The Swarm Trilogy (44 page)

“I want a gentle horse,” I said. “One that those noblewomen rode the other day.”

Chase nodded. “I assumed as much. I picked out a horse for you. Trust me, I know all of them well. I found one that will suit you perfectly.”

“Thanks.” I reached out to the horse Chase was grooming, hoping to pet its nose, but the horse’s lips pulled back and its huge teeth nipped at me. I drew my hand back quickly. “Not that one, right?”

“No, that’s my horse, Lightning. He won’t let anyone but me ride him.” Chase laughed. “Even when he was a colt, he didn’t like anyone except me. We bonded early.”

“What about when you were being held by the Malborn?”

“I’m told he still wouldn’t let anyone ride him. Our stable master would lead him around by rope, but anyone who tried to mount him usually ended up with a swollen bite mark.”

“He must have known you were coming back,” I said, marveling at the loyalty the horse showed Chase.

“He was the only one,” Chase said bitterly. “My family assumed I was never coming home.”

“I find that hard to believe. I’m sure your parents did everything they could to search for you.”

Chase turned on me, brushing the horse’s back. “I’m sure they think they did. That’s not important, though. What is important is getting you to face another fear. I saw you conquer your fear of heights in the tree house. You can do this.”

“I only got over vertigo because you and Johna tricked me into thinking her concoction took it away.”

Chase shrugged. He looked at me over his shoulder, a twinkle in his eyes. “Worked, didn’t it?”

It was good to see the old Chase. I had wondered for a while if Bryden’s death haunted him as much as it haunted me. Chase had seen a vision of Bryden dying while protecting me from my mother. He showed Bryden the drawing he’d sketched of it. Even though Bryden knew what could happen, he still put himself in the path of death. We had to live with knowing he did it all for me, to save my life. Yet, I wasn’t the only one who might hold some piece of the guilt of Bryden’s death.

“Where’s my horse?” I asked. “Might as well get this over with.”

Chase set the brush down on a stool next to the stall. “She’s over here. Her name is Aphotica.” He motioned for me to follow him deeper into the stable.

In the back corner, a horse stood alone in the last stall. My hands shook, but I reached them out to her. She nuzzled my outstretched hands. A shiver raced down my spine. I was scared and intrigued at the same time.

I tentatively ran a hand over her ebony back. Her nostrils expanded and she huffed in my face. A giggle escaped my lips and I laid my forehead on her nose. My hair fell around my face, forming a veil so Chase couldn’t see my smile. I wasn’t ready to share my first moment of joy since Bryden’s death with anyone else.

I took a deep breath and stood up straight. “She’ll do,” I told Chase.

He smiled. “I thought you’d like her.” Chase put his hand gently on my back, guiding me toward the exit.

“I thought we were going to ride.” I wasn’t sure why I was protesting. I didn’t want to ride a horse, even though Aphotica seemed sweet.

“We are. The stable master will get both horses saddled up and ready.”

“Is Lightning okay with that? Won’t he bite the stable master?” I looked toward the barn door with a slight twinge of longing. I hadn’t been ready to step away from Aphotica.

Chase moved his hand from my back. “No. It’ll be fine. I had a little talk with Lightning.”

My eyes grew wide at the revelation. “You can talk to your horse?”

Chase’s smile grew so wide I thought his face might crack in two. “No. I can’t talk to horses. Not in the way that you and I talk. Lightning and I have been together for so long that I know how to calm him before the stable master saddles him up. We have an understanding.”

“Oh.” I felt foolish. For a moment I’d envied his ability. I’d never been close to an animal. I’d fed plenty of stray cats back at the Fithian castle, but I never took a liking to any of them. Something felt different with Aphotica. Something felt right. “Of course you can’t talk to a horse. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Lianne.” Chase grabbed my shoulders, forcing me to face him. “You’ve been through so much in the last year. Learned more about the world and how it works than you ever thought possible. Of course you’d assume that I could talk to Lightning. Please don’t feel embarrassed.”

“I’m fine,” I said, shrugging out of his grasp.

“You always say that, but I know it’s not true. I’m tired of tiptoeing around you. Bryden died. We all feel some responsibility for it, Lianne. But you are still alive and you’re not fine. You have to find a way to move on.”

My palm cracked across Chase’s cheek just as the stable master opened the barn door, leading Lightning and Aphotica out toward us. He stood still, glancing back and forth at our faces, not sure what to do.

Chase waved him over. “Bring them. We’re still riding.”

The anger bubbled in my gut, my magic threatening to get loose. I breathed deeply, forcing it to remain buried inside. I glanced at Aphotica, her dark eyes penetrating my soul. I couldn’t tell her no. As much as I didn’t want to be around Chase, I knew he was my only way to get on Aphotica.

“Yes, we’re still riding.” I glanced at Chase. The pink imprint of my hand pulsated on his face. I sighed, regretting my emotional outburst. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s not the first time you’ve slapped me in anger,” Chase said, taking the reins from the stable master. “I hope it’s the last. I really don’t like it. I can take it from you, but I don’t like it.”

“If it makes you feel better, I don’t go around slapping random people when they say things I don’t like.” It was true. Chase ignited something in me. He knew how to provoke me in ways no one else ever had. Sometimes I thought he did it on purpose.

“Well, there is that,” he said. “Now it’s time to teach you how to mount your horse. Put these on first.” He handed me a pair of black gloves. I slipped them over my fingers, appreciating the tickle of the fur inside. “Go around to her left side.”

“I can’t get on the right side?” I asked.

“No. Horses are conditioned to accept riders from the left. If you try to get on the right side, there’s a chance Aphotica will bolt.”

“You wouldn’t do that, would you girl?” I stroked Aphotica’s mane, the silky strands running between my gloved fingers.

“Now look who’s talking to horses,” Chase teased.

I walked to Aphotica’s left, unsure how I was going to get up. I knew the stirrup had something to do with it, but I wasn’t sure of the correct procedure. The women I’d seen out my chamber window had grooms to help them up. It didn’t appear Chase was readying to assist me. He’d walked over to Aphotica’s right side.

“Put your left foot in the stirrup, hold the saddle with your right hand, and put your left on Aphotica’s withers.”

I followed his directions, feeling all tangled up. I still didn’t know how to get from here to up there. I swallowed my fear, putting my trust in this large beast.

“Now hop a couple times on your toes until you have some good bounce and swing yourself up and your right leg over!”

I bent my right knee, preparing to hurtle myself up in the air, over the horse. “I’m so sorry, Aphotica,” I whispered, afraid I might hurt her while mounting. I let out a breath and sprang up in the air. My hair flew out to the sides as my body flew upward and over. My right leg kicked over Aphotica’s back, landing squarely on Chase’s jaw.

He stumbled backward, clutching his hand to his cheek. “For Eloh’s sake, Lianne! Stop hurting me!”

“I’m so sorry, Chase. I didn’t mean that. I really didn’t.” I reached out toward him with one hand, while still hanging on to Aphotica’s reins. I slipped to the side, but quickly righted myself. “Do you want me to get off and check out your cheek?”

“No,” he said, stumbling toward Aphotica and me again. “I’ll be fine. I just wasn’t expecting you to kick me in the face.”

He shot me an angry look and rolled his eyes. A laugh burst from my mouth, surprising me as much as it surprised Chase. “I’m so sorry,” I said again. I threw my hand over my mouth, trying to stifle the sniggering.

“Well, if all it took was a shot to my face to make you laugh, I would have tried it weeks ago.” Chase smiled and dropped his hand. His cheek had already started to swell and the purple of an early bruise shone through his skin.

The laughter spread from my chest all the way down to my stomach. I gasped for air as Aphotica pranced in place. She tossed her head back and neighed. “Aphotica thinks it’s funny too,” I said.

Chase’s smile only got wider as he mounted Lightning with ease. “Now that you’re in a better mood, are you ready to take these two for a little ride?”

I grabbed Aphotica’s reins with both hands. I had no idea what to do, or how to guide her, but I had a feeling she and I would work well together. I imitated Chase’s light heel jab. Aphotica trotted forward, following Lightning as if we did this every day. Once again, I learned that fear was strong, but I was proving to be stronger.

In a burst of optimism, I leaned over and whispered near Aphotica’s ear, “Let’s take this up a notch.” She nodded her head and galloped ahead, leaving Chase and Lightning far behind.

Chapter Three

Wind rushed through my hair, blowing it out in all directions. I let go of the reins and held tight to Aphotica’s mane. My legs pressed against her barrel. The exertion of her muscles rippled through mine, making me feel like we weren’t two, but one, racing through the meadow on our way to the forest.

The scent of leather and hay mixed together, washing over my senses. I melted into Aphotica, laying my head on her neck and closing my eyes. I felt every beat of her hooves, every breath she took mixed with my own. My soul came alive again, soaring above the clouds with wild abandon. I’d never felt so real before, like life was tangible, not fleeting. Bryden’s face passed through my thoughts. His crooked smile warmed me.

He would approve of this. He would want me to feel unencumbered. Bryden only wanted me to be happy. Maybe I could be happy again someday.

Aphotica’s sweat mixed with my own salty tears. I didn’t think horses could cry, so perhaps this was her way of mourning with me.

We slowed to a trot. A voice screamed behind me. I sat up and twisted around. Chase and Lightning advanced on us quickly, dust flying up from behind Lightning’s hooves as Chase pushed him harder to reach us.

They came up alongside us. “What the hell were you thinking? You could have fallen off and broken your neck!” Chase pulled Lightning to a stop, yanking on the reins hard.

I tapped Aphotica on the neck. “We should stop, girl.” She trotted just a couple more steps, then halted, her nose even with Lightning’s. “I thought you wanted me to learn to ride a horse.”

Chase’s chest heaved with each deep breath. “I did, but not like that. You don’t have any idea what you’re doing.” Lightning reared up. Chase held tight to the reins, his legs straining against Lightning’s barrel so he wouldn’t fall backward off the massive horse.

“I don’t think I’m having any trouble here,” I said, patting Aphotica’s rump. “Maybe I need to teach you how to keep your horse calm.”

“Not funny,” he said as Lightning righted himself, all four hooves on the ground again.

I smiled. “I don’t know. I think it’s pretty amusing. Don’t you Aphotica?” The horse reared her head back, flapping her gums at Chase. “We’re getting along just fine.”

Chase reached over and grabbed Aphotica’s reins. He held them out to me with a stern look on his face. “Take them. It’s tiring protecting you when you obviously have a death wish.” When I didn’t take them, he tossed the reins at me. He slid off of Lightning, looking up at me. Stormy clouds passed over his eyes. “You weren’t trying to kill yourself, were you?”

I let the reins fall against my legs, still refusing to hold them. Aphotica and I communicated just fine without them. I held out a hand to Chase, unsure of how to dismount without falling down.

He ignored my hand and wrapped his hands around my waist. I lifted one leg over Aphotica’s back and slid down to the ground, dismounting on her right side. Chase held on to my waist for a moment longer than was necessary. I stepped away from him, feeling my back resting against Aphotica. Her deep breathing calmed me.

“I wasn’t trying to kill myself,” I said. “In fact, it’s quite possible that this little adventure might have finally convinced me to start living again.”

Chase stepped closer, trapping me between his body and Aphotica. His chest heaved and his eyes softened. My heart fluttered. I remembered the day he told me he wouldn’t kiss me unless I asked him to.

I might have been ready to live again, but it didn’t mean I was ready to love again.

Slipping around Chase, I ran to the other side of Aphotica. I nestled my left foot in the stirrup and flung myself over, landing squarely in the saddle. Chase backed away just in time to avoid another boot to the face.

“Race you back,” I yelled. Aphotica knew exactly what I wanted. She turned in a circle, then took off, leaving Chase and Lightning in the dust.

***

I tugged on Aphotica’s reins as we galloped closer to the barn. I was afraid she’d blow right past it. I wouldn’t blame her. It couldn’t be fun, living in a small stall day in and day out. I decided to take her out for a ride every day. I looked down at Aphotica and wondered if she had another owner. My heart overflowed with jealousy that anyone else might ride her.