The Science of Loving (18 page)

“Matty can you turn on the music? Your father tried but nothing came out.”

“Sure thing,
Mami
.” I grabbed Angie.

“You don’t have to worry
mijo
, we’ll look after her.” I had to think fast because I wasn’t leaving her with the sharks.

“I may need her, no telling what Dad did to my player.”

“Really, I’m not that bad,” Dad said, looking around the table.

I already knew why the player didn’t work. I had it plugged into the auxiliary jack, and although the key didn't have to be in the ignition, it did have to be within range of the transmitter. It would take more time to choose the playlist than it would to get the music going.

“You think we can drive them away with annoying music?” I asked.

“Doubtful, but it’s worth a shot. What do we have to work with?”

I pulled Angie into a front to back hug so she could see the play lists while I read them aloud. “We have the Hari Krishna dance mix. Ummm… Buddhist chanting, both Sutras and Gathas… Accordion and tuba Oompah music…”

“What’s taking so long? The vultures are beginning to circle.” Danny asked.

“We’re trying to choose the perfect musical selection for our guests.”

Danny clapped her hands excitedly, looking over my shoulder at the menu. “I want to play… Ooh, what’s the Lawrence Welk mix?”

“It is a perfect blend of easy listening, ballroom dance and polka music.”

“Do I want to know why you have a children’s show tunes playlist?” Angie started grinning. “Never mind… Let’s see… Can we shuffle: The Lawrence Welk, gotta have the children’s show tunes for Megan—I’m assuming Barney’s included on that—and the video game music?”

“That is a truly heinous mix.” God, I loved the devious way her mind worked. Smart was awesome.

We returned just as Avery walked up with the girls. He snagged one of the beers Danny had waiting, not bothering to ask and started guzzling
—lucky for him there’s children present. Prick—
so instead of calling him out, I swung us around to get a couple more beers, feeling the fem-bots track me with their eyes.

Confusion was on everyone’s faces when we rejoined them as Megan began to clap and dance. “Like, what is this?” Tori asked.

I grinned, scooping Megan up. “Tell everyone what this song is, princess.”

“It’s The Wiggles!” She hugged my neck as I spun around, shrieking in my ear. Ouch. I grabbed Angie with my other arm to finish the dance with us as Joe and Miles exchanged a looked, glanced at the fem-bots and started to smile. My folks just looked resigned.

“Did I hear correctly that Danny did your tattoos?” Mark gawked openly at my arms when I picked up my beer. Dancing with two beautiful girls is thirsty work.

“Yes sir, she kinda learned on me.”

“Mark has a tattoo, don’t you honey.”

“Yep, got it in Hawaii during the war.” He pulled up his shirtsleeve revealing a faded anchor with a U.S.N. inscribed banner.

“That’s very cool.” Although I was too hard headed, I appreciated those that chose to serve. “Which war?” I asked. I figured it was okay to ask, since he’d brought it up.

“W.W. Two and Korea.”

“Brett’s in the Army Reserves,” Danny said, hugging him. “Hey, you know, I could totally touch that up if you want. Brighten it back up.”

“I’ll keep that in mind young lady.”

A waltz, then nice polka followed the Wiggles song, much to Sarah’s delight. “This reminds me of the Lawrence Welk show.”

“Yes Ma’am,” Mat said. “That’s his house band.”

“Dude, can I talk to you alone?” Avery said through gritted teeth. I guess not everyone appreciated a good polka.

“No.” Mat said and turned to the grinning newlyweds. They seemed nice, neatly dressed, somewhere in their mid-thirties. “So what do you guys do when you’re not honeymooning?”

“I’m a secondary school teacher. That’s like American high school, and Joe is a personal trainer at my gym. That’s how we met. He was my trainer.” Miles blushed slightly as Joe gripped his shoulder.

“He could train me anytime,” Suzi muttered.

“Do you teach a specific subject?” Carmen asked, ignoring her.

“Earth science mostly, and one section of AP Biology.” Carmen looked at me expectantly, but, thankfully, said nothing. I really just wanted to pretend I was normal.

“Nothing to say, Ms. P.H.D.?” Baily said nastily. “I’ve heard getting those online degrees can be a bitch.”

So much for pretending to be normal, I guess I was going there. Academics was probably the only area where I stood a chance of outshining these bimbos.

“Actually, Baily, I matriculated at UCSD, earning two Doctorates by the time I was twenty-one, and I currently head my own research team at the university with two post-docs under me. Remind me again, you’re in your third year at SDSU and still undeclared. I’ve heard passing your G.E.s can be a bitch. But I guess you already know that since you’ve failed bio twice. Perhaps
you
should try online.”

Mat’s smooch warmed my head, and Danny was gleeful. “You know Baily, it’s okay if college isn’t your thing. I’m sure there’s a pole somewhere with your name on it, but next time you might not want to buy your tits off Craig’s List. Just sayin’.”
Oh, my God, that’s harsh.

Joe’s hand was discreetly over his mouth and Miles had his face buried against him as his shoulders silently shook. Even Stewart looked amused as Tori and Baily traded sour looks.

“Yes, well, we can’t all be geniuses.” Avery ingratiated then muttered, ‘Freak’ under his breath as the fem-bots closed ranks, Baily knocking away the arm he tried to sneak around her.

“True dat,” Danny said. “Otherwise, Jerry Springer and Honey Boo Boo would be unemployed.” God, I wish I could come with stuff like off the top of my head; it sorta lost something when you said it ten minutes too late.

“I love Honey Boo Boo.” This from the bot wearing a Hollister tee. I never understood why anyone would pay to be a walking billboard.

“Of course you do.” Danny said. “Baily, aren’t you going to introduce your stooges?”

Baily narrowed her eyes at her as Avery preempted her. “This is Tori, Mandi and Suzi.” Suzi was the Honey Boo Boo fan girl, and Mandi was the girl heckling us earlier at the pool. I guess they already knew who we were, since they didn't ask our names. There was an awkward silence, no one quite knowing where to go from here.

“Two Doctorates at twenty-one, that’s almost unheard of, were you privately educated growing up?” Miles asked picking up my earlier boast. Shit, why did I say anything. I knew better.

“No, my mom wanted to, but my dad thought I needed an environment where everyone wasn’t quite so privileged, so I attended public schools on an IEP then double majored in biochemistry and microbiology.” Miles nodded.

“An IEP?” asked Mandi.

“An Individualized Education Plan. It’s part of special-ed. It’s mostly used for students with disabilities. But it also has other uses.”

“So you’re special-ed?” Tori snickered.

“Yep. That’s why I was able to read Harry Potter in class, while the other kids were busy learning how to tie their shoes.” Bitch.

“And not pick their noses or eat paste.” Danny added.

“Actually, Mat’s way more accomplished than I am.” A haunting choral arrangement with an underlying militant beat filled the conversational lull. “Hey, this is cool, what is it?”

“It’s the original Halo theme song,” Mat said. I’d always been too busy studying to get into video games, and after I graduated, I just didn’t see the point. Perhaps I needed to revisit it now that I had more time.

“Yes we’re very proud of both our children.” Thank God, Stewart took over. I so didn't want to talk about my freakishness anymore. “Mat’s a partner in an architecture firm he and a couple of his friends started, and Danny owns her own tattoo parlor, and recently received her masters in fine arts.”

“Yeah, well, I got a lot of help from my family,” Danny said modestly. “I was venting my frustration to Dad one night, about how sick I was of only doing generic flash that’s the bread and butter of most parlors. So he suggested I open my own shop. Next thing I knew Mom was taking care of all the legal stuff, Mat was redesigning the interior of a store-front he’d found and lending me startup capital.”

Mat flinched, letting me go to rub his arm where Danny had punched him affectionately. Since he was as big as a freak’n mountain, it was probably more for show than from actual discomfort. And I knew the hungry way Mandi and Tori watched his hand slide over his skin shouldn’t bother me, but I found them intimidating as I remembered how good their tanned bodies looked posing on the rocks.

I need another beer—
I shook my empty beer can looking around for the recycle bin Stewart set out last night—
or better yet, a shot.
“I’m empty.” I looked at Mat. “You want another?”

“Always sweetness,” he rumbled with a looked that said he wasn’t talking about beer.

Avery grabbed his arm as we turned. “Dude, I really need to talk to you for a minute.” He looked meaningfully at the fem-bots. “Alone.”

“Might as well get it over with,” I muttered, taking his empty can. “It’s getting late and I’d feel better knowing he’s not sleeping anywhere near us.”

Angie made a good point, I didn't know where he thought he was crashing, but it sure as hell wasn’t with us. So I let him drag me off for a private one on one while Angie got our beers.

“Talk.” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

“I need your help man. I think I can score with Tori if you make nice with Mandi. She’s into you.”

“Is today a special occasion, or are you always this stupid? If you hadn’t noticed I’m with Angie.”

“So what, you just met her. It’s not like she’s your girlfriend. Besides, think about it for a minute. Hot coeds, sorta cute nerd girl… coeds… nerd.” He was tipping his hands up and down like he was a fucking scale. “Come on, I need my wingman. I’ll bet if we play this right we can do all four.”
What a douche.

He looked at me expectantly. “Sorry, you’re flying solo.” His face fell momentarily then became calculating.

“If I don’t make it with one of those chicks, where am I going to sleep?”

“Not my problem. When you show up uninvited, you’re SOL. You can always leave. Besides, I wouldn’t touch those chicks even if I were alone. You did hear about the syphilis outbreak at SDSU?”

“So just put a jacket on that bad boy and it’s all good.” I really wanted to put my fist through his greedy face.

“Fuck off.”

I gave him my back, stalking into the evening’s gloom. Didn’t he realize I was his boss? Just because I didn't look the part didn't mean I wouldn't can his ass. I detoured, turning on the lights before returning for the brew my woman was getting me—
that’s right, my woman
—I might not have been looking for it, but if the fates saw fit to drop perfection in my lap, no way I was going to throw it away.

Angie and Danny were MIA upon my return; I raised eyebrows at Brett. “They’re in the RV with Carmen. Angie mentioned shots and Carmen replied with tequila.” Yep, Mom was gone too.

A hand slid up my ink. Unfortunately, it was attached to the arm that was attached to Mandi. Shit, I looked around noticing Suzi and Baily were chatting up the Canadians—
really?
—and Tori was circling Brett. I guess she was unaware of just how badly Danny would fuck her up
—maybe I should warn her. Naw, where was the fun in that—
Avery was grinning, dancing around, trying to get Tori to notice him. He must’ve thought I’d had a change of heart… not.

“Mandi, in case you don’t realize it, I’m here with someone and have no desire to trade down. And if Tori doesn’t stop hitting on my sister’s man, Danny will, with great joy and enthusiasm, take her the… fu… apart, so you and you’re friends need to keep your hands to yourselves.”

Mandi exchanged a pissed look with Avery, who looked like I’d just stolen Christmas, and pulled her hand away. I guess she’d thought I was a sure thing.

“Let’s go get our women.” Brett said as a mash-up of cartoon theme songs started. Yeah and a snack too; it was going to be a long night.