The Serenade: The Prince and the Siren [Daughters of the Empire 2] (BookStrand Publishing Romance) (55 page)

“I most certainly
do not
!”
I would like to attain one, which is proving impossible
.

“Undeserved and nothing more than the projection of men’s lust but nonetheless not favorable to the king.” She took her granddaughter’s hand. “Forgive my plain speaking, Nicolette.”

“I suppose this is not new information to me.” She spun around. “Grandmamma, at first I thought he might be suffering from a momentary shock, but now I am convinced that he was serious.”

“And what has convinced you, dear heart?”

“He is the most stubborn man that I know—even more so than Papa, if that can be imagined—and once he sets on a course, it runs deep and true in his character.”

“You believe him to be sincere then?” Lady Elaina stopped in her tracks.

“I do.” Nicolette smiled to herself. “He does not know how to be anything else. But I was never so surprised in my life. Even the critics’ reviews did not shock me as much,” she whispered.

“He must truly
love
you, Nicolette.”

“I do not know why, but I cannot fathom it.”

“It appears the only thing for you to do is to decide on your answer.” They reached the fountain, where they sat with a full view of the palace, and Lady Elaina took out her handkerchief and patted her forehead. Her lips formed a shaky smile. “I am so glad to be seated. To think my own granddaughter could be the queen of Spain. Do you love
him
, Nicolette?”

“Indeed I do, Grandmamma. There can be no question of that.” She turned to face her grandmamma as joy overcame her. “And it thrills me to think that he loves me so much. And yet…
I cannot
. It is not my path.”

“What then?” Lady Elaina put her fingertip to her mouth, lovely in an apricot lipstick. “You love Alejandro, you do not care for the opinion of others, what then prevents you from marrying him? You could always insist on touring the opera houses for six months of the year. Many wealthy couples spend much of their time apart.”

“Hmmm,” considered Nicolette. “Perhaps it could be arranged. There might be certain
benefits
to the arrangement.” Her lips curled into a sly smile as she contemplated spending six months out of the year with Alejandro. She would show him life like he had never known it. If he wanted her
now
, wait until she stepped out of his imagination and into his bed. She shook her head in a sudden determination, though it seemed her heart was bursting in her chest. “It’s no use, Grandmamma. I cannot give up my singing career. It is who I am. I fear I would cease to live.”

“Hmmm, I don’t see that as a possibility, my dear.” Lady Elaina raised her eyebrows, suddenly looking very aristocratic. She wore a stylish shimmery-gray afternoon dress of Lansdowne linen trimmed with silver crochet buttons and embroidered silk floral ornaments. The paneled skirt overlay fell ten inches above the hem in a curlicue pattern.

Suddenly anger overcame her. “And do you know, Grandmamma, that I would be required to convert to Catholicism?”

“Of course, my dear. Spain is a Catholic country. Her queen must be Catholic.” Lady Elaina laughed as she waved her gloved hand matter-of-factly before patting her hand in a consoling manner. “God knows your heart and what you believe, Nicolette.”

“It is intolerable that someone should tell me what I am to believe,” she muttered. Nicolette crossed her arms defiantly in front of her blue linen suit.

“Both Protestants and Catholics are Christian. There is very little difference in their beliefs other than the memory of a long-standing feud. They both believe in Christ as the son of God.” She shrugged, pursing her lips as she suddenly appeared pensive. “Since you follow your own beliefs in your heart, it should not tax you greatly. Many couples have made far greater sacrifices that they might be together.”

“But it is infuriating.” Nicolette smiled ever so slightly. “And why can’t Alejandro see my perspective?”

“Love doesn’t mean that the other person gives up who he is for you, Nicolette.” Lady Elaina touched her cheek. “It means that he loves you as
you
are. A loved one doesn’t change to be you. He isn’t you.”

“Of course not, Grandmamma, but sometimes I feel so invisible with Alejandro, that he doesn’t see me. He can be so difficult to reach. I cannot challenge a bull every time I need to speak with Alejandro.”

Lady Elaina laughed, her auburn hair bobbing about her. “That is possibly one of his shortcomings, Nicolette, one that you will have to accept if you decide to share your life with him. Alejandro is so accustomed to depending on himself that he has difficulty. It will no doubt be a lifelong struggle for him. But you will help him to reach outside of himself. You already have. Love is sharing a life together from different viewpoints.” She smiled at Nicolette, and her eye had a twinkle in it. “You learn to appreciate your moments of shared ecstasy in each other’s presence.”

“Oh, why do I have to love him so?” Nicolette moaned. “Why does he touch me like no other, and yet he…is so distant. So stubborn. So
different
from me.”

“But if Alejandro had no center, no beliefs, if he could completely dissolve everything he believed just to be with you—what kind of a person would he be? A person who has no values of his own.” She shook her head. “And you have fallen in love with a person who has a great many values and convictions, a person who is on a mission in this life. If you cannot accept that mission and its importance to him, if this life must only be about you with no higher ideal than that, if it is not acceptable for him to be a separate person with his own outlook, then you need to find yourself a puppet, Nicolette. There are plenty to be had.”

“Alejandro is no puppet. “

“Precisely. He is a real man with an enormous job. An impossible job. His life’s work is not just his vocation, it is who he is. He has a higher calling, he has a
passion
. As do you. You can choose to help him with that vocation and, in so doing, share his life with him, or you can look for someone else to love.”

Someone else to love?
No one.
Only Alejandro
. Nicolette shook her head. “It will never work, Grandmamma.”

“That is most unfortunate for you both.”

“Oh, Grandmamma!” she moaned. “Why did I have to fall in love with someone whose life requires me to forfeit my own? I cannot imagine that we would be happy together.”

“Possibly it is for the best. If you need someone to be part of your audience, my darling, that is not Alejandro.” Lady Elaina kissed her granddaughter’s cheek. “He wants to enter into life
with
you.”

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Whence happily I came

At your call of love

I will return to my lonely nest

Good-bye

and no hard feelings

Gather up the few things I left about

Shut in my drawer

Is that little gold ring

and my prayer book

Bundle everything up in an apron

And I’ll send the concierge.

Look under the pillow

You’ll find the pink bonnet

Keep it as a souvenir of our love

If you want to

Good-bye, good-bye

And no hard feelings

—Giacomo Puccini,
La Bohème

It is the first time I have been a coward in my life.
Her hand trembled in the lock. What was wrong with the blasted key? For all she knew the door had not been opened for hundreds of years.

Click
. She didn’t know whether to sigh with relief or to turn and run. With a sense of trepidation, quietly she inched open the door of the royal suite leading to the king’s chambers, which adjoined her room.

I cannot bear to tell him in person. My resolve will go out the window
. Was she doing the right thing? She had no idea, no idea at all. All she knew was that she had the strangest desire to
run
.

Her hand started to perspire as she clenched the note telling Alejandro that she must leave, that they were only torturing themselves. She had arranged for Désirée to sing her solo at the coronation while she fled for Paris. Never to see Alejandro again. She gasped even as the thought crossed her mind.

An even worse thought. Possibly some ten years from now she might see him with his royal bride and their horde of children, all with the look of Alejandro and the misplaced aristocratic noses of his bought-and-paid-for cousin-bride.

Even as she took the first step into his adjoining room, it felt terribly misdirected, as if she were ripping her heart out of her chest by her own hand.

There is no other way
. Nicolette shook her head with resolution.

Bloody hell
, she cursed under her breath. She had been assured that the king would be out riding. She heard Alejandro’s voice, and it filled her with a tenderness that tested her resolve. Two other voices followed.

She forced herself to move forward. Her plan was unchanged. She did not expect them to enter Alejandro’s wardrobe closet, after all! She looked around the huge compartment, filled with luxurious clothing.

He might find her note in a day or two, give or take a decade.

She had no way of knowing what he was likely to wear next. Perhaps inside the toe of a shoe? No, there were at least fifteen pairs of shoes. Which would he wear? She had to admit she had not been looking at his feet.

Suddenly a thought occurred to her. Under his pillow? No, there were voices in his room, and she had to do this
now
. The coronation was this afternoon, and she had to get out of Spain while she still had the resolve.

Ah, there it is. The perfect place
.

The
crown
.

Placed in the center of the wardrobe, as if to symbolize the momentous job before him, was a crown of gold encrusted with precious stones.

The sight before her filled her with a sense of awe. The sovereign’s crown featured half arches in gold and pearls resting on eight plates bearing the emblems of the kingdom in red and green emeralds. Atop the crown was a gold cross against a blue background of sapphires. He would be wearing that crown hours from now at the coronation.

I will place my sealed note inside the crown
.

Turning, she caught her reflection in a large, full-size mirror. She was disgusted by what she saw. She looked so sweet. Deceptively so. And yet so modern. A modern girl in charge of her own destiny.

An image which had been so pleasing to her only hours before was suddenly repulsive. She studied the mirror desperately for the reason for her disgust and found none. Her fashionable suit consisted of a full, wide skirt in pleated blue linen and a long ivory lace coat, cinched at the waist. The coat’s wide cape collar, pockets, and cuffs were in the blue linen as well. Lace flowed from the cuffs and at the neckline of her ivory cotton blouse, held in place by a blue cameo.

An angel in disguise
. Her hand shaking, she situated the note, attempting to avoid touching anything but the rim of the crown, though she did not know why. Her errand finalized, she turned toward her room with a heavy heart.