The Secrets That We Keep (15 page)

T
he ability to speak seems to have left my body because there are no words that I can form that would justify why I was speaking Lucas’s name in my dream. I couldn’t very well tell Julian about the dream so I try to come up with something on the fly.

“I don’t know, Julian. It was a dream. I can barely remember what happened.”

Yeah, that’s a pretty terrible excuse but I couldn’t think of anything else.

“Lucas is the name of your ex-boyfriend, is it not?” he asks.

Shit.

“Well
yeah, but I wasn’t dreaming about my ex-boyfriend. I don’t even know what the dream was about anymore,” I lie.

I can tell he doesn’t believe me by the way he looks at me. “Have you seen this Lucas lately or something?”

Fuck.

“Why would you ask that?” I ask, trying to deflect.

“It’s been a long time since you’ve seen him. I just find it strange to suddenly be dreaming about him.”

“Well, I don’t know w
hat to tell you. It was a dream. I was unconscious and didn’t have the ability to control what or who appeared in my dream.”

I start getting out of the bed to start getting ready for the day. Julian stays in the chair and continues to watch me without saying anything.

Once I’m in the bathroom, I take the time to try to figure out why the hell I painted Julian as the villain and Lucas as the hero in my dream. Was my subconscious trying to tell me something? Or was I just fucked up? Probably the latter. I try to push it all into the back of my mind and make a mental checklist of what all I need to get done today.

Cancel credit cards, get a new phone, call Jade and Michelle, and then pick up my car from Michelle’s.

When I exit the bathroom, I see that Julian has gotten back in bed and I decide to not say anything to him, allowing him to get some sleep.

I go downstairs and start the coffee pot and decide on eating a qu
ick microwavable ham, egg and cheese croissant since I don’t feel like cooking. With the croissant in my hand I head to the front door so I can go check the mail. When I open it, I’m startled to see my purse sitting on my doorstep. Lucas brought this back to me?

I quickly snatch it up, forgetting about checking the mail and take it to the kitchen to go through it. This was risky of him. What if Julian had seen it first? He would question why they would bring my belongings back. What kinds of kidnappers care if you get your stuff back?
None.

I go through everything to make sure I have all my credit cards and driver’s license and cell phone. I’m happy to see that everything seems to be accounted for and I won’t need to go through the hassle of canceling things and buying a new phone. I find a piece of paper that has some writing on it that I don’t recognize. It’s a note from Lucas. Damn him! He’s lucky I was the one who found this. Well, I’m lucky.

Bell,

I told you to stay and wait for me. You made the wrong decision, one I fear you’ll come to regret. I can only hope you’re able to read this.
I told you I wouldn’t be able to stick around to protect you if you chose to stay and I meant it. I’m leaving but I had to make sure you had your cell phone so you can call me when you need to. I’ll come back to get you the minute you tell me you’ve changed your mind. You’re smart, Bell. If you have a gut instinct, go with it. I don’t want to be the next time I see you to be in a coffin. Please be safe and make smart decisions.

-Love Always,

L.S.

I fold the note up and stick it in my wallet behind some credit cards and take a minute to think about what he said. He seems so sure that Julian isn’t safe to be around, he says he’ll come back to get me when I need him to and he seems genuinely worried. It’s hard to see him as some terrible criminal who only wanted to take me to piss Julian off. He seems to be worried about me and have my best interest at heart. But if Julian wanted to kill me, wouldn’t he have done it already?

I’m pulled out of my reflection when hands wrap around me from behind and I feel Julian’s breath on my neck. I jump on instinct.

“Holy crap!
You scared the shit out of me,” I screech and put my hand over my racing heart.

Julian lets out a small chuckle. “Sorry babe. I thought you heard me when I walked in.”

I lean back into him and he buries his scruffy face into the crook of my neck making me forget about Lucas’s note.

Julian and I spend that whole day relaxing in our pajamas, eating junk food and watching movies. We laugh, we talk, we play around on the floor of the living room, wrestling and tickling each other and I realize how much I love this man. I start to question why I ever doubted Julian. He’s amazing. He makes me feel like the best person in the world, he makes me laugh more than anybody else, and he makes me stronger and more confident in myself. When he’s gone, nothing feels right in the world. I need him and he needs
me. I know without a doubt I’ve made the best decision for me by believing in my husband.

At the end of the night we make our way up to
the shower and have the most amazing sex while the hot water washes down our bodies. He has my back against the tile while my legs are wrapped around his waist and he thrusts into me long and hard. He puts me down and I bend over with my hands against the wall for balance while he puts his hands on my hips and plunges deep inside of me. He pulls out and drops to his knees and starts licking me from behind. His tongue dips inside of me and he continues to run his tongue along my clit. My legs start to get wobbly and I can feel the pressure building. He turns me around and my back is propped against the wall and he lifts one leg over his shoulder while he still steady continues to brush his tongue across my wetness and occasionally thrusting his tongue inside. He puts two fingers inside of me while sucking on my clit and I come undone almost immediately. I reach one hand down and pull on his hair while I cry out in bliss. When I stop contracting around his fingers, he pulls them out and licks the length of me one more time causing me to shiver. He then stands up, lifts me up and I instantly wrap my legs around him. He pushes his thick length into me and fucks me hard and fast until his body goes rigid, coming hard and loud.

We have to quickly clean ourselves since the water has started to get cold.

“Dammit, I don’t need a cold shower after having sex,” Julian says.

“Well, if you weren’t so sexy, we would have been able to just shower and get out
, but I couldn’t just look at the water cascading down that perfect body of yours and not want to do anything.”

“The cold shower is worth it,” he says with a smile.

“I agree.”

Once we’re out and dry, we jump in the bed and curl up into each other and talk
about nothing in particular until we fall asleep.

That night I have a peaceful, nightmare free, kind of sleep. I’m sure if it was possible, I would have fallen asleep with a smile on my face.

T
he last couple of months have been amazing. Julian has been coming home at more appropriate times and we’ve been able to spend plenty of time together. I have only sent one text to Lucas and that was to let him know that I am happy with Julian and that he had nothing to worry about because I was safe. He didn’t seem to believe me and still expressed his concern, but I felt better knowing that he wasn’t in danger anymore. I never asked him where he moved to, he never told me and that’s okay.

It is now August
13
th
and not only is the anniversary of my family’s death coming up but so is mine and Julian’s three year anniversary. It’s a bittersweet time but we chose to get married around the date of my family’s death on purpose, hoping it would add some happiness to that time. It was Julian’s idea and I appreciated what he was trying to do. They died on August 15
th
and Julian and I got married on August 16
th
. So I would be a total emotional wreck on the fifteenth and then I’d be able to rejoice in my happiness with Julian the next day.

Julian has something big planned for our anniversary and I hate that he’s keeping so many details from me. I’m n
ot good with surprises. I always have to know every little thing that’s going on. If he’s taking me on a trip, I want to know so I can plan on what clothes I want to bring. If he’s surprising me with a nice, fancy dinner, I want to know so I can make sure I have the perfect outfit picked out and wear my hair just right. So I hate that he isn’t telling me what it is, just that it’s going to be an unforgettable anniversary.

Things with Jade and Michelle were tough for a little while after my abduction. They felt terribly guilty about losing track of me in the club and felt it was their fault that it happened. Apparently when they told Julian that I was missing, he seemed to blame them too and they felt uncomfortable around him for a while. He had told them that he didn’t think they were good friends to have, but we all agreed that emotions were running high and everybody has made peace.

There are still times when I think back to everything that was going on a couple of months ago but I find it hard to put much weight into what Lucas was saying. If this Dante person was out there and really wanted me dead, why wasn’t I? Cyrus got away from Lucas and would have been able to tell Dante about me and the town I lived in and nothing strange has happened. I haven’t been followed. I haven’t received any kind of threats, so I’m led to believe that Lucas was only trying to scare me into going away with him.

I’m lying on my couch trying to get in a quick nap when the loud ringing of my phone startles me. I reach blindly behind me, reaching for my phone that lies on the table next to the couch. I grab it and look at th
e caller ID before answering it. It’s Lucas. I let out a frustrated groan and hit ignore. I know he’s only going to be trying to convince me that I made the wrong decision in staying with Julian, and I don’t feel like listening to that so I won’t be answering his calls. I put the phone down on the floor next to me and close my eyes and hope sleep finds me soon, but the ringing of the phone keeps me awake. I instantly hit the ignore button again, hoping he’ll get the point and leave me alone. He doesn’t. My phone dings with a text message alert so I grab it and read the text from Lucas.

Lucas:
Bell, answer the damn phone. I need to talk to you.

I don’t respond but he doesn’t seem to want to quit because after trying to call again, he sends me another text.

Lucas:
Dammit, this is important. Stop ignoring me.

I decide I’ve had enough and just turn the phone off completely so I can get some sleep.

I wake up to the scent of a delicious meal being made in the kitchen. I prop myself up on my elbows and take a peek over the back of the couch into the kitchen to see Julian in there making dinner. There is nothing sexier than seeing a man in the kitchen, especially a man who knows what he’s doing.

Julian is an amazing cook and he looks absolutely deli
cious himself. It’s obvious he took a shower before he started cooking because his hair looks slightly damp and has that messy look, but it looks good on him. He’s wearing some gray sleep bottom pants that I know ride low on his hips and a plain white sleeveless shirt that exposes his broad shoulders and round biceps.

“
Whatcha making in there?” I ask him from the couch.

He turns and looks at me and gives me a captivating smile while still stirring the food that sits in the pan on the stove.

“Hey there, sleeping beauty. Why don’t you come in here with me and make sure I’m doing a good job,” he says with a wink.

“You know you don’t need me to supervise,” I say while getting off the couch. “But, I’ll come to you anyway.”

I get to the kitchen and wrap my arms around his waist from behind and rest my head on his back. After a few seconds I poke my head around his back and see the makings of fajitas.

“
Mmm, I’ve been craving fajitas for a while. It looks so good babe,” I say to him.

He lifts his left arm and I walk to the side of him and he drapes it over my shoulders and squeezes me to his side.

“Good. I made both chicken and steak, because I know you like to have both. I also made some guacamole,” he says and gives me a big cheesy smile and I know he’s pretty proud of himself.

“Ooh, aren’t you quite the chef. Thank you, I can’t wait to eat!”

“Well, I’m just about done, so why don’t you grab some plates and I’ll bring the food over to the table.”

I stretch up onto my tip toes and give him a kiss on the cheek. “Okay baby.”

I pull a couple of plates out of the cupboard and grab some silverware and take it all to the table. I grab a few paper towels and place them on the table as well.

“What do you want to drink?” I ask him.

He turns and looks at me with a devilish grin. “Look in the fridge.”

When I open the fridge I see he’
s made a pitcher of frozen margaritas.

“Well, Mr. Rivera, you certainly went out of your way tonight. Are you looking to get lucky?” I ask playfully.

He turns his attention back to the food and lets out a small laugh. “Well, I know how you get when you’ve been drinking.”

I walk up and smack him softly on his arm. “Oh shush!”

He laughs louder and turns the stove off and transfers the food onto a large plate. He pulls out some tortillas that he had warming in the oven and brings them over to the table and I pour us some margaritas. As I’m finishing up wrapping the tortilla around the meat and peppers I notice Julian watching me.

“What?” I ask.

“I’m just hoping it’s going to taste good. Hurry up and try it so I know I can eat mine,” he laughs.

I roll my eyes and take a big bite. “
Mmm, oh my God babe, that’s sooo good,” I say as I close my eyes and savor the taste.

“Damn
, you would think we’re having sex right now. I’m a little nervous now that when we do have sex, you won’t think it’s as good as this food.”

I laugh at the hurt look on his face. “Oh please. You know better. Now dig in, it’s seriously delicious.”

He gives me a smile before devouring his own food. We sit there and fill ourselves with plenty of food and margaritas while talking about our upcoming anniversary. He still doesn’t give me any details, even though I try pouting, batting my eyelashes and threating to not have sex with him. None of it works.

After cleaning up the kitchen, we go to the bedroom to watch a movie while we lie in bed and cuddle with each other. We finish one movie and at some point during the second movie, we both fall asleep.

I end up waking up in the middle of the night feeling dehydrated, probably due to the alcohol. I also don’t feel too tired, probably because of the nap I took before dinner time. I crawl out of the bed and go downstairs to grab a bottle of water out of the fridge. I make my way to the couch and turn the TV on and find some late night re-run of Friends, one of my favorite shows.

I pick up my phone that’s still sitting on the floor and turn it on so I can browse through Facebook. When it comes back to life I see that Lucas had kept trying to get in touch with me. I have several missed calls and messages but I don’t bother to listen to the voicemails or read the texts. I instead just connect to the addicting social network
ing site and see what people have to say. While I’m on there I notice that Jade has just posted something so I know she’s still awake and decide to message her.

“
Hey Girl, What’re you doin up this late?”
I ask her.

“Not much, I just can’t sleep. What are you doing?”

“Just woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. You didn’t go out with Michelle tonight?”

“Nope.
She was pretty upset that I didn’t want to go but I just didn’t feel like it, plus with you not going, I didn’t want to deal with her crazy antics by myself.”

I laugh when I read that because Michelle does tend to get crazy when she drinks and it seems to be getting worse and worse.
She and her husband are fighting almost every day now.

“I understand that. So she just went out by herself?”

“I guess.”

That’s one thing I could never do. I couldn’t go out to a club alone, not only because of what happened to me the last time I went to the club, but because I’d feel awkward and lonely and just don’t think I’d have much fun. I haven’t been to a club since I was taken from one by Lucas. I know Lucas isn’t here anymore and wouldn’t hurt me anyway
, but I don’t know where Cyrus is and I just don’t want to take the chance. Plus Julian doesn’t feel comfortable with me going either. At least not right now.

“Well alright. I guess I’ll let you go. I’m
gonna try to read and see if I get sleepy,” I message Jade.

“Okay, I’ll talk to you later. Good luck getting some sleep!”

“You too, good night.”

“Night, Anna
.”

I end up reading for about half an hour before I feel my eyes starting to get tired so I go back upstairs and cuddle into Julian’s back and fall asleep.