The Secrets Sisters Keep: A heartwarming, funny and emotional novel (The Devlin Sisters Book 2) (30 page)

I
didn’t bother getting changed
. I had bought a new dress for my important dinner with Harry, but I didn’t put it on. When I got home from the hospital, Gloria, who had come at a moment’s notice to look after the kids while I rushed to St Anthony’s Hospital, was sitting, fast asleep, on the couch while the four boys watched 
Rocky
. Tom had a cushion covering his face as Rocky was getting his head smashed in by the other boxer. The triplets were shouting, ‘Hit him back! Kill him! Punch his lights out!’

I woke Gloria and told her I didn’t need her to babysit tonight because there had been a change of plan. I paid her double and thanked her again for helping me out that afternoon at such short notice.

Then I went into the kitchen, found the secret stash of sweets I kept and poured them all into a big bowl. I went back to the boys and paused the movie.

‘
Muuuuuum!
’ Liam groaned.

‘I have treats for you,’ I said, pointing to the bowl. ‘But first I want to say something. I know I’ve been a bit distracted lately. I know I’ve been grumpy and short with you, and I’m sorry. Really, really sorry. You four boys are the loves of my life and I’m so proud to be your mum.’

Silence. They were thunderstruck.

‘Seriously?’ Leo said.

‘Yes,’ I said.

‘For real?’ Luke asked.

‘Absolutely,’ I assured him.

‘Even when we’re bold?’ Liam didn’t believe me.

I nodded.

‘I’m proud to be your boy, Mummy,’ Tom said.

I hugged him.

‘Lick.’

‘Suck-up.’

‘Faker.’

I held up my hand. ‘That’s enough. Boys, I know I get angry and sometimes I have to because you break things and go a bit crazy. But the day you three were born and the day Tom was born were the two best days of my life. I cried with happiness.’ I began to choke up.

‘Are you crying now?’ Leo asked.

‘Yes, but only because I’m so happy to have four amazing kids.’

‘You’re weird, Mum.’

‘Totally freaky.’

‘Why would you cry about having kids?’

I put my arms out. ‘Be quiet and give me a hug.’

‘Do we have to?’ Luke asked.

‘Yes!’ I said.

‘Hugging is lame,’ Luke grumbled.

‘Hug me, and I’ll give you the sweets,’ I bribed them. They all threw their arms around me.

‘Can we put the movie back on now?’ Leo begged.

I nodded. ‘Yes, and you can eat all of these sweets too.’

I snuggled up beside my four beautiful, hyper, infuriating, adorable, wonderful children and felt very lucky.

W
hen Harry got
home at seven thirty, he found us all in the kitchen. The boys were cheering me on as I flipped pancakes. The cream marble counter was covered with Nutella, as were the boys. We were having a ball. I didn’t care about the mess. I was alive. They were alive. They were healthy. They were full of zest and life. I needed to be around my children. I needed to feel close to them.

Every time I thought of Sophie lying in the hospital bed, I became even more determined to fix my life. I fed off the boys’ energy and we whooped as I flipped another pancake.

Harry smiled at the scene. ‘Wow! You haven’t made pancakes in ages. Can I have one?’

‘Sure.’

‘What time are we eating? Eight?’

I slid the pancake onto Leo’s plate and turned to make another. ‘I’ve cancelled the reservation. We’re going to stay at home. I’m going to cook dinner for us here.’

Harry took off his jacket and hung it on the back of a kitchen chair. ‘That suits me, actually. I’ve a few emails to send, so I’ll –’

‘HARRY!’ I roared. Everyone froze. ‘You will sit down with us and eat pancakes. If you so much as look at your phone or laptop, I’ll get a hammer and smash them into teeny tiny pieces. Is that clear?’

‘OK. No need to be so aggressive,’ Harry huffed.

‘Smash the phone! Smash the phone!’ the boys chanted.

‘I won’t have to because he’s going to turn it off, aren’t you, Harry?’

‘Fine, OK. Relax.’

The boys were so high from all the sugar in the sweets and the Nutella that they went to bed late so Harry and I didn’t get to sit down until half past ten.

Harry picked up his jacket. ‘Actually, Julie, I’m not all that hungry. I think I’ll just head for bed. I’m playing in a competition tomorrow so –’

I went over and closed the kitchen door. Turning to Harry, I said, ‘If you so much as mention golf one more time, I will put my fist through your mouth. Now, sit down and shut up. I have something to say and you need to listen.’

‘You’ve been watching too much of 
The Sopranos
, Julie,’ Harry said tiredly, sitting down.

I sat opposite him. There was no point beating around the bush so I dived straight in. ‘How do you think our marriage is, Harry? Healthy?’

‘What?’ He hadn’t been expecting that.

‘You heard me.’

‘Well, I – I don’t know. Fine – normal.’

‘Really? Because I think it’s falling apart.’

He looked shocked. ‘Julie!’

‘I’m serious. Our marriage is in tatters, Harry, and if you can’t see that, then we’re in serious trouble.’

Harry shuffled about uncomfortably. ‘It’s not that bad. We’re just adjusting to our new life, that’s all.’

I thumped the table. ‘I HATE our new life. I’m miserable – really unhappy. Did you know that? Do you even give a damn? Do you actually notice my existence any more?’

‘Come on, Julie, there’s no need to be dramatic.’

‘Dramatic! Harry, I’m not sure if this marriage is going to make it to next week. I hate what we’ve become. I don’t even know who you are any more. You’re not the man I married. You’re this awful person who’s obsessed with money and impressed by every pompous businessman he meets. You spend all your time crawling up Donald’s arse instead of being with your family. I married a family man. I married a man who adored his kids. I married a man who was devoted to his family. But since you inherited that bloody money you’ve become someone I don’t even like. I wish we’d never got the money.’

Harry slammed his beer on the table. ‘Really, Julie? You seemed pretty happy when we moved into a nice house. You certainly appeared to be very happy when you got your new car. The triplets are thriving in their new school. I don’t think it’s all that bad. As for my crawling up Donald’s arse, as you so nicely put it, I actually like and respect him, and he’s taught me a lot about business. I hadn’t a clue about investments and bonds and derivatives until I met Donald. He’s been like a father figure to me. The investments I’ve made because of his advice have been very sound. I’m doing everything I can to secure our future. I’m breaking my back to learn as much as I can about business so that we will never have to worry about money again. So shoot me.’

I waved a finger in his face. ‘If you just put the bloody money in the bank, we could live off the interest and be loaded for the rest of our lives. You’re making a big song and dance about nothing. You don’t need to spend months analysing spread sheets. Just open a bloody savings account!’

‘I’m trying to educate myself, Julie! What the hell is wrong with that?’

‘What’s wrong with it is that you’re never here! Do you think the kids give a damn about your stupid golf-bonding games? They just want their father to be around. You never spend time with them now. You’re missing out on their lives. Stop bloody fixating on the money. Come back to us.’

‘I’m not … Well, maybe I have been a bit preoccupied, but I’m doing this 
for
 the kids. It’s for their future.’

I threw my hands into the air. ‘Jesus, Harry, don’t you see? By focusing so much on the bloody future, you’re missing the present.’

‘I’m here. I take them to most of their matches.’

‘Not lately, not with all your bloody weekend golf competitions. And even when you do take them, you spend half your time on the phone. It’s as if you’re running away from us. Are you?’

He avoided my eyes. ‘No.’

Oh, God, was he? ‘Harry?’

He sighed. ‘I’m not. I’m just trying to adjust. I’m a boy who grew up with very little and I never really made a success of my life. I had an average job and earned very little money. I always felt bad about that. I wanted more for you and the kids.’

‘But we don’t care about money. We were happy.’

Harry looked at me. ‘Come on, Julie. It wasn’t easy. We were constantly budgeting and it was hard for you. We barely put the heating on, we never went anywhere on holidays and our car broke down all the time. I know it was hard on you and I felt terrible about it. I felt like a failure. And when Christelle came into my life, I wanted to be able to help her financially but I couldn’t, so I felt even worse.’

‘She didn’t want your money. She just wanted to get to know her father!’

‘Julie, you’re not listening to me. I’m telling you how I felt. A man who cannot provide properly for his family is not a man.’

I reached out for his hand. ‘I never thought of you as a failure. You were a great husband and you did your best. It wasn’t your fault your salary kept getting cut.’

‘That doesn’t matter. I still felt responsible. So when this money came into our lives, I was thrilled because it made your life better and the kids’, and I was able to pay for Christelle’s college fees and rent. It felt so good to be able to make things better for everyone, but part of me felt like a complete fraud.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I didn’t earn it. It was given to me.’

‘But that’s just good luck and you deserved it.’

He rubbed his eyes. ‘It didn’t feel right. I would have much preferred to earn the money. A real man would have gone out and made a fortune. I was given it. So in my spare time, I decided to learn everything I could about business so that I could turn my aunt’s money into more money and prove that I could actually provide for my family.’

‘But that’s ridiculous.’

‘Is it? Why?’

‘Because no one cares.’

‘I do.’

‘But it’s … I mean, we don’t need any more money.’

Harry groaned with frustration. ‘It’s not about the money. It’s about me being able to look after my family without depending on hand-outs from relatives.’

I tried to see his point of view. ‘OK. So what you’re saying is that you’ll only feel like a real man when you make money on clever investments and therefore prove that you’re a good businessman and can provide for your family?’

He nodded. ‘More or less.’

‘But what you’re not getting is that while you’ve been doing your crash course in finance, your family has been left behind. We miss you, Harry. I miss you. I don’t care where the money comes from. All I want is my husband back. I’m lonely, Harry, really, really lonely.’ I began to choke up. ‘I spent this afternoon in intensive care with Sophie – she had a boob job that went wrong and –’

‘What?’ Harry’s eyes were wide with shock.

‘You’re not supposed to know, so never breathe a word to anyone. Anyway, the point is, she did it because she’s lonely. She went in to have surgery to change her body because she’s so desperate to meet a man.’

‘Is she all right?’

‘Yes, she’s fine – well, obviously not fine, but she will be. It was a total nightmare. When I saw her through the window, lying there, so vulnerable and alone, it made me realize how lucky I am. I have a husband I love but never see, and I’m struggling, Harry. I know it’s stupid. I have nothing to worry about yet I’ve never been so unhappy. I don’t know who I am. I just sit around here all day waiting to pick up the boys. I’m so bored and I know it’s my fault. I know I should do something, but I don’t know what. I’ve spent the last three months trying to find a job. I only managed to get one interview and it was humiliating beyond belief. It crushed me. No one will hire me. I haven’t worked in a decade. I loved my newspaper column and it really upset me when that dried up. I feel so useless and pointless. I’m not qualified to do anything. I can barely use a computer and I just feel, well … lost.’ I began to cry.

Harry came over and sat beside me. He put his arms around my shoulders and I sobbed into his chest.

‘What a pair we are. One of us running around like a headless chicken trying to be a big-shot businessman and the other at home feeling bored and lonely. I’d better be careful – you know what they say about bored housewives!’

Thankfully, we were still hugging so he didn’t see my face go bright red. God, if only he knew that I’d had another man’s willy inches from my face.

‘I miss you, Harry.’

‘I miss you too. I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted.’

‘Come back to us. Forget about being the next Richard Branson – just be the old Harry. We love that guy.’

Harry pulled back and put his hand up to my cheek. ‘I don’t think Richard Branson has anything to worry about.’ He grinned. ‘Now, what are we going to do about you?’

‘I don’t know. I’ve got to find something.’

‘Well, why don’t we go to that little Italian restaurant tomorrow night and brainstorm? We’ll think of something. Now don’t freak out, but I need to get my phone so I can cancel my golf tomorrow. We’ll go and watch the triplets play their rugby match and spend the day together. How does that sound?’

I kissed his cheek. ‘Perfect.’

I
was lying back
, hooked up to drips and monitors, feeling utterly wretched, when they came in. Julie came and took my right hand. Louise went to the other side and held the left.

‘Oh, Sophie.’ Julie began to cry.

I closed my eyes as a tear rolled down my face.

‘You’re going to be fine,’ Louise said, brushing a strand of hair from my forehead.

‘We were so worried.’ Julie sniffed. ‘We love you so much, Sophie.’

‘I spoke to the surgeon. You’re going to make a full recovery and that’s all that matters. We’ll help out with Jess, and Quentin will run the office. You just need to rest and get better,’ Louise said.

The thought of Jess made me want to howl. How could I have been so stupid?

Julie kissed my hand. ‘I’m sorry you didn’t feel you could tell us. We wouldn’t have judged you. You’re so beautiful, Sophie – you don’t need any of this. You’re perfect. God, if I had your body, I’d spend all day long in a bikini.’

I opened my eyes and looked at the ceiling. My head ached. ‘I’m such a fool.’

‘No, you’re not,’ Julie assured me.

Louise didn’t say anything. I knew she agreed with me. I knew she thought I was a huge fool. I’d almost died trying to have bigger boobs. I looked at her.

She shrugged. ‘Honestly? Not your best idea, but I understand why you did it. I know you’d been feeling bad about things lately. I guess I didn’t realize how badly.’

‘I wish I’d noticed how low you were. I’m so sorry, Sophie.’ Julie dabbed her eyes with a tissue. ‘I’m the fool in this family. I’ve been so distracted trying to have sex with someone I don’t even like that I didn’t see my sister needed help.’

I shook my head from side to side. ‘You’re the best sisters ever. I knew you’d stop me because it was a bad idea. I just wanted to look better so I’d meet someone.’ Tears flowed down my cheeks. I had barely stopped crying since I regained consciousness.

Julie sobbed beside me and wiped my tears with a handkerchief, but her own tears were falling all over my face so it was futile.

‘Sophie,’ Louise said, ‘listen to me. You’ve had a really difficult time and I know Pippa’s been a bitter pill to swallow. And the Andrew fiasco didn’t help. But you’re so much more than your looks. You’re smart and strong and successful.’

Julie joined in: ‘And a great mum, a brilliant sister and drop-dead gorgeous. Sophie, if you could only see what everyone else sees. I feel like a big fat frump beside you. You don’t need to change anything. You’ll meet someone who adores you just as you are. Any man would be lucky to have you on his arm.’

I blinked back tears. ‘It’s just so hard out there and I’m so lonely.’

‘But you’ve got work, Jess and us,’ Louise said.

‘I’m not like you, Louise. I wish I was, but I’m not. It’s not enough. I hate being on my own. I know it’s weak and pathetic, but I do.’ I was getting really upset now. I tried to slow my breathing. I needed to stay calm.

‘It’s not weak. We’re all different. I promise you that from today I will make it my mission to find you a nice, successful man. I’m going to trawl every law firm in the city for you,’ Louise promised.

‘And I’ll find all the divorced dads in the school and introduce you to them. You can come to the boys’ rugby on Saturday mornings – all the dads are there,’ Julie added.

I smiled weakly. ‘Thanks.’

‘You could always shag Gerry just to get up Victoria’s nose!’ Julie grinned.

‘Brilliant idea,’ Louise said.

I laughed. It hurt. ‘If I didn’t find him so repulsive, I’d think about it.’

‘It would be worth it to see that snotty cow’s face,’ Louise said. ‘Now what do you want to do about Jess?’

My face crumpled. ‘Please don’t let her find out. Can one of you look after her until I get out? The surgeon said I should be home in three days.’

Louise laid a reassuring hand on my shoulder. ‘Don’t worry, Jess can stay with me. Gavin’s looking after Clara for the moment so Jess can come and hang out with them. Gavin will pick her up from school and all that.’

‘I don’t want her to know her mother is a shallow, pathetic fool. I’ve tried so hard to set a good example for her. This will ruin everything. She’ll see how stupid and superficial I really am.’

‘Stop it!’ Louise snapped. ‘You’re not superficial. When Jack lost everything, you went out, got a job and supported your family. You’re a strong woman. Don’t forget that.’

‘You really are amazing, Sophie. Everything you’ve achieved in the last four years is incredible. I’m so proud of you,’ Julie gushed.

‘We’ll just tell Jess that you felt sick in work, went to hospital and had a big cyst removed.’ Louise, as always, had a solution.

‘Thank you,’ I whispered. I could feel the exhaustion pressing down on my head, but I had to stay awake a little longer to get everything sorted.

‘Just concentrate on getting better. I’m going to talk to your surgeon. I’d like some more information on your post-op treatment.’

‘I’ll call Mum and tell her about the cyst,’ Julie said.

‘Only us sisters and Quentin will know the truth. Your secret is safe with us. Now get some rest.’ Louise bent and kissed my cheek.

That evening, when I woke up from a painkiller-induced sleep, Jack was sitting beside my bed holding a bunch of white hydrangeas.

I smiled at him. ‘My favourite.’

‘I had to go to three different florists to find them.’

‘Is Jess with you?’

‘No. Louise said she’d bring her in to see you later. How are you feeling?’

‘As rotten as I look,’ I said.

‘Louise said it was a huge cyst. It sounds painful.’

I looked at my ex-husband. I wanted to tell him the truth. I knew he’d understand. He knew me – he ‘got’ me. I took a deep breath. ‘It wasn’t a cyst. I was supposed to be having a boob job but it went horribly wrong. It turns out I’m allergic to penicillin so I went into shock and my heart almost shut down. But I’m fine now. They’ve done lots of tests and everything seems OK. I’m getting out of here in two days, thank God. I just want to go home and be with Jess.’

Jack stared at me, open-mouthed. ‘Jesus, Sophie, I had no idea. That’s terrible.’

‘Terribly stupid.’ I fiddled with the petals on the flowers. ‘I don’t want Jess to find out. You can never breathe a word of this to Pippa. Swear?’

Jack made a cross sign over his heart. ‘I promise. You know you can trust me. But why did you do it? Your boobs are fine. You look really good for your age.’

‘Jack, you know how it is. You didn’t end up with a forty-two-year-old woman, you ended up with a twenty-five-year-old. It’s hard out there. I want to meet a nice guy who doesn’t take his teeth out at night. All the men my age want young hotties like Pippa.’

Jack took my hand. ‘Sophie, men will fall in love with you because you’re an amazing woman. You’re gorgeous, and you’re kind, thoughtful, considerate, smart and resilient – and good fun too. I was very proud to be your husband.’

I looked at the flowers and tried not to cry. ‘Thanks. The feeling was mutual.’

‘On top of all that, you’re also great in the sack.’ Jack grinned and I slapped his hand playfully.

‘Seriously, though, you should have more confidence in yourself. Any guy would be lucky to have you. You’re really great, Sophie.’

‘Stop it. You’re going to make me cry.’

‘I mean it.’ He picked up my hand and kissed it. ‘You’re the best.’

Well, why hadn’t I met anyone? If I was such a great catch, why was I still alone? ‘Let’s talk about something else. How’s Robert?’

Jack sank back in the chair. ‘Exhausting.’

He looked tired. The shadows under his eyes were almost as bad as mine. ‘Is he up all night?’

‘Pretty much. Pippa’s finding it hard going so I’m trying to help but it’s affecting my work. I made a mistake yesterday, an expensive one. I can’t do that. I’m still relatively new to the company and I need to impress the boss. It’s a great job, but I have to be really sharp. There are younger, brighter, more ambitious kids snapping at my heels.’

‘Be careful, Jack. You have to tell Pippa you need your sleep.’

‘I tried to, but she just freaked out and said I was implying she was less important than me.’

Stupid, selfish cow, I thought. ‘Isn’t she on maternity leave?’

‘Yes.’

‘Well, tell her to get someone in to help in the daytime so she can go for a nap.’

‘She has someone.’

What? Well, she was just being a prima donna. Jack was working, he needed sleep. It wasn’t a question of who was more important. It was a question of who was working and who was at home with the baby.

‘You’ll have to be firm, Jack,’ I urged him. ‘You can’t lose that job.’

He rubbed his eyes. ‘I know. But I’m trying to help her because of what happened with you. I never knew you had post-natal depression and I still feel terrible about it. I’m trying to be there more for Pippa so she doesn’t get it.’

Bloody Pippa. I’d been left alone every night with Jess, while Jack snored peacefully in the other room, but Pippa got to sleep while Jack fed the baby. That was crazy. If Jack lost his job, I’d be back to supporting Jess alone and I really didn’t want that. It was nice to have extra money and not be worrying about bills. It was wonderful to have spare cash at the end of each month.

‘Jack, Pippa will be fine. You need to get some sleep or you’ll end up with no job and I don’t see Pippa sticking around if you’re homeless.’

He gave me a crooked smile. ‘Are you implying she’s shallow?’

I shrugged. ‘She’s young. She’s a Celtic Tiger cub. They expect more from life. Just be careful, Jack. Focus on work.’

‘You’re right, as always. We had good times, didn’t we, Sophie?’

‘The best,’ I said.

‘We really lived it up.’

‘It was great. We were lucky to have all those carefree years with no money worries and non-stop parties.’

‘I miss it sometimes,’ he said.

‘You’re starting to make good money again and you’ve got a beautiful young girlfriend to party with. You’ll probably get to do it all over again while I’m at home alone with saggy boobs.’

He laughed. ‘Right now, I’m so knackered that the idea of going out past nine o’clock terrifies me. I’m too old to have a baby.’

‘No, you’re not. You’re just suffering from lack of sleep. You’ll be fine.’

He looked at me intently. ‘And so will you, Sophie. I know you will.’

‘Thanks. How’s Jess getting on with Pippa?’

‘I spoke to Pippa and told her she needed to be careful around Jess, so she’s making an effort. I’m trying to bridge the gap. I took Jess to the cinema last night and fell asleep. Is that bad parenting?’

I laughed. ‘No, it was a nice thing to do.’

The door opened and Gavin’s head popped in. ‘Hey, sis, do you want me to come back later?’

Jack stood up. ‘No, come in. I have to go now anyway. Good to see you, Gavin.’ They shook hands.

‘You too. Man, you look like shit. Have you, like, not slept since the nineties?’

Jack laughed. Then, before he kissed me goodbye, he whispered in my ear, ‘Sophie Devlin, you’re stunning. Believe me, you’re a real catch.’

Gavin sat down and began to eat the chocolates Mum had brought me earlier. It had been awful lying to her about my ‘cyst’, but I couldn’t tell her the truth. I was too ashamed.

‘So, are you OK?’ Gavin asked.

‘I’m fine.’

‘Did they get the cyst thing out?’

I nodded. I hated lying to Gavin, too, but I had to. The fewer people who knew, the safer my secret was.

I decided to change the subject. ‘How are things with you? I hear you have a new job looking after Clara.’

Gavin’s face lit up. ‘She’s such a brilliant kid. I just totally get where Clara’s coming from. I understand the way her mind works.’

‘Louise said you’ve been amazing.’

‘Well, I owe her. She’s set me up with loads of jobs, given me money to start companies that failed and always gives me cash when I need it. And don’t tell her, but when Christelle told me she had to go, I handed in my notice immediately so I could take care of Clara and help her out. But she can never know that,’ he warned me.

I made a solemn cross over my heart. Good old Gavin, coming through in the end.

‘But you know what? I’ve really enjoyed the research and finding out about Asperger’s. Shania spotted it first because of her little bro, and when I started looking into it, I knew that was what Clara had. So I started finding out all I could because I knew Louise would be into charts and graphs, bullet points and statistics and all that stuff, so that’s what I did. I made this, like, reference folder for her, which she uses all the time.’

It was nice to see Gavin so enthusiastic. And Louise said he was amazing with Clara, incredibly patient and encouraging, brilliant at drawing her out and making her laugh. Maybe he was finally growing up.

‘Good for you. Clara’s lucky to have you.’

‘I’m kind of hoping that, by the time Christelle comes back, Louise will want to keep me as Clara’s minder. Christelle doesn’t need the job – she told me that Harry pays her rent and gives her an allowance.’

‘Keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll definitely get to keep the job.’

Gavin popped another chocolate into his mouth. ‘Well, I’ve gotta go and mind her now so Louise can come and visit. I’ll see you, sis.’

‘Thanks for coming and eating all my food.’

‘You never eat sweets. Your body is a temple, right?’

‘Not any more,’ I said, and stuffed one into my mouth.

‘Good. You need to eat something. You’re way too thin. Men like chicks with meat on their bones.’

With those wise words, Gavin left me and my box of half-eaten Cadbury’s.

J
ess came
in later with Louise, who tactfully left us alone, muttering something about getting coffee.

As soon as the door closed, Jess threw herself on top of me and started bawling.

‘Hey, it’s OK, sweetheart.’

‘I was so – sc-sc-scared, Mum. Louise collected me from school and her face was all white and freaked out and she said you were in hospital and I knew it was serious. She kept telling me it was fine and you were OK, but I really wanted to see you. She wouldn’t let me. She said you needed sleep.’