The Sanctuary (20 page)

I stared straight ahead. I couldn’t grant him the permission he was looking for. He brought my hand down to my side before sliding it to my back. He took my other hand and brought it to my back, gripping my arms behind me. He leaned in and kissed me on the neck. “If you love me enough to marry me, you should love me enough to trust me.”

I didn’t know what to do. A part of me wanted to grant him complete control, and a part of me feared my own reaction. Feeling the ultimatum in his words, I responded, “If you love me enough to marry me, you should love me enough to respect me.”

“I do love you and respect you, and that is why I am asking for permission and not imposing my will. Think about it, and I will await your response with baited breath.” He opened the door.

I hurried past him. “Take me home,” I said angrily.

“Eve, please don’t make a scene.”

I turned around. “How dare you expect me to do something I am not comfortable with!”

“Lower your voice.”

“Don’t tell me to lower my voice. Fuck you. How did you expect me to respond?”

“Eve…”

“Don’t Eve me. Your words and actions are inexcusable right now.” I rushed down the steps with Val closely following behind me.

“Ah, just the two people I wanted to see.”

I stopped dead in my tracks, almost bumping into the raven haired, blue-eyed woman standing before me.

Val rushed to my side, slipping his arm around my waist. “Ah, Sofia, it’s a pleasure to see you again.” He took her hand and kissed it. “This is my fiancée, Eve. Eve, I believe you may have met Sofia and Timo Virtanen at one of my shows. They own several pieces of my work.”

My head felt light. This could not be happening to me. I tried to regain my composure. “It’s a pleasure to see you again.” I shook their hands.

Sofia directed her words to Val. “Timo and I would love to take you both to dinner. Our daughter Hanna is getting married next year, and I would like to commission a special work for her for the reception and as a wedding gift for their home.”

“But of course. We would love to.” Val’s composure was solid and strong.

“And, Eve, I have heard so much about your work. I am in the interior design business, and your weddings are magnificent. I would love to collaborate with you on the wedding plans.”

“Thank you. I would be delighted.” The words escaped my mouth.

“We’ll be in touch. I’ll call Petra next week and schedule a date.” Sofia leaned and kissed Val and myself on the cheek before continuing on her rounds.

“I think we should get going,” I whispered to Val.

“We can’t. Dinner is starting.” He motioned to the door.

I gritted my teeth and held my head up high as we entered into the dining hall, arm in arm.

The rest of the evening proceeded without incident. Sofia fled my mind as quickly as she’d entered it. All I could focus on was how Val made me feel. I was coldly indifferent to his touch while we danced or the words he used to try to soothe me. I wanted nothing to do with his dominance or his desires tonight.

It was well after midnight when we arrived home. I headed straight upstairs to prepare for bed. He followed after me in silence.

“Maybe you should sleep downstairs. I don’t know if I can sleep next to you tonight.”

“Eve…” He reached out to caress my shoulder.

“Don’t touch me.” I brushed his hand off. I began to remove my jewelry, my earrings, my necklace, and my bracelet. I stared at my engagement ring and slowly pulled it off. It was the first time I’d removed it since he’d placed it on my hand.

“We need to talk.”

“Like hell we do. Val, please leave and let me be. I cannot stand the thought of you touching me.” I turned to him. “You didn’t want to fuck me tonight or make love to me. You wanted to use me.”

“Stop it, Eve! Stop saying that. It’s the last thing I would do.” He walked to the doorway. “I asked you for permission to be myself with you. You could have said no or that you weren’t ready. Just know I would never, ever hurt you.”

His eyes were full of sorrow. It almost made me feel sorry for the way I responded. I walked into the bathroom and closed the door, shutting him out from my meltdown.

I cried that night, more than I’d cried in a long time. I knew he would not hurt me intentionally. I wanted to please him. I wanted to accept him. Why was I afraid of his desires?

Silence filled the room. There was no laugher under the covers or sweet little kisses in the night. There was no one there to keep me warm, no heartbeat to keep me safe. I listened to the patter of the rain against the windows and felt completely alone in the world. And in my sadness, I longed for him to be next to me, to comfort me and hold me. My words toward him had been harsh and hurtful. I'd spit fire when all he’d asked was a simple request. I didn’t know if my venom would poison our love. I couldn’t let the man I truly loved fall away from me, could I?

Hours passed. I tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep without him by my side. I was afraid of losing him. And I knew the only way I could save our love was to go to him.

I walked slowly down the stone steps and peeked into the downstairs bedroom. The fire was lit, and the lamp was on. He was writing with his guitar by his side. He looked up but did not say a word.

“I can’t sleep.”

There was silence. He put down his pen and paper and stared at me with a distant gaze.

“We still have our safe word, right?” My lip started to tremble.

“You don’t have to do this for me.”

“I know my words were harsh. You caught me off guard. I had no idea this was coming or where it was coming from.”

I walked down the rest of the stairs. He got up and met me halfway. I took his hands.

“I am sorry I hurt you.”

“Your actions hurt more than your words.” He held up my ringless left hand.

“I am still yours if you will have me. I love you and trust you and want to spend the rest of eternity in your arms. I would go down to the registry office tomorrow to prove my devotion to you.”

He looked into my eyes for a while before whispering, “We need to talk.” He held my hand and led me to the bed. My stomach was in knots. Those words were never a good sign.

“I said what I did because I thought we were close enough to overcome the barriers that separate you from me. I feel comfortable enough to express my desires, and I trusted you would accept me for who I am.” His voice dropped an octave. “Maybe it would be fun to force my cock into you as you moaned no but secretly desired it. Maybe it would open us up to new things, new experiences. Maybe it would open up your desires.”

“You’re getting bored of me.” My eyes dropped.

“No, no, that’s not it at all. I will always be madly in love with you.” He cradled me in his arms. “Don’t you have any fantasies, any fetishes you want to explore with me?”

“But you’re all I need. The club, the photo shoot, even tonight was a turn-on.” I sighed and looked into the fire. “I feel foolish to think I can satisfy you sexually for our whole marriage.”

“If you allow me to open your eyes to new things, you may find something you enjoy as well. Try anything once, that’s all I ask, and if you are ever uncomfortable, I will stop immediately.”

I looked at his eyes dancing in the firelight. Although this was the man I loved, this side of him was unknown. “What kind of desires?”

He sighed. “From your reaction tonight, I’m afraid of telling you what turns me on. I don’t want to lose you.”

“I promise to try to be open to it.”

He paused, collecting his thoughts. “When you told me you couldn’t be tied down, I was devastated. I enjoy bondage.” He searched for my reaction.

“Go on.” I had already experienced those fetishes.

“I would enjoy controlling you sexually from time to time and not just in the bedroom if you agreed to it.”

“What would you do?” I asked, intrigued by his words.

He reached over to the nightstand that we’d purchased for the room, opening the drawer full of toys. “Here.” He placed two balls in my hand. “Shake them in your hands.”

I shook them and felt a mild vibration.

“Imagine I placed them inside your pussy and instructed you to go about your day keeping them inside of you until I removed them. Would you do that if I asked you to?”

A chill ran over my body, causing my nipples to become erect through my T-shirt. His words were a turn-on.

He grabbed both my arms and forced me to look at him. I saw pleasure in his eyes. “Would you do that if I asked you to?” he repeated.

My heart fluttered. What he described was exciting to me. I gulped, submitting to his desires. “If that is what you wanted, yes, I would.”

“Do you love me, Eve?”

“With all my heart I do.”

He pulled me onto his lap. “Do you trust me, Eve?”

I looked into his eyes and whispered against his mouth, feeling his beard tickle my flesh. “Yes, yes I do.”

His voice deepened. “And if I told you it was one of those days, as my wife, would you obey me?”

I searched his eyes. They looked dark and dreamy, but I could not answer him. I had no idea what would be expected of me.

“I would never push you past your limits, Eve. You would need to tell me your limits, and I would respect them.” His hands shifted to my waist. “As my wife, would you obey me sexually if I asked you to?”

“I can’t answer that,” I whispered, unable to find my full voice.

“Why? You know I would never hurt you or do something you were uncomfortable with.”

“Yes, but what if I wasn’t in the mood?”

“I wouldn’t push you if you weren’t up to it. I will always respect what you communicate to me. Any more questions?”

I shook my head no.

“I’ll ask you again, and I expect an answer from you. Will you obey me sexually?”

I looked down, knowing I was sealing my fate either way I answered.

“Look at me, Eve.”

I looked him in the eye. “Yes, I will obey you.”

“Will you submit to me tonight?”

“What do you want to do to me?”

“You said you trusted me and would obey me. I told you I would not push you past your limits. This will be the only night I will ever ask for your permission again. Will you submit to me sexually? Yes or no?”

I knew if I said no we were back to square one. “Yes.”

He spoke deeply and firmly. “Now let’s establish some ground rules for tonight. Do not protest my actions. Allow me to enjoy your body and allow yourself to enjoy what I will do to you. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“I’m warning you. This is going to be emotional for you. You will cry and break down, but I promise to make it right in the end. You will reach an entirely different level of understanding of me and of us. Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes.” I gulped, thinking he was going to bind me to break me.

“Stand up and take your clothes off.”

I rose from the bed and stood before him, pulling my camisole over my head and dropping my panties. His eyes moved over my body, taking me in. I felt extremely vulnerable standing there, knowing I was not in control.

“Come here.” He reached for me, placing me back on top, straddling his lap. He grabbed my ass with a tight squeeze. “You disrespected me by removing my ring.” His hand slammed down on my ass with such force it lifted my body into his groin. I wailed in shock.

“You will never remove that ring again in anger. You will not spite us or punish me.” He slapped my cheek again, almost perfectly lining up with his first blow.

“Ouch!” I screamed in surprise.

He shifted me back on the bed. “Roll over and show me that delicious little ass of yours.”

I rolled over and closed my eyes. Was this something I could live with for the rest of my life? Could I tolerate or even grow to enjoy his controlling sexuality? Suddenly his hand landed on my ass, and I squealed in pain.

“Control yourself, Eve. I didn’t hit you
that
hard.”

He slapped me again, this time harder than the first. I bit down into the pillow, trying to control my voice, but I would not give in. I would not use our safe word. Over and over again, for what seemed like an eternity, he smacked me, switching sides to make sure my ass was completely covered in welts from his hand.

He rolled me onto my back. My ass ached with every move of the sheets beneath me. He shifted me upward toward the metal bar near the headboard, pressing his weight upon me so I did not move. He reached out to the edge of the bed. In the dim light I saw two metal objects. He was about to handcuff me.

I wiggled underneath him. “Let me go.”

“No, Eve, we need to get past this.” He snatched the handcuffs and grabbed my left wrist, using the weight of his body to hold me down.

I heard the click of a cuff and the tightness of the metal around my wrist. I struggled, punching, scratching, and clawing at his face and chest with my free hand. He clamped the other end of the handcuffs to the bed and seized my other hand.

I could not let him cuff my free hand. I drew my legs up, placed my feet on his hip bones, and with one rapid motion, I hurled him off of me. I sat up and hurried to remove the handcuff on my bound arm, but it was a mistake. I let him out of my line of sight.

He pounced back on the bed, taking hold of both of my hands and clamping my legs apart with the weight of his body so I could not struggle with him further.

The metal clicked around my left wrist. “Do you trust me, Eve?” His face was mere inches from mine, and his breath was heavy on my skin.

I could not answer him. I could only lie there, staring into his eyes. I was bound to his bed, bound to his desires.

“Do you trust me, Eve?” he repeated. His voice was low and steady, and his breathing began to normalize. He backed off. “Why don’t you use our safe word if this hurts you so much?”

But I did not respond.

“I will remove the handcuffs from you if you wish, but if I do, I vow we will not be married.”

“And if you take me against my will, we will not be married either.”

“Well then, we have quite the dilemma on our hands.” We stared at each other in silence. We knew, no matter what happened, our engagement had been broken.