my own thought. I’ve let myself get too far gone in this crush. I should stop it now. It’ll only hurt both of us.

“I heard a story once.” He tells me quietly, his voice thick with some emotion I don’t recognize, “It was about fallen angels. It was said that sometimes an angel, far from god’s embrace would often go mad. They would harm themselves. This world is too harsh for such innocent souls and they would try to find a way back home. No matter who they hurt, they desired it more than anything.”

“I’m not an angel.” I whisper.

He kisses each of my wrists again, “To me, you are.”

I look away and feel a tear run down my cheek. His words are sweet but they feel like they’re for someone else, someone more deserving. I want it but I can’t have it. That is the way things have worked for me so far. Getting what I want, having feelings returned and affection given, seems all too surreal for me to process. I let out a halting sigh and feel more tears well in my eyes, while I keep my gaze averted. I don’t want him to know how much this is torturing me.

Despite this, he continues speaking, “You asked me once why I didn’t kill you. The reason is because the minute your blood hit my tongue, I knew giving you what you wanted would be impossible. I could see it all, your sadness, your anger, and your hate. I could taste your misery and your longing for something more than what you had. I knew I could give you all of that and more.”

“Why?” I ask thickly before sniffling, “Why burden yourself with me?”

“Why?” he repeats in surprise. “Because you’re mine.”

“But why me? You told me you wanted my mind, body, and soul but what good are they to you? My body can give you blood, but it’s not pleasing to the eye. I’m completely damaged. My mind? I don’t even want to be in there, why would you want something as warped as that? And my soul? What good is that to you? I’m not even sure I have one anymore.”

His face twists into something similar to a barely subdued anger, “I don’t like you talking about yourself like that.”

“It’s the truth.”

Rolling his crimson eyes, Tobias grabs my face and forces me to look into his eyes, “Listen to me and listen good, Shoshanna. I’m not a fan of repeating myself. Your blood is the only blood I want. Your body, no matter its condition, is the only one I want to feel. Your mind, though bemusing, is something I take great joy in.”

His fingers skims their way from my cheek to my neck, making me shiver, before they trace a trail down my arm and grab a hold of my hip. My breathing becomes uneven and I look down at him, kneeling before me with apathetic eyes. I don’t know what he’s planning, but at this point, I don’t really care.

Tobias meets my eyes for a second, before leaning forward and running his nose up and down the side of my neck. I swallow thickly and try to keep my breathing under control, but it’s getting harder. When he opens his mouth and scraps his fangs along the flesh of my neck, I gasp sharply.

“Do you want this? For me to bite you?” He asks lowly in my ear.

I let out a whimper and nod.

“No. You have to say it.”

“Y-Yes. I w-want you to bite me.”

He groans lowly before his lips descend down on my neck. The kisses are slow, precise, and leave me panting. He puts both of his hands on my hips and suddenly pulls me off the piano bench and into his lap. Tobias wraps my legs around his waist and moves me, so I’m straddling his hips. I feel my face heat up at the compromising and unfamiliar position. He gives me a quick assessing look, and I know he’s checking to make sure I’m okay with this. I meet his gaze squarely. Despite my embarrassment, I don’t hate this. It’s awkward, sure, but it’s not unpleasant.

He starts kissing my neck again, as he places his hands on my lower back to keep me sitting up. I arch deeper into his chest, when he hits a sweet spot where my shoulder and the curve of my neck meets. My toes curl behind him and I bite my lower lip hard enough to taste blood. I didn’t know that was a sensitive spot, so my reaction is as much of a surprise to me as it is to him.

I can feel as well, as I hear a low growl come from his chest when I press myself closer to him. I go stiff when his fangs suddenly break through the skin of my shoulder and I cling to his upper arms. I stare blankly at the ceiling beams above us and inhale unsteadily when he starts to drink from me.

The warmth, the telltale warmth that I’m beginning to crave, starts to slide through my veins like a hum of electricity. I cling harder to him, trying to force him to feed faster on my neck. I notice the more vigorously he feeds from me, the stronger the current. I’m not even aware of my actions, as I grab the back of his head and force it closer to my shoulder. Just a little longer, I think, if he just feeds for a bit longer, I can feel that euphoric feeling. The one I always feel when he drinks from me, just before I pass out, that is.

He starts to pull back, but I put all my strength into holding him against me. He reaches up and pulls my hand away, before attacking my shoulder with renewed vigor. My head starts to spin and my body gets this wonderful numbness to it, before a flash of light erupts from under my closed eyelids. He groans lowly against my neck and I go limp against him, while he slows his feeding until he finally stops.