The Shoestring Club (25 page)

And these are just the deal breakers. I cross off the remaining items on the list – smart dresser, Church of Ireland, likes kids, into healthy eating, keen on hill walking – because a.) they’re desirable but less important, b.) they may be hard to unearth, even for Jamie, and c.) there’s a good chance the list will have no one on it if I include the finer details.

But it does make me realize (a little smugly I admit) how well I know Pandora when it comes to her romantic needs, and then it also occurs to me that she clearly isn’t as self-aware. Take Gav for example, her last boyfriend. He lasted all of two months. Worked part-time delivering pizzas while he worked on his music – navel-gazing singer/songwriter stuff that was so depressing I’m not surprised nobody wanted to listen to it, let alone sign him. He also had a charming habit of ignoring Iris’s existence, insisting he and Pandora did things together, just the two of them. In the end he had the cheek to dump my sister – who was way too good for him in the first place – saying she wasn’t ‘cool’ enough for him. Pandora was distraught.

I email my edited list to Jamie and cross my fingers. I’d really like to find someone decent for Pandora, and yes, the dress is part of it, but not all. She deserves to meet someone decent for a change, and Iris deserves a kind stepdad who could take her to the zoo when Pandora’s working.

Pandora’s a bit of a workaholic, but if she had someone to drag her away from the shop at weekends and in the evenings, she might not be so devoted to Shoestring. At the moment it’s almost as if she and the shop are umbilically joined, and it’s not healthy.

I’ve just started tagging some new stock, when I hear someone marching towards the cash desk, their heels clicking on the wooden floorboards. I lift my head and my stomach instantly tightens. It’s Lainey and, from the scowl on her face, it looks like she’s on the warpath. I’m not exactly thrilled to see her either. I fold my arms across my chest and wait for her to halt in front of the desk, my heart hammering. Just before she reaches me, Ed’s candlelit face flashes in front of my eyes and I can feel my cheeks blush guiltily.

‘I want to talk to you,’ she says without preamble. She’s wearing a neat black suit that I know must have cost a fortune, but with sensible mid-heel courts and a fitted white shirt underneath, it says nothing about who she is. Even an interesting necklace or a funky belt would have livened it up a bit.

‘Stop judging my clothes,’ she snaps perceptively. ‘I’ve just come from work. I couldn’t concentrate this morning and it’s all your fault.’

‘My fault? Why is it my fault?’

She pokes me in the upper chest with a finger. ‘Where exactly was Ed on Friday night?’

Blood pumps into my face, much as I try to stop it. I slap her hand away.

‘How would I know?’ I splutter.

‘Tony spotted him on Sorrento Road.’

‘Tony who?’

‘You know, Tony Kenny. Chloe’s boyfriend. Apparently Ed walked into Sorrento Grove at about eight fifty.’

‘Thought he was a teacher, not a private investigator,’ I say, stalling for time. From the dark expression on her face, Ed has certainly confessed to something.

‘Ed went in your gates. Tony said he waited for a few minutes opposite the house but there was no sign of him coming back out. So admit it, he was in your house.’

‘So you were having him followed.’

‘No! Ed was supposed to be meeting Tony and some other friends for drinks in Finnegan’s. Tony lives in Dalkey, he was walking towards the village and he thought they could walk down together. It was a coincidence. I want to know what happened. I have a right. He’s my fiancé.’

I give a hollow laugh. ‘Lainey, I owe you exactly nothing. And if you want to know what Ed was up to while you were at your precious hen party, why don’t you ask him.’

‘I did. He said he was sitting in Finnegan’s waiting for the lads when he had a sudden pang of guilt and decided to check how you were getting on. He said he was only at your place for about ten minutes, then went to the pub. But Tony says he never appeared in Finnegan’s. They rang him a couple of times but his phone was off. So I’m asking you again, what happened?’

I stand there, staring at her. Does she honestly expect me to fill in the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle?

‘And again I’m telling you to ask your bloody fiancé.’ I’m so angry with Lainey at this stage I could spit. How dare she rub all this fiancé business in my face. Does she have any idea how much it hurts? ‘You know something? Yes, he was with me on Friday night,’ I continue, enraged and suddenly wanting to hurt her back. ‘And that’s all I have to say on the matter. You have some nerve coming here, grilling me like this. It’s not my fault Ed won’t tell you the truth.’

‘The truth?’ Her face pales. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I’m not saying another word.’

She grabs my arm.

‘Tell me,’ she practically shrieks. ‘You slept with him, didn’t you?’

I shake off her hand. ‘Lower your voice. Our customers are not interested in your amateur dramatics.’ I come out from behind the till and walk quickly outside. Lainey follows me. I take a few steps away from the front door and swing around. ‘And frankly, Lainey, that’s none of your goddamn business.’

Her face crumples like a ball of tin foil, her eyes filling with angry tears. ‘You bitch! You’re disgusting. I bet you lured him to your house, filled him full of drink, and then threw yourself at him.’

I give a wry laugh. Now she’s gone too far. ‘Excuse me, Lainey high horse Anderson, Ed appeared at my place, not the other way around. With a bottle of vodka, a carton of cranberry juice and plastic cups I may add. It was clearly premeditated and I was pretty shocked to see him. And everything that happened after that is between me and Ed. But he sure as hell wasn’t feeling
guilty
by the end of the evening. In fact I believe he rather enjoyed himself.’

Lainey’s hand shoots up and slaps me across the face. Then she instantly bursts into tears.

‘Jesus, Lainey. That hurt.’ I rub my stinging cheek. I look at her. She’s a mess, her carefully applied mascara streaming down her face, her nose running. I start to feel a little sorry for her. She’s never been good under stress and even I know weddings are hell to organize. I soften a little.

‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,’ I say. ‘Look, if it puts your mind at rest, of course I didn’t sleep with him, OK? I wouldn’t do that. We just talked.’ I don’t mention the kiss. Right now I just want to calm her down and get rid of her so I can ring Ed and ask him what the hell he’s playing at, landing me in it like this.

‘You hate me, don’t you?’ She gives a loud sniff and wipes her face on her shirt sleeve.

I consider this for a moment. ‘Yes,’ I say honestly.

She looks crestfallen. ‘I thought it would all blow over, that you’d be annoyed with me for a few weeks, then we could be friends again.’ She stares down at her sleeve, then starts playing with the small cuff button, twisting it in her fingers.

I stare at her. ‘Did you honestly believe that?’

She nods wordlessly.

I sigh. ‘Lainey, I came back from New Zealand to spend Christmas with Ed. He broke up with me on the way home from the airport. I cried for three whole days on your shoulder. You said it was for the best, that we’d both changed too much for it to work out, remember?’

She nods again. ‘Which was true.’

I don’t agree with her, but I let it go. ‘In March you asked me how I’d feel if Ed was seeing someone else. And what did I say?’

‘That you’d be fine.’

‘No, I said it would kill me, but I’d survive.’

She gives me a tiny smile. ‘I thought that was just the usual Schuster exaggeration.’

‘Lainey, I didn’t expect that someone else to be my best friend. You’d been seeing Ed behind my back for months at that stage. Months!’

Lainey straightens up a little. ‘Ed wanted to break up with you in person, he said it was only right. We didn’t sleep together until after Christmas out of respect for you.’

I look at her. ‘
Respect
? You don’t get it, do you? I
loved
Ed. We were together for five years. All that time you were just waiting in the wings, hoping eventually he’d notice you. Every time we went out for dinner or to the cinema, up you’d pop, asking was it OK to play gooseberry, when all along you were just waiting to stab me in the back like Brutus.’

Her face falls. ‘It wasn’t like that. Yes, I’ve always liked Ed, but we only fell in love while you were in New Zealand. We never meant to hurt you.’

I look her in the eye. ‘But why didn’t you have the guts to tell me the minute it happened?’

She refuses to meet my gaze, stares down at the ground. ‘Because I know you, Jules.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ I demand.

She lifts her eyes. ‘You’re so territorial. You’d have warned me to keep away from him.’

‘Too right. He was my boyfriend for God’s sake. What, you think I should have said, “Go right ahead, help yourself. He’s only the love of my life. Rip my heart out why don’t you?”’

She winces. ‘No. But you guys were always arguing. And you both had so many flings,’ she falters, ‘I just thought . . . that it wasn’t serious.’

‘I lived for Ed. You of all people know that.’

‘You didn’t really,’ she says, her voice rising a notch. ‘If you really cared about him you wouldn’t have gone away so much. Ed needs stability, and he needs to be the centre of someone’s universe. He was never the centre of yours, Jules, not properly. You’ve always kept part of yourself back, even with me. Maybe it’s a survival mechanism, I don’t know.’

I’m about to strongly disagree with her when I stop and think about this for a second. Maybe I do keep something back, but doesn’t everyone?

‘I couldn’t have told you, Jules, honestly,’ she continues. ‘You would have made me choose between you and Ed. I couldn’t bear that. You both mean the world to me.’

I meet her eye. ‘Tell me the truth. If you had told me, and I had made you choose between us – me or Ed – who would you have picked?’

She pulls her eyes away, saying nothing. But from the guilty look on her face, I already know the answer.

I sigh, feeling numb and hollow inside. I’d always suspected it, but knowing for a fact that Lainey blatantly chose Ed over me, and doesn’t even have the decency to deny it to my face, it’s too much to absorb right now. But in her shoes, what would I have done? I like to think I’d have chosen my best friend over a boy, any boy, but maybe not. Where Ed’s concerned, my judgement has always been poor.

‘That’s what I thought,’ I say. ‘Lainey, I’ll be at your wedding, my head held high. I will watch you and Ed exchange your vows, I will sit and eat your wedding breakfast and make polite conversation about how beautiful you look. I will pretend to smile during the speeches when Ed says how much he loves you, and your dad says how perfect you are for each other. And once the meal is over I’ll stand up, make my excuses and leave. And from that moment on, I want nothing more to do with you or Ed Powers. That chapter of all our lives will be firmly closed. Do you understand?’

‘You’re coming?’ Her face lifts.

My heart sinks. She hasn’t been listening to a word I’ve said, or maybe she just doesn’t care. ‘Yes. And after your wedding, you will both be dead to me.’

She laughs nervously. ‘You’re being melodramatic again.’

‘I’m serious, Lainey. Tell me you understand.’

She nods, her eyes filling with tears again. ‘Yes, I get it.’

I shrug, blowing out my breath in a whoosh. ‘Then there’s nothing more to say I guess.’

‘Jules?’ She looks at me, a funny expression on her face. ‘Don’t ruin everything. I know he’s nervous about the wedding. Please don’t talk him out of it or take him away from me, not now. We both know you can. If you really do still love him, let him go. And for the record, I’m sorry.’ And with that she turns away quickly and powers down the street, leaving me staring at her back.

I know I should run after her, tell her she’s wrong, that it’s her he loves, not me. That if she really feels that his heart isn’t in it, she shouldn’t be marrying him at all. That Ed isn’t good enough for her, never will be. But I can’t. It’s too hard to articulate and I don’t have the energy. So instead I stand there, watching my best friend walk out of my life for good.

That night, after telling Pandora and Bird I’m exhausted and going to bed early, I sneak a bottle of wine up the stairs and into my bedroom. I close the door firmly behind me, pull my chair over to the window and sit there, staring out at the tree house, my mind whirring, bottle by my feet. I know I shouldn’t be drinking, but it’s an emergency. I can’t stop thinking about Lainey and Ed, Ed and Lainey, plus, as I was reminded of him earlier, Noel feckin’ Hegarty, and it’s doing my head in. I need something to numb the pain.

Straight after Lainey’s visit to the shop, I rang Ed in a temper, couldn’t wait to give him a piece of my mind for landing me in it with his beloved fiancée, but it went straight to messages. Then I rang his work number, again no answer. Finally I tried Clara’s line, but she said he was out of the office and to try his mobile.

‘How are you holding up?’ she then asked kindly. ‘I know the wedding’s soon.’

‘I’m fine,’ I lied. ‘Keeping busy.’