The Secrets That We Keep (9 page)

“I love you too, Lucas.”

“Ma’am? Can I get you anything else?” The waitress asks me, bringing me back to the present.

“Oh, no thank you, I’m good,” I say, wondering how long I had been reminiscing for. I look towards the bar and I no longer see Lucas sitting there.

“Shit!” I say, not meaning to say it as loud as I did. The guy next to me looks at me like I’m crazy. I give him a fake smile and start looking around the bar hoping he’ll still be in here somewhere. I don’t see him anywhere so I get up and walk towards the other part of the bar where the bathrooms are. I get to the little hallway where there are four doors; men’s bathroom, women’s bathroom, employees only and an exit. I hang around the entry to the hall, trying to keep myself pressed against the wall in the shadows in case he does come out. I figure I’ll follow him outside and then confront him then.

After about five minutes I give up and decide to just go use the bathroom, coming to terms with the fact that I missed my opportunity. God, I’m so stupid. Why was I even daydreaming about him anyway? I need to cut that shit out.
After using the bathroom and washing my hands, I touch up my makeup a little bit and walk into the hallway.

I turn to my right to make my way into th
e bar when I feel a strong arm wrap around my chest, pinning my arms to my side and pull me back further into the hallway. I gasp and am about to scream when his other hand covers my mouth.

“Don’
t you fucking think about it,” the gravelly voice grumbles into my ear.

I instantly clam up and continue being pulled towards the exit. My
assailant is behind me and I’m being drug backwards down the hall. I’m silently pleading for someone to come into the hall and notice us, but nobody does.

We reach the exit door and he flings it open
, stepping outside and pulling me along with him. He leans down and puts his mouth by my ear.

“I’m
gonna remove my hand, but you better not make a fucking peep, you hear me? Keep quiet or I promise you’ll regret it.”

I nod frantically and he releases me and pushes me forward. I stumble a little bit but I’m too afraid to turn around. I don’t want to see him. I’ve seen too many stories about how when you see your attacker, they are more likel
y to kill you so you won’t be able to identify them to the cops. I try to look at my surroundings. We are obviously behind the bar, and this is where the employees come to have smoke breaks because the ground is littered with cigarette butts. There are a couple big dumpsters, but that’s about it, and there are no people around. My heart drops.

“Turn around,
Annabella,” the deep voice says from behind me. I panic. How does he know my name?

“I don’t want to,” I manage to choke out.

“Do it!” he bellows and I hear the gravel crunch beneath his feet as he takes a couple of steps towards me. I shake my head vehemently and close my eyes.

I hear
him sigh from behind me, his footsteps make their way in front of me. I try to close my eyes even tighter. I feel his rough hands on my upper arms and he gives me a quick shake.

“Open your fucking eyes and look at me!”

I wait a few seconds before succumbing to his anger. I slowly let my eyes open and take in the man before me. I draw in a deep breath and my eyes go wide.

“Lucas.”

“Hello, Annabella. Surprised to see me?”

I
stand there, gaping in disbelief that the man towering over me with a devious look on his face is Lucas. I mean, I knew he was here, I followed him in and had every intention of confronting him, but what I didn’t expect was for him to grab me in a hallway and drag my body from the building with such force. What the hell did I ever do to him?

He stands there waiting for me to
open my mouth and say something, but I don’t know what to say. He looks strikingly different than the younger man that walked out of my life six years ago. The smooth baby face he once had is now covered with a beard and mustache, and it looks quite well on him. It’s not too long, well groomed and makes him look older. His eyes reflect a hard life, he looks overworked and tense. He isn’t wearing his baseball cap anymore and I can see that he no longer has those soft blond locks of hair. It’s now cut really close to his head and a few scars are visible along his hair line. There’s also a scar under his chin and around his eye. Not big, dark, terrible looking scars, but light pink marks that prove that he’s been in some accidents and been hurt. The muscles along his chest and arms are more pronounced and the black T-shirt that he’s wearing is stretched tautly across his upper body.

After what seems like several minutes, he finally breaks the silence.

“Are you really surprised to see me? I know you were watching me inside the bar there,” he says, gesturing towards the building. “You think I didn’t see you? Did you really think I wouldn’t notice you?” he drawls, while putting his finger under my chin and raising my face to meet his gaze.

I don’
t know how to respond so I shake my head. He drops his hand and continues to watch me.

“Why are you following me?”
I blurt out.

He
laughs and gives me an amused grin. “I’m pretty sure you were following me, Annabella.”

“I don’t mean today.
I know you and somebody else were following me yesterday, I saw you!”

He looks startled and leans back and his eyes burn into me. “I haven’t been following you
. You must be mistaken.” The way he says it doesn’t convince me that he’s telling the truth.

“Oh really?
So somebody else out there has the same tattoo on their arm as you do?” I ask, pointing towards his arm. “I know it was you, Lucas. I saw you in the town I live in and you also followed me into the city, so just admit it and tell me what the hell you want!”

His face darkens and he steps towards me.
“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, Annabella and I feel inclined to tell you that you better watch who you point fingers at and accuse of such things. It may not end well for you.”

I let out a startled gasp, surprised he’d talk to me in such a way. “Excuse me? What do you mean it may not end well for me? Are you really threating me?”

He lets out an annoyed sigh and runs his hand over his face. “Look, you need to stop following me around and just stay at home or something. Quit looking for trouble.”

“I don’t know what you mean,
looking for trouble. I’m not! I haven’t done anything, and I’m not following you around, you are the one who was following me.”

“Really
Annabella? You haven’t done anything? You gonna stick to that?” he asks with a clipped laugh. “And for the last time, I was not following you!”

“I…I haven’t done anything
,” I say, trying to sound confident. I’m not sure what he was trying to allude to.

He narrows his eyes and stares at me for a few long seconds. “Oh
, how I wish that were true,” he whispers sadly.

I clear my throat and try to stand up tall and confident. “Look Lucas, I don’t know what’s going on here. You obviously aren’t going to admit to following me around, even though I have pictures of you. I haven’t seen you not one time in the last six years
, and all of a sudden you are in my town, near my home and then again in the city, watching me as I walk towards the coffee shop. I know it was you, so deny it all you want, but I know the truth.”

His eyebrows furrow and his jaw clenches. “What do you mean you have pictures of me?”
he asks angrily.

“You were in the background of some of the pictures I was taking that day. I zoomed in on them and saw you. I recognized the tattoo. So are you going to admit to it?”

“Have you shown these supposed pictures of me to anyone?” he asks, getting more and more agitated.

I’m suddenly nervous to tell him that I did in fac
t show them to someone, and that someone is not only my husband, but works for the FBI.

“
Uhh, my husband has seen them,” I answer honestly.

“And what exactly did he have to say about that?”

“He said he would look into it and make sure I was safe. He doesn’t know that it was you.”

“That’s because it wasn’t,” he says, giving me a pointed look.

I let out a defeated sigh. “Lucas, I just want to know if anything is going on. My husband has been acting very strange lately, and then I have two people following me around and taking my picture. He has these secret cases and emails and visitors and I just know something is going on and I can’t help but think I’m involved somehow. I overheard his conversation last night about how I couldn’t find out about something and it’s all just bothering me. So please, if you know anything, please just tell me. I need to know.”

He’s quiet for a minute before responding. “What do you mean secret cases? Is he a cop?”

“Um, no, he’s not a cop,”

“Well, what is he?”

“It doesn’t matter! What matters is that I’m freaking out! So can you tell me anything? Please just tell me why you were following me. I know it was you Lucas, I know you have a reason. Please just be honest with me, for once in your life.”

Lucas grimaces when I’m done speaking but doesn’t say anything.

“Fine! I’m leaving. Have a good life, Lucas,” I spit out and turn to walk away.

“Bell, wa
it,” he pleads. Using his nickname for me makes me soften and turn around. “We all have secrets. I know you have yours, and I have mine. It’s better if I don’t tell you some things, believe me, you wouldn’t want to know.”

I stare at him, unsure of how to respond to his statement.
We all have secrets.
Yeah, ain’t that the truth. I pull out one of my photography business cards from my purse and walk towards him. I hold it out to him and he just looks at it confused.

“This has my cell number on it. I
f you change your mind about being honest, call me.”

Instead of grabbing the card, he grabs my wrist and rubs his thumb along my skin. He stares down at my hand for a while before lifting his head and looking straight into my eyes.

“I really wish things could end differently Annabella, just know that, okay?”

He then takes the card from my hand and puts it in his pocket before he brushes past me to walk off. I turn to watch him leave, unsure if I’ll ever see him again. He stops and turns his head.

“Goodbye, Bell.”

***

I drive home completely lost in my own thoughts. I’m not even sure how I made it back in one piece because I barely remember the drive. I can’t wrap my head around everything Lucas said, or didn’t say for that matter. I was hoping he would fess up and tell me that he was following me, and that he’d have some sort of reason for it. I just didn’t know what that reason could possibly be. Should I fear him? Should I not have given him my phone number? I know if Julian found out, he’d be pissed, but he’s doing a lot of shit that’s pissing me off too, so I try to shrug it off. I’m sure Lucas will never call anyway.

I walk into the house in a daze.
I throw my stuff down on the entryway table and make my way to the kitchen and start making myself a drink. I’m pouring the clear liquid over some ice when I hear a bang upstairs. My head snaps up and I’m instantly alert. Julian shouldn’t be here, but then again, I was in such a daze I didn’t even notice if his car was outside or not. I pull a knife out of the kitchen drawer and slowly make my way upstairs. When I get to the landing I can hear some noise coming from my bedroom. Whoever it is is still in there. I panic and wonder if maybe I should just go back downstairs and leave, but at the same time, curiosity gets the better of me and I want to know who the hell is in my house and why.

I creep down the hall, trying to stay on the side where the floor doesn’t creak. I have my back pressed up against the wall and I make my way to the bedroom door that is partially open. From where I’m standing
, I can only see the part of the room and nobody is there. I slowly make my way to the crack in the door and peer into the other side. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. It’s Julian and he’s going through my drawers.

I stand there watching him for a while. What the hell is he doing? Why is he going through my things? It seems like he’s looking for something, but what the hell could he possibly think I’m hiding in my
sock and underwear drawers?

Right as I’m about to step inside and confront him, his phone vibrates and he takes it out of his pocket and answers it and I listen to the one sided conversation.

“Yeah?” he answers.

“No, I haven’t.” There’s a pause and he moves from the nightstand to the dresser and continues looking in there.

“I’ve looked! I haven’t found anything,” he says heatedly.

“No,
I don’t know where the fuck she is.” The way he spits that out doesn’t sound anything like the Julian I know.

Another pause as he listens to the voice on the other side of the phone.

“I told you I’ll handle it and I’m going to. Now leave me the fuck alone so I can finish up before...” he trails off, probably getting cut off by whoever is on the other line. “Right. Bye.”

He tosses his phone onto the dresser and straightens up to look at himself in the mirror.

“What the fuck am I doing?” he asks himself in a whisper.

It’s then that his eyes widen in the reflection and he turns around, looking at the bedroom door.

“How long have you been there, Annabella?” he asks, and there’s nothing but irritation in his tone.

I push open the door the rest of the way and take one step in.

“Long enough,” I answer.

He doesn’t say anything but I see his eyes drop to my hand where I’m still clutching the butcher knife from the kitchen. His eyes meet mine again and he gestures with his head towards the knife.
“What are you doin’ with that?”

I look down at it and then back up at him and just shrug my shoulders. “I thought I might need it.”

He raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Why would you need it?” His voice is low and calm, but his caramel colored eyes are intense.

“I just thought maybe somebody had broken i
n, so I came up to check it out.”

“
We live in a safe neighborhood. Nobody has break-ins around here, why would you think that? Why wouldn’t you think it was me? Unless you knew it was,” he says and lifts one eyebrow.

“What are you talking about Julian?” I ask. “Of course I didn’t know it was you, I didn’t notice your car outside when I came in. I thought somebody else was in the house.”

“And you were just willing to come up here with that knife and do what exactly?”

“I don’t know! I guess I wasn’t really thinking, I just grabbed it and came to see what the noise was that I heard.”

“Why didn’t you think to leave or call the cops? That would have been the smart thing to do, instead of coming up here with that big ass knife.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t and it was you anyway so stop with the lecture
, I’ll make sure to remember to run and hide next time,” I declare.

He nods once. “Good, because you aren’t a killer, are you Bella?”

I don’t really think he’s questioning me, because he’s saying it more like, I know you don’t have it in you. He continues to regard me and I realize that maybe he is waiting for an answer.

I shake my head. “No Julian, I’m not a killer.”

He stares at me a while longer before I remember what I overheard.

“Why were you going through my things Julian, and who were you talking to? And just remember, I heard your whole conversation.” I put one hand on my hip while the other still holds the knife down at my side.

Julian’s eyes flick towards the knife and then back at me. He shifts his body and opens his mouth like he’s about to say something but then quickly snaps it shut.

“I don’t have time to talk about this right
now. I need to get back to work. We’ll talk later.”

He walks towards me trying to get th
rough the door but I don’t move.

“Oh, we most definitely will talk, and I think we have a lot of things to discuss.”

He looks at me for a few seconds before walking off and making his way out of the house.

After Julian leaves, I sit on the edge of the bed and drop my head into my hands and sob. I cry for my marriage that
has taken this unexpected turn. I cry for my family because I still miss them. I cry for me because I lost myself all those years ago, I just let the tears fall until I have nothing left. I don’t know what’s happening in my life, I feel like it’s spinning out of control and I have no idea why or what to do to stop it.