The Suicide Princess (2 page)

“Once I did, what would you have me do next?”
she asked.

Derrick told her,
“I'd slide my chair back, and have you get on your knees in front of me...”

Stephanie waited for the next text, and she could only imagine what was to come. She began to masturbate herself vigorously as she imagined what Derrick was going to describe next. She gripped the phone tightly in her right hand as the fingers on her left hand found all of her favorite spots. Her legs spread wider, and her hand worked faster as she imagined Derrick telling her to take him into her mouth, which he did in his next text. Stephanie came closer and closer to orgasm as she read each line of Derrick's vivid descriptions of the oral sex she would be performing on him. She imagined her head being guided up and down by Derrick's grip as he told her how he was dying to
explode in her mouth.

He wrote
,
“Look me in the eyes as I cum in your mouth, bad girl,”
and Stephanie came to the edge of orgasm.

Suddenly, there was a pounding on Stephanie's door, and Webber's voice echoed through the thin office wall, “Bradford, are you in there?”

Stephanie sprang to her feet and clumsily stumbled on her heels as she raced to pull her skirt down. She nearly knocked a set of files to the floor, and she stopped to take a deep breath.
Oh my God,
she thought to herself as she said, “I'm here Mr. Webber. Just give me one second.”

Stephanie opened the door for Webber, and he could immediately see she appeared frazzled. He suspiciously asked, “Who were you on a conference call with?”

Stephanie explained, “I wasn't really on a call, sir. I was just working on this case, and I needed some time to be left alone.”

Webber replied, “Look at you. You look like a mess! If you need help with this case, please let me assign someone to join you. Don't feel like you have anything to prove by jumping into the deep end of the pool so quickly.”

Webber had been with the District Attorney's Office for nearly thirty years, and he never left for private practice. Stephanie knew Webber was a good man, and she knew he was very interested in helping her to become a good attorney. She told him, “I promise you, I'm ready.”

Webber left Stephanie's office, and she picked up her phone. She saw that Derrick had continued to text her, and while the additional texts sent were very sexy, Webber's interruption had knocked Stephanie back into reality. She
sent Derrick a text which read,
“I'm so sorry, but I can't do this. Honestly, you have no idea how much you had me turned on, but I don’t even know you, and I'm married. I just can't be doing this.”

Without
any argument, Derrick replied,
“I know, and I understand. If you ever want that bad girl lesson, you have my number.”

Stephanie scrolled through the text, and clicked on the option to delete the conversation. In the list of options, she also saw “Save Contact.” She paused for a moment,
then clicked the option, saving Derrick's number under the name “Jenna.” She then deleted their conversation.

Stephanie left her office late that evening, and she walked the three and a half blocks to the parking garage where she parked every day. As she walked to the
garage, and throughout her forty-five minute drive home to the suburbs, her mind was focused on Derrick. She was split evenly with one half of her feeling extremely guilty about the conversation she had with him. She imagined how she would feel if she learned Jacob had the same conversation with another woman, and the guilt grew. The other half, however, felt sexier than she had felt in years, and the feeling was driving her wild. This time good sense prevailed, and she vowed to never speak with Derrick again.

***

Stephanie arrived home, and as she walked through the front door, she was greeted by Jacob. Jacob, who was lying on the couch, called out to her, “Hey sweetheart, I'm in the living room watching a movie.”

At five-foot-nine, Jacob stood just below average height, and he was in moderately decent shape with just the hint of a spare tire forming in his midsection. While he was in the military, Jacob took excellent care of
himself and maintained a great physique, but those days have since passed, and he was settling into being comfortable with life. His light brown hair was kept short and slightly scruffy, and it suited his hazel eyes nicely.

Stephanie walked into the living room to find Jacob sitting on the couch. Leaving her black heels on, she sat on the coffee table directly in front of him. She leaned back, gently spread her legs, and said “How about you turn the television off, and I'll give you a different kind of show.” In her mind she felt that it would only be fair to her husband if she allowed him to enjoy what Derrick only got to fantasize about.

Jacob replied, “I'm sorry, but I'm just not really in the mood tonight. I had three really long flights today, and tomorrow I have an overseas with an overnight. I'll be back on Thursday, and I'll take you up on that offer then?”

Stephanie closed her legs, and reached forward slipping her shoes from her feet. She said, “
Your loss, but if you change your mind, I'm all yours.” Stephanie knew Jacob wouldn't change his mind, so she drifted off into the bathroom for a long shower.

As the bathroom filled with steam, and the hot water poured down upon her tired body, Stephanie began to cry. For as long as she could remember, her life was constantly building towards something more. Junior high school was building up to high
school, which lead to college, which lead to law school, which was for the purpose of being an attorney. Now that she was finally an attorney, she was absolutely miserable in her job and once again building up towards something else. She was exhausted and just ready to be where she wanted to be. Her marriage to Jacob was much of the same, and she felt their relationship was always a series of steps towards something different. She wanted, more than anything, to enjoy her husband in the present moment and not later in life.

After her shower, Stephanie and Jacob got into bed together and began talking about their respective days. Between Stephanie's new job and Jacob's career as an airline pilot, the two often found themselves catching each other on the go, and the end of the day was often the only time they were able to talk.

“What's wrong” Jacob asked. “I can always tell when something is on your mind.”

Stephanie replied, “It's a lot of things. I'm just really tired, and I don't want to talk about it.”

“Don't hold anything in, that only makes it worse. Come on, talk to me.” Jacob encouraged.

“It's not just any one thing. For starters, I hate my job. I busted my ass in law school, thinking that I would come out as some hot shot lawyer, b
ut once I got there I realized I know almost nothing about being an attorney. So instead of working in an amazing law firm, like I imagined, I'm prosecuting menial cases, from a crappy office, and I'd probably make more money if I did almost anything else. It's so frustrating.”

“Remember when I first got out of the Air Force and the only flying job I could find was that shitty commuter airline?” Jacob asked.
“I didn't want to work there; it was embarrassing. In the Air Force, I flew some of the largest jets on the planet, and then suddenly I'm flying a small seventy-two passenger jet between Providence and Long Island. You know you remember how much I was making there. What was it, less than fifteen dollars an hour? I stuck it out though, and I moved up. I'm not exactly where I want to be yet, but I'm getting close. And, babe, I'm happy.”

Stephanie pouted, “I know, I just want to be there too. I hate this.” She paused for a moment and asked, “And why didn't you want to let me be bad for you when I got home? I didn't want anything
back, I just wanted to take care of you.”

Jacob said in an apologetic tone, “I'm sorry. It's not you at all. I really am just so tired tonight, and I know I have another long day tomorrow. Then tomorrow night I'm in a hotel before I come home the following morning. We both knew it would be like this until I get a permanent route; we have to deal with it until then.”

Stephanie knew the she wasn't just disappointed about that particular night, but all the nights, weeks, and months before. Her sex life with Jacob had eroded to virtually non-existent, but she did not feel like arguing. Instead she simply said, “You're right. I love you.”

Jacob gently kissed her on the lips, his kisses were always so gentle, and he said, “We'll be there soon. We'll have all the time in the world together, we can start working on having kids, and we'll be happy.”

Stephanie replied, “Yeah, we'll be happy.” She waited for Jacob to fall asleep, and she finished the task she had started in her office earlier that day. She tried desperately to imagine herself with Jacob while masturbating, but it was the images of Derrick which made her tremble. The text messages were deleted from her phone, but the mental image of being Derrick's “bad girl” was burned into her memory.

***

The following day, Karen joined Stephanie for lunch as usual. They were eating at an outdoor cafe located on a bustling city street along Boston Common. Droves of pedestrians were passing by, and the sidewalk was damp from an earlier morning rain shower. The scent of the rain still lingered in the air, and the two women were talking when Stephanie asked Karen, “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course, you can tell me anything,” said Karen. “Ooh wait, is it something good?”

“Please Karen, just promise that you won't tell anyone,” Stephanie pleaded. “I need to tell someone, and you're the only person I trust with this.”

Karen, becoming more serious, asked, “Is everything
okay?”

Stephanie hesitatingly said, “I met a guy yesterday...”

Karen waited for a moment and asked, “You met a guy, and?” Stephanie paused longer until Karen said, “Oh you MET a guy!?!”

Stephanie was clearly embarrassed and said, “Be qui
et!”

“You dirty whore!” Karen said with a kidding tone. “Details, I want details.”

“Nothing happened; we were just texting. But it wasn't just texting, it got so hot. That's what is bothering me about it. It bothers me that I could get so turned on by someone who isn't Jacob.”

Karen said, “Look, I don't want to know any more about it because things like this always end badly. You didn't go too far, so just stop now, and don't go any further. I mean come on, it's not like you f
ucked the guy; you texted him -- big deal!”

“I know, you're right,”
said Stephanie.

Karen quickly responded, “Now that that's out of the way, tell me about him! Was he cute?”

Stephanie then proceeded to tell Karen the story of how she met Derrick at the pizzeria. She explained, “It's not so much that he's cute, it's how he talked to me. I don't know how to describe it. He just seemed to say the perfect things at the perfect times, and I don't know, I've never talked with someone like him. Then our text messages, oh my God, he had me so incredibly turned on!”

Karen said, “It's not a big deal; he's your fantasy guy.”

“My fantasy guy?” Stephanie asked.

“Yes, you're fantasy guy. I have one. Well, a few actually, but my favorite is Kevin from the Public Defender's Office. Think of it this way: how long have you and Jacob been together?”

Stephanie answered, “We've been married for just two years, but we started dating my first year of law school.”

Karen replied, in a reassuring manner, “You two have been together since you were basically kids. You can only be with someone for so long before it becomes boring, and sometimes you need a fantasy guy to light your fire again. Just keep him as your
fantasy
guy, and nothing more. Don't screw your marriage up over some guy just because he can text nasty. Don't text with him anymore, and don't let it go any further, okay?”

“I won't,” replied Stephanie.

“Promise me,” demanded Karen.

“I promise you, I won't talk to Derrick again.” Stephanie continued, “But
me and Jacob haven't just become a little boring, it's almost like he has no interest in me at all. He is always 'too tired,' and he would rather play video games or watch a movie than have sex. And before you come back with 'maybe you need to spice things up,' I've tried so hard. Lingerie, watching porn with him, you name it and I've tried it.”

“You've tried everything?” Karen asked.

“Everything,” declared Stephanie. “It sucks, because every other aspect of our life together is amazing. When I was an undergrad before I met Jacob, I dated some very, ummm,
fun
guys. They all turned out to be assholes, but they were so fun in bed. I miss that raw naughtiness with a man.”

“Have you ever tried it from behind
with Jacob, but you know, the other way?” Karen asked slyly.

“O
kay, maybe not everything - that's just gross,” replied Stephanie.

Karen continued, while chewing her food, “Oh give me a break. Sometimes you just have to bite into the pillow and take it. It's not that bad
, the first dozen times. Alright, it is that bad, but just try it.”