The Secrets Sisters Keep: A heartwarming, funny and emotional novel (The Devlin Sisters Book 2) (31 page)

‘Oh, honey, I’m sorry.’

‘After I spoke to you on the phone I felt a bit better, but you sounded really tired and kind of sad, and I wanted to see you. But Louise said I had to wait until now because you had to have tests all day yesterday. She’s so bossy.’

‘I’m sorry you were worried. I rang you so you’d know I was OK and you wouldn’t worry.’

‘But talking isn’t the same as seeing. This morning I heard Louise talking to Julie on the phone and she was saying that they need to mind you because you’re really sad.’ Jess’s lip began to wobble. ‘Are you sad, Mum? Is it because of Pippa and the baby?’

I hugged Jess and kissed her head. ‘Jess, I’m not sad, just silly.’

She tightened her arms around me and buried her face in my shoulder. ‘No, you’re not. You’re brilliant.’

‘Listen to me, Jess. I’m not sad, because I have you. I’m so proud of you. I love being your mum and you honestly make me so happy.’

‘But you have been sad, Mum. I’ve heard you crying in your bedroom.’

I really should have been more careful. After Andrew dumped me, I’d gone on a bit of a pity-party rampage. Poor Jess was far too young to be worrying about me. I needed to be honest but reassuring. ‘I felt a bit sorry for myself when I broke up with that man I was dating. But he wasn’t very nice, so I’m glad it’s over. If I’m being honest, I did find it hard when Dad met Pippa and when Robert was born. I suppose I was afraid of losing you to them. I thought you’d want to be with them all the time. And it’s OK, I understand if you do. Please don’t feel bad about it. It’s normal that you’d want to be with your little brother. I want you to spend time with him and get to know him. He’s lucky to have a wonderful older sister like you.’

Jess looked up at me, her face stained with tears. ‘But, Mum, I never want to leave you. I never want to live with Dad and Pippa. Anyway, Pippa’s been really narky. She’s really grumpy to Dad too. And Robert’s cute, but he cries a lot.’

‘Well, that’s normal. All babies do.’

‘Did I?’

I stroked her cheek. ‘Actually, no. You were the sweetest baby in the world.’

‘I love you, Mum. Don’t ever leave me.’ Jess hugged me again.

‘I won’t, pet. I’ll always be here for you. We’re a team.’

And we were. If I ever met a man, he’d have to accept that Jess was my priority. I’d never let a man be mean to her or make her feel left out. I’d never let a man take over my life. He’d have to fit into it. I was a mother and that was my main job. If I did meet someone amazing, great. If not, well, I’d have to embrace all the other facets of my life – my daughter, my work and my family. I’d find a hobby, too, so that on the weekends when Jess was with Jack, I wouldn’t feel so lost. Maybe I’d take up tennis again, join a running club or play golf. Yes, I’d take up golf. A game took ages so it would fill my day and there were lots of men in golf clubs. Who knew? Maybe I’d meet a nice, handsome, not-ancient golfer who’d be delighted to take on a nine-year-old and a woman with small, droopy breasts.

And if I didn’t? To Hell with it! I’d be fine.

I
hugged Clara goodnight
. ‘Bye-bye, Mummy, see you later,’ she said.

‘I won’t be late,’ I said to Gavin.

‘Whatever, it’s cool.’

‘Uncle Gavin, it’s your turn,’ Clara said.

They went back to their game of cards. Gavin had found a deck with birds on them and was teaching Clara to play poker. She loved it and was turning into quite the card shark.

Who would have thought that my little brother would turn out to be the person who understood her best? In the three weeks Gavin had been looking after her, Clara had thrived. Between his care, Colin’s guidance and my absolute determination to help her navigate life, she was already making progress.

I still woke at night panicking about her future. I still worried about how she would cope as she got older and her differences became more apparent to other people. I worried about how she would manage in school. Would she make any friends? Would she be bullied? Would she ever be able to ‘fit in’?

But the pain in my chest was easing and I didn’t feel so emotional. I was back in control. In the last two sessions with Colin I hadn’t cried. I’d been more like myself, which was a relief. I didn’t want him thinking I was an emotional wreck.

W
hen I arrived
at the restaurant, Julie and Sophie were already there. I was glad to see Sophie looking so much better. The washed-out look was gone and she had some colour in her cheeks. She’d cut her hair into a short bob with a heavy fringe. It looked fantastic. ‘I love your hair,’ I said.

She ruffled it with her fingers. ‘Thanks. I decided I wanted a whole new me. I’ve had long WAG-like hair for too many years.’

‘You look ten years younger. It’s gorgeous.’ Julie beamed at her.

‘Thanks. I feel like a new woman.’ Sophie smiled. It was good to see.

I sat down and picked up a menu. ‘Can we order? I had to take Clara to see Colin this morning so I skipped lunch and I’m starving.’

We ordered our food and some wine. ‘How was your session today?’ Sophie asked.

‘Good, actually. He’s really wonderful with her. He’s got a gift.’

‘He’s very good-looking. I googled him,’ Julie said.

‘Really?’ Sophie raised an eyebrow.

‘Come on, guys, he’s my daughter’s psychologist.’

‘So what?’ Sophie said.

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ I said, feeling uncomfortable with the conversation because, in truth, I found Colin very attractive.

‘Is he single?’ Julie asked.

‘That doesn’t matter to Louise,’ Sophie said, with a grin.

‘He’s separated, actually,’ I informed them. ‘
Touché
, Sophie.’

‘How do you know that?’ Sophie asked.

‘It came up in conversation.’

‘Really?’ Julie winked at Sophie.

‘Stop it.’

‘I think someone fancies the doctor.’ Sophie giggled.

‘I don’t.’

‘Well, how come you’re wearing that sexy article? It was hardly for your clients.’

She had me there. I had chosen a dress that I never normally wore to work because it was a bit too sexy. I had matched it with a conservative jacket for the office, but had ditched the jacket when I got to Colin’s office. I found myself looking forward to our appointments with him more and more. It was such a cliché to fancy your child’s doctor. Besides, he was very professional and never flirted with me, although I had caught him looking at my legs today … ‘Can we please change the subject?’ I begged.

‘OK, but we know we’re right,’ Julie said.

‘If he has a hot brother, let me know.’ Sophie laughed.

‘How’s your golf going?’ I asked.

‘I’m pretty awful at it, but it’s fun and very distracting. I spent all of last weekend at this intense golf boot camp. I was so busy trying to remember all of the things the pro was telling me to do that the day flew by and I didn’t miss Jess. Usually I find the weekends without her very long and lonely, but it was fine.’

‘Well, if Harry’s anything to go by, you’ll become obsessed with it,’ Julie said.

‘Is he still playing as much?’ I asked.

Julie shook her head. ‘No. Since we had that big chat, he’s agreed to play just one Sunday a month. He’s really been trying and the boys are so happy to have him around more. They missed him. It’s been lovely. I cooked us a late dinner last night and we actually sat down together and had a conversation. It’s strange. It feels as if we’re getting to know each other again.’

Sophie reached out and patted Julie’s hand. ‘That’s great, Julie. You guys have a strong foundation. You’ll be fine as long as you keep working at it.’

‘He’s taken my wanting to get a job very seriously. He’s teaching me how to use PowerPoint and Excel and he keeps offering to set me up in a flower shop, a coffee shop, a boutique or any business I want.’

‘And?’ I asked.

Julie shrugged. ‘I’m not an entrepreneur. I don’t want to run my own business and have to deal with staff and wages and all that. I just want a part-time job I enjoy that keeps me busy, but still leaves me plenty of time to read.’

‘And keeps you away from Facebook!’ Sophie grinned.

‘God, please don’t remind me of that.’ Julie shuddered.

‘How’s Pippa? Is she still being the wicked stepmother?’ I asked.

Sophie sipped her wine. ‘Jess said she was still grumpy but a bit nicer this weekend, and that when she started snapping, Jack took her and Robert out for a walk so Pippa could have a nap.’

‘I wonder if Jack regrets getting involved with her now that she’s not all young and bouncy,’ Julie mused.

‘I don’t think so. I think he’s just hoping this is a phase that will end when Robert starts sleeping through the night.’

Julie roared laughing. ‘Good luck to him with that. My kids have only started sleeping through the night recently. After the baby stage you get the teething, then the bloody night terrors and then the bed-wetting.’

‘Anyway, it’s SEP, as Jess said the other day.’ Sophie grinned.

‘SEP?’ Julie wondered.

‘Somebody else’s problem,’ Sophie explained.

I went to pour more wine, but Julie stopped me. ‘No, thanks. After the Dan fiasco, I realized I was drinking too much.’

I topped up Sophie’s glass and mine. ‘How is Dan? Any word?’

‘Not since he texted to call me a prick-tease. In capital letters, no less.’

‘What a total idiot.’ Sophie grinned.

‘He’s such a tosser. Why did you ever go out with him?’ I asked.

‘I honestly don’t know,’ Julie said, staring into her half-empty glass. ‘I suppose he was good-looking back then, but it’s all a bit of a blur. I do remember now that he was always tight. I think that’s why I broke up with him, actually. He never wanted to spend any money. He always wanted to stay in, drink cheap beer, eat toast and have sex. I just got bored.’

‘He didn’t come up in your big chat with Harry, then?’ I asked.

‘God, no!’ Julie’s eyes were wide. ‘Harry does not need to know about it. Besides, it was just a load of hot air.’

‘And throbbing members.’ Sophie chuckled.

I put my fork down. ‘Stop! You’re putting me off my food.’

‘Can we please change the subject?’ Julie begged.

‘How are you feeling?’ I asked Sophie. ‘You look great but are you able to manage work and Jess? You don’t think you went back to the office too quickly?’

‘No. I needed to get back to normal. Besides, poor Quentin is so traumatized about what happened that he’ll only allow me to do the bare minimum.’

‘Well, if you need anyone to answer phones or help dress models, I’m free,’ Julie offered.

I hadn’t planned on telling them about it yet, because it was still early in the planning, but I figured now was as good a time as any.

‘Actually, Julie, I need your help. In the research I’ve done into Asperger’s and the whole autism spectrum, I’ve discovered that, because the health system in this country is such a joke, people who can’t afford to be seen privately have to wait up to two years to have their child assessed. That’s far too long and puts the child at a huge disadvantage. I’ve decided to do something about it. I’m setting up the Clara Devlin Foundation to help with early diagnosis. I need to get a lot of people on board – psychologists, nutritionists, nurses, doctors, carers, parents and anyone else who deals with or has experience with children on the autism spectrum. I want to create a safe place where parents can come for free advice, help and assessments. I’m going to tap my wealthier clients for funding and –’

Julie sat up very straight in her seat. ‘I’ll be happy to give you the money. It’s no problem. How much do you need?’

I put my hand on her arm. ‘Julie, I don’t want your money. I want you to help me set it up and run it.’

‘Really?’ Julie looked shocked.

‘Yes. You’re brilliant with people and you’d be a great asset. It’ll probably be very busy in the beginning, but you can work around the boys’ schedule and –’

‘Oh. My. God … Lou
iiiiiiiise
!’ Julie burst into tears and cried loudly into her napkin.

‘Hey, now.’ Sophie rubbed her back.

Julie pulled the napkin down. ‘I’d be honoured to help. I’m so touched, thank you. You really are the best sister. I promise I’ll make this foundation the best foundation anyone has ever seen. I’ll work twelve hours a day. I’ll do everything I can. I’m so happy. I was thinking of going to stack shelves in Tesco just to get me out of the house, but now I’ll be doing something brilliant and worthwhile. I promise I won’t let you down. Thank you, thank you!’ She threw her arms around me.

I hugged her back. ‘Julie, I know you won’t let me down. I have total confidence in you. I’m going to ask Gavin to help run it, too.’

‘I feel left out now,’ Sophie said.

‘Sophie, you have a full-time job and you’re a single mum. You have enough on your plate.’

‘I’d like to help, though. I’ll come in on the weekends.’

‘That would be great, and I’ll be looking for someone to organize a charity fashion show fundraiser, so I’ll definitely need your help too.’

‘I’d be delighted.’

‘It’ll be fun, all of us working together, and I’ll even be able to do pie charts for you on PowerPoint,’ Julie said, as we laughed.

I explained that I had three premises in mind and I’d like them to view them with me. I wanted their input, not just as sisters but as mothers. I wanted the foundation to be somewhere that parents and children would enjoy coming to spend time.

I’d spoken to Mum about it and she had promised to help too. Dad had offered to do the books for me. It was going to be a family affair and, I hoped, somewhere for Clara to feel happy and safe, maybe even make friends.

I was determined for her differences not to stop her leading a full and joyful life. Clara’s Asperger’s had changed my life and made me look at things differently. I’d had to rip up my plans for her and start afresh. It was challenging but I was determined to make this new life-path as wonderful as I could for my little girl and me.

The motto for the foundation was going to be a Proust quote that I’d come across when researching Asperger’s. It expressed exactly how I felt: ‘The real voyage of discovery consists … in seeing with new eyes.’