The Secret Love of a Gentleman (16 page)

When he pulled her around the third hedge, into the garden with the pond where they had played with George’s boat, Caro was breathless.

Rob’s fingers clasped her waist and pressed her back against the prickly clipped branches of the yew hedge. “I will say sorry now, Caro.”

“You are forgiven,” she answered as her arms wrapped about his neck. Then they were kissing again, and she lost herself in the intoxication.

One of his hands lifted and his fingers curled and trailed slowly down the column of her neck.

Rob always touched her tenderly, but since the night in the library, he had not touched her intimately. She supposed that since he would leave soon it was sensible, and yet she longed to be irrational.

He kissed her temple. She nipped at the skin of his jaw above his neck cloth.

“Caro,” he said into the air, laughing. “Stop.”

She did not, she sucked his neck just beneath his jaw as he looked up at the sky, but then his fingers gripped her chin and lifted her head so he could kiss her again. His warm lips pressed over hers and his tongue delved into her open mouth.

Her fingers clasped his evening coat at his waist.

“Caro! Rob!”

Rob pulled away from her, red staining his cheeks.

“Mary and I thought we would play cards! Where are you?” Drew’s voice resonated through the hedges.

Rob cursed quietly.

Caro’s heart raced, along with her breathing.

“Caro! Rob!”

“You go,” Rob whispered. “I have a small predicament. Tell him I went back to the house.”

Caro laughed, doing what she had never done with him and running a fingertip up the line of his erection. “It is not small.” She turned away and left him, sending him a smile across her shoulder.

“Caro!”

She ran about the hedge and discovered Drew in the next garden, only a few steps away from discovering them. “Oh, sorry,” she said trying to catch her breath and calm her heart. “I walked out as far as the woodland path, it’s such a beautiful night.”

“Where is Rob?”

“He went back.”

Drew looked at her a little oddly, but she gripped his arm and turned him around, her mind still in Rob’s arms behind the hedge.

~

As they played cards, Caro sat facing Rob, a smile on her lips. They were partnering each other and they’d won every hand. She only had to look at him and he seemed to know which suit he should lay. Humour danced in his dark eyes.

Because it was hot and humid, Rob and Drew had stripped off their evening coats and rolled up their sleeves.

Rob’s dark-brown fringe fell forward as he leaned to play a card. When he leant back he slid a little down in the chair, slouching slightly. The pose gave him an endearing quality. His dark eyelashes lowered, cloaking his gaze as he looked at his cards. Then his slender, long fingers pulled out a card and moved it to another place in his hand. The muscle in his forearm shifted beneath the dark hair covering his skin.

“Caro, it is your turn.” Drew prompted.

She leaned forward and laid the queen of hearts. “I claim the trick.”

“Oh,” Mary huffed, throwing away the two of spades.

Rob glanced up and laughed, his dark-blue eyes glinting as Caro gathered the cards to her.

“How do you two do it?” Drew complained, “Have you established some code. I have been watching you and I can see none.”

Heat flooded Caro’s skin. She hoped he had not noticed how much she’d been watching Rob.

“You are getting to good at this,” Mary complained.

Caro looked up and laid the five of spades. “Hearts are trumps again.” She knew neither Drew nor Mary had any.

Drew and Mary sat in mirrored poses, both sitting upright and leaning towards the table, with their feet tucked beneath their chairs.

Mary lay the seven of spades.

Caro slid down a little and slipped her foot from her shoe then touched Rob’s leg with her toes.

He glanced at her through his dark eyelashes and smiled as she slipped her foot back into her shoe. Then he sat upright, pulling his legs out of reach, but his gaze hovered on her as he lay the king of spades.

“Damn you, you have it again.” Drew threw away the knave of diamonds.

Rob gathered up their cards and pushed them across the table to her. Her fingers touched his when she took them and the contact lanced through her in a spiral, twisting down through her stomach.

She longed for more than kisses. It had been a long time since she’d shared Albert’s bed and Rob was to leave in three days.

The house would feel empty when he’d gone, and she would be alone in her rooms and feel like a parasite once more.

She would not urge him to stay, she had told herself that a dozen times. He had a life to lead. She could not trap him here. But she longed to lay with him just once, to know how it would feel to lay with him. To have a memory to keep. It had been too long since she’d experienced the bliss of a marriage bed.

But what then?

She thrust the thought aside. She refused to think of consequence. He’d taught her that she could do what she wished.

I am not a virgin. What harm would there be in it?

“Caro,” Drew prompted, “your turn.”

Her attention focused on the cards he and Rob had laid. She chose one that unfortunately Mary beat. It was the first trick they’d lost. Caro smiled apologetically at Rob. He’d been watching her.

Mary and Drew celebrated their victory by Drew leaning across the table and pulling her over for a kiss.

Chapter 14

Rob was seated at the breakfast table, answering Drew’s numerous questions on his plans, but he kept glancing at Caro. He could not help himself. He was leaving tomorrow. “I have a letter confirming they are expecting me at Pembroke House.” He took a deep breath when Drew nodded at his answer.

A part of him did not wish to leave, and yet he could hardly stay, and he did not even wish to, really. His friends were already in London, his life would begin there. His own life, not the one funded by his father or his brother. He’d shared his desire to go into politics with his friends and they’d all pledged to support him. When he went to London he intended to recruit them to help him find a parliamentary seat he might have a chance of winning, and then he would use them to help his campaign to persuade the local men to vote for him.

Yet now there was Caro to leave behind…

She had not looked at him this morning

His heart thumped as he watched her drink a sip of chocolate.

“I used to live in rooms in the Albany. They were nothing fancy, but they were suitable. I can give you a letter of introduction if you wish?”

Rob looked at Drew and laughed. “And a letter from you would obtain me entry… Forgive me, but as I recall you were heavily in debt and behind on your payments. I do not think your reference would help.”

Drew laughed too. “Perhaps not.”

Caro chose another roll and began buttering it, as though she was not even aware of the conversation.

Rob was to initially stay in John’s London property, but from there he intended to search for an apartment suitable for a bachelor. He did not really wish to stay at John’s, living on even more of John’s largesse, but when he was there at least he would have the house to himself.

Five weeks ago he’d been excited. Yet now there was Caro… Confusion marred the exuberance he ought to feel, and guilt rested heavily in his stomach. It was a tug of war. He did not wish to leave her, yet he did not wish to stay, and there was no option in between.

He hoped he had not hurt her. The numerous apologies and forgiveness they’d shared ran through his head.

He hoped she understood.

“I could ask my friends to help you find somewhere if you wish?”

Rob sighed and looked back at Drew. He liked Drew; he thought of him as a brother, but Rob did not need mollycoddling. That was what he wished to escape.

“Thank you for the offer, but I am one and twenty. I am capable of finding somewhere to live. I will manage on my own, just as well as you did at my age.”

Drew laughed again. “Sorry, it is just you are Mary’s little brother and you seem like mine. But at your age I suppose I would not have welcomed anyone’s intrusion either. Yet if you need us we are only a couple of hours away, and you may visit whenever you wish. You need not even give us a warning.”

Rob smiled as if he were grateful, yet he would not come here, not now, because he had let himself become too close to Caro. He could not simply visit.

“Caro.” He looked at her. “Do you wish to ride out somewhere today?” He should speak to her. He should apologise again and say a private goodbye.

“It is a bit hot for the horses,” Drew commented, “They’ll be run ragged in yards. It’s too humid. You should have gone earlier.”

“But we can ride out directly after tea, in the late afternoon. It will be cooler by then.” Rob kept his gaze on Caro.

She did not look up.

“Caro? What do you say, do you wish to go?”

Her gaze finally lifted and her eyes were gold. “Yes. That would be nice.”

He gave her a conciliatory smile, then beckoned the butler to poor him more coffee.

~

Caro watched Rob beckon the butler. It was his last day.

Her heart felt like stone, it hung so heavily in her chest. Tomorrow it would crack. But she couldn’t help herself. She still wished to spend these last hours with him.

She’d been unable to look at him during breakfast—afraid tears would catch her out. But as the morning progressed she found an excuse to be wherever he was. He smiled at her often.

Mary suggested they eat a picnic outside beneath the plain tree at luncheon.

Caro sat with Mary and watched Rob as he and Drew played cricket with George in the shade. Rob threw the ball to George’s bat, while Drew helped George hit it further than he could alone.

While they ate, Rob sat near Caro, speaking with Mary as George climbed onto his lap. George was going to miss Rob too.

Rob took Iris from Mary once she’d been fed and walked about with her until she fell asleep against his shoulder. Then he walked back up to the house, with Mary, to take Iris up to the nursery.

He was close to Mary. He would come to visit again. Yet what if that were awkward—if he came to visit Mary and did not wish to see her?

“You are going to miss him.”

Caro looked at Drew. He was sitting beside her, his back resting against the tree trunk, while George lay on top of Drew’s legs asleep, with a thumb pressed in his mouth.

“Yes. I am grateful to him. He forced me to face the things I have been hiding from and helped me feel normal again. I feel less like a leech with Rob here.”

“A leech…” Drew frowned, his fingers brushing through George’s hair.

“I am a parasite. I am completely reliant on you. I do not enjoy it and I’m sure given the choice, you and Mary would rather be alone.”

“We would not. Ask Mary. She does not think that. You are no parasite, Caro. You may remove that notion from your head. You are my sister, a part of my family. We love you, and the children adore you. You are welcome for as long as you wish to be here. This is your home as much as it is mine.”

But it was not. It was his home. It still felt as though she was lodging here. She looked across the lawn. “It was how Rob persuaded me to dine with you. He said that he felt awkward when it was just the two of you. That is how Rob sees things too.”

“But, as you well know, he only said it to get you downstairs. He did not say it to make you feel uncomfortable when he has gone.”

“I feel uncomfortable anyway. I did not need him to tell me that I do.”

“Caro…” Drew’s fingers touched hers. “Do not condemn yourself about living in my home. You are welcome here—very welcome.”

“I know, Drew. I’m sorry. I am grateful for all you do for me. But I will miss Rob. I do not feel so like an interloper with him here.”

“I’ll talk to Mary. If you are happy to receive company, perhaps we should invite people here more regularly, so you may establish your own social life and then you will not feel so awkward with us.”

She gripped the hand that had reached out to her. “Thank you. I would like that.”

~

When the hour came for their ride and Caro walked into the stable courtyard, Rob was tightening the saddle’s strap underneath the horse that Caro was to ride.

His throat dried when he saw her.

She wore a dark-blue riding habit that was tight over her bosom and trim at her waist. It looked new. He’d not seen it before. He hoped it meant she would continue to ride when he left.

He straightened up as she walked towards him, her legs kicking out her skirt. She must be sweltering wrapped up within the layers of velvet and undergarments. It was long past midday but the air was still heavy with heat. He had not even worn his morning coat, nor gloves or a hat, and he’d even rolled up his sleeves to his elbows.

She had, at least, left her hat off too and her hair was pinned up in one big, swirling knot at the back, with a few stray curls framing her face.

“Caro.” They’d spoken very little all day.

She would miss him. But then he would miss her.

Does she wish to ask me to stay?

The unspoken question hung in the air as she reached him. He respected her more for not asking. He could not make that choice.

He bent and clasped his hands together, to form a step. She lifted her skirt and placed the sole of her boot in his palms, then gripped his shoulders and pressed down onto his hands. He boosted her up into the saddle.

For a moment he laid his hand on her thigh, gently bracing her while she settled and took her reins.

He left her in the care of the groom, then, and mounted his own horse.

His carriage horses whinnied in their stalls.

Perhaps he should have taken her out in his curricle. They could have talked more easily, but they probably both needed the release of a gallop across the fields.

He looked at Caro and smiled as he tapped his heels and rocked his pelvis forward to set the horse into a walk. She drew alongside him.