The Story of Us (26 page)

Chapter 20

My father was right though. I did meet
someone else. I met someone else and I fell head over heels in love
with him. I didn’t know my father was right at the time though,
only because I didn’t know that you existed.

I thought I missed my period due to
all the stress and grief, but it turned out to be more than that,
it turned out to be you.

The pregnancy was hard, not because of
any complications, but mainly because the doctor cut me down to one
cup of coffee a day. Mix my lack of caffeine with the overwhelming
grief, and you can be assured that I was a complete disaster. But
on February ninth, I found that it was all worth it.

I entered the hospital at
eight in the morning, scared out of my mind. For someone who has
never had any memorable medical issues as a kid, major abdominal
surgery was a frightening thought. I was past my due date and about
to have a C-section. After checking into the hospital, entering the
labor and delivery room, changing into a hospital gown, and being
hooked up to various monitors and IVs, I was told I would have to
say goodbye to Rick, Lexie, Hailey, Hailey’s mom Jane, and Drew; my
support system over these last few months. I was only allowed one
person in the operating room with me and I chose Kathy. If Craig
couldn’t be here with me, I wanted his mom. Especially since my
parents would knowingly be MIA. The nurses take me in, but tell
Kathy to get suited up before entering.

Once in there, I’m told to
jump up onto the table and sit at the edge of it, crouched over
into the fetal position. It’s cold in the room, but I keep telling
myself it’ll be over soon. An extremely kind nurse holds my hand
while a younger lady sticks the epidural in my spine.
Unfortunately, she doesn’t do it right. I hear an older man tell
her that she went up too far and only three and a half inches deep.
He tells her to take it out, pats me on my shoulder and says, "Just
a minute dear, I need to get another needle."

Infuriated, but in too
much pain to even move, I know I’ll just have to suck it up and
wait for the next needle. This time, the older man puts the needle
in himself. I know this because I hear him tell the younger lady
that he went in lower and at four and a half inches deep. Once the
epidural is correctly given, everyone in the operating room seems
to be in a rush.

As soon as they turn me
around, I notice multiple doctors and nurses. There has to be ten,
maybe even fifteen people around me. They lay me all the way down
on the table and pull a curtain over the lower half of my body. One
doctor comes over to me and asks if I feel nauseous at all. I think
about it for a moment, only now realizing just how nauseous I
actually feel after he’s asked. I nod yes and he sticks something
into my IV. I’m not sure if I feel sick because of the epidural or
from nerves, but I feel as if I could be sick to my stomach at any
time now. I try to relax and convince myself that the medicine is
working. The last thing I want to do is vomit right now. A doctor
dabs my chest with a wet gauze pad and asks if I can feel it. I nod
yes. Then I lay there while they all scramble around the room
getting things together. A few minutes later, I catch the eye of
one of the doctors and I tell him in a panic that I can still feel
my legs. He assures me that it’s alright and that they won’t start
cutting until they know that I’m completely numb. Another doctor
comes over with another wet gauze pad and dabs my chest again,
asking if I can feel it. I nod yes again. He then dabs my upper
thigh and I tell him that I can feel that too. He asks if it feels
less wet than on my chest and I tell him it kind of
does.

A few minutes later, I
tell one of the doctors above my head that I can feel some pressure
on the lower half of my body and he informs me that they have begun
cutting. So much for making sure I was completely numb first.
Luckily, I can't feel anything more than the pulling and tugging
sensations, which they warned me about. I ask where Kathy is and he
says she is on her way in. About one minute later, Kathy comes
through the door and sits down on a stool next to my
head.

I feel my body being
pulled and tugged from side to side, but I can't even feel whether
my legs are bent or straight. Because the epidural has numbed my
body from my chest down, it’s hard to feel whether I’m even
breathing or not. I keep gasping for air, just to make sure I am.
My arms start to feel tingly, like they’re going to sleep, which
isn't something the nurses had warned me about. So I tell one of
the doctors above my head and he assures me that everything is
alright and that they’re almost done. Kathy squeezes my hand. The
pulling and tugging sensations seem to get stronger... and then
suddenly I see three doctors and nurses reach over my head to
start pushing on my stomach. Of course, I can't feel it, but it’s
scary nonetheless. As they start to back away, I hear a cry. And
with that first cry, I begin to cry myself. I turn my head towards
Kathy, who has tears in her eyes as she says "There he is! There’s
our boy!"

I haven't even gotten to
see him yet, but hearing him is enough to melt my heart. I was
never really great with kids. In fact, I pretty much avoided them
if I could. Holding babies scared me to death. And talking to kids
was awkward and uncomfortable. My greatest fear throughout this
pregnancy was that I wouldn't enjoy being a mom. I never said that
out loud, of course. People would have thought I was crazy. But the
idea of a messy, screaming, time-consuming child never really
enticed me. I never dreamed of being a mom, like some girls do. But
when I found out that I was pregnant, I was beyond happy. I know it
sounds crazy, but I actually felt alive again. I didn’t think I’d
ever feel that, with Craig being gone. And I couldn’t help but
think that this baby was a gift from him. With that first loud cry,
I know that I will love him with all of my heart, for the rest of
my life.

“I’ll take good care of
him,” I whisper up to the ceiling. “I promise. I’ll love him enough
for the both of us.” My tears stream down the sides of my face, but
I don’t move to wipe them away.

So this is our love story. It’s not a
love story that will go down in history as one of the greatest love
stories of all time. It’s not Cinderella, or the Notebook, or Romeo
& Juliet. It’s nothing like that. Because let’s be honest,
Craig was a pain in the ass, a pain in the ass with a sideways
smirk that melted my heart. He was a punk, but that was before
Drew. He was a player, but that was before me. He irritated me
beyond belief. But that was only because he got to me in a way that
few could. And he was able to get to me because he took the time to
truly understand me. He loved me fiercely with a love that rivaled
anything I’ve ever seen in the movies. But he wasn’t showy about
it. It was fleeting, but it was real. It was real and it was ours.
Sometimes it’s not about the happy ending. Sometimes it’s just
about the story.

I know you don’t understand any of
this right now, but I’ll keep telling you the story anyway. Once
you’re old enough to understand, I’ll have to edit it quite a bit.
But that’s okay, as long as you grow up knowing that you had a
daddy who loved your mommy so much that she was finally able to
break down the walls that kept him out. As long as you grow up
knowing the story of us. Not just of me and your daddy, but of me
and you, and how we came to be.

Epilogue

“Knock, knock.”

“Come on in guys,” I tell Hailey and
Drew. “I was just putting CJ down for a nap.”

“He looks exhausted,” Drew jokes,
noticing him bouncing around, wide awake.

“I’m trying to get him in a routine.
But he’s stubborn. Just like his father.”

“Come here, CJ. Auntie Hailey will
save you. Tell mama, no naps! You tell her, no naps!”

I roll my eyes at her. “He’s cranky
without a nap. And besides, I have to get going. I have class in,
like, ten minutes.”

“Good thing Auntie Hailey and Uncle
Drew are here then,” Hailey says more to CJ than to me.

“You sure you have him?” I ask
her.

“Go,” she waves her hand at me. “Get
to class. Learn something.”

“
Okay. He just had a
bottle and he was changed maybe twenty minutes ago. He should be
good until I come back.”

“
We got it, Val. You’re
good to go,” Drew tells me.

I kiss CJ, squeeze him gently, tell
him I love him, and then walk out the door. I only have to walk
down the street to get to class. It’s not really an ideal
neighborhood to raise a child, but it works for now, while I’m
still attending the college.

Kathy, Rick, and Lexie were beyond
happy when I told them the news. My parents, not so much. My father
disowned me instantly. It still hurts to think that he chose to let
us go. But in the end, I know that it’s his loss. My mother… well,
she’s never met her grandson. But she sends a generous check every
month. Along with her money and the help of, not only Drew, Hailey,
and Jane, but The Morgan’s too, we’re getting along just fine. Even
Ashley and Julie help from time to time.

Call it crazy, but I am actually
happy, most of the time. I still miss Craig. It’s an ache that will
never completely go away. But I manage it. Little CJ helps. I have
to be okay, for him.

Sometimes it’s comforting to see
Craig’s facial expressions again through CJ. Other times, it’ll
catch me off guard and I’ll wipe away tears, hoping no one will
notice. It’s such a contradiction. Remembering him hurts in the
most excruciating way. And yet, I want to remember every single
moment that I ever had with him, the good and the bad. Craig Jr.
looks so much like Craig, it’s uncanny. I wish he could have met
this little guy, who I know he would have instantly fallen in love
with, just as I had. I know Craig would have been a great father. I
know it by the way Lexie idolized him.

I think she took his death harder than
anyone, including me. She was devastated. It’s hard comforting
someone who takes everything so literally. We couldn’t tell her
that he’s in a better place, because she only believes in the
science of death. She doesn’t think his spirit is out there
somewhere. She just thinks he’s gone.

The elderly man who hit him didn’t end
up making it either, the heart attack killed him. So we can’t even
really be mad at him. It was a tragic accident that was cruel and
unfair. But somehow, we’re all getting by, including Lexie. The
Morgans take CJ twice, sometimes three times a week. When I go to
pick him up, I usually end up spending quite some time upstairs
with Lexie. We talk about Craig. But we also talk about the Disney
characters she likes. And the boy bands she likes. We talk about
anything and everything. When I leave her room, I always go into
Craig’s. It always hits me like a ton of bricks, but still, I
always go in. I sit in there and talk to him for a few short
minutes. I give him updates on CJ. I tell him how much I miss him.
I feel closer to him there than I do at his grave. I know Kathy and
Rick will have to pack up his stuff eventually, but for now I
relish in the fact that they haven’t. His room still smells like
him. It still feels like him. It makes dealing with the fact that
he’s gone just a little more bearable.

He told me once that I was his
refreshing change from the ordinary. I think he was more of that to
me. But regardless, CJ takes that title now. Without him, I’d be
stuck in a depression with no end in sight. He’s the one thing that
makes me as happy as Craig used to. He’s my Friday
night.

I would just like to end
this with a huge thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read
my novels. The great response I received from
What Doesn’t Kill Us
readers is what
ultimately influenced me to continue on and write
The Story of Us
. I’m so
blessed to have such a supporting audience. I hope you all enjoyed
it! -Steph