The Solemn Bell (18 page)

He sounded tense, and also confused. “What do you mean?”

“I—I took the act too far,” she explained, grasping at any excuse. “We were dancing, and I thought you wanted me to play along. I know that it wasn’t real. I wouldn’t dare have feelings for you.”

“You were just acting?”

She nodded. Anything to convince him!

He moved off the sofa. Oh God, he still didn’t believe her. He was going to storm off and leave her down here alone. Angelica couldn’t risk losing him again.

“Brody…” She reached for him through the darkness. “Without you, I’d be on the streets. Instead, you’ve brought me here, and bought me clothes, and been so very good to me. Yet I’ve been nothing but difficult. Let me show you my gratitude.”

Angelica spread her legs for him. It was the only way she knew to keep a man’s attention. He would bury himself inside her and forget why he’d been angry in the first place.

His voice caught. “Is that what you really want?”

“I want you to
fuck me
, Brody.”

She tugged her lacy underdrawers down over her silk stockings, while he fought with his trouser buttons. They both wore evening clothes. Things were so much simpler when she had nothing but a few serviceable pairs of drawers and a frayed woolen dress. Now, she struggled in her beaded frock, and he was restricted by his dinner jacket.

Angelica leaned back against the sofa, pulling her knees wide with her hands. He touched her—once, twice—with his fingers, testing her. Then, he crouched above her, holding onto the wooden back of the sofa with one hand, and guiding himself into her with the other.

He entered in one sharp thrust. She gasped. Captain Neill hovered over her, never touching her, yet driving into her with a deliberately pointed rhythm. She closed her eyes, and turned her head so that he wouldn’t be distracted by her cold, dead gaze.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, thrusting. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“I closed my eyes so you wouldn’t have to see me.”

Thrust. Thrust. “Why?”

“Because of my eyes…”

“Did your other lover not like them?”

She shook her head. “He couldn’t come.”

Captain Neill withdrew from her, and she whimpered. Instead of shunning her, he kissed her, fiercely. “Don’t ever close them. Do you hear me, Angelica? You’re beautiful, and perfect, and so are your eyes.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. “I won’t close them.”

Captain Neill pushed himself back in. God, even if she never had another man, she’d never get tired of his body meeting hers. He felt good. He felt right—even though what they were doing was wrong. Angelica wasn’t sure she could hide her love from him forever. But she would do her best to keep him coming back to her.

“Yes, Brody,” she mumbled encouragements into his open mouth. “That’s good! So good!”

His breath bellowed as he pumped into her again, and again. Angelica shifted her legs up so that he could mount her deeper. Suddenly, he slipped his arm under her knee, and raised it as high as her trembling muscles would allow. She nearly shouted. Oh, God, it was almost painful!

Captain Neill moaned. He wouldn’t last long now. Angelica wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take.

“Come, Brody,” she begged. “Come!”

His voice sounded ragged. “What about you?”

She’d given up on that ages ago. “I don’t come for anybody but myself.”

“For me. You did once.”

Angelica laughed. How cruel that he would think of her pleasure at a time like this. “Just finish. We don’t have all night.”

***

He had asked her take him into her mouth—likely as penance for rushing him—but Angelica didn’t mind. Afterward, he’d carried her upstairs, and put her to bed. Now, he lay next to her in nothing but his soft, cotton pajamas.
 

She smiled to herself. He wasn’t going anywhere tonight.

Captain Neill must have studied her in the darkness. “Are you sure you don’t feel guilty?”

“Why should I?”

“It was disrespectful to make love to you in my parents’ library.”

She laughed. “Then perhaps we should go somewhere more private next time.”

“I hadn’t planned on doing it at all, honestly. I didn’t want our time together to be about that.”

“But I’m your mistress. What else is our time together supposed to be about?”

He huffed. “I like you for more than sex, Angelica.”

“And I like you,” she said, snuggling against his warm, bare chest. “But I like sex, too.”

There was a long pause. “Why, if you don’t get pleasure?”

“Mostly, I like how it makes me feel—strong, sensual, and…normal.” As she spoke, Captain Neill drew her close. “No one cares that I can’t see as long as I can…well, you know…”

“Just like your lover didn’t care, so long as you kept your eyes clamped shut and your legs in the air?” He sounded angry, and she didn’t know why. Surely, he wasn’t still jealous of that other man. “He was using you, Angelica. Degrading you. And you let him!”

Now it was her turn to huff and pout. “How is what he and I did any different than what
we
do?”

“Because he made you think that this is all you are—a whore. He made you this way.”

“No, Brody. You made me this way!”

He sat up, jerking the covers back. “Me? How?”

“You gave me the smallest taste of pleasure, and then you left me. I thought that I had done something wrong. That, in not reciprocating, I’d done something to disappoint you.” Angelica trembled all over. “When my lover came to me, I gave him pleasure. I gave him what he wanted—
all
he wanted—and he kept coming back.”

“So now you give me pleasure in the hopes that I, too, will keep coming back.”

She nodded as he wrapped the covers tight around her.
 

Captain Neill touched her cheek with his lips. “Oh, Angelica…I have wronged you. All this time, you’ve thought that, if you didn’t offer yourself up to me, I’d cast you aside? That you were worth nothing more to me than sex?” He made a pained sound in her ear. “You couldn’t be more wrong. I love you, Angelica.”

She could not have understood him correctly. Captain Neill did not love her. He thought her a low, base, immoral slut who’d given her virginity to a stranger. Men did not love women like her. They only used them.

“But…how?” she asked. “What about my betrayal?”

“I’m working very hard to move past it,” he said. “And that has nothing to do with you. That’s on me.”

Angelica shook her head in disbelief. “You don’t love me, Brody. You love what I do to you.”

“I do love that.” He laughed softly. “But I enjoy it because it is with you. That’s why I didn’t want to make this week about anything sexual. For once in your life, you should know how it feels to have a man appreciate you for
you
, not for…that.”

“But that isn’t who I am. I’m not innocent or chaste—not anymore. I enjoy making love with you. Surely, it’s not cheap if it’s love…”

Captain Neill took her hand. “I want you to know that when we were dancing earlier, taking you to bed was the furthest thing from my mind.” He was quiet for a long time. “What I’m trying to say is, I love you
—
both the sweet, brave girl who took me in and saved me, as well as the spirited, sexual woman who rocks me like no other. You are everything I could have ever dreamed of, Angelica. Far more than I ever dared hope for.”

That was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to her. Captain Neill didn’t care that she was sheltered, that she was blind, or that she could be a bit of a slut. He thought she was perfect. He loved her.

“Oh, Brody, I love you, too.”

He pulled her into his arms. He held her so tightly that she might burst. “Do you? Truly?”

“Yes! I thought you couldn’t love me after what I’d done. I couldn’t let myself even hope. When we were dancing, I loved you so much that I never wanted that song to end.”

They kissed tenderly. She pressed her lips to each corner of his mouth, which was turned up in a wide grin. Then, he opened his mouth and drew on her tongue, and kissed her until she felt dizzy. Angelica was so happy, she could cry. He loved her! She loved him, and they were never going to be apart again.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Brody stayed with her as long as he could, but the servants were up by six, and he had needed to be gone by then. He didn’t want to shame Angelica—they were lucky enough that no one had walked in on them in the library. The last thing he wanted was for a servant to catch him bed-hopping.

At eight-o’clock, Father and Marcus were downstairs at breakfast. He’d almost forgot they weren’t going to the office today. Cynthia and Peter would be arriving soon to help Mary Rose prepare for her party, and the whole family would be there to greet them.
 

Hopefully, he’d find time to sneak off with Angelica between festivities.

He grabbed a plate and served himself breakfast. “Morning.”

“Good morning, Brody,” Marcus said.

Father mumbled some greeting from behind his copy of
the Times.
“Does that girl come down in the mornings?”

“Who?” Brody knew who. He glared at his father over his eggs.

“Miss Grey.”

“She did yesterday,” he said, taking a bite. “Otherwise, I wouldn’t know.”

“Oh, for God’s sake, Broderick. Don’t be coy.”

“What? I never had breakfast with her before yesterday. But, I imagine she’ll be down eventually. And what do you mean by ‘don’t be coy’? Are you implying something about my relationship with the lady?”

The old man folded his newspaper, giving Brody his full attention. “If I were, would I be wrong?”

He shook his head. “Angelica is a good girl, Father—far too good for me.”

“While I don’t disagree with you there, I tell you, I take offense to your bringing a kept woman into this house. To your sister’s birthday celebration, no less. What were you thinking?”

“She’s not a kept woman. She’s my girl, and terribly dear to me. And, if you really must know, I
am
thinking—quite seriously—of asking her to marry me.”

His father took the folded newspaper, and smacked Brody across the head with it. “You idiot! You fool! You’re determined to cock up everything, aren’t you? How can you even think of marrying? You’ve no future, no job.”

He sat silently while Father bashed him about the head. It was easier to let the old man get it out of his system than try to fight or reason with him. Brody simply steeled his temper and his resolve, and waited for his father to take a breath.

“As for Miss Grey,” Father continued, “She has no family, no income. I cannot support you forever, and I certainly cannot afford to bankroll you
and
your wife. She’ll need a home and servants. Someone to be with her ‘round the clock. How will you support her if you cannot leave her side? For once in your life, Broderick, think things through.”

“Let me be sure I understand—your only issue with her is the lack of money, correct? Not her lack of sight?”

His father grunted, as usual. “A blind wife would be convenient, if you ask me. But you cannot keep her.”

“You’re being incredibly unfair, Father. I’m trying to do the responsible thing, grow up and settle down. I’ve given up the flat in London. Even if I married Angelica, we could live cheaply somewhere else—she has a home of her own, you know—and still save money in the end.”

Even Marcus looked uncomfortable. This was a waking nightmare. It could not be happening…

Their father had always threatened to cut Brody off, but never actually done it. What he hadn’t earned from the army, Father had always supplied—the motorcars, the flats, the morphine, everything. Now, the old man had Brody’s back against the wall.

“Until now, I’ve given you everything you’ve asked for. I’ve spoiled you, my boy. You think you can bat your eyes and I’ll just accept some unknown girl as your wife. I tell you, I won’t do it. If you really want to show me how responsible you can be, find a suitable girl with a dowry, or at least a family willing to support you. It cannot be hard—you’re a decent looking chap, and we need never mention your…troubles. Choose wisely, and you might even find a girl willing to let you keep Miss Grey, discreetly, of course. Either way, this is the last I want to hear about her. Am I clear, Broderick?”

Brody wasn’t hungry anymore. He downed his coffee in one gulp and pushed his chair back. “I do love our talks, Father.” He shot an angry glare across the table at his worthless brother. “Good morning, Markie.”

He wanted to cry. He wanted to drop to the floor and weep like a child. Instead, Brody fled the dining room before his father could see how much he’d hurt him. The old man was a fool to think, even for a moment, that his son would settle for a wife who did not love him.
 

Thank God, Brody caught Angelica on the stairs. He couldn’t imagine watching her sit through breakfast, knowing what he knew. Pretending that everything was going to be all right, when his father had just smashed their hopes and dreams into bits.

He couldn’t let her know what had happened.

She looked stunning in her dusty blue frock. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and kiss her, but his father’s warning weighed heavy on his heart. “Get your coat and hat. We’re going for a drive.”

She tilted her head, clearly confused. “But I haven’t eaten yet…”

“I’ll swing ‘round and pinch something from the kitchens. Meet me out front in ten minutes.” He was already heading down the hallway when he turned on his heel and called back to her, “You look beautiful today.”

She smiled, and then he was out the door.

***

“What’s going on? Where are we going?” she asked between bites of toast.
 

Angelica sat bundled in his passenger seat with a napkin full of breakfast in her lap. She ate while he drove, but neither of them had any clue where they were headed. Brody wanted to drive until he reached the sea, and then keep going. But, damn, he needed a better plan than that.

His father was going to ruin everything. Brody had not considered that his family would oppose the marriage. He’d truly believed that Angelica would win them all over with her charm, cleverness, and sweet nature. That Father would be pleased she was so attractive, and that Mother would recognize good breeding. Angelica came from a respectable family, and while she hadn’t been spoiled like Mary Rose, there was no doubt that she’d been given the best of everything.