The Secret Love of a Gentleman (22 page)

Yet he did intend to make a promise, once he was set up. But God, she’d been a marchioness, how could he offer her the hand of a gentleman who lived off his brother? He could not. He had to wait until he was independent from his family.

He missed her already, missed her quiet presence and her silent watching. His heart throbbed in his chest as memories of the past hours played through his head.

He had touched a woman—lain with a woman…

He flicked the reins and stirred his animals into a gallop so his mind might focus on that and not the eclectic clutter of emotions roiling inside him.

He’d come to Drew’s confused about how to fulfil his plan for the future. He left there tied up in knots. His options had narrowed. Whatever he did, he must choose to do it quickly, and he must earn money enough that would enable him to keep a wife. Politicians did not earn money, unless they allowed themselves to be bribed. He had no intention of doing that. Perhaps his whole plan needed to be rethought…

He breathed heavily. He’d done wrong and he must face the consequences that had not seemed to matter in the hut yesterday, or in the dark.

“Hey. Hey.” He whipped up the horses and raced them on.

She has been a marchioness
!
What on earth will persuade her to accept me even if I do offer?

~

When Rob pulled up before Pembroke House, John’s town residence, a porter opened the door and came out to greet him, and a moment later two grooms came about to manage his horses. He left the curricle for them to take around to the stables.

“Sir.” The porter bowed. “I hope you will find all to your liking. We have made both the family drawing room and the morning room ready, they are at your disposal and if you require anything, please ask.”

Rob nodded, lifting off his hat. “I’m sure that will be fine, thank you.” He followed the porter back up the steps and within the huge marble-lined hall three footmen stood in a line on the black-and-white chequered floor.

“Sir.” They all bowed at once. Rob nodded.

He looked back at the porter, “Which room am I in? I shall change and take luncheon in the morning room and then I will go out.”

“Smith will show you up, sir, and I will have your luggage brought up directly.”

Two of the footman walked away, while the third lifted a hand. “This way, sir.”

Rob trailed through his brother’s giant house, following the man. All the artefacts John and their grandfather had brought back from the grand tour, the busts, and even the portraits on the walls, were covered up under dustsheets.

Only a small part of the house had been opened up for Rob’s use because he did not need it all and John’s army of servants had travelled with him to whatever estate he was currently visiting, so there was no butler to direct anything, merely the housekeeper and a few maids and footmen, who were left to keep things in order until John came back.

It only made things more obvious to Rob that his life, as it stood, was not one he could invite Caro to join him in.

Once he’d changed he ate alone, with one footman serving, and then he went downstairs and told the porter not to bother ordering his carriage, he would walk to his club.

Walking through London felt a little surreal, though, when he’d become so used to the quieter life in the country, and the fresh air—and Caro.

Her face hovered in his mind’s eye as he made his way through the people and traffic, as she’d looked this morning when they’d said goodbye in his room. He saw her with her hair down and her eyes bright. He remembered the colour of them in sunlight.

He and his friends had not joined White’s, the club his entire family belonged to, instead they’d joined Brooks’s, at Rob’s urging. When Rob sought his seat in the House of Commons he intended to stand for the Whig party, who were aligned to Brooks’s club. His brother and his uncles spoke out for the Tories in the House of Lords, and White’s was full of men with that political view.

Choosing Brooks’s had been his first step towards establishing an independence from his family. He would no longer walk in the shadow of his brother or his cousins. At Brooks’s he might be his own man, not be judged by, and compared to, the others, and develop a network to help him find a seat in Parliament.

It was quite a momentous thing, though, to walk up the steps and give his name. “Mr Rob Marlow.” The doorman stepped aside. It felt like taking a passage into manhood. He was now a member here and accepted in this masculine world of London’s elite clubs and, most importantly, in his own right, not as a brother, nephew or cousin of his family.

He glanced about the room, his heart beating in a steady rhythm.

“Would you care for a drink, sir?”

Rob looked at the footman. “Yes, coffee, thank you.”

“Rob!” He turned to see his friends, they were in a corner behind him. A sense of relief ran through him. It felt as though he’d been lost and now he’d come back home into a place he understood.

“Hello.” They stood as he approached. He had a group of seven friends, who were close. They were similar to him, none debauched like Harry, none fighters, none gamblers and none of them drank to any excess—and yet now he’d set himself apart because he’d lain with a woman, a dependent of his family—a woman he ought to have left alone.

A soft pain twisted in his stomach and he breathed heavily as he sat with them, feeling colour rise beneath his skin and guilt draw its mark on his soul.

“So what will you do, Rob, have you made plans over the summer, what seat are we aiming for?” Patrick asked.

Rob shook his head. No he’d been foolish and idle. “No, but I must start, I need to find rooms still too. I’m at John’s currently.”

“I shall come with you tomorrow, if you like, it should be easy enough to find somewhere that will do. We are all settled,” Patrick offered

Rob nodded.

“I will help you too,” Arthur volunteered.

“Thank you.” It would be a first step, and he must take things a step at a time, but he had to think hard and find a clear route to fulfil his plan that would enable him to keep Caro in a condition which befitted a former marchioness, and one that would not hurt his pride and allow him to have an impact on the lives of those less fortunate than him, because that was how he wished to leave his mark on this world.

When he returned to John’s it was about eleven at night and yet, as he walked through the door, he said to the porter, “Where might I find a quill and paper?”

“In the library, sir.”

That too was shrouded in dust covers, but Rob walked over to John’s desk and lifted the cover off. There were drawers down either side of the desk. He opened the first; it was ledgers. When he opened another beneath it he shut it immediately when he saw explicit images of Kate. John’s drawing could be too good, then, at times. He smiled. Kate would probably smack her husband if she knew he kept such things in his desk.

Rob moved to the far side, and in the top drawer found a blank sheet, a quill and ink. He sat down and wrote to Mary, only in truth it was not Mary he was writing to.

He told her he’d arrived in town safely, and that he’d already met his friends and was to begin searching for a place to live tomorrow, and then he wrote for Caro,
I enjoyed my summer weeks with you, they were halcyon days that I will always remember and treasure.
Then he told Mary to pass on his greetings and good wishes to Drew and Caro, and to kiss the children for him. He thought of kissing Caro when he signed his name, and of all the times he, or she, had asked for forgiveness and the other had given it. Yet he did not really think they’d known how much forgiveness they would need. He’d not truly foreseen how much it would affect him, or his life.

~

“I enjoyed my summer weeks with you, they were halcyon days that I will always remember and treasure. Please pass my greetings and good wishes on to Drew and Caro, and kiss the children for me. Your loving brother and their loving uncle, Rob.”

Caro watched as Mary smiled at Drew and then folded the letter. “It was kind of him to write and let me know he arrived safely. I must admit, I had not expected to hear so soon.”

Had he written not for Mary’s sake but for Caro’s, to tell her that he’d arrived there and was still thinking of her? Caro’s heart pumped hard in her chest. Her mind and her heart clung to the words,
remember
and
treasure
. She hoped that those words were for her, and that they were true.

Drew smiled, and looked at Caro, then Mary. “So who shall we invite to dine with us? Who would you like to get to know, Caro? We have to continue to expand your world.”

She swallowed. Fear was there, creeping up on her, but she knew that if she refused to accept it then she could do as she wished. “I would like to know some other women who live locally… I would like friends beyond this house.”

“Well, then, I know of two spinsters who are your age who live together,” Mary answered, “and we will invite Mr Slade and Dr Palmer. We will need another man, Drew?”

“I shall ask Mark. He will turn up to escort you, so you may be with someone you know.”

Drew’s friend from college was someone she’d always felt comfortable with.

“And we should ask two couples, to round off the group, otherwise people will think we are matchmaking,” Mary said.

Caro nodded, she would hate that, and Drew and Mary ought to be able to use such things to invite their friends here. “The Martins then and the Baxters,” Drew stated.

“Well, then, our first dinner party is arranged. Will you come and help me write the invitations, Caro? We may choose the menu together too.”

~

“There is another letter from your brother, Mary.” Drew tossed it across the table. “One thing we may not accuse him of is not keeping us appraised of his affairs.”

He was joking.

Caro’s gaze followed its path and she watched Mary break the seal and open it, her heart skipping through a country dance.

Rob had kept his promise and written comments in his letters, which Mary had taken to reading aloud over breakfast. The second letter had arrived a week after he’d left, when he’d said that he had to write “because he missed them all”. Caro had sensed the sentence was written to her.

In the following weeks, through his letters, she’d learned that he’d found accommodation, invested some of his income, and was spending much of his time with friends, bare-knuckle fighting, fencing, shooting and looking over horses, and she knew he dined at his club. He’d said nothing of his pursuit to find a seat in the House of Commons, though. But he’d said he did not want Mary and Drew to know, and so she’d not asked Mary to enquire about it. She had simply listened out for the lines within his tales that were written for her. He would say things like, “and then I remembered when Caro and I were caught by that storm.”
Telling her, he had not forgotten.

She’d not forgotten either, and nor had she retreated back into her glass gaol. She had deliberately continued pushing boundaries, socialising among the local community, making her own friends. She’d befriended the two spinsters who Mary had invited to join them for their first dinner party, and now she was in the habit of taking luncheon with them twice a week. Which left Drew and Mary time alone.

“He says he has not seen John, even though John is in town…” Mary looked up at Drew.

“I am sure he prefers the company of his friends over a brother.”

Caro smiled, because that would be Drew’s answer. His friends had been more brotherly to them both than their brothers had ever been.

Mary lowered her head to read. “I am very much looking forward to you all coming to town. We shall have to take George to the park. I know John is here already, but I have not seen him. Yet it heralds your arrival and so I am now looking forward to it even more. I am currently thinking of the night we attended the assembly rooms, the first night Caro danced, and I am looking forward to challenging her to dance at some grand ball.”

Caro smiled again, thinking of their moments in the churchyard. She was unsure what she hoped for when she went to town. She’d had no expectation that he would feel the same, even though he’d spoken to her in his letters, and yet he did still remember, and he’d left her in no doubt he wished to see her.

She wished to see him.

“I gather from all you have said that Caro is still recovering from her fear and so I hope she will be happy to come and willing to accept my challenge. Tell Drew I saw Mark Harper, he said he’d visited you recently and noticed the change in Caro. It was good to hear the children are well, and that little Iris is sitting up. They grow so fast, don’t they? I’m glad you are bringing the children to town so I will see them. Give them a kiss from me, and say my hello to Drew, and send my fond regards to Caro, and tell her she must be prepared to dance. Your adoring brother, Rob.” Mary folded the paper and smiled at Caro.

Drew smiled at her too.

Tears clutched at the back of her throat. She nodded and stood. “I must leave, I want to look about Isabella’s garden before we take luncheon.”

“Enjoy your day,” Drew stated.

She nodded, then walked from the room, her heart racing and the hall misting. Rob had said nice things, and her tears were foolish, yet she was terrified.

He still had feelings for her, his words said so. Feelings that would die in the future. Feelings that may have already faded a little. Feelings that might fade entirely when he saw her again. After all, during their summer here he’d been isolated from his friends. In town he might see her differently. Yet when he wrote like that, hope and longing filled her.

She was setting herself up for more pain. She had promised herself she would not believe in fairytales again. When she went to London her heart would break all over again if she allowed herself to believe that she might be loved. Love like that was not accessible to her. She could not have children… Albert had been far more adamant about his affection than Rob in the beginning, and even that affection had died. Yet Rob had said he’d loved her, and the affection in his eyes had been more tender than Albert’s ever had.