The Secret Love of a Gentleman (12 page)

“Well, I enjoy it,” Mary bit back.

“Then I will dance with you, and Drew can keep Caro company.” Rob smiled at his sister.

“Well, I prefer swimming, but I get precious little chance to do that these days.” Drew lifted an eyebrow at Mary, who blushed.

“I dare you,” Rob said to Caro from across the table.

She shook her head at him. “No, Rob.”

“Why?”

“Rob…” she pressed him to be silent.

“Let us talk about this in the comfort of the drawing room over a hand of cards.” Drew rose. They all rose then, their chairs scraping on the wooden floor.

Caro walked beside Mary. But then Rob appeared at her other side and gently braced her elbow.

She was used to his touch now. He often held out his arm or his hand for her to take, they’d taken three early-morning rides together in the last week, and when they did he would hold his joined hands in a step for her to mount—and grip her waist to lift her down when they returned.

He leant to her ear and whispered. “I cannot understand what you are so afraid of. It is just a little country dance. Come, and do not dance. I understand you do not like to be touched by strangers, but you might enjoy the company and conversation. Be brave, Caro. I know you are…”

“Rob…” she sighed, willing him to stop pleading.

“You trust me now. You trust Drew and Mary. We would not allow you to feel threatened. If you do, then I will bring you home. I’ll even take my own curricle, if you wish, so you may leave at any time.”

“You do not understand.” She stopped and turned to face him, freeing herself from the distracting grip on her arm.

Drew and Mary walked on.

“I understand that you keep yourself shut in here like a prisoner. You should break out.”

Neither Drew nor Mary looked back, leaving them to talk. At first Drew had raised his eyebrows on occasion, when Caro had become more relaxed with Rob, but now it had become commonplace.

“You will come, Caro?” Rob’s fingers touched her cheek and turned her gaze to him.

“No.”

His thumb brushed the edge of her lips accidently.

Like the first time she’d taken his bare hand and the first time he’d held her waist when he’d lifted her down from a horse, a sudden jolt lanced through her body. She knew what it was –desire. It was the feeling she had learned in her marriage bed, and when she looked at Rob she felt it. He was too beautiful.

“Will you come for my sake?” he asked, his dark eyes glinting in the light of the single candelabra that stood on a cabinet behind her. “You have immense courage. Remember it.” His breath caressed her lips. He was so close.

Her gaze held his. His eyes were reassuring, confident and encouraging.

She looked at his lips. She wished to lift to her toes and press her lips against his; there was something invisible within her pulling her to do so. She had imagined it often, ever since they’d crossed the stream, when he’d carried George, and she had thought she’d seen the same pull in his eyes.

That look she’d seen in his eyes then was not there now. She’d thought it desire too, and yet, she wondered if she’d imagined it. She had not seen it in his eyes since, only this open look of like and care.

He was inviting her because he cared…

The thought stirred places in her soul, as his touch moved her physically.

She should go. She should stop locking herself away in her glass gaol,
Do I have the courage?

Her gaze clung to his. “I will go,”
for your sake
. The last words erupted from somewhere within her, but she did not say them. They were foolish, yet true. She wished to be in his company.

His gaze seemed to delve into her.

“Caro! Rob! Are you coming? We’ve dealt already.” Drew’s voice stretched back into the hall, echoing about the stairwell.

Rob smiled, cheerfully. There was a charm in his smile and it caught like a stitch in her middle when his hand fell away. “That is settled, then.” He cupped her elbow. “Come along, let’s tell Drew.”

She took a deep breath.
What had she just agreed to?

When they reached the drawing room, he let go of her. “Caro is coming to the assembly. I have persuaded her.”

Drew looked up, his mouth open and his eyebrows lifting. But he said nothing.

For years Drew had encouraged her to broaden her horizons. He would be happy that she was going.

Mary stood. “Oh, I am so glad. We will have fun.” She gave Caro a sisterly embrace, full of excitement.

~

The assembly rooms in Maidstone were above the coaching inn, and the area before it tonight was full of carriages when they arrived. They were late because Caro had delayed coming down from her rooms.

Rob had been kicking his heels in the hall for nearly an hour, wondering if he ought to go up. But in the end she’d appeared on the stairs, and he’d had to stop himself from staring as she walked down the last flight.

He’d never seen her in a ball gown. He’d never seen her attend a dance, so of course he had not… But she’d found a dress, or perhaps borrowed one of Mary’s. It was teal. The colour set off her golden hair, and as she came closer he noted how well it caught against the colour of her eyes too. The little amber cross necklace she wore rested in the cleft between her breasts.

“You look beautiful,” he’d said, and he would have offered his arm, but Drew offered his first, so instead Rob had escorted Mary to the carriage.

A footman opened the carriage door. Drew climbed out and offered his hand to Mary to help her down. Then Drew held his hand out to help Caro. Her shawl slipped from her shoulder a little as she left Rob in the carriage. Her hand was shaking when she pulled her shawl back up. She breathed in deeply as she took Drew’s hand and climbed down, and breathed out as her foot touched the ground.

When Rob climbed out, he heard Caro’s next shaky intake of air.

She’d been sitting with her head lowered throughout their journey, her bosom lifting and falling with her measured breaths. He’d presumed she’d been fighting her fear, yet now it seemed to be overwhelming her.

When Drew let go of her hand, Rob took it and set her fingers on his bent arm, then pressed his hand over hers. She was shaking and her gaze darted about the carriages and people.

“We are beside you,” Rob whispered. Drew looked sideways at them as Mary rested her hand on his arm.

“Caro,” Drew encouraged them to walk ahead.

Caro shook her head. “You lead.”

“Caro…” Drew’s voice expressed concern. It was clear she was not comfortable.

“We will follow you,” Rob answered for her.

Drew had commented, only two days ago, on how much Caro had changed, how relaxed she was in Rob’s company. Rob had given Drew the same explanation he’d given Caro—it was probably due to him having so many sisters.

It said a great deal, though, that tonight she accepted his support—and she’d only come because he’d urged her. They had grown close. They were friends. He’d had a desire to see her laugh, and he’d achieved that weeks ago, but he still now longed to see her dance even more than he had at the beginning of the summer. Then it had been a fascinating concept. Now he wished his friend to be able to do as she pleased. To enjoy herself.

Pride swelled in his chest, on her behalf, because she had come this far, and yet he wished her to take more steps.

Drew walked ahead with Mary.

Rob’s hand pressed over Caro’s, urging her to keep going as they followed.

Caro’s fingers curved on his arm, grasping, as they stepped over the threshold of the inn.

“Upstairs, my lord, my lady, sir, ma’am.” The doorman directed them to the stairs.

Caro’s breathing fractured into short, sharp sounds.

Damn propriety
.
If others judged, they could go to hell.
Rob let his arm fall and clasped her hand in his instead, willing her to be brave as they began to climb the stairs.

Drew glanced back at Caro over his shoulder, offering her a shallow smile. She was not looking up, though, her gaze was on the steps ahead of them, and she did not seem able to notice her surroundings.

Rob nodded at Drew, to say he would help her manage it.

But then she stopped. “I cannot.” She looked from Rob to Drew. “I cannot. Take me home. Please.”

Rob held her hand more firmly and looked at Drew, who had half-turned. “You go in. I will take Caro back outside for a moment. If she still wishes to go home, I will take her and have the carriage sent back.”

Drew looked at Caro, anxiety in his eyes, but she nodded. He smiled slightly, giving his cautious agreement, then turned away.

Voices rose behind them as others began to climb the stairs.

“Rob.” Caro’s fingers gripped his hand more firmly—clinging. “Please may we go?”

He turned and led her back downstairs, past the group who’d just entered. Her arm trembled, and her breathing became hurried, short gasps for air. It was not a mere lack of confidence, it was a very real terror, the sort of terror he’d seen when one of his younger siblings had woken from a nightmare and were still unsure of what was real and what was not. But he knew Caro’s nightmare was not imagined; it had been real in the past.

“We will walk this way,” he said, as they stepped back out into the night. The air was warm, humid and heavy.

She drew in a deep breath as he walked her away from the carriages.

A little further along the street the shadows cast by the moon dropped back into the churchyard. If they walked there it would be silent and they would remain undisturbed, and unobserved, while Caro had chance to calm herself.

Rob’s heart thumped hard, and compassion gripped tight in his chest as he walked with her. “This way.” He led her through the wrought-iron gate onto the stone pathway leading towards the church.

Once they were in there, the darkness consumed them, but it seemed to ease Caro, her hold on his hand softened and her breathing slowed.

“Caro…”

She did not answer and he could not really see her face.

“If I remember rightly, there is a stone bench over there. Shall we sit for a while?”

“My dress, Rob. I would not wish to ruin it.”

Of course, that was foolish, the stone seat would be soiled. “At least let’s move further back from the street, then.” He was suddenly very aware that drawing her out here, alone, in the darkness, was perhaps the wrong thing to have done. People might make assumptions and gossip. But she was a divorced woman with some freedom, not a young, sheltered woman. But even so, he did not wish to damage her reputation. It would be better if they were out of sight.

His fingers threaded through hers and he walked backward, pulling her slowly with him, relief swaying over him. At least she felt better. “Tell me why you became distressed?”

“It is irrational.”

Once they were on the far side of the ornate stone porch, they stood in a patch of moonlight and she looked at him with eyes that expressed an inability to understand or control how she felt. Fragility hung in the air about her, as her small hand held his, her fingers woven between his.

“Remember that I am the man you may tell things to, even if you have never spoken of them before. You told me you loved Kilbride. I did not judge. Explain this to me. It will help, I’m sure.”

“I do not even know why myself.”

“Then tell me what happens. Tell me what you think. How you feel.”

“It is just panic. Not even fear. But I suppose it is fear. It’s the thought of being surrounded and hemmed in, and… Then I see images from the past, flashes, moments of memory. But it’s not the memories that make it unbearable, but the feelings that accompany them.”

“What feelings?” His fingers squeezed hers in encouragement

“Rejection,” she said, quietly, her gaze falling to look at the stone pavement. “I suppose that is what I fear, rejection, humiliation—cruelty.”

“Caro…” Compassion lanced through his chest and his fingers lifted to her chin. She was so, slender and delicate.

He did not know if he lowered his head further or if Caro rose to her toes, but by some action their lips touched. Hers pressed against his, gently.

He hadn’t kissed a woman for over a year, but then he’d never really kissed a woman, not a woman like Caro. He’d kissed barmaids when he’d been at college, before he’d realised what those women really wished for, but no more than that.

Caro felt different, her lips were soft and gentle, tentative not urgent.

The barmaids he’d kissed had been seeking payment, or escape from a life of service—Caro sought nothing but the press of his lips against hers.

Her mouth opened against his lips.

The barmaids used to thrust their tongues into his mouth as they pressed against him, desperately searching for opportunities of escape. Once his eyes had been opened to the way of society, of class and rank, he’d never let those women degrade themselves with him again.

He stepped closer, his hand slipping to Caro’s nape, as need raced through his stomach.

Her arms came up about his neck as he tentatively pressed his tongue into her mouth.

His other hand braced her waist gently and her tongue stroked over his and danced around his elegantly.

The sensation in his stomach hardened, fisted and grasped at his groin too.

Her fingers combed into his hair, splaying across his scalp, bracing his head, as their tongues continued their exquisite dance.

He sighed into her mouth, the sound leaking from his throat, as he held her more firmly. He’d never had emotions like this for a woman. The desire to lay her back and do far more than kiss her was a hard pull inside him. But it was wrong.

He broke the kiss and looked down at her. The sound of their breaths filled the night air.

“Caro…” What the hell had he done, had he just made a muddle of this? “I’m sorry.”

She said nothing as her hands slipped from his hair. He held them. He had to make her understand that she need not feel afraid, so she could be free. “No harm will come to you here. You have my word. Drew is well respected. You will not be rejected or ill-treated.”