The Siren (36 page)

I couldn’t help but gasp. Something else we had in common. All these years I wasted hating her.

“And the things I’ve seen!” Her face was swelling with pride. “Precious memories to any mother. I saw her whole life unfold. I saw her go to school, I watched her play with her little friends as a child. I saw her find a boyfriend, a better one than I found. She dated and married that one boy. I saw her on her wedding day. I found out the date by sitting in the right place at the right time, overhearing conversations. I was sad to not be in the ceremony, but I caught a glimpse of her in her dress, smiling at her new husband. That was all I could ask for. And she never knew.

“I guarded our secret like a treasure, knowing it would end her life and mine if I didn’t show restraint. Distance was the price I had to pay to watch my child grow up. And I gave it happily. I understand all too well Kahlen’s temptation, but I’ve had more practice at being guarded. I do it very well.

“So I watched my daughter live and die. But it wasn’t so sad, because I got to see my grandchildren. I have one granddaughter and two grandsons. The boys have moved away now, but my granddaughter stayed in Stockholm. Just a few years ago, she had a baby. A girl. Do you know what she named her?”

She looked up at us, eyes glistening, completely full of hope.

“Aisling. They named her Aisling. That means that even though I was never there, my daughter knew about me. Someone, maybe my aunt, told her how much I loved her. She knew who I was. Maybe she thought about me while she grew or on her wedding day. If she passed on my name so that my grandchildren would know it, she talked about me. That means I never really did leave her… in all that time…”

Her mind wandered away. What she was feeling, I couldn’t be sure, but I did know what it meant to hope the ones we left behind missed us or thought about us.

Miaka and Elizabeth might have missed the meaning in all of this. Elizabeth’s family almost always overlooked her. It was something that, even though the names and faces of her family were slowly disappearing, she still felt she had to fight against. And Miaka had been little more than a servant. It took decades of me showing her how strong and valuable she was for her to start walking around with her head up. They didn’t miss the ones they lost like Aisling and I did. Somewhere in the world, right now, we had true loves.

Aisling came back from her daydream and spoke.

“So, now that I have a namesake, I’d really like to see what she turns out to be. But my time is running out. In two years, she’ll be gone from my mind, and that breaks my heart. I have no big plans for myself or any great ambitions. I just want to see my great granddaughter, the new Aisling, grow up. I know it can’t go on forever, but this would give me some peace after years of torturing others.” She spoke to the Ocean now, more than to the rest of us.

“I would be happy to, and more than deserve to, take on Kahlen’s punishment. I’ll take the sentence for her. I know I’m not a pet to You like she is, but I am faithful. I can do this job and restrain myself. I am disciplined enough to keep our secret. If I stay longer it will save You the hurt and labor of choosing another girl. It’s convenient.

“Furthermore, Kahlen may have made a mistake, and I’ll admit it’s a serious one, but over all these years she has always put the needs of others before her own. She gave Marilyn the precious younger sister she craved, she helped Miaka come into her own, she tried to curb Elizabeth’s wild temperament, and never, even when I desperately deserved it, has she ever struck me.” She smiled. “Even now, we’re talking about punishing her, but it’s not her life she’s worried about.”

Her voice had a tone of awe to it, as if my thinking of Akinli before myself was any better than her putting her daughter first.

But maybe it was more than that— that I’d almost always put all of them before me. With the outrageous exception of dragging Miaka and Elizabeth across the Atlantic, I couldn’t think of another time when I’d let my own wants come before theirs. I hadn’t really thought about it, but Aisling was right.

She continued.

“I have tortured my sisters. I’ve had none of her grace. It may not seem as serious to You, but shouldn’t I pay penance for what I’ve done? Take the two years I have left, the eighteen she has left, and the fifty You’re prepared to add and give it all to me.”

There were no words. I couldn’t fathom that this was in any way an option. And still, here she was exposing her secret that may put her or her family in danger, humbling herself for nothing.

I was moved.

We were all quiet for a while except for the sobs. I don’t remember starting to cry again, but we were all weeping for some reason or another.

Finally, the Ocean spoke.

She said She was proud of Aisling for being so selfless. All these years She had doubted Her decision to take Aisling and was glad to see the goodness in her now-eldest daughter. But it was hardly fair for Her to just release me for breaking the rules. It wasn’t fair to Miaka or Elizabeth or Aisling to let me go. But Miaka spoke up.

“I think it’s fair! Kahlen has been the best of us. I think You should let her go. If you let her go, I’ll take fifty more years, too.”

Miaka’s gesture made me cry even harder.

“Me, too!” Elizabeth chimed in. “Fifty years and then some. Let her go.”

I couldn’t believe they would do that for me. It was all pointless… still the offer meant so much to me. But I knew that if our roles were reversed, and I had no one and they had someone, I’d make the same offer. Even before Akinli, it was important to me that people who could be together should be if they had a chance.

The Ocean spoke again. She said She was moved by their goodness. It made Her surer than ever that She had chosen the right people to be Her companions. But She had to be consistent. Setting me free early— and as a direct result of disobedience— set a bad precedent. It would be unkind to everyone who had served before, and might be expected by anyone to come in the future.

“You’re wrong,” Aisling said. “Look at us. You have three sirens begging for
more
time, not less. It’s simple. Give me the time, and I’ll serve You even better than I have before. Let Miaka and Elizabeth finish their years. So long as you don’t add anyone until around the time Elizabeth leaves, no one would be here to know but me. And I think it’s obvious at this point that I know how to keep a secret. It would disappear with us.”

The Ocean was silent. Was She actually considering this? Perhaps She was thinking of a way to punish us all for being so rebellious. It wouldn’t be hard for Her to wipe us all out at once, but I’d imagine starting from scratch would be incredibly inconvenient.

“Honestly,” Aisling spoke cautiously, “I think You know that this is fair. I think You want Kahlen to have a chance at this, too. The real problem is that You’re going to miss her too much.”

The Ocean didn’t respond. Aisling continued carefully.

“You’ve already said that You love her. You don’t want to hurt her. And You know that we don’t want anyone to die. I think You were banking on us asking for more time. Except the extra time isn’t for Kahlen, it’s for You. You don’t
want
to let her go…”

A few more moments of silence passed.

“No one understands how hard it is to let go of a daughter like I do… even when it’s the right thing.”

More silence.

I wouldn’t have known what it was if I hadn’t been there to hear Aisling’s speech. Across the world, I wondered what people were thinking if they were seeing it, too. The water on the surface started to writhe. It looked like huge invisible snakes were crawling along the water, from north to south. Long lashes of wet ripples moved across the water, all the way up to our feet.

She was crying.

There was no sound to accompany it, but I knew. She loved me. She never would have killed me, even if I had begged Her. She would have been sad to kill Akinli because it would hurt me, but She would have done it if She had to. Deep down in Her heart, wherever and whatever that was, She was hoping they would vote that I would stay longer. She didn’t want to me to leave Her.

I felt too much love in too short a time to know what to do. I was finally sure of Akinli’s feelings and my sisters were willing to sacrifice so much for me. Then the Ocean was silently weeping at the thought of me leaving Her… the most precious of Her daughters out of reach…

I cried, too.

I walked out into the surf until the water reached the middle of my legs, and slowly, tenderly got down on my knees. I didn’t have arms long enough, but I hoped She would feel the gesture all the same. From where I was kneeling, I bent down and pressed my body against Her, stretching my arms out as wide as I could. I hugged Her as best I was able, holding the pose for a long time. I stayed there feeling Her against me. The tears continued to dance down the surface, under my embrace. I held Her, the way She had held me when I had lost something I loved. I had hated Her enough in my life, that was true, but it was only like that because I actually felt passionately about Her.

Miaka and Elizabeth and possibly even Aisling were above hating the Ocean. But they were also below loving Her. I could feel my hate so strongly because I felt my love even stronger. They didn’t know Her, not like I did. I had told Her I loved Her before, but She probably never needed to hear it more than now. Even though She was about to make me live this life for sixty-eight more years, because that was Her only option now, I couldn’t bring myself to be angry with Her. She was still my Mother.

Don’t cry. It’s alright. I love You, too. Just please, don’t hurt Akinli. I’ll never go back to him again. I won’t put You or my sisters in danger anymore. Fifty years will be a blessing. I’ll use my time better this turn. You don’t have to cry.

I thought Her mysterious voice broke when She spoke again.

Kahlen, She said, say good-bye to your sisters.

She was letting me go.

They all jumped up. Miaka and Elizabeth hugged one another, then ran over to Aisling to embrace her, too. I realized that it must have been her first hug in a very long time. They clapped, they cried, they cheered. And finally, they ran into the water patting me on the back as I held my position. I let them dance around while I took my time moving. I didn’t want Her to think I was eager to leave Her… I honestly wasn’t. I didn’t move from my pose until I could feel the wiggles of water beneath me slow… and then grow small… and then stop completely. She was alright now, so I could stand. Before I slowly rose, I whispered to Her.

Don’t worry. We’ll be alone soon.

I stood and found Elizabeth first since she was closest. “Elizabeth, you have made me braver. I can’t thank you enough for simply being yourself. I don’t know how anyone ever looked over you; you are a prize.”

She smiled at me with tears in her eyes. Elizabeth was usually tougher than that. “You are so good. I hope your new life will be a happy one. Give that boy some extra kisses for me! Love you.”

“Love you.”

Just behind Elizabeth, absolutely beaming with huge tears in her eyes, Miaka waited.

“My first little sister! You’re so creative, and you helped wake that part of me up. Anything I ever create in my next life, I owe to you. You are my darling, and I love you.” I held her tight.

“I love you! Thank you for always encouraging me. I wouldn’t have known what to do with all this time without you here. You made me. If you ever find a mysterious painting on your doorstep, it’s me!” We both laughed. I released her, and turned, finally, to Aisling. The one sister I thought I would never have a good-bye for.

“How could I ever thank you, Aisling?” I asked.

“By really living,” she said simply. “You went through a lot to get him… embrace your new life with everything you have. That will make me happy. And I have to thank you, for letting me have your time.”

“No one could use it better. I’m sure your little Aisling will grow up to be as strong and amazing as you are.”

“We’ll see,” she said with a shrug and a smile. She would see… and I couldn’t be more pleased.

“Good-bye, Kahlen.”

“Good-bye, Aisling.”

“Good-bye.” Miaka and Elizabeth chorused.

“Good-bye.”

It was time to go. I looked at my sisters one last time and then sank slowly away from them.

The mood shifted abruptly.

I could still feel Her sadness, but the Ocean was suddenly businesslike. She informed me there was a huge challenge ahead of us. Most sirens had discovered their passion over the long course of their life. She couldn’t deny that I was passionate about Akinli, more so than most others were about whatever love they had discovered, but the problem was that I’d only cared for him over one short year. That’s barely a drop in a century. I might not remember him very clearly when I woke up in my new life.

I hadn’t thought about this. In my mind, I was still at least eighteen years away from freedom. I would think about it then, when it was a possibility. It seemed like a serious fault on my part to have not considered all of this better.

On top of that, most girls wanted to get a specific job or go to a specific place. I was going after a specific
person
. People move. She couldn’t find Akinli until he touched water, so it might be a long wait. And even then, he couldn’t actually see me arrive; it would scare him senseless to see my body propelled out of the water, landing however and wherever it might.