The Story of Lansing Lotte (18 page)

I was tied up tight and my head was racing. Knowing that sleep wouldn’t come easily that night, I returned to the living room and entered the escape world of video games again. Galehaut tried to engage me in online conversation through his pestering.

Lover girl came to see me.

I didn’t play along.

Wanna know what she said?

I didn’t reply.

You know you do.

I was getting ready to shut off the game when the screen flashed.

I think she likes you.

I froze the game. He had to be making that up. Guinie wouldn’t have gone to see Will, but how did Will know that Guinie had been here in the first place? My eyes stayed trained on the words: I think she likes you. If only it were true, but I felt like a high schooler again. It was beyond silly and I could hear Galehaut’s taunting voice in my head. The taste of Guinie’s lips lingered on mine. I knew that I didn’t just want Guinie to like me. I wanted more than that from her, but exactly what I wasn’t sure.

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but I knew it was late into the night when I heard a soft cry. I muted the game and held my breath waiting.

“Mommy.” 

I waited another moment, knowing Lila was right next to Fleur, but she sounded rather distressed. Another moment passed.

“Mommy.”

Fleur sounded frightened and I was up off the couch in an instant. I entered the room to find Fleur sitting up and shaking Lila, who was still out cold. She was definitely breathing as the blanket shifted with her breath, but Fleur was scared. Without Lila’s response, I could see Fleur was beginning to panic.

“Ladybug, darling, what’s wrong?”

She looked at me a moment, like she didn’t know who I was, and returned to shaking Lila who let out a large snore.

I had to bite my lip not to laugh and I addressed Fleur again.

“Fleur? What do you need?”

She gazed at me like she was looking through me. Slowly I saw the recognition come to her and she began to cry. I approached her side of the bed and put out my arms to pick her up.  It was all out of my comfort zone. I didn’t know what to do with a crying child. 

“Mommy,” she said, as she turned her back on me and placed her hands on Lila’s bare arm.

I reached for Fleur knowing Lila was not going to wake up. 

“Fleur, come with me,” I said, as she struggled in my arms, squirming for Lila instead.  I had her up in the air and I wouldn’t have imagined a four-year-old had that kind of strength, but I almost dropped her as she twisted.

“Ladybug, enough, darling.  Let’s let Li…Mommy sleep. Did you have a bad dream?”

She twisted back in my arms and nodded sheepishly.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” I said kissing the top of her head. “Want to come out in the living room and watch television with me.”

She nodded again. She didn’t wrap her arms around me, like she had before, but she had stopped struggling as I walked us out of the room. I sat her next to me on the couch as I tried to find something appropriate on late night television. After several inappropriate scenes I decided on Channel 101, which broadcasted
Guitar Central
, a show that features bands in an acoustic set up within a televised studio. In between sets, the retired writer from
Rolling Stone Magazine
interviews bands about their history, their music, and their life outside the band.

It was a rerun that featured The Nights.

There was Arturo King in the flesh before me on the screen. He was discussing how our band came together. How he and I were friends first, and Mure Linn had coached us to play together, in unison. He explained how Perk joined us after I met him, and how Tristan approached Arturo immediately upon entering college. It was before our second album, which would have been the album featured on our suddenly cancelled tour. Questions arose about the drinking, the women, and the nicknames. Arturo was known as the Chivalrous Lover.  Gentlemanly. Tristan was the Heartbreaker as he went through so many women they were nicknames flavors, coming in all types, shapes, and sizes. Perk was the Hands-Free Lover and I laughed on screen. He was clearly embarrassed by that. He was trying to get out of answering when he finally blurted out that he was waiting for the girl of his dreams.  He was a big guy, but he was socially awkward due to his secluded upbringing.

“And do you believe there is a girl out there who will meet your dreams?” the interviewer asked.

Perk confidently answered, “Yes, I do.”

I shook my head realizing that Perk had found that girl, while I was still waiting for mine.

I felt someone watching me and I looked over my shoulder to see Lila standing at the corner of the wall, where the living room turned into the hall.

“Hey,” she said with a groggy voice.

“Hey.” I smiled.

“What time is it?”

I looked at the screen to see it read 3:30 a.m. in the corner of the television.

“What’s going on out here?” she questioned softly. I followed her eyes to see that Fleur had her head on my lap and I had my hand on her head. I had been concentrating so much on the vision of Arturo before me, I hadn’t noticed that Fleur had curled up on her side and was sleeping with her head on my thigh. I was unconsciously stroking her baby fine hair.

“She was crying for you. I didn’t want her to wake you, although the way you were snoring, I doubt that was really a risk.”

“I wasn’t snoring,” she said, as she entered my living room still wearing her very wrinkled dress.

“Yes, you were.” I made a snorting noise to imitate it.

Her mouth fell open and I laughed. Fleur stirred and rolled onto her back.

“I’m sorry she disturbed you.” Lila approached the couch. “I’m not really cut out for motherhood,” she said softly. My eyes followed her motion as she reached for Fleur. Without thinking I gripped her wrist.

“Why would you say that?”

Her brown eyes met mine and she silently shrugged her shoulders.

“Answer me,” I said, giving her arm a little shake.

“I don’t know. I’m just not.”

“Lila, I don’t want to hear that. You’re an amazing woman and you work hard. And Fleur…she’s awesome because of you.”

Lila looked at me hard for a moment. She was about to say something, I knew it, but she stopped herself. I let go of her wrist and patted the space next to me on the couch. Sighing, she sat next to me. Our thighs touched and I looked at the place where we connected. The edge of her dress had risen again; her knees were exposed, as well as, a healthy dose of her upper thigh. She noticed me staring and struggled to tug the dress down. My eyes shot up to the screen.

“What are you watching?” she asked softly.

“
Guitar Central
.”

“Is that Arturo?”

“Yep.”

“So sad,” she said softly.

“Yep,” I breathed out.

“He had so much talent. Lots of drama, but so much talent.”

“He still
has
talent,” I said, a bit angrily at her use of the past tense.

“He still has,” she corrected herself.

We were silent for several moments as we watched The Nights play one of our most famous songs. The one that Arturo attributed to Ana, until he found out who she really was.

“This song is so sad,” Lila said.

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s the last of everything and he just wants to hold on a little longer.”

I stared at Lila. She continued.

“I mean. It’s a sexy song, don’t get me wrong, but when you really listen to the words.  It’s definitely like he wants someone he knows he can’t have and he’s trying to freeze time.”

I hadn’t spoken.

“If you only had one chance with someone, what would you do, right?” Lila turned to look at me, but I had no response. I didn’t know how to answer. If I had only one chance, what would I do?

Lansing’s response over my motherhood comment surprised me. He didn’t seem particularly aggressive. He seemed sad. Excessively sad.

He’d spoken in bits and pieces about the band. The cancelled tour and the lack of interest to get together and play. I hadn’t seen or heard him with his guitar in the time we had been in his place. He didn’t talk about it, if I brought it up, and I always let it drop, as I didn’t want to make things awkward between us. It had already been awkward, when I came home too drunk to find him in the entryway with Layne Ascolat. Pretty Layne Ascolat. She had that wild hair and deep dark eyes that looked frightened, but I bet there was a fire behind those eyes, and she wanted to spark, all over Lansing.

Unfortunately, so did I.

I shouldn’t have felt that way. Lansing Lotte was totally off limits to me, but I liked him. He was boy-next door good looking, with dimples that made parentheses around his mouth, and those bright blue eyes. His body knew how to hold clothes and he constantly looked like an Abercrombie model. But most of all, he was nice to me; a true hero in many ways.

I
knew
better than to get sucked in by a rock star, but he was so kind to Fleur and me. Oh my gosh, with Fleur he was a dream come true. He was sweet with her, despite his profession of not knowing what to do with children. And Fleur took to him so easily it was a reminder that she didn’t have any recollection of a male figure in her life. She didn’t remember my father or her own. Not that I would have expected her to remember her own father. He hadn’t bothered to remember her.

Josh Tucker had been your typical rock star: sexy, thin, and sly. He knew how to charm, and charm me he did. I was only seventeen when I met him. My father was working a shift for White Cross and I was given a ticket to attend the concert. I wasn’t really into the metal-turned-pop-culture band, but I had roped my father into squeezing out another ticket and I took my best friend at the time, Jenn. We were backstage and I had been ogling the warm-up band. They were closer to our age and a bit unheard of at the time. So cute. My exact words that night.
He’s so cute
.

In my typical loud mouth fashion, he’d heard me say it and caught me staring at him. I burst into laughter and he winked at me before following his band to the stage. Jenn and I rocked out on the side in the designated area for pass holders. When the warm-up band was done they passed our section to squeals and attempted hugs. I was trying to catch the eye of Josh Tucker again, which I knew was a ridiculous plan.

When I was pointed at by a bodyguard that wasn’t my father, I thought it was only because he recognized me, but when he called me over, I pulled Jenn with me. I was stopped by a large hand.

“Only you,” the huge man said.

“I’m not going without my friend,” I said, tucking Jenn’s hand under my arm and holding tight. He eyed us both for a moment.

“Fine.” He nodded toward the hall to the left. 

I’d been backstage plenty of times, in plenty of places, but the Underground Arena was like a second home to me. I wandered the backstage halls tugging Jenn behind me as we giggled like the teenagers we were. I was almost to the room that I knew held the warm-up bands, when I was stopped by another cute guy, with blond hair sweeping his forehead and dark brown eyes the color of a chocolate bar. He was the lead singer for an up-and-coming band, which I learned was named the Dark Agents. He smiled with a hint of innocence, but he screamed arrogance underneath the dimpled façade.

“Hello, ladies,” he said seductively, with a slight crack to his voice. I recognized him, but I didn’t know his name. He slipped an arm over my head backing me into the wall, ignoring Jenn holding my hand.

“What’s your name, beautiful?” he asked, eying my chest as it heaved from the exertion of running down the hall and laughing too much.

“Lila,” I replied innocently as I noticed his lips. They were moist looking and I was a bit grossed out by that. He smiled when he caught me looking and licked his lips in a way that was too exaggerated. Jenn had broken the hold on my hand. I had a full body press against me as I was backed into the wall. Those wet lips were close to my face and I blinked several times. I felt his young excitement press into a body part only I had discovered. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so silly anymore. I was getting nervous that he was going to continue to dry hump me in the hall for all to see, then drag me off to further have his way with me. I tried to find Jenn over his shoulder, but he body blocked my view of anything but him.

When I turned my head the other way, his over-wet lips slammed into mine. I didn’t like it, not one bit. I held my mouth still as he continued to work over me and press into my body. My hands came up to his chest and I pushed gently at first, but eventually with more force. I tried to move my head, but it was pinned against the wall with the pressure of his face on mine. I could feel the ridges of the painted cement block on my skull. The assault didn’t last long, but it felt like time had stilled until his lips were ripped from mine. We actually made a suction sound as the pressure released.