The Summer We Saved the Bees (22 page)

Mom’s eyes were shining with tears. “Wolf. Wolf. The whole reason we’re doing this—the reason I care about the bees so much—is because I want there to be a future for all of—”

“DON’T!” I yelled. “Don’t say that! Don’t say you’re doing this for us.”

She stopped. “Then I don’t know what to say. Because that is the truth.”

There was a long silence. I didn’t know what to say either. It seemed like this was what it always came back to: Mom being so focused on the bees that she couldn’t see anything else. The conversation Violet and I had had on the bus came back to me:
How do you plan for the future when your own parents don’t believe you have one?

I couldn’t make my mom trust in the future no matter how much I wanted her to.

Thirty-Three

I SAT THERE
beside my mom, staring at my bare feet on the beige carpet. I didn’t have any words, but my mind was full of thoughts, all buzzing this way and that like a hive full of bees. Though that didn’t make sense, because my thoughts were all over the place, going around in useless circles. Chaotic. And bees were anything
but
chaotic.

Bees had their own rules, and they followed them. That was why it was so disturbing—so wrong—when they suddenly disappeared by the thousands, flying away from their hives and disappearing, abandoning their young…

I caught my breath. “Mom. Bees never abandon their young, right? Not normally?”

She frowned. “Of course not.”

“And that’s why—like, with colony collapse disorder—it’s so weird when they do that, right? When they leave the young and just vanish?”

“Right.” She frowned. “Wolf, what are you getting at?”

“Just…when bees do it, it’s like it’s a sign that things are messed up, right? That the balance is off?”

“Right. So?”

I curled my toes, dug my fingernails into my palms and took a deep breath. She had to understand. I had to
make
her understand. “So a family is kind of like a colony, right? And ours…well, I guess it’s sort of collapsing. I mean, Violet’s run away, Whisper’s not talking, and I’m—well, I hate it. I hate what we’re doing. This trip. Thinking all the time about what a mess the world is. It’s like
our
balance is off. And…” I caught my breath, wished Violet was beside me, forced myself to keep going. “I know you love us, okay, Mom? And I know you don’t mean to abandon us. But that’s kind of how it feels.”

Mom had tears in her eyes. I wanted to take it all back, to make it seem like everything was okay. But I couldn’t. Because it was true. Every last word of it.

“Wolf. Wolf.” She pulled me toward her, her hands in my hair. “Why didn’t you say something?”

I squirmed free. I didn’t want her petting me. I wanted her to understand that loving us wasn’t enough. Love wasn’t magic, and it wasn’t going to fix everything. “I tried!” I said. “I tried. Like, a thousand times! And you never listened.”

“Did Violet feel…does she feel the same way?” Curtis got off his chair, moved across the room and perched beside us on the arm of the couch. “I know she wanted to be with Ty, but when we said he could come with us, I thought she was happy. I thought that was the end of it.”

“You should talk to her,” I said. “But yeah, she’s tired of the bee thing taking over our lives. And she’s worried about Whisper too.”

“We’ve all been worried about Whisper,” Curtis put in. “She’s always been an anxious kid.”

I looked at him and shrugged. “You don’t do anything about it.”

“What exactly do you think we should be doing?” Mom said. “Dragging her from doctor to doctor? Getting her labeled as having some kind of disorder? Put on medication?” She shook her head. “I’m not convinced that’s the way to go.”

“But you’re not an expert,” I said. “So maybe you should at least talk to someone who is.”

“I’ve looked it up online,” Mom said. “The not-talking thing. It’s called selective mutism. And it’s related to anxiety.” She looked at me. “But I’d rather let her grow and learn in her own way, without labels. Without pressure.”

I snorted. “Not much pressure, feeling like it’s up to us to save the world.”

Mom looked stricken. “Oh, Wolf. No. No. I’ve never said that. I just think we should all contribute what we can.”

I made a face. “We’re not all like you. And what you’re asking Whisper to do—the presentations, dressing up, talking to people we don’t even know…” I trailed off. “It’s too much. It’s way, way too much for Whisper.”

She opened her mouth, then closed it again. Bit her lip. Leaned toward me. “And you, Wolf?”

“Yeah,” I said, and my voice cracked a little. It was starting to do that lately. “For me too.”

“Oh, Wolf,” she said again. “My poor, brave Wolf.”

She looked like she might start to cry. I dropped my gaze to the floor and felt like a turtle pulling its head inside its shell. “I spoke to Duncan,” I said stiffly. “I can stay with him and his mom for the summer. While you guys do this trip.”

She hesitated. “Let us talk about it, okay? I have to think about the twins too. Without Violet and you to help out… I don’t know how this is going to work.”

Not my problem, I told myself. I imagined the shell around me, hard and tough. Imagined her words bouncing off it, not touching me. “Is the van fixed?” I asked.

Curtis shook his head. “Piece of crap, that van.”

Found On Road Dead
, Violet had said. Seemed like she hadn’t been so far off. Though maybe it was the vegetable-oil conversion that had messed things up. Curtis was pretty handy, but he wasn’t actually a mechanic. Plus he got most of the vegetable oil from fast-food places and Chinese restaurants. Maybe the engine was gummed up with stray pieces of egg roll. That’d explain the rancid smell.

Curtis stood up. “Wolf, how about you take the girls outside? Your mom and I need to talk. And I need to talk to my mother.” He shook his head. “Still can’t believe you all just turned up on her doorstep. Must have given her quite a shock.”

“Uh-huh.” I hesitated. “Um, she said she hadn’t talked to you for a couple of years.”

He met my eyes. “Yeah. Well, she and your mom never got along.”

“So now it’s all my mom’s fault that you guys don’t talk?” I said. “That’s not very fair.”

Mom didn’t look mad though. She just rolled her eyes. “It sure wasn’t easy, when she was on Lasqueti. Didn’t matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough. According to Diane, I’m the reason her son dropped out of college. Never mind that I didn’t even
meet
him until two years after that.”

Curtis shook his head but said nothing.

Mom snorted. “She’s impossible.”

Curtis put a hand on my mom’s knee. “Wolf, I’m not blaming your mom. My mother and I had problems way before I met Jade. Since I was your age. She’s the kind of person who wants everything to be a certain way. Like, it’s her way or the highway, you know? So she wasn’t ever an easy person to get along with. Let alone live with.”

Mom leaned toward him, and when she spoke her voice was wobbly. “I suspect Wolf might say the same about me.”

I looked at her, startled. “Yeah. But, uh, it’s okay. Mom. You know.”

She put her arms around me and gave me a quick, hard hug. “I know. And I love you.” Then she let me go, leaned back and studied my face like she’d never seen it before. “Growing up so fast.”

I felt heat flare in my cheeks and looked away. My face was probably bright red. “Um, I’ll go get the girls then. So you guys can talk.” I got up, walked into the kitchen and pressed my cool hands to my cheeks. Saffron and Whisper were eating chocolate chips while Mrs. Brooks beat eggs in a blue pottery bowl.

“Saffy? Whisper? You guys want to come outside and play?”

“Is Mom still here?” Saffron asked. She looked apprehensive, her speech too quick, her eyes a little too wide.

“Yeah, don’t worry. She and Curtis want to talk to your grandmother.” I stole a chocolate chip from the mound on the counter in front of her. “Come on.”

Saffy batted my hand away. “Hey!”

I laughed.

Whisper slid a chocolate chip from her pile toward me. “Here,” she said, ever so softly.

“Thanks, kiddo.” I ruffled her hair. “You two really need a bath, you know that?”

“You said we could play,” Saffron said, dashing for the door to the yard.

I started to follow her, then turned back. “Thanks, Mrs. Brooks.” I thought about what Curtis had said, about how it must have been a shock for her to have five kids suddenly show up on her doorstep. “Um, for everything. For taking care of us and everything.”

“You’re a good big brother, Wolf.” She washed her hands at the sink and dried them on a dish towel. “Go play with your sisters. And try not to worry. Things have a way of working themselves out.”

Whisper’s hand found mine and squeezed. I looked down at her. “Come on,” I said. “Let’s go play.”

Thirty-Four

MOM AND CURTIS
and Mrs. Brooks talked for a really long time. I played with the twins until the sun was low in the sky and our shadows stretched long across the lawn, and then I took them inside and up to bed.

“Are Mom and Dad staying here too?” Saffron asked.

I tucked the covers up to her chin and tight around her shoulders, the way she liked. “Tonight, yeah. You’ll see them in the morning.”

“What about George?”

“Well, George still needs a bit of fixing,” I told her.

“Not the real George,” she said. “A George story. Tell us a George story.”

I sighed. “Really?”

“Yeah. Please?”

I looked sideways at Whisper, snuggled up on the other side of the bed. “You want a George story too?”

She nodded.

I brushed her hair off her forehead. “Let me think a minute. And make some room. Push over.” I lay down between them, wriggling exaggeratedly to make space for myself while they giggled. “Okay,” I began. “Once there was a van called George. He wasn’t a very big van, and sometimes he got scared of things.”

“What kind of things?” Saffron asked.

“Well, he was scared of loud horns. He was scared of driving over something sharp and getting a flat tire. He was scared of big trucks and noisy highways. He was scared of squirrels and cats. And, most of all, he was scared of…” I paused and poked them both in the ribs. “…little girls.”

Whisper giggled.

“Why little girls?” Saffron asked.

I shook my head. “He didn’t know why. He just was. Sometimes being scared is like that.” I looked at them. “Right?”

They both nodded solemnly.

“So one day, George was sitting in the driveway and two little girls came running toward him. He was so scared his wheels trembled, and his exhaust pipe shook. But guess what?”

“What?”

“Well, those two little girls painted him new and shiny. They told him that they were his friends. And George realized that they weren’t so scary after all…And, uh, that’s the end.”

“That’s
it
?” Saffron made a disgusted face. “That was a
terrible
story.”

“Sorry. I’m tired. Best I could do.”

“
Humph
.” She scowled. “You can’t just end a story like that, before it’s properly over.”

“It’s just over for right now,” I told her. “There’ll be lots more George stories.” I kissed the top of her head and then the top of Whisper’s head. “I’ll see you two in the morning. Night.”

“Night,” Saffron said.

“Night,” Whisper breathed, ever so quietly.

Down in the living room, the three grown-ups were still deep in conversation. When I walked into the room, there was a sudden hush.

“Um, I guess you’re still talking,” I said.

“It’s okay.” Mom shifted to one side and patted an empty spot on the couch, between her and Curtis. “Come sit.”

I did. “I told the girls you’d still be here in the morning.”

“Of course we will.” She looked at me. “I probably don’t tell you this often enough, but Curtis and I really do appreciate everything you do for the twins.”

“He’s a good big brother,” Mrs. Brooks said approvingly.

For some reason, it rubbed me the wrong way. Like they were all leading me somewhere I might not want to go. I shrugged and looked down at the floor. “Um. Yeah, okay.”

Curtis shifted to face me. “We need to make some decisions.”

“Uh-huh.” I waited.

“First, about Whisper,” Mom said. “We weren’t ignoring her needs, you know. We honestly thought being out of school, being with family all day…we thought that would be good for her.”

“Yeah. Not so much,” I said.

“Maybe,” Mom said. “Though I do wonder if she might just be adjusting to a big transition. Perhaps, if we kept going, she would settle into this new routine and things would improve.”

I nodded. “She said good night to me just now. Out loud. Well, not
loud
, but you know what I mean.”

“Did she?”

“Yeah. But Mom, she shouldn’t have to wear a costume if she doesn’t want to, and I don’t think she should have to help with the presentations either. It’s not fair to make her. She’s five.”

“She just looks so darn cute in it.”

Mrs. Brooks sighed audibly. She didn’t quite roll her eyes, but you could tell she wanted to.